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|Why would a cap man ask questions he KNOWS the answers to? I'm in a, I don't know what the heck to call it with a cap. He's a friend and we've crossed lines. He's pushed me away a zillion times but as time passes the time he takes for "space" becomes closer together. Not sure why I added that. He's asked what I want from him and what I see happening. I've been afraid to tell him what I feel he already knows, because he'll become scared and run away. He demanded to know..said I owe it to him. So I told him. He did exactly what I knew he'd do, he sent a nice appreciative text, said he didn't want to hurt me, and if I could focus on being a friend, because that's what he needs right now. I've been doing that. He's in trouble and I must say I'm handling it alright. I told him, that was fine but to please treat me so consistently. I mean this I love you one minute and we are just friends I don't want to hurt or let you down speech is exhausting. So my question is, why does he keep giving me this exercise? Is it to drive home the fact that all he sees in me is a friend?|
And why does he become mad when he starts to have feelings. I'm not an idiot..I see him fight it.
Last body...I feel he's not secure in his physical appearance. I run a lot. I could use some more tone (weights) but I look okay for having two children. I'm in the lean or skinny box. His weight goes back and forth and right now he's not where he wants to be. He's going through some stuff and I know it bothers him, but the other night we had been drinking and he asked "Why can't you be sexy?" I told him I couldn't believe he'd say that and I started to leave. He followed me and told me not to go and basically wouldn't let me go. He wanted to have sex afterward and before the comment he made. What the heck guys what's going on with him. How do Cap men handle low self esteem and friends they have feelings for but I guess don't see a future with.
Man I need to move on, but I can't leave him right now. Under normal circumstances I would but he's going through a very dark period so win or lose I need to stick by him. I totally see how this will pan out. I'll pay the dues and some young hot chick will reap the rewards. ugh! oh well at least he'll be happy and that' something he hasn't had much of in his life.
I'm sexy. hahah! It's confidence and I have that. I don't need to let my shhh hang out. Besides he may look at chicks like that but if I did that...oh he'd fly off the handle he's so j
|He'd fly off the handle he's so jealous. I don't know guys. I don't know what he wants or how he wants me to be, but I'm going to be me. I'd show him sexy as I think I know he's been looking at for kicks and nothing more, but if I vamped it up and pulled that stunt, he'd be angry.|
The other night I told him I hadn't gone to bed until 4 am and he quickly looked at me and asked "Why? Where were you and why did you stay up so late? Were you sleeping with someone?" I told him no and he knows I'm not like that, but just an example of his suspect ways. Demanding of my time and if not with him asking about the details.
|People ask questions they know the answer to because they want to see if you will lie about it.|
I do this, especially in the early stages. Sometimes it's simple insignificant things. I just want to make sure their story checks out.
|But these are answers based on emotions. Not like where were you last Saturday. Know what I mean? He's confusing as all get up, and I realize a normal person would have checked out long ago. I have here and there, but I always return the call or text. |
I don't want to hold out because those are games and don't caps hate games? Or is it the famous I say I dislike games but yeah yeah come on play them.
|You know what really gets me? The attention I receive at bars. I finally figured it out. I need to show some subtle sign that I'm with him. If I don't then he becomes irritated that my attention is diverted. |
I just become comfortable when he says friends, so I treat him like one, and it's always followed with him being upset with me because I don't jump when he asks or mad because of a guy friend.
You know it's a his term issue. It's like when he wants to treat me like his girl he does and I respond, but when it becomes too much or he decides he can't do this, he pushes me away. I don't think he knows what he wants but plays with me, because he wants me there until something better comes along..has to be.
|Sorry my other responses were so short. I was in a meeting.|
Anyway...having re-read the OP:
Any man, I don't care what sign he is, any man is going to tell you if you are more than a friend. If he says you are a friend one day and then the next crosses the line, acts jealous, and then when you chase him he runs away, straight up, he's playing games with you.
Him asking you why you can't be sexy....total insult to your face and I would not have talked to him ever again if I were you.
What he's telling you is that you are just not girlfriend material. I'm sorry to be blunt, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but he just doesn't seem to like you that way. Maybe he gets drunk and crosses the line and then remembers the next day, I don't know, but there is something about you that makes him not want to date you. So he's playing these games.
Really you are around when he needs you, on his terms, he just keeps you around for when he needs you, is how it sounds to me.
Based on what is here, he sounds like a jerk and frankly you can do better.
Posted by OPENEYES
I think he's selfish. He wants his cake and eat it too. You explained to him what you wanted. He said be friends. So, that's it. Be friends. Go out with who you want. Flirt with the guys at the bar. Treat him like the friend he wants to be. If he gets mad? Too bad. Tell him HE's the one that wanted to be friends only. He is treating you like an option and you deserve better than that. Don't let him do you this way.
|I think he has reached the top of the mountain. He is were no Capricorn Male wants to be. He is in a emotional and logical battle with himself. He is questioning whether you are worth it or not. Seems like you taken the proper steps to penetrate his walls and he is loosing his mind and comfort of self control... I don't expect you females to understand what I am talking about. Just trying to help you know what a Cap would think but never tell...|
Posted by SureShotCap
I don't even understand the explanation. It's so vague.
Dated a Cap, he never behaved this way, but maybe because he had Scorpio mars, who knows?
He says she's his friend, but he crosses the line. He gets drunk, he asks, "why can't you be sexy?" And then he tries to have sex when she is offended. Not sure if the sex actually happened,, from the OP, but he wanted it, then the next day they are back to being friends.
As a woman, I interpret this thusly: he likes her as a friend, and maybe even more but she's for some reason not "hot enough" or something. That's how it would come across to me, and I'd be very offended in the OP's shoes. I would not have stated either.
|He sounds insecure as you stated above and a insecure man leads to control issues later on. He very well may not know what he wants, but you do. That being said you should not consider him as a possible love interest unless you are willing to tolerate this behavior. Just prepared that there maybe some harsh consequences. Being his friend is fine, but you should create boundaries for the two of you, so he knows that he cannot come in and out of your life as he pleases. I do believe he likes you because despite his insecurities he does feel comfortable being himself around you. However, him wanting to be friends one minute and lovers the next seems as if he is keeping his options open and is telling you that indirectly. Normally a Capricorn, man or woman, knows what they want when they want it and are not shy about expressing that. Good Luck!|
Posted by capgirl69Posted by SureShotCap
Is this a simpler explaination? Does it sound possible that the easiest answer is the best answer?
Posted by Eula
Any person that is afraid of rejection is insecure in someway. It's the job of the significant other to dissipate those ideas if the feelings are mutual...
|I say, be his friend but don't let the lines blur. Don't do that to yourself. He cannot have it both ways.|
Isn't he the one that wanted to be friends after you divulged your feelings for him? That took A LOT of courage. He pried it out of you only to shoot you down and tell you he just wanted to be friends? WTH. He's playing it safe and isn't willing to put himself out on a limb.
I agree with the others. He needs to be more clear on what he wants and until then, he's just not a good option for a confident woman such as yourself. He's not even caught up with you on that.
You can't really pump up his self esteem, that needs to come from within HIM. And as long as he's like that, he's always going to find fault in others when what he really needs to do is take a good hard look at himself and resolve those issues that are in HIM.
I'd be really mad at the "why can't you be sexy" comment but still, it's kind of like he was just saying that to himself. He needs to be able to love himself first to be able to love another. He doesn't seem to be there.
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