Help with capricorn man withdrawing
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|Guys help is needed with a cap man I'm seeing (I'm 33 he's 36 - hes a Cap and I'm a Leo - with leo sun & moon to make things worse lol). I ment him online, and everything was going really well, we swapped tel no's after a few days and he was constantly texting me and asked to be friends on facebook, we seemed to have lots in common, films, theatre, loving the countryside etc... So he asked me out and we had a great date which ended up with a kiss. He asks me to text him when I get home which I did, and we kept talking until about 2 in the morning (just random stuff, with a little flirting). |
He asked me to see him again a couple of days later, which I did, we went out for a meal and then back to his house, where we did a little fooling around (but no tree trunking). I didn't leave his until early in the morning, and again he asked me to text him when I got home which I did.
But since then his communication has really dropped off. He said he was taking the week off work to finish his dissertation, but since i saw him last the texts/communication has really slowed down. I initiate it all the time, and it can take several hours for him to come back to me (or sometimes not at all). I have also seen that he has been back on the online dating site (and he's added photos to his profile) - I mean if he has time to do that, he should have time to communicate with me right? I asked him if he wanted to go out again this week and he said he was 'on lock down' to get his dissertation finished, but can we do next week.
I just don't know what to do - if you look at my previous post I've been through this before with 2 aries guys and I really don't want to get hurt again. I'm trying to give him space and when I have texted him, it's been around 8 on an evening so I wouldn't be disturbing him during the day. Please give me some honest fedback - is he just using me/stringing me along or shoudl I hang in there?
PS - he was in a 10year relationship which ended 3 years ago and he made a comment about girl who he was seeing who turned into a bit of a stalker.
|solde, if you seek advice let go, does not seem promissing. If u stay scenarios are he will string you along to a point where your self esteen and self respect will be ruined and you will hate yourself and him for that or you will get him and soon get bored to death.|
i am an aries, a fire sign too, we cannot handle this bs and we dont need to. there may be caps who have learned how to love a woman but this one does not look like that.
|Hi Isolde. My question for you would be what’s the hurry? From your post you’ve known this man a short time. There has been good initial communication and you’ve had two nice dates that involved some intimate physical contact but nothing taking place between the sheets. So far so good. |
The only red flag I’m getting from what you’ve shared thus far is coming from you not him. The whole constant initiating contact behavior on your part sounds to me like something you might want to pull back on no matter the time of day. The man told you his head is wrapped up in his dissertation so that was a subtle (or not) warning that his time was going to be limited. As for him going back online and updating his profile with pictures…there is nothing wrong with that since you two aren’t officially GF/BF or more. My question is why aren’t you out there as well keeping your options open versus monitoring his behavior? Allow the Cap to breath, find his bearings, savor the memory/feeling of being with you and then let HIM do the initiating and chasing. He may well have pulled back like men do (not just Caps) to see how you would react and handle things. JMO
|Pidelight, this is all a fire sign cannot do: waiting for someone to finish his work and then remember that oh! there may be someone waiting for my call... This is a false start and she does not like it. As his behaviour will not change in the future nothing good will come out of it. No point even considering him an option cos even if she had him she would soon be very very disappointed and would leave herself.|
|All - thanks very much for you're feedback. I know what you all mean but as asha says being a fire sign I find it really hard to just be picked up when it suits someone else, & I have tried really, really hard not to text or contact him alot when I know he's busy. I'm seeing him again in a couple of days, so we'll see how it goes :-).|
|I hate Leos and Capricorns equally, however I will actually side with the Leo in this case since the Capricorn is a douchebag.|
If he is playing on the singles website and putting new photos up, then you need to drop his sorry ass like a bad habit.
End of story.
Posted by ScorpioFish
LOL Why does she have to drop him? He is a single man on a singles website, the same one he met the OP on, so how is he being a douchebag by keeping his options open? And what is wrong with the OP not putting all HER eggs in one basket and expecting absolute commitment from a man she just met and probably really hasn't gotten to know yet beyond the "honeymoon" period of a new relationship? If they were in a committed relationship and he was online getting busy, hiding and/or lying about it then I'd say take your advice. As it stands, either the OP is going to have to learn the most important word in the "dealing with a Capricorn" language...patience...or she's going to disappoint herself attempting to force attention out of man that isn't ready to give it when and how on her timetable over his own. Let the man do his thing. If he wants her he'll come around. The OP waiting on him and frustrating herself is not the Cap's fault but the OP's. Let her Get busy living life and let him wonder about what she's doing enough to bust his azz trying to get back to the front of the line for her time and attention.JMO
|Isolde my suggestion is learn from your past. A few things that I see going on is that you revolve yourself around a man TOO EARLY/TOO SOON, you are already acting like you have given him your heart, WHERE IS THE CHALLENGE IN THAT? You act like he's the only man on the planet, you appear desperate. Don't you have other men around that you are dating? You focusing on him is chasing him off. Now he's in fight or flight mode b/c of your INTENSE focus on him, guarding his freedom with his life and you are now the nuisance, the enemy that is trying to take him from himself/his freedom, that's why initiating/chasing never works b/c it turns into an all out chase were he's the one running from you.|
and there is no mystery no fun in that kind of behavior. Don't you have other things to do like a dissertation of your own LOL, my main point is you are way too available and you burn men out quickly (leo trait that you need to tame). You give way too much of yourself away and men lose interest.
