Can I even be friends with her? I'm lost

Hey,

I don’t know if this is a question or not, I need somewhere to just talk things through.

To briefly describe my dating history, I’ve had relationships with bad girls for a while, escorts, pornstars, strippers.. etc.. don’t have time to go into why and it’s not like I’m looking for these women, it just happens. Over the years, experiences have conditioned my head in a certain way.

About a year ago I met an Aqua, and I told her I just wanted to date, nothing complicated. We agreed to call it “dating” but never GF/BF. It was really nice at the start. It felt like I was the only guy and that she liked me, but it changed.

Over the past year, she’s opened up to me more and more, and told me some really weird things. We’ve been on vacation together. let’s just say both good and weird/confusing things happened. We had sex but not really that much, she told me that she just has months where she really wants sex and months where she really doesn’t.

I assumed there were other guys in her life, we were never really GF/BF, I suppose we were barely FWB, we were more friends. However, during certain periods I would talk to her every day on the phone for 30mins or so and some periods I would feel like a BF. At the start, she was telling me that other guys asked her out and messaged her, but I was the only guy that she messaged back, and she showed me her phone. It was sweet in a way. At some point though it all changed.

She lost her job, and she turned to webcamming. She would call me and tell me how much money she was making; I went on to find her and I wasn’t that bothered. I didn’t think she was making as much money as what she was telling me though (I could be wrong). I asked some of my friend girls who do it and they said it was really bad times.

Then I took a job in another country, because it seemed like the answer. New scenery to fix my head, I needed to get away from my life. I didn’t know exactly what Aqua and I were, but she felt like a best friend.

She didn’t seem bothered at first, but then later she told me she was really upset I was going away, and that she would just have to get used to it. I kept saying she could visit and it’s only 2hr flight away. She made me promise that we would always be friends and stay in touch.

Anyway, I moved away, and changed jobs. It was extremely stressful for me and I was lonely, I don’t speak the language. She has been there for me, speaking on the phone and messaging me and she’s been supportive, like a friend and I'm just glad I've stayed in contact with her. I didn’t want to turn to drinking like I had done in the past. I started camming myself and it helped. I didn’t do it for the money, but guys would tip me to see my dick, like a compliment.

Then, with Aqua, we arranged for her to come and see me and we booked flights. We were both excited to see each other, and I’d been sending her videos of the place and where I live.. And she was asking if we could get apartments next to each other here (she said a bit later on, after she’s visited).

I was camming one day, and something didn’t look right in my room. The next day I went to google my name and someone had recorded me and put it online. This didn’t surprise me really. However, next to my video, was one of her videos... She was having sex with a weird ugly guy. She was really happy in the video, at first I thought she was on drugs. I didn’t watch it but I could see the thumbnails, I got the idea.

After a few hours, I tried to calm down, I started thinking, she can sleep with whoever she wants, because we never said what we were. The fact she was doing it online was a bit

shocking maybe. I didn’t know how to feel. I’d dated other women who were sleeping around. But with this, I knew I wasn’t her boyfriend, so what could I do about it.

I was worried maybe this guy was her boyfriend, she seemed more comfortable with him. Because they were camming together, I guess it bothered me she was more comfortable with him, I don’t know. I didn’t know how to feel. I was excited about her coming here to see me, but after seeing this, I wasn’t so sure.

A couple of days past, where I was trying to forget it and just concentrate on work. Except I couldn’t. I went online to see her cam show. She wouldn’t know it was me anyway, she knows my broadcasting username but not my regular one which I can watch her with (sorry that sounds like a stalker).

She was showing a video of that guy sticking his dick in her ass. I’ve dated escorts, strippers, and pornstars, and they would never broadcast themselves watching their own video. This guy looks like a total loser, a drug dealer, small house (I can tell cos they are filming it at his house), and he’s ugly (I showed it to some of my stripper friends, they said it was disgusting).

I was planning to do some fun things like get a rose for when I meet her at the airport, for some fun, and I had planned some trips to explore the area. I asked her if she wanted to travel around. She said that she would, but that she wanted her own room. She said that she wanted her own room to do camming from. I felt crap, I shouldn’t have (maybe), I just wanted to share a room, like we used to.

She then messaged me and said she was going on vacation with a “friend” before she comes to visit me… She said it was a “she”.. which normally just never lies about, if she’s going somewhere with a guy, she’s always said “guy” to me. But I wondered if it was a guy and this was the first time she was trying to hide it.

I wondered if I should cancel her trip to see me. I watched her online and she wasn’t making any money. She then messaged me in the middle of the night saying she couldn’t come and see me, because work was so bad. I picked the message up 3 hrs later because I was asleep. I went online and she was there, she’d been there most of the night trying to get money, but she wasn’t getting any.

