Will my Virgo guy come back?

I have known my Virgo guy for 24yrs. I was good friends with him and his LW (late wife) they had been married for 25yrs. Since day one there has been a connection that I can’t explain. Fast forward to Aug. 2016 and LW passes away. 2 months later Virgo Guy begins perusing me. I am very hesitate as I questioned him whether it was too soon. He persues me for 3 months repeatedly assuring me that he is and wants a relationship with me. Jan. 2018 we start seeing each other and are intimate. He lives 112 km way so we text/ phone everyday. He lives for Mexico, a bucket list trip that He and his LW planned prior to her passing, for feb/ March. He asks me to go with him but I insist that this is a trip he needs to do. The texting continues everyday sometimes all day. Talks of a future, moving and buying a house together and helping me raise my 2 boys, 16 and 11yrs. He even spoke to my boys about all this. We dated for 7 months. So in love, smitten and happy. In May 2017 he began talking about an angry inside of him, he is not and angry person. We talk and I suspect the angry was his grief spilling out as the 1yr anniversary of his LW was approaching. Then due to a work incident he sat down and talked to a psychologist. To this day I don’t know what was said but Later that evening he called to say that he realizes he isn’t ready for a relationship that he loves me but that he needs space and time. Of course I was completely devastated but respect and understand that he needs to find himself and properly grief the loss of his LW. I love this man with all of my heart and told him that I would wait. In a conversation, on the phone, the end of October his angry again spilled over and he yelled saying he was DONE! That he was never coming back. We didn’t text/ call for 3 wks and then he text me and we started chatting and then I saw him the end of Nov, Dec for a friends birthday, Christmas Day with his LW family, 3 day to Seattle and then Jan. 13. He has said that he still needs to figure out himself, that he loves me but wishes we hadn’t become intimate again, Aug. and Nov- Jan. 2018, I tried to explain that I understand he needs to figure out himself, I don’t need a relationship title and that I agree until he figures out himself we shouldn’t be intimate again. He went back to Mexico Feb. and left early cause he felt blah. He is grumpy but not when he’s with me or at me but gets grumpy with himself when his angry has spilled over at me because he misunderstood something I have said. His texting has subsided, and has become distant. I understand he is crazy busy this month March but asked if we could meet for dinner. His reply, which I expected...

Nice idea but not gonna be this month. Booked solid then Vegas from 20 to 25 which is like 19 to 26. Then booked thru to the end of the month 😋

So not a No but...

Then I replied...

That’s ok I figured as much. What about April 7? I would still like for you to come with me to JL’s wife’s birthday party, that we were supposed to go to in December 😝 Then you can take Hazel (my dog- as he offered in Dec) till I come back from Cabo 🤗

We exchange texts regularly. I love him and don’t not see him in my life but I don’t know what to do. I understand he needs to find himself but he is the one who pulled me into his life when he started persuading me and I am scared of loosing him altogether. It’s hard to now think back to this time last year and how in love, smitten and utterly happy we were. Please any advise for me woukd be greatly appreciated.

PS. Prior to LW passing she told a friend that she knew W and I would come together

Thank you! I love this man and understand he needs time to figure out himself and figure out this anger but it has been hard as my only connection with him has been via text messaging for the past 5 months. He said in Jan that we need to talk about our situation but we haven’t. Then this past weekend he offered to come to my house to help me. Anyways, long story short I got upset and verbal diarrhoea via text he replied Sat. night I text him Sunday apologizing for everything but he hasn’t replied to any of my texts since which isn’t like him. Just found out I will be in his town Sat but not sure whether I should ask yo see him?

sierra_

His LW had been terminally ill for 2yrs and during which time in his head he thought he had been already grieving. 7 months into our relationship he realized he isn’t ready for a relationship and we broke it off. I am devasted and hurt but I understand he needs time to figure himself out.

