VIRGUY DISAPPEARS FOR 3 WEEKS...—

Hi! I met a Virguy 6 weeks ago at a Festival and we hit it off extremely well! He and I spent the whole weekend together and I suggested we "keep in touch" via email. He agreed. I sent him some Kobe steaks as a "Thank you" gift for helping me out in a scary situation. He always wanted to try them and was excited and touched by my gesture. We kept it friendly and exchanged emails over the next 2 weeks. He shared a lot of "deeper things" about himself, including his upbringing, past relationships, belief system and such. We resonated well together.

He was excited to try and make it up to WA from OR for my bday beach house party with my family-I told him that I would love to see him again but it's a 16 hour drive-no pressure. He realized that, but was still super excited. He said I have him "spun" and he can't concentrate on what he's doing because of it. He sent me an email with blowing kisses, & blushing faces. He said it's nice to talk to someone who brings sparks into his life instead of more projects in his 70 hour work weeks. He was making it obvious he was getting "sweet" on me. He knew I liked him too.

Several days later he sent a text that said: "My comp won't come online. I'm not goin make it. Sorry. I'll explain lateR". I didn't think anything of it for a week and sent casual texts inbetween. After a week of no response I started to wonder, and worry. I texted: "I have to be totally honest. I really like you. Please tell me now if I need to back off. I don't wanna pester or feel anxious." Still no reply. I ran the gamut of thinking he fell ill, maybe his dad got sick again, etc. I left a vmail saying it was "rude" to keep people hanging and a courtesy call would be much appreciated. I didn't yell, but was firm. Over those 2 weeks my feelings went up and down and I left texts/vmails ranging from sweet to saying I'd not call him again. I just wanted an answer for his sudden disappearance when we'd left on such amorous and amicable terms. Closure. I sent him some seasoning for his steaks. No response.

I found his profile on Match. He'd been active in 5 days. Is this a sign he's "testing the waters" to see if I'm what he really wants? Or has he simply moved on? He hasn't blocked my texts yet. I put a profile up too and sent him an email saying "It's OKAY! Understood." Don't Virguys let you know when they're "done"? He's in OR, I'm in HI.

Hi! I posted this in the Relationships/Astrology forum, but wanted to get MORE Virgo male opinions on this matter if possible...thought this would be the more appropriate place to post this thread. I just wanted to get a little more insight if possible. Thanks! :-)

LOL...ooohhh..now I know that "Virgo criticism" everyone keeps talking about..that's okay, I do it too (Virgo in Venus). 😉 But, yeah, I know...I actually HAVE moved on, but I wanna post this thread again because I'm LEARNING a lot from it, as far as insight into other signs, particularly Virgo, which is helping me learn more about myself in some ways. 🙂

Truth is, I'm just not that "into him" if he's going to be such a temperamental "mutable" creature. Fickle = Instability.

@VitasXisto: Okay. Virgos are what I tend to think of as "self-preservationists". You don't like to take risks or make decisions based on emotions because those can change so violently. You're cautious and examine all angles to see if a choice will work out best for you, and ultimately others involved. In love affairs, you come on strong if you like someone because emotions tend to take over in the early stages, but once you reach the point of going beyond the initial attraction, the psyche kicks in and you either feel comfortable, or uncomfortable with the situation...if you've been rejected before and took it really hard, it's even HARDER for you to trust putting yourself on the line again. Virgos are not necessarily bold and brash in their approach to love, but very observant. A Virgos self-worth is based on his/her ability to feel needed and useful, and the thought of being rejected is just not worth taking the risks of developing a relationship at times, hence, the slow, cautious approach...hence why slow and steady, less emotional signs tend to fare better with Virgos because they don't push them and might eventually earn the Virgoan trust, which is really hard to do. Once that trust is won, purely based on Virgos own sense of worthiness, you open up the floodgates gradually of your deeper emotional side-affections, considerations, etc., which is truly like a 180 flip from the guarded, calm exterior you exude. How'd I do? LOL... 😉

LOL!! Actually, VitasXisto, I was talking about MYSELF when I wrote this...😉 I am a double Libra with a Gemini Ascendant, but I have Venus in Virgo, which seems to play strongly into my personality when it comes to relationships. I too, have a hard time trusting and keep a distance and high standards, but this is tempered by my Libra, which makes me more easy going about things and seeks harmony, not harshness. I can be pretty harsh when it's warranted though, and I observe closely all the little things around me, and the weaknesses, and will deal my blow without reserve like a knife to the heart if I need to, and think nothing of it for the sake of truth and honesty. But, I keep that under reserve because I know it can be a harsh part of my personality and I prefer no drama. 🙂

I think he got a reality check because I have a kid who's 8 and he just doesn't see this LDR as being practical, nor does he really want to deal with someone else's kid, regardless of whether he likes them or not, and it's just gonna be too much work and we won't see each other that often, so why bother continuing on with this and let more feelings develop only to have a bigger disappointment later when you have to pull the plug? I am considering moving up to OR where he is, but not because of HIM, only because I like the Pacific NW very much. Virgos can wait for more ideal situations pretty easily, but as it is, I don't think it'll work anyway. We both don't want to get hurt, but my Libra is more fancy free and just wanted to enjoy a friendship at least...but Virgos don't do "just friendships" if they were hoping for something MORE than that, so he just had to back out, to protect himself. In a weird way, "just friendships" with someone you really are attracted to is like being "cheated" on knowing they may be dating someone else and not you...how's that fair and logical? Keep your distance and let it go...