Try this...I know you don't want to b/c you are "full on" but try it anyway. Lean back, don't chase him, chasing comes in the form of being the initiator, don't initiate contact, only respond and pay more attention to you and your life. What exactly do you have going on in your life? Of course you have work, maybe you have kids, maybe you have nights were you cocoon and watch movies alone, maybe you have pamper nights were you do your nails and shampoo your hair, maybe you volunteer on certain days, maybe you go out dancing with the girls on certain days, I want you to get really "INVOLVED" with your life and once this guy comes back around I don't want you to drop anything, don't drop friends, kids, family nor commitments to be with him, if you do drop everything to be with him you are inevitably sending out the wrong message, that you have no life and he's your life and I've seen in my own experience and the women I help, you get dumped for the harder to get woman.
So try to shift out of your old relationship patterns/habits. STOP CHASING MEN, stop initiating contact, some men will encourage you to chase and then drop you, they'll tell you to text them, call them, drive over to his house, DON'T DO IT, lean back and be the girl and let him work to keep you around.
|IMO There is nothing wrong with you, the men are showing up so clearly you are attractive but I feel your behavior may be too easy, not easy sexually but just too "ALL IN", your a leo for christ sakes, add some fun and mystery into it, my mom's a leo and men couldn't catch her LOL, she would challenge men to the bone and the man who caught her was a Cap but he was too possessive and controlling, temper problem, jealous, dumped him for a Gemini.|
My prediction is the Cap is going to drop you again, sorry but the convincing behavior/chasing behavior is not attractive...I don't think you'll have success with this Cap unless you change how you behave. You are just too needy desperate acting for a cap man.
|Tiki, I would like to suggest you something. Why dont you consider having your own couselling website where you could advise women lost in their emotions? It could even be a paid service. Judging from how many women any age are really struggeling to understand their feelings and act right in a relationship it could be a success. You could name it something like "lost in love.com". I will be using your services for sure. I have never read better analysis of romantic situations than yours and for me your opinion and advice was really valuable. For me it would be a relieve to be able to talk to you in the future cos I am sure I will keep getting confused and need assistance to streamline feelings and thoughts. The good side of having a webpage will be that you will be able to help women all over the world.|
|Thanks Asha...I'm working on it, It's in progress, I love the name "lost in love.com" I'll definitely give you credit if I decide to use that name! Great suggestion! Once I complete my site I'll be linking everyone up that's interested.|
|Isolde, how do you feel about this man? Do you really like him, or is it just because he seems like a potential hubby...?|
What do you feel for this man? Why not focus on what you want. Be honest about the way he treats you, and how you would actually like to be treated. Find someone who appreciates you for who you are. Not just appreciate, but a man who values you, who wants to treat you like the queen you are. You seem devoted,find someone who's on your level and knows how to care for you. Take a mental note of what you want in a man, and do not settle. You're constantly worrying about being clingy and seeming like the stalker ex he told you about...if he has a problem giving you attention, and receiving it, then he's not for u. I mean you are a leo ryt? Stop trying to limit yourself in order to 'seem' a certain way for him, because you are not being yurself. You are who you are, and you ooze love and affection, he obviously does not notice that.
Stand your ground,and stick to being you. Do not bend over to fit someone's idea of the perfect woman, or because you don't want to seem desparate. Find a man who does not scare easily, who knows that he's got alot when you're with him, and wouldn't mind becoming devoted to you after 3 dates. It's fast,but i just feel like that's who you are. But the other thing is, do not assume anything with him. If you like him, and enjoy being around him, let him know. Talk to each other about what you want. Okay, he obviusly wants to be a little out there. And you know what you want, you know what you deserve, a man that sees how unique and special you are. He just seems like he's testing waters...
|Again - to everyone that has taken the time to reply to my post (also see the word ramble lol) thank you sooo much. I was supposed to see him yesterday, but the day before he texted me and said he was snowed under and could we postpone for another week . He also said that I had just happened to meet him at the two busiest weeks of his year! Yet he has been on the dating website *alot*. So I took all you're advice and went back on myself. I've really held off on contacting him and whilst I still really like him, as leliaxxlovez says I have to be myself and not try to be something or someone I'm not. I want someone who wants to be with me, and I realise people are busy and have priorities, but are willing also to be honest and not b*ll-S**t me. So if he contacts me then fine - I'll think about it, but in the mean time I'm going to try and find someone who appreciates what they've got :-)!!|
Posted by isolde29
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