aquarius female after breakup... and mending it

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1/26/2009 11:14:37 PM | More
seafood_disco

Hi,

I posted here a year ago when I was dating my partner for advice, and I got really strong feedback so I figured I'd try here again.

Situation is...

My girfriend and I have been together for 9 months. We've been serious and always talked about the future. We talked about travelling and everything we would do.

Around December, I went through a phase of trying to find out what I really want in life (it didn't rule her out the picture), and taking her for granted without realising it (it got to a point where I just wanted a little more space to myself for a little bit, and I'd be leaving her house earlier in the day than usual to do my own thing).
It got to a point over two weeks ago, where we had an argument about money and plans, and we didn't talk for a couple of days. I called her 2 days later and she said she didn't feel things were the way they used to be, and that whenever she told me this before (which she did), I would just say things are fine and she shouldn't worry.
She also said that she thinks we're going in different directions because I had mentioned to her that I couldn't see myself travelling - something she wants to do no matter what.
In the end she said she didn't love me as much as she used to, and figured she wanted to split.

This hit me like a truck and I realised I had been distancing myself away from her.

The following day, I sent her an email explaining that the reason she probably didn't love me as much is because I had taken her for granted, and that I genuinely do want to travel and do everything with her in life. I followed it up with a 3 page list of everything I wanted back (everything we had done together, or talked about doing).

She replied and said she does still love me, that she wont find anybody else who does things likes we do, and that we should start again but take things slowly. Go out occasionally over the next couple of weeks and build back what we had.
We went out twice last week, had really good times, kissed and when she got home last night, she sent me a text asking if we could get back together.
I asked her "are you happy though?"... she replied "if the last two times we've been out are anything to go by, then yes".

The problem is... I don't feel as much love as I used to from her, and I'm unsure if she'll ever get it back.
Obviously she has said what she wants, but I just wanted some further advice from Aquarian females.
1/26/2009 11:18:08 PM | More
seafood_disco

Sorry I should add at the end of the message - "I don't feel as much love or attention from her as usual"
1/27/2009 3:04:03 AM | More
LeoAqua

You've hurt her once and she's guarded.
Take things slow if that's what she wants and if you really want her back that much you will.
I'd also be pretty careful 2nd time round after you having distanced yourself and so on.
1/27/2009 12:50:29 PM | More
seafood_disco

but for the average aquarian woman. If they told their partner who they just split up from that they should take things slow again to build it back.
How would you recommend the other person to be? Stay a little distant to give them space, or stay close but not putting on too much pressure?

Just any characteristics that work, is what I'm talking about.
1/27/2009 1:11:47 PM | More
seafood_disco

The truth is, I wasn't angry I was dumped. I knew I had done wrong so I was frustrated I had let it happen.

I really want this relationship because there is something seriously special about her and it.
1/27/2009 1:52:10 PM | More
Lady_M



Maybe...someday.

^^ugh, no a proposal wont make it any better...we are aqua women remember.



My advice is do as she says. Go with the flow. Dont be pushy, let it all come back to the both of you in due time.

1/27/2009 1:56:20 PM | More
seafood_disco

I'm a pisces. And yes I read all about the negatives about the combination, just before we started dating.

We have talked about marriage before. I knew she was waiting for me to propose a few months ago. We still make comments to this day about what's going to happen at the wedding.
And I know you might read that paragraph and think "well she obviously likes you a lot"... but it's just her being a bit distant and a lot less fussy/attention giving as before.
1/27/2009 1:59:00 PM | More
seafood_disco

I wish this board had an edit feature!
I meant to say at the end of that last post...

"but it's just her being a bit distant and a lot less fussy/attention giving as before that I'm a little unsure of"
1/27/2009 2:13:26 PM | More
Lady_M



Maybe...someday.

If your taking it slow a proposal can be viewed now as being hasty or pushy, so it can go either way.
1/27/2009 3:05:20 PM | More
seafood_disco

furryleo > We always said that proposal could be whenever, but it was never ruled out.

As to what you were saying about 'all talk and no action', I think that's what she saw when I told her I doubted me going travelling with her in future. Something she's always planning to do, and will do no matter what.

The plan of travelling for me I never said to myself I WOULDN'T do, but at the time when it came up in conversation I said that I doubted it, due to other things going on at home at that time.
Those have resolved and my plan for travelling still stays true, and I've made that clear to her.
1/27/2009 3:13:37 PM | More
Lady_M



Maybe...someday.

Wait:

Why exactly were you distancing yourself in the first place??

1/27/2009 3:26:46 PM | More
seafood_disco

My girlfriend is the type who would text me a lot during the day and call me up. And from that, it just randomly started that I took her for granted because I was so used to hearing from her.
Sometimes I'd want to do my own thing (i.e we'd see each other a lot at weekends, so I'd spend more time to myself on a Saturday doing something and go round to her house later than usual sort of thing, or even maybe leave her house early).

I explained it to her in an email that this is what I was doing and it's something I regret, without being open to her. I think because I took her for granted, I never expected the relationship to breakdown and when it did... it hit me like a spade over the head and I knew instantly where I had been going wrong.

1/27/2009 3:33:19 PM | More
Lady_M



Maybe...someday.

Well, she felt rejected. We dont get to that point that you described unless we are VERY comfortable with our partner and secure. So once you started pulling away you probably aroused one her big fears of rejection and such.


I understand you need space, I wouldn't say you were taking her for granted you just got too comfortable and a bit bored I guess.

Her guard is up..rightfully so.
1/27/2009 3:44:47 PM | More
seafood_disco

Thanks for the replies by the way.

I feel it's a hard time trying to convince her. I know you can't turn love on and off like a switch but I think it's just a worry over whether she'll gain it back again.
For the last week, all I've just been talking to her a lot more, having a laugh and being supportive over work. Showing her that I've been going out and not feeling sorry over the whole situation.

I find it just very strange we're back together, but not as close.... yet?

1/27/2009 4:08:17 PM | More
Lady_M



Maybe...someday.

How was she in the very beginning...was it like this?
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