Is this love?

(please see previous post for intro)

So my aqua guy texts me that he is missing me, sends me some pics and then tells me in the same text that he's working out of town this week so won't be around for Valentines day (as promised) but will make it up to me when he gets back! (sorry...just need a moment to count to 10!!!!). As hurt as i feel i simply reply ok. He then sends me another text saying it hurts like hell that he won't be with me. I decide not to get over emotional and just reply "me2" That was Saturday. Since then i have received no calls, texts or anything...he said he was going out of town, not leaving the entire planet! So yesterday is Valentines and i tell myself he must call but he doesn't i send him a text saying happy valentines and he sends me a text back saying that his phone dropped in water so is not working properly and hoping that i got the text...uuuuummmmm this taurus smells something foul in the air! (ok...so if its not working how was he able to respond to my text so quickly and why didn't he just call since he misses me so much—). Its like he's put me completely out his mind. Aaaaaaaaaggggghhhh...can someone tell me what the problem is? He's the one who always making these promises but never sticking to them...he's the one always making plans for us to be together but then does disappearing tricks!!! I just want to know does he like me..he tells me that he has never met anyone like me and never wants to let me go and that he is scared of messing things up between us....so why does he behave the way he does? Do any of these behaviour patterns seem familiar to any of you aquas? what's the real story?

hmmm you need to call him on it but not when your emotional, I find it's best when things are relaxed.

His behavior is suspect but you won't know unless you ask him directly why he is misbehave'n, sounds like he is taking you for granted and I suspect he doesn't expect you to stick up for yourself and although he wasn't able to BE with you, he could have sent flowers and candy, sounds like he was pre-occupied ahem (sorry don't mean to offend)

It's time to find out what he wants from you because a guy doesn't disrespect unless he has lost interest, this is something you need to find out and call him out on his behavior.

Aqua point of view, I usually disregard a person when I don't really want to be bothered with him or her...let me clarify, when I was immature I behaved this way, I don't anymore.

for the most part if I didn't want any confrontations I would tell little lies, brush that person off (aloof), side step situations or ignore that person all together, I mastered the art of keeping my distance so as not to get too attached.

time for you to have a heart to heart with your aqua to let him know that his behavior isn't fully appreciated.

funny...as I'm reading what I wrote, it made me realize that my rejecting others in this way has caused me alot of pain when being on the other end of rejection...interesting

"can someone tell me what the problem is? He's the one who always making these promises but never sticking to them...he's the one always making plans for us to be together but then does disappearing tricks!!! I just want to know does he like me..he tells me that he has never met anyone like me and never wants to let me go and that he is scared of messing things up between us....so why does he behave the way he does? Do any of these behaviour patterns seem familiar to any of you aquas? what's the real story?"

Hi VenusLady - You ask what is the real story? First of all, I am going to say it like I see it...no sugarcoating (I'm not a big fan of sugar anyway) so here goes.

The REAL story here is YOU,VL. I see so many of these posts about women and Aqua men I am truly beginning to see the correlation here. These men are coming into your lives to teach YOU how to honour yourself and to be true to who you are - they are your teachers. Okay, so you signed up to take the course in "Aquaisms" this class is about YOU not him - just like any other classroom you are in, it is not about the teacher but about YOU and what YOU can do to pass this course.

"As hurt as i feel i simply reply ok" - VL, right here you have made a choice to not honor your feelings. Look at what might have kept you from being HONEST with him and most importantly, with yourself in this situation.

"this taurus smells something foul in the air!" VL, this is your instinct (inner guidence system) at work, it is telling YOU something - choice #1, you may choose to doubt it or choice #2 you may choose to again honour yourself by trusting this feeling and respond accordingly for what is best for you.

"He's the one who always making these promises but never sticking to them" - okay, and do you feel this is good with you? is this the type of relationship that you are desiring for yourself? The only way that he can be this way with you is if YOU LET HIM.

"so why does he behave the way he does?" - because he can - you are letting him. A man will treat a woman the way she allows him to. When a woman does not stand up for herself, the man will run away with it...and why not? it is easy and he can.

VL - you say that he says he has never met anyone like you before (oh, yea...this is a common line, I have heard it many times and you know what? those men are darn right they haven't met anyone like me - that does not mean that they are "right" for you. A man can and WILL use any words

to get what he wants. Pay attention to his ACTIONS. Do his words match his actions? If not, why would a woman choose to stay in this type of relationship - this only causes the woman to feel hurt and over time may cause emotional damage. Feeling HURT in a relationship is usually a RED FLAG.....love does NOT hurt - it feels GREAT.