I was disappointed and it felt bad because she already had plans to visit me, now she couldn’t because she was going away with someone else? I know she expected to do both originally, but why did she spend the money on a vacation. She booked a vacation to Milan and Venice with someone else, I live in the French Riviera near Monaco. It’s not exactly like she would have been bored here, and I’ve been to all these places, I think it’s better here (who knows). Also, I think I’m the better guy but if she doesn’t see that then it doesn’t matter.

I waited till the morning and basically sent her a message wishing her a good life. A few hours later she sent one asking me not to be weird, and she also said that she needs to feel comfortable coming to see me and she didn’t feel ready, she said she was just being careful.

I replied saying I knew she had a boyfriend, a bit angry (I didn’t want her to lie to me), and asked her how she cannot feel comfortable with me anymore, after all this time.

She replied and said she doesn’t have a boyfriend and that she was clear from the start about what she wanted (I never directly accused her of lying, but she said she never lied to me).

I had to apologise, she was right, and then I had an emotional rant about how I would always be there for her and that I just really wanted to see her… I had a proper Aries tantrum; I’d never done this with her before in all the time I’ve known her (seriously, I know I’m Aries but I haven’t in front of her before). It was emotion and pathetic maybe, at least I thought it was. I don’t know what she thought.

I left that.. thinking I would never hear from her again. But after a couple of hours… she replied and said she was just so stressed with work and money and she really wanted to see me too, that she would get back to me later about it….

I felt like a jerk for accusing her of having a BF. She’s on vacation now, and she was camming. She has her own hotel room anyway, she isn’t sharing, with either a guy or a girl.

She’s sent me photos, she’s with someone but I can’t tell if it’s a girl or guy, as they are in the background. It looks a bit like a girl, but if it was she wouldn’t try to hide it. So I think it’s a guy.

Am I just messed up? I have been on tinder since I moved here, its hard because there is a massive language barrier. One girl told me she had a 4 year old daughter; and my initial thought was that it was really sexy. She is a single mom and provides for her daughter and she manages to do that, and then I started thinking.. someone like that would really appreciate me?

What do I even do with Aqua now, we are messaging each other as friends. Maybe I do want something more now, but I know she’s not interested. She blew me off so she could go on vacation with someone else (probably a guy) and she said she needs to feel comfortable around me (which has kind of upset me) I don’t have any friends, she’s my best friends, but I think with her maybe it’s a good place to leave it now? I’m just not going to message her that much from now on, she might wonder why, she might not..

Can I even be friends with her? I can’t just let this carry on can I? Is it messing with my head too much? I know for a fact I need to stop checking her cam page, and I will, just need a bit of time. Imagine trying to forget someone who does live porn every day at a click of a button, and sometimes with a guy? It’s messed up. I think I just answered my own question about whether this is messing with my head.

Thank you Marai, wise words. You're right, I'm not a priority to her. Its a shame because things were kind of good at the start. She's never cancelled a date the whole time i've known her, but this is quite a big thing. I can't block the sites, I would say it's similar to checking someone's FB page, you dont want to check because it makes it worse, but you do it. I need to be strong.

The woman with the kids was nice but ten years younger than me anyway, plus language barrier. I would like to meet someone though. This is how Aqua started, broke up with my ex and a little while later said i didn't want anything complicated, so the thing set off on the wrong foot anyway. I'm 40 years old now, I would love to stop and chill for a bit but.. we'll see

She belongs to the streets now

Idk, maybe you enjoy drama and excitement. You sound bored with this aqua and using the situation to distract you. Distraction after distraction.

Focus on learning the language and culture. Forget the distractions and wanting to win

I'm attracted to drama, excitement and I really want to win - this should be listed in the dictionary under Aries

Posted by AriesJo

I'm attracted to drama, excitement and I really want to win - this should be listed in the dictionary under Aries

Was about to say this, you’re a double Aries and you guys thrive on drama & excitement.

Bruh... As a Virgo with an Aries Moon, remember yourself. Know who you are and that sometimes you have to walk away from things altogether to see exactly what is going on. Feelings are irrational and she made her choices already. Have your pride, take a bow, and walk away. In a couple months, you'll have a clearer understanding of how she was towards you, and all this really won't matter when you she how's she actually had been. Trust me.

What happened to the Libra you were dating? Or maybe I'm just confused as usual?

I only read the title.

You don't want to be just friends with a woman you like or slept with.

I like how you are judging her for doing webcam to survive when you were doing the same but not “for the money, but guys would tip me to see my dick, like a compliment”.

It’s pretty gross the double standard you have.

Some people are just attracted to unpredictability, dramatic and tumultuous arrangements and then they wonder what went wrong. You need self-awareness and possibly introspection as to what you want, so you can actually understand why you’re feeling what you are.