Help!!!!! *tears her hair out*

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Romancelives
@Romancelives
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 142 · Topics: 18
I can't stand his behaviour at times, but I can't get enough of him!!! I'm drowning...
Do Aquarians toy with people's emotions? Or are you so scared of being hurt you test someone to the point of them letting go, then be like, I knew it!?
How do you people feel about honesty?
My guy is driving me bananas! I've said to him I want to give him space because I feel I'm too demanding of his time and attention, which is how I truly feel. Libra problems! Lol. He told me I should never feel that way. If I pull away unannounced he feels rejected. Yet, when I come close he goes into the secret world in his head! Am I some sort of comfort blanket? Or picture? He wants me around, then goes MIA into his head? Wtf?
Before you say talk to him. I do. I'm super honest with him, I love that about us. He's words don't always necessarily match his actions! I don't take shit from him or nobody for that matter, so when I've had enough of the aloofness, detachment bullshit, I pull him up and remind him he needs to consider my feelings too! Come back to reality and he does. He says he loves me for doing this. How long for God damn it?!!!
I've noticed him opening up more and more to me, but this is some fucking endurance shit!!! Can't you people just chill and love and be loved? It's not the next ones fault, the previous one hurt you!
Rant over! Aquas can push people to rant! 😛
I love him, he drives me crazy in more ways than one!
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letterbox10
@letterbox10
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 293 · Topics: 1
"Yet, when I come close he goes into the secret world in his head! Am I some sort of comfort blanket? Or picture? He wants me around, then goes MIA into his head? Wtf?"

What do you mean by this? He wants you close physically, but doesn't talk or want to do things with you? Like, just wants to be in the same room as you? Just enjoy being in each other's presence? If so, then are you not comfortable with that? Do you have to talk, always do things together, when you are together?

Is this a fairly new relationship?
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Romancelives
@Romancelives
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 142 · Topics: 18
Posted by sultrykitty
Hehe...this is the way it will be, more likely forever.

What you describe is EXACTLY how my man is. It took.years, but I finally decided to get over it and let him do what he's gonna do.

It's up to you to change/adapt to his behavior, because he'll never adapt to yours.
Do you want to bet? I don't want him to change per se, nor will I want to necessarily change either. However, we must both adapt in the long run, if there's going to be a long run!

We are very close, we laugh, we joke, we are friends who love each other and fancy the pants off each other! I just hate the walls he throws up sometimes. I always pull them down again and we feel closer than ever. But the number of times we've done this, he should know I'm here to stay. Or is he waiting for me to go?!!!! So damn annoying.

He tells me, "I love you because you're not afraid of showing how you feel. Even when you don't say a word, I can see it in your face." That's usually followed by a wall! Looooooool

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sultrykitty
@sultrykitty
10 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 1 · Posts: 6172 · Topics: 7
Posted by Romancelives
Posted by sultrykitty
Hehe...this is the way it will be, more likely forever.

What you describe is EXACTLY how my man is. It took.years, but I finally decided to get over it and let him do what he's gonna do.

It's up to you to change/adapt to his behavior, because he'll never adapt to yours.
Do you want to bet? I don't want him to change per se, nor will I want to necessarily change either. However, we must both adapt in the long run, if there's going to be a long run!

We are very close, we laugh, we joke, we are friends who love each other and fancy the pants off each other! I just hate the walls he throws up sometimes. I always pull them down again and we feel closer than ever. But the number of times we've done this, he should know I'm here to stay. Or is he waiting for me to go?!!!! So damn annoying.

He tells me, "I love you because you're not afraid of showing how you feel. Even when you don't say a word, I can see it in your face." That's usually followed by a wall! Looooooool

click to expand

Perhaps you both adapt, I've never talked about it with.my man. But I do feel like I've had to leave him alone when he's in "that place" more than he comes to where I am.

I used to get angry when it seemed like he was walling me out. Now, I give him space. If it seems to be taking longer than it should for him to reach out, I'll say something, but not in anger. I can go much longer than I used to without him being "there". I used to push him to open up, but it really always backfired. When I stopped trying, he'd let go.

These guys really want a VERY independent partner. Almost like they can take you or leave you. That's what they want from their partner too. But after you've bonded, they'll never leave, or want you to. It's a weird and almost contradictory position to hold.
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Romancelives
@Romancelives
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 142 · Topics: 18
Posted by sultrykitty
Posted by Romancelives
Posted by sultrykitty
Hehe...this is the way it will be, more likely forever.

What you describe is EXACTLY how my man is. It took.years, but I finally decided to get over it and let him do what he's gonna do.

It's up to you to change/adapt to his behavior, because he'll never adapt to yours.
Do you want to bet? I don't want him to change per se, nor will I want to necessarily change either. However, we must both adapt in the long run, if there's going to be a long run!

We are very close, we laugh, we joke, we are friends who love each other and fancy the pants off each other! I just hate the walls he throws up sometimes. I always pull them down again and we feel closer than ever. But the number of times we've done this, he should know I'm here to stay. Or is he waiting for me to go?!!!! So damn annoying.

