Depressed Aquarian seeking help

Hi everyone,

I don't really know why i'm writing this post in an astrological forum,

maybe i'm looking for some understanding and opinions from fellow Aquarian people.

It's going to be a long read, and maybe not very interesting to some,

so feel free to skip to a more pleasing post.

Still, going to try it out, maybe somebody older and wiser will have insights to

how should I continue from this current point in my life.

Here goes.

Going to be 31 in this upcoming 22 of January,

a year and a half ago my life turned upside down.

I was fired from my web development job,

not being able to find another web development job

(technology was going to fast for me, and I stayed behind.

most of the work was for senior web developers and I was still a junior+ level),

I was sure that after 5 years working as a hired web developer I was ready to start a business of my own,

so with a small amount of savings + renting an apartment at the time,

I started freelancing with the help of hired freelancers.

The pressure of pleasing clients + not exactly knowing how to handle finance decisions + finding new clientele + not having personal life, were apparently too much and after 6 months

I had a nervous breakdown and started to have anxiety attacks.

It reached to a point where my father had to come to my apartment and take me back to my parents house (where I stay these days, since the event, because I couldn't function).

I had serious anxiety attacks, anger outbursts and depression,

had to take pills for a couple of months, and now i'm on psychological therapy for 2 months.

I was arranged to work in a wood factory, so now, for about the past 8 months,

I get up at 05:30 AM and work from 07:00 until 17:00 and get back home at 18:00

then eat, watch some youTube channels, browse the internet a bit and then go to sleep at 21:30.

I guess I was anxious all my life, from the very childhood I was a sensitive, anxious kid, got it from my mom I guess, which is an Aquarian too,

but because I received a lot of motivation from my father and mothers, I could keep going and trying new things and try to advance myself in life.

Anxiety is something I ignored most of my life, went to the army, finished college, went on dates, moved to the big city, but now it has reached to a point my mind is too strong for me to try to convince in anything.

I need the internet and youTube to "hide" from my mind, and question myself if I want to live any longer with this feeling.

There are a bunch of questions mainly about the future based on my past experience which I can't answer,

so I stay in this "safe" place of living at my parents home, working at the factory with my uncle, and not doing much more.

thoughts:

- I'm not a very communicative person, I mean, I can be charming at a gathering of people that don't know me "to pull of an act", so that they wouldn't see the sad, depressed me.

Other then that i'm cold to close people, family and friends.

I don't see the point in pretending anymore.

Afraid that i'm going to be the same for the rest of my life, knowing that this is not going to help me in life.

- let's say I do find a women that will like me the way I am, and let's say we have kids, do I want those kids to have the same anxiety stress issues as I do (from what I know, part of anxiety and fear we receive from our parent, and as I got it from my mother, my kids can have it from me)

also, the entire concept of having responsibilities like: staying in a steady job, educate my kids, provide for the family, being able to be happy at times when times are hard.

I just not sure that I will be able to do these things.

- since I have to have some degree of freedom and independence, and can't be told what to do, I don't know how will I live with a women, she wouldn't understand my need of being alone sometimes.

so I stay alone, but then feel lonely and don't know how to balance this whole thing.

- apparently the fact that my work involved sitting in front of the computer every day plus using google to find answers, had trained my brain to seek all questions online.

But, turns out, it can't help me with life related questions.

I need to solve them for myself. But I don't know how.



Anyway, there isn't a certain question in here, just thoughts that I wanted to share,

maybe someone will have a formula of living for Aquarians that will help me sort my life.

tnx,

R

Take up a hobby that you enjoy doing. For me, law school is stressful, so to combat the career stress I take up golf or build things in my garage. Also, there's no magic formula for being happy- everyone's different and deals with their issues differently. Find something that you like spending time doing, and do it. The rest will take care of itself.

Not a lick of Aquarius in me, but I've had anxiety problems my whole life and I see those as your bigger problem right now. They run in my family. It goes back several generations that we know of, to long before it seemed like everybody had anxiety problems. At one time, it was too damn bad if you had some weird problem, you still had to work and function and take care of your family, so that's what they did in my family.