TomSawyer

I am a Gemini- hence my verbal diarrhoea 😝 We haven’t talk about our situation and I haven’t told him completely how hard this has been for me. I maybe patient, understand and respectful of him needing to figure out himself and his anger but it’s hard not seeing him or spending time with him

LOL...a Virgo who only in the last year started having anger issue. He has never been an angry man and I believe it’s due to him not grieving the loss of his LW properly. I do try to give him space as he lives 112kms, 2hrs with a ferry ride away. I don’t hound him about not seeing him and I only text him first thing in the morning to say good morning, then if he responds which maybe 5mins- 3 hrs later due to his crazy work schedule with 3 jobs. Oh, god I hope we can work through this cause I love him with all my heart But this is the first time in a year that he hasn’t replied to my texts the last 3 days. I am trying to not over think it and not deal out on him, give him space but even though I have apologized I may have upset him 😢 I do my best but I know I am not perfect and from what I understand Virgo’s look for perfect.

Maybe you remind him too much of his late wife and he can’t get past that. Therapist is prolly advising him to go for a clean slate in order to have closure.

LadyNeptune

If I remind him of his wife it is only of our 25yr friendship and that he told me that he has loved me from the day he met me. There has always been a strong attraction/ connection between us in all those years but we never acted on it.

1. Sadly he isn’t seeing a therapist

2. I am the complete opposite of his wife. She wasn’t one to talk of her thoughts/ feelings and I have been open and honest with him of which he loves about me.

TomSawyer

Thank you for the advise. I do sometimes tend to overthink things but am trying to get it under control. He is a good guy with a huge heart and when asked I know he woukd do anything for me. It’s just currently a difficult situation. There are lessons to be learn and in this situation I am learning I can’t control everything. Right now all I can do is be patient, understanding and respectful but I realistic in the thought that in the end this may not mean we will be together but I continue to be hopeful as he once said “I love that you have faith and courage in us!”

TomSawyer

So I sent the following text to him:

Hi!! Thinking of you and hoping you have a good day! I’m off Sat and Sun. and I’ve got to go to Sechelt Sat. can’t go over and not see you. You’ve said your door is always open and I owe you a dinner 🤗

I received the following reply(ies):

Spent the day at the hospital with Margaret , probably in for a wweek. Notgreat weekend. Working Fri night and Monday day. Tay and Adam are coming over to go over wedding and help me do some clean to get the house ready for sale.

1. This is the first I hear of him selling

And thanks for once again reminding me of something I've said to you in the past

Ugh!!! I accidentally sent him a text which was just meant for myself...myself venting my feeling

Said reminder:

Feb. 19/2017

Then yes we deserve each other. its gonna be tough when I get back but i have no doubt we can figure it out 😀and be stuper happy

so im in then. Giglling and shuddering

pretty good combo!! 😍😘

I don’t even know how to reply to him right now 😢

Posted by TomSawyer
You need go either quote us (start writing your message after "/blockquote)
Or
@Username(@Tomsawyer) for us to get notified that you're talking to us.

Anyway, Virgos are looking for perfection.
Perfect for the individual.

Example:
A dude dates a 8.5, girl is goodlooking, model-ish standarts etc.
Sex aside, he couldn't make this relationship work.
Looks wise, she maybe perfect for him.


He then finds a girl that's maybe not as beautiful but she's cute and her personality is awesome.

^Sounds pretty perfect to me.


Good thing you're understanding the lesson in all of this.
Patience is a virtue(Repeat 100 times when you're pissed or frustrated)

Thank you! I am new to this forum and didn’t know.

LOL...yes, patience is a virtue

I decided I am not going to overthink his message and just reply supportively and sweetly. I won’t apologize for sending that message because then I am apologizing for being sentimental as that and other posts meant a great deal to me.

So I contacted my Virgo guy last week to let him know that I would be in his neck of the woods. He replied saying he was sorry but that it wouldn’t be a good weekend for a visit. 😞 I told him that it was fine I understood. We continued chatting on and off, then Sunday morning he messaged saying he had some time and would I like to meet for lunch. He had a nice visit and when he went to say goodbye he leaned in for a hug, kissed me on the cheek and said Love ya! As much as this isn’t easy for him it’s not easy for me either cause I love him so much and my heart hurts. I just don’t know what to do. He said in Jan. that we need to talk about our situation and it’s now May. He knows my position and how I feel and I know that he loves me. Is he not talking because then he would show his feelings, is he not talking cause there is nothing to talk about. We chat almost everyday but nothing about our feelings and what we are doing. I have tried to talk to him but I don’t want to pressure him as I know he needs to work through his anger and finding himself.