He tells me, "I love you because you're not afraid of showing how you feel. Even when you don't say a word, I can see it in your face." That's usually followed by a wall! Looooooool
Perhaps you both adapt, I've never talked about it with.my man. But I do feel like I've had to leave him alone when he's in "that place" more than he comes to where I am.

I used to get angry when it seemed like he was walling me out. Now, I give him space. If it seems to be taking longer than it should for him to reach out, I'll say something, but not in anger. I can go much longer than I used to without him being "there". I used to push him to open up, but it really always backfired. When I stopped trying, he'd let go.

These guys really want a VERY independent partner. Almost like they can take you or leave you. That's what they want from their partner too. But after you've bonded, they'll never leave, or want you to. It's a weird and almost contradictor. y position to hold.
click to expand

Don't get me wrong. I never push or force anything with him. I do make him aware of my feelings though. He's usually very receptive.

I am very independent too and social. I guess my 'demands on his time and attention' is with regards to getting out there and having fun!

I go out with my friends the works. Even take trips away. I'm just not used to people bottling up as much as this. I guess we spend more time together now than when we were just friends, but that's what he wanted. May be he's changed his mind. Lol

Contradictory is the word. I'll watch the ride. I'm glad it's not just my aqua!
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sultrykitty
@sultrykitty
10 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 1 · Posts: 6172 · Topics: 7
He'll drive you crazy trying to figure out how to deal with him. At least mine did. When I finally figured out that I had to either accept him for how he is or leave, things got better. I loved him and didn't want to leave, so I just quit letting it bother me. Ironically, once that happened, he started opening up more and walling off less.

He still does it though. Most of the time, we don't spend more than an hour or two a day together. But somehow that's all he needs, and feels closer to me than anyone (and he often spends more time with his friends at our house than with me).

The difference now is that when I do want to spend more time with him, he is happy with that and does stop what he's doing to be with me. But I have to ask. :-)
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truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Posted by Romancelives
I can't stand his behaviour at times, but I can't get enough of him!!! I'm drowning...
Do Aquarians toy with people's emotions? Or are you so scared of being hurt you test someone to the point of them letting go, then be like, I knew it!?
How do you people feel about honesty?
My guy is driving me bananas! I've said to him I want to give him space because I feel I'm too demanding of his time and attention, which is how I truly feel. Libra problems! Lol. He told me I should never feel that way. If I pull away unannounced he feels rejected. Yet, when I come close he goes into the secret world in his head! Am I some sort of comfort blanket? Or picture? He wants me around, then goes MIA into his head? Wtf?
Before you say talk to him. I do. I'm super honest with him, I love that about us. He's words don't always necessarily match his actions! I don't take shit from him or nobody for that matter, so when I've had enough of the aloofness, detachment bullshit, I pull him up and remind him he needs to consider my feelings too! Come back to reality and he does. He says he loves me for doing this. How long for God damn it?!!!
I've noticed him opening up more and more to me, but this is some fucking endurance shit!!! Can't you people just chill and love and be loved? It's not the next ones fault, the previous one hurt you!
Rant over! Aquas can push people to rant! 😛
I love him, he drives me crazy in more ways than one!
My advice, after having been through it, just maintain your consistency and don't pull away. So he will. You need to have the confidence that it's not about you and it has nothing to do with how he feels about you. He's already told you when you pull away, he feels rejected. So, stop bringing up the space issue with him, stop discussing it and allow it to happen. You already know it's not about you, so accept it for what it is. Otherwise, you're going to drive yourself insane. I promise, as he becomes more and more comfortable with your relationship, it will happen less and less often.

And it's not bad to call them out on their behavior, they know what they're doing and they kind of expect it. However, don't make a habit of doing it all the time, because then it becomes nagging and clingy.

He loves you, or he wouldn't tell you. So, it's time for you to show him you can deal with his idiosyncrasies and you can handle it. (he deals with your idiosyncrasies too, by the way).
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truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Posted by sultrykitty
Posted by Romancelives
Posted by sultrykitty
Hehe...this is the way it will be, more likely forever.

What you describe is EXACTLY how my man is. It took.years, but I finally decided to get over it and let him do what he's gonna do.

It's up to you to change/adapt to his behavior, because he'll never adapt to yours.
Do you want to bet? I don't want him to change per se, nor will I want to necessarily change either. However, we must both adapt in the long run, if there's going to be a long run!

We are very close, we laugh, we joke, we are friends who love each other and fancy the pants off each other! I just hate the walls he throws up sometimes. I always pull them down again and we feel closer than ever. But the number of times we've done this, he should know I'm here to stay. Or is he waiting for me to go?!!!! So damn annoying.

He tells me, "I love you because you're not afraid of showing how you feel. Even when you don't say a word, I can see it in your face." That's usually followed by a wall! Looooooool
Perhaps you both adapt, I've never talked about it with.my man. But I do feel like I've had to leave him alone when he's in "that place" more than he comes to where I am.

I used to get angry when it seemed like he was walling me out. Now, I give him space. If it seems to be taking longer than it should for him to reach out, I'll say something, but not in anger. I can go much longer than I used to without him being "there". I used to push him to open up, but it really always backfired. When I stopped trying, he'd let go.

