Virgo's mom died :-(

Hi All,

I have been reading on this forum to get some insight. This is a long post, so I know not many will read it all but for those who do, thanks in advance. He is Virgo born 8/31 and I am Gemini born 6/4. He has text me a few times since the below circumstances, no emotion in the tone of the text...I texted him the other night and he did respond with a thank you...



Hi,

My name is CoCoa and I am new to the site although I have been reading here for the past few weeks. I have read so many thought provoking and comforting post here and thought I could get some advice on my current situation...I know he and I will never be the same or quite possibly NEVER BE AGAIN but I still have hope in my heart we will be friends in the future. Here is my story:


I met my guy a few years back but neither of us were completely single at the time, we were friends on Facebook and back in May of this year began to chat there, we then exchanged numbers and had our first conversation which lasted 3 hours....we clicked immediately! We talked about our lives, careers and families...he had divorced in the past year, has beautiful twin daughters about to start college, six sisters, he is the only male child and he told me his mom was very ill. She had a stroke 2 years ago and had never fully recovered, she was in a nursing home.


My guy and I started to date just before he left town for his daughter's high school graduation, we communicated daily while he was away and after he got back we were either on the phone, out having a meal and drinks or taking in a movie. We were dating regularly and had a great admiration for each other. There were times I did not see him due to his need to go spend time with his mom which I knew was very important to him. Early July he mentioned his sisters and he had to make a very difficult decision about hospice care for his mom, there were issues with her feeding tube. The week he told me I was going out of town for a few days and saw him before I left, he was very concerned with when I would be returning. As fate would have it she passed very early the morning of July 16th as I was driving back to NJ from DC. He texted me his mom passed and I called him immediately and asked if he wanted me to come to him as I was not far from where the nursing home was....I had never been there before but I wanted to be there for him. He said no, go home and he would call me later.


We communicated regularly during the

time his family and he made the arrangements for his mother's burial, I did not see him much but he always made sure to call or text me because he knew I was concerned about him. I know he started to grieve before she passed because there were times I would not hear from him or see him and then he would resurface. I had not met his mother or any of his family so going to the viewing and funeral made me a bit nervous. I went to the viewing and was put a little at ease when on of his twin sisters walked up to me and said you must be CoCoa, you looks just like the pictures I saw of you. He had told his twin sisters about me during their visits with their mom. At both the viewing and the funeral I sat to the side and tried to make sure I could see him as much as possible, before his mom passed he told me he hoped he did not completely breakdown and lose it due to her passing, that he had to be strong for his sisters and all the women in his family. I also attended the repass which was held at the church after the services. When I walked in he lit up when he saw me kissed me on the forehead he is very tall 6'5 and I am 5'7 grabbed my hand and proceeded to in traduce me to each and everyone of his family members.



The first few weeks after he seemed to be okay, I did not see him on the weekends much and I believe that is when he would withdraw and mourn. One Monday after he and I did not speak or see each other he texted me "when can we meet so I can give you your stuff". I was so confused and called him to ask "why so extreme?" I only had a few things at his place and it was nothing important that I needed. He came to my house and I got in his car to talk, I asked him if he was going to let me say anything....he said not here take your stuff I have to go to work, he placed a bad on my lap and ..I did not look at it....I WANTED TO TALK, he said "that's your stuff right?" I looked down at the bag only to find out it was a gift, wrapped in a beautiful red box....OMG he got me! He said the look on my face was priceless..I bet it was. We resumed our dating, went to dinner that night and the following night. I was back on cloud 9.