Posted by UnicornSag
Patience is a virtue-is a true statement with Virgo.
Don't rush things and let him come on his terms-if you have patience for that.
That's all I can say.
And yeah, he rushed things cause he wanted to be over it and later realized he's still suffering and he didn't have proper time without his wife. Also one thing that's very true with my Virgo, could be with that Virgo as well, but doesn't necessarily need to apply on everyone-he can't be alone. Literally. So yeah he could have rushed to keep having a company and later blamed himself for not grieving his wife cause he was selfish and wanted a company so soon. Yeah, it sounds weird, but Virgos can guilt trip themselves a lot so it wouldn't be very surprising. But this is ofc just a guessing, only he knows what is actually happening in his head and all you can do is be patient and be there

Thank you! It’s just hard for 7 months we went from being so happy, smitten, in love, him saying/ doing all the right things and being the most amazing boyfriend to him dealing with anger, grief, mad at himself for hurting me and us both hurting with a hole in our hearts. Yes my heart hurts but mostly for him and the pain he is going through and the fact that all this pain is so unfair! Although he’ll put on that brave face and smile like the world is fine he finally told me 2 weeks ago that he is dealing with depression (I already knew this). I am just scared that I am going to loose him!

@UnicornSag

You hit the nail on the head about him feeling guilty for being happy, feeling guilty for being with me like he was cheating on his wife cause it was too early and feeling guilty for hurting me. We had talked about all that last June/ July. No matter how hard this is for me I can never be mad but I am mad at him cause he honestly thought he was ready and had finished grieving his LW. I’m not sure if through all this I have been too open/ honest about my feelings. But I have also told him that I am patient and understanding and that I stood by him in the beginning and I am still standing here.

I am just as lost as you are with my Virgo guy but my situation is complete different then anyone else. Virgo guy’s Wife of 25 yrs looses her 2yr battle to cancer then he thinking he knows what he wants pursues me for 3 months. I push him away even though I have known him for 24yrs and there has always been chemistry between us. He said “I’ve loved you since the day I met you!” insisting he is ready. We have an amazing 7months and yes we both said we jumped in quick but it felt right. Then 5 months in he is complaining about an anger and he is not an angry man. I noticed it’s his grief he didn’t properly take the time to grief his wife and as we get closer to her 1 yr anniversary it gets worse. He breaks up with me in July and we keep in contact till October when he yelled st me that he was never coming back to me. 3 was later he comes back for 3 months. He has pulled away again his anger is building up again and he has admitted that he is dealing with depression, of which I already knew. He is now coming up to his only daughter’s wedding and I can only imagine how hard that day is going to be. He lives 113kms away so it’s not like I can just bump into him in town. He has always been forth right and honest with me. I understand and respect that he needs time to find himself and for him to work through the anger but it is so hard to love someone with all your heart and the other person in order to deal with hurting you shut down there feelings (apparently Virgo’s are notorious for this) but after seeing him Sunday, after I verbal diarrhoeaed via text all over him, we had a nice lunch and visit of which he made a point to make the time to see me he leaned in for a hug, kissed me in the cheek and said “Love ya!” I am just having a hard time cause he will reply to my texts but this past week he won’t just text me first and I find it so hard to not just give in and text him. Some people here say be persistent and send the morning text but then some say don’t text— I have pride in myself, I am not a clingy person, I am not into drama or head games! I do love this Man and he knows that just as I know he loves me. I told him that I knew he was pushing his feels aside for me as a way to help him deal and he said yes. He said “I think of you the minute I wake up, all day long till the minute my head hits the pillow! I have a huge hole in my heart and would rather be hit by a bus!” Then he said “yes, I love you! You have no idea, Girl! I love you so, so, so much!” All that just doesn’t change over night! I am feeling lost!