So, we are back to you, VL - does this Aqua man deserve YOU?

Me thinks that a woman needs to plan to date 100 men - just date them, see what it is that you like about them, what you don't and in the process, you will discover more about yourself and have fun! You will also learn the lesson of "letting go" and not hanging on to a non-functional relationship.

Bestest wishes to you VL~

preach freebird!

you went to church on that post! whew!

LOL @ tiki33....too funny. I choose YOU to pass the plate for me 😉 Now, don't be daddlin' there young lady...get movin' with that plate!

Oooooook Freebird...I agree with Tiki33...preach Freebird preach...can i get a witness? AMEN!!! You sure did keep it real and nothing but respect goes out to you. You see everything you said, i already knew and know but sometimes human nature and your heart can lead you places you never expected to be. Being a Taurus woman, i'm naturally prown to question everything and it also comes naturally to get a gut instinct about things and my gut right now is telling me to let this one go! I'm the first to preach to my friends about relationships and settling for nothing less than they deserve. The only thing i can say when asked why i'm still even trying is...he IS so different and yeeeess i've heard my friends say that...i have dated for fun and this was supposed to be fun but something just feels right when we're together no-ones made me feel like he does, it's not just physical (even though the sex is good), its mentally and spiritually...and yes i've heard that too and in all these situations i've been quick to tell them to wake up and smell the coffee BUT when i'm with him it feels soooo good not waking up and not smelling the coffee (ooooweeee!!)....well just for a while and then realty kicks in which it always does. When it's good its reaaaal good and that can fade out the bad times but at the end of the day you are right, I have to let go and do for me! Just easier said than done!!! Did i mention he's fine as heeell too? LOL!!!

Oh yeah and Leo Kitten I agree....what the hell happened to phone calls? The sad thing is aquas are probably the ones who started the texting epidemic! LOL!

freebird said: LOL @ tiki33....too funny. I choose YOU to pass the plate for me Now, don't be daddlin' there young lady...get movin' with that plate!

girl you put that eloquently and all of it is so true, you had me squirming in my church lol!! I threw my hands in the air and threw my pin down like it was super bowl Sunday...I'ma have to put that on my blog lol!! You broke it down to the tenth power and that's what the old folk call CHURCH! Okay!! I'm show'n by ghetto side, I better quit while I'm ahead.

pass the plate to me hmmmmm I don't think I can feel your shoes on this one sista lol!

Good luck Venus with letting that go but from the likes of what you just said, I don't think that will be happening anytime soon, but it doesn't hurt to give it a good college try....you might have to get a few injections to keep those withdrawals from creeping up if he's as fine as you say...lol.

sorry typo...squirming in my seat...no I wasn't in church squirming lol

Message posted by: leokitten on 2/15/2007 6:35:16 PM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.72
msy i suggest not texting back? it is amazing what happens when you put your foot down.

leokitten has got that right!

"it is amazing what happens when you put your foot down." Yes indeed it is...the bug dies! 😉

tiki33 - I LOVE your humour! I was laughing so hard my stomach was splittin' lol!!!!

venus lady,

i can rekon many of your feelings, even i'm a vir guy who used to date an aqua girl...
she was so perfect for me at times, but for the most part didn't give the the respect i thought i needed to have...

i too, had a VERY hard time letting go...just as some of the people here...i had this struggle going on for almost 2 years...

there are two types of aquas, the mature and giving ones, and the not-so-mature and very selfish ones. they are very smart and very good with words and people...so that can be used for very good things or not-so good, if they are the second type.

like your current situation...my ex-aqua would come up with the lamest excuses ever, and i believed over and over, even though it didn't make any sense to me...because i had read that aquas can be clueless sometimes...
and it is true, many times, i'm sure she her cell phone batteries died and i'm sure many times she didn't get sick so she couldn't answer my calls...but i have found out that many times she made up excuses and lies to justify her behavior.

although the girl is so nice as friend, she was terrible for relationship...and may be for a while, until she learns to grow up a bit out of her selfish actions...she was, sadly, the second type of aqua...but you wouldn't see that side unless you dated her for the time i did...

eventually she confessed, venus lady, but after MANY tries to keep on lying...i think she got so used to manipulating her ways that she numbed herself to the reality of her behavior...scary...i hope, i really do hope, the aqua you are seeing isn't like that...but i'm just warning you that if he is...you better cut it off and not give him a chance again unless he really shows you what a huge change he is willing to do...and even then, if ever (because i got back with mine after she promised manye things) id rather observe as a friend first before venturing into getting