Here is where we disconnected, he has a very high profile position in law enforcement, for a few days he was calling me and kept saying let me call you back, this went on for three days and I felt a bit disrespected so I said something to him about it being very rude and he got a little nasty and said something about me being

insecure...this conversation was not nice and we both became silent, I broke the silence by saying I have to go and wash the dishes and we hung up. After that he would not take my calls and became very distant. I did finally see him last week, we had lunch and neither one of us could eat, he looked and acted like a person I had never seen before, I could see the hurt and pain in his face and he was extremely irritated about everything. I was crushed, I said to him "this is a bad dream right?" We said something about always being friends...he could barely make eye contact with me and I told him "I missed the high I used to get when he would light up when he saw me". he gave me a very weak smile. My heart was breaking at that moment. His birthday was that Saturday, I asked to take him out and he said he did not know what he was going to do....Needless to say I did not see him, earlier that week he said something about it being his first birthday without his mom....During that conversation he also said he was too old to be living his life in the fast lane....that he was good being by himself right now. We walked to our cars he gave me my belongings back and hugged me and kissed me several times on my cheek.....I was in a state of shock. Later that night I got this text from him : "You are my deep down inside... You are a beautiful woman with a lot of class... I'm hurting inside and need some time stay strong and brilliant you are it.....Let your sway show!!!" I responded " I know you are hurting and I will be here for you if you need to talk."


I have honored what he has asked other sending him a birthday email which he thanked me for and mailed him a birthday card. I see on Facebook he has taken a few road trips and even posted a romantic song on there the other night....we don't post or like anything on each other's pages,,,,there is a very loud silence, I miss him like crazy and at times wonder does he think of me and our time together. I know he is in deep pain and maybe is grieving secondary losses as well....his second marriage which ended last year and the fact he had to sell his big beautiful home after the divorce. I am just praying that one day I will see that big infectious smile again and those soul stirring green eyes. He truly is an AMAZING MAN!!!! He turned 53 last Saturday and I 50 this past June....I saw him as another chance at LOVE...he came out of nowhere for me only to lose him like this.......


Thank you for reading this long

post...I omitted some details but I am sure you all get the gist of my story as we all share the same pain. Thank you in advance for any and all feedback. Blessings to you, CoCoa

Wrong thread .....

Hey. First of all I would like to say welcome to dxpnet. I am new as well, but I can assure you that you will like this site. for the most part, people are nice here. As a Virgo woman with a Virgo father, I can assure you that when tough incidents happen in our lives, we become very stressed and we may even lash out to people, so in order to prevent that, we try to isolate ourselves and deal with our situation alone. We secretly love being supported and knowing that someone cares about us but at the same, we like to be independent and self-reliant and try to handle things on our own.

Thanks so much DanitheV....this helps so much. I have been in conflict with the amount of contact (mostly texting) I should do. This is a tough situation for me as I don't want to push to hard and lose him as a friend forever.

Posted by CoCoa
Thanks so much DanitheV....this helps so much. I have been in conflict with the amount of contact (mostly texting) I should do. This is a tough situation for me as I don't want to push to hard and lose him as a friend forever.

Keep in touch (lightly, but consistently) with him without any expectation. Just continue to acknowledge him and let him know you are thinking about him. With his mom's passing he needs to grieve in his own time, especially since he is in a high position in police enforcement. Can't show emotion in that environment at all. It will get better. If you show any insecurity it will push him back a bit. You'll know when he's fully back. Those eyes and that smile will soon again warm your heart. Be patient, keep busy and good luck.

The subject doesn't reflect the title ... this thread isn't about his mother dying ... it's about you being so insecure that when a guy breaks up with you, you can't handle it, so you attempt to make it all his fault.


when in reality, a person is allowed to be with whomever they choose. He doesn't choose you, so instead of you having some fucking dignity, you've decided to slander his character ... when all along, he told you where you stood the day he broke up with you.


No wonder he doesn't want you ..... you refuse to own the happenings of your own life.

Posted by LetltB

Posted by CoCoa
Thanks so much DanitheV....this helps so much. I have been in conflict with the amount of contact (mostly texting) I should do. This is a tough situation for me as I don't want to push to hard and lose him as a friend forever.

Keep in touch (lightly, but consistently) with him without any expectation. Just continue to acknowledge him and let him know you are thinking about him. With his mom's passing he needs to grieve in his own time, especially since he is in a high position in police enforcement. Can't show emotion in that environment at all. It will get better. If you show any insecurity it will push him back a bit. You'll know when he's fully back. Those eyes and that smile will soon again warm your heart. Be patient, keep busy and good luck.

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THANKS AGAIN!!!!!!