I guess I shouldn't talk, lol...I have totally avoided a man who made what I thought were inappropriate advances towards me and haven't had any contact with him for the past 8 years, and don't intend ever to again. He and his wife were good friends, but one day he gave me a hug that was a little "too friendly" for me AND gave me a kiss on the lips...he'd had some wine and I just got totally disgusted and appalled by the whole thing...no amount of "reasoning" could dissuade me from my conclusion that it just wasn't right and I WOULD NOT condone that by seeing him again! It was unfortunate because they were really good friends, but I didn't want to talk about it to him (didn't feel he deserved to be talked to anyway) and just totally ignored him-all his phone calls, his Xmas cards, and texts. For years he still tried to contact me, probably wondering what went wrong, and he might know deep down inside what did, but it's pointless...I have no emotion attached to it, and just resolve to hold my head up high and do what's right by me. So, yeah...the detachment is very much a part of our innate ability to be true to ourselves, regardless of the situation.

Welcome to the Wonderful world of Virgo, Kellz.

What's your sign?

@ Cajunspirit: I'm a Libra Sun/Moon with Gemini Ascendant and Venus in Virgo. Totally analytical/critical/ethical/practical yet I have a heart (my sensibleness is mixed between my heart and the aforementioned). The part of me that played out in this situation were my Libra (just wanna be friends if anything), and my Virgo (how ostentatiously RUDE to not thank someone for a gift! Just NOT acceptable behavior! Lol). Yeah, I got over it, but it sure is interesting to discuss subjects like this and see people's take on the situation through the lens of their sign/experiences. 🙂

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My virguy friend is incredibly sensitive in all meanings of the word. One reason (among the usual virgoishness) that he keeps such a reserve, is suspicious of people, keeps them at arms length, is that he is strongly impacted by other people's emotional displays and needs to keep that out of his sensory fields or he feels overwhelmed.

He's emotional enough, just keeps it safely behind barricades.

One thing he does when people are bombarding him with attention-requests is to shut them down. This one gal was really after him, and he was telling me about some of her emails, saying he just doesn't reply, doesn't reward her attempts, rather than sending her some 'back off' message which she might see as reason to reply, and start the whole thin over again. From my cancer perspective, it would be annoying, but it's his way, and it kind of makes sense if you don't have the social-guilt issues that more emotional signs do. Just don't reply, they'll go away.

Once he was teasing me about something I emailed, and I apologized. He said the fault was his for replying to me because he knew it would start me 'spamming'. It made me laugh, but gave me a lot of insight into one virgo's way of deflecting unwanted attention....

Ooops! Meant to quote this bit with my reply:

we are sensible and many mistakes sensible with emotional. We live within our minds not out hearts nor emotions

Hi Sandyclaws...thanks for your insightful contribution. I understand the whole non-confrontational "shut down" thing to avoid unwanted attention, but in THIS case, I kid you NOT, HE was the one pouring a bunch of affection on ME, while I was playing it cool and sensible. So, the 180 turn was kinda strange. He was blowing kisses at me, asking me when I would be up there next, extremely giddy about driving all the way up from S. OR to N. WA to see me(which is a tall request and I didn't push him to do it), was asking me for a pic of me and my daughter..getting more personal and closer if you ask me...then all of a sudden, BAM! Shut down, disappear...so, it was weird.

It coulda been anything that set him off and made him want to avoid me like the friggin' plague...lol. I mean, he REALLY has a penchant to AVOID me at ALL costs right now!! I don't know how I could have affected someone so dramatically that he'd have to run and hide like that. lol C'mon! Just be friendly for god sakes...life's just too dang short for this kinda B.S. He won't even look at my profile on MATCH.com or read the email I sent him! He probably feels I'm expecting too much of him right now. Whatever-he was the one jumping up and down, not me.

My theory, other than another girl, which is great for him, is that he's so friggin' scared because he took that 8 year engagement break up REALLY hard...so hard he went into a sort of depression...yeah. If he gets affected THAT much by his emotional vulnerability he probably freaked out when he realized someone could affect him in the way he was being affected (all giddy and "spun") and make him wanna do things that no really reasonable person would jump to do, especially considering the circumstances. To be affected like that probably scared the cr*p outta him and he had to back off...

sandyclaws, that is some great insight. I'm also a cancer and I've seen this in 2 virgos - not replying at all. And it wasn't just with me, they did it with everyone who was vying for their attention... family, friends, coworkers. I took it as them being rude (I tend to cater to people even when I don't feel like it... a negative characteristic of mine). I've started to see it differently lately, thanks to these virgo relationships.

kellana, I'm in the same position. HE was the one to chase after me, even telling me, "I'm going to make you fall for me, and fall hard." Well, he got his wish, then backed off. Very frustrating and sad.