These guys really want a VERY independent partner. Almost like they can take you or leave you. That's what they want from their partner too. But after you've bonded, they'll never leave, or want you to. It's a weird and almost contradictory position to hold.
click to expand

I learned that too. If you push, they will not cooperate out of principle. Have to let them come around on their own.
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truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
There is consistency within inconsistency.

Contradictory, nah. Stay with him long enough and you'll notice a pattern. Close, close, close, pulls away. Close, close, close, pulls away.
So the inconsistency actually becomes consistent and you'll start to be able to pin point exactly what the time frame is when he will pull away and you will come to expect it.

Consistency within inconsistency.


Shhhhh!!! Don't tell the aquas I've figured this out. 😉
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SelenaKyle
@justagirl
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 6657 · Posts: 25221 · Topics: 77
Posted by truecap
There is consistency within inconsistency.

Contradictory, nah. Stay with him long enough and you'll notice a pattern. Close, close, close, pulls away. Close, close, close, pulls away.
So the inconsistency actually becomes consistent and you'll start to be able to pin point exactly what the time frame is when he will pull away and you will come to expect it.

Consistency within inconsistency.


Shhhhh!!! Don't tell the aquas I've figured this out. 😉
😛
Aqua whisperer don't tell our secrets!
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truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Posted by justagirl
Posted by truecap
There is consistency within inconsistency.

Contradictory, nah. Stay with him long enough and you'll notice a pattern. Close, close, close, pulls away. Close, close, close, pulls away.
So the inconsistency actually becomes consistent and you'll start to be able to pin point exactly what the time frame is when he will pull away and you will come to expect it.

Consistency within inconsistency.


Shhhhh!!! Don't tell the aquas I've figured this out. 😉
😛
Aqua whisperer don't tell our secrets!
click to expand

🙂
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MotR
@mjmotr1
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 57 · Topics: 2
Every. Single. Word. In. This. Paragraph.

I can literally plagiarize your rant and it actually be, true word for word.

He is toying with my emotions. Things just came to a head last night and we're still talking about it today. I told him to not mess with me or joke with me because he will do and say very personal things, and then he'll say he's joking. I told him to not crap on my emotions .

When I brought this to his attention, he got closer. Like he's all concrened. He's always calm, cool, collected, and in control..... except for when it comes to his jealousy. And, gosh, is he blatantly jealous! He will deny it, all of it, of course.

Tonight I'm calling out all his crap! I'll chime back in and let you know the results.

Aquarius are so predictable I must agree with the poster above that they do have a pattern that you would be able to recognize. And even if you do let them know of this pattern, they still won't break it. So it doesn't need to be a secret.

But I'll ttyl.

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Romancelives
@Romancelives
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 142 · Topics: 18
Posted by flowingwater
It's getting used to the pattern that rarely anyone has the patience for.
When you live trying to stay balanced? You must have patience! My love for him has shown me a patience I never knew existed!

He's worth the wait...like it was mentioned, he's put up with a lot of my shit too...I wonder where he rants? 😉

The advice and insight is amazing, thank you guys. He is who, he is, I am, who I am... We're together, that says enough. 🙂
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sultrykitty
@sultrykitty
10 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 1 · Posts: 6172 · Topics: 7
Posted by truecap
There is consistency within inconsistency.

Contradictory, nah. Stay with him long enough and you'll notice a pattern. Close, close, close, pulls away. Close, close, close, pulls away.
So the inconsistency actually becomes consistent and you'll start to be able to pin point exactly what the time frame is when he will pull away and you will come to expect it.

Consistency within inconsistency.


Shhhhh!!! Don't tell the aquas I've figured this out. 😉
On the contradictory front, I actually meant the detatched attachment thing. And how they want partners who are the same, or can at least deal with it well. Doesn't matter really, because I think we're in agreement on the rest of it. Years of Aqua lovin' can't be wrong, lol.

OP, you're on the right track. Hope you guys make it, it IS worth the craziness when you make it through to the other side. :-)
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Romancelives
@Romancelives
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 142 · Topics: 18
Posted by sultrykitty
Posted by truecap
There is consistency within inconsistency.

Contradictory, nah. Stay with him long enough and you'll notice a pattern. Close, close, close, pulls away. Close, close, close, pulls away.
So the inconsistency actually becomes consistent and you'll start to be able to pin point exactly what the time frame is when he will pull away and you will come to expect it.

Consistency within inconsistency.


Shhhhh!!! Don't tell the aquas I've figured this out. 😉
On the contradictory front, I actually meant the detatched attachment thing. And how they want partners who are the same, or can at least deal with it well. Doesn't matter really, because I think we're in agreement on the rest of it. Years of Aqua lovin' can't be wrong, lol.

OP, you're on the right track. Hope you guys make it, it IS worth the craziness when you make it through to the other side. :-)
click to expand

I can sense that...ranting here helps me vent too. Cuts him some slack!

How is possible to love someone this much yet they drive you crackers?!!!

I love, love, love him, eccentricities and ALL!