Maybe it was more jarring for you because you made it into adulthood without a major hitch, but I've had this problem since I was a little kid and it's old news now.

I force myself to do the things I want to do, no matter how uncomfortable I get. I remind myself that the feeings are caused by something that isn't working right in my brain and tell myself that I can do whatever other people can do. I've never taken medication, although others in my family have. I don't need help to make it through life. I can do it on my own.

The most helpful thing for me has been to compare myself to others, which is something you're usually discouraged from doing. It works for me. If someone else can, so can I.

I don't use it as an excuse. I continue to work my jobs and live my life because I have to, regardless of how I feel. I might not feel great, but the fact is I need to make money and come through for myself and others. Feelings take a backseat to that.

I don't worry about having kids someday that might have this problem. My mom had four of us and only I have this problem. My guess is it's recessive. Second, if I had a kid with this problem, I could recognize it and help. I would never tell my kid he is a charity case. That doesn't help. Would make him feel helpless instead. He will be as capable as anyone else and he will know that from the start.

The best advice I can give you is about the anxiety problem you're having. You need to get mad at it and defy it. Build up your confidence by looking at everyone around you who is getting by just fine in life and be determined to do the same.

classic trying to find meaning and working things out before it happens or exists.

my 2 cents as an aqua, I do it all the time.

what you wrote here reminds me of my Sag friend who's now facing the same issues and it's just going to take some time and readjustment, god knows how long it's taken me or is taking me.

What I find help is actually what you're doing right now. Talking about it, writing about it, channelling it into something else, distractions and what not.

When I find myself getting carried away in thought, I start playing a video game, I go out for a walk, I do anything because once that ball starts rolling....

Definitely take some lessons from therapy, it helped me a lot in a few ways. 1) Triggers 2) Coping 3) Avoiding 4) acceptance.

Though I'm not really shamed of suffering from depression the hardest part to overcome was accepting I'm perfectly normal, just you know sometimes it'll be nice to accidentally slip and fall in the path of an on-coming truck (I'm JOKING... or am I?).

All the best.

Posted by aquasnoz
classic trying to find meaning and working things out before it happens or exists.

my 2 cents as an aqua, I do it all the time.

what you wrote here reminds me of my Sag friend who's now facing the same issues and it's just going to take some time and readjustment, god knows how long it's taken me or is taking me.

What I find help is actually what you're doing right now. Talking about it, writing about it, channelling it into something else, distractions and what not.

When I find myself getting carried away in thought, I start playing a video game, I go out for a walk, I do anything because once that ball starts rolling....

Definitely take some lessons from therapy, it helped me a lot in a few ways. 1) Triggers 2) Coping 3) Avoiding 4) acceptance.

Though I'm not really shamed of suffering from depression the hardest part to overcome was accepting I'm perfectly normal, just you know sometimes it'll be nice to accidentally slip and fall in the path of an on-coming truck (I'm JOKING... or am I?).

All the best.

Honest and insightful post and great advice

Stay away from the trucks. 🙂

We all just go through that moment in our lives in which we don't know what way to go. All roads feel blocked, making us unsure on how to move further. Which one is the right path? only you will know the answer to that question.

First, find confidence in yourself. Be sure that anything you wish for can be yours if you put the right amount of effort. There is a place where you belong as there is someone for you who will give you all the love and independence you need. With this i'm telling you that you don't need to marry and have kids right after entering a relationship. Take one step at a time and choose someone who suits your needs. There are all types of women in the world.

Get out of your routine. Distract yourself with different things. Maybe you could read a book or take courses that would update you on web development so you can go back to that specific market if you're interested.

Find true friends you feel comfortable with and who you can be open about your problems.

Above all, remember everybody faces a wall at one point in their life. Half the battle is knowing how to handle it.

Hope this words might help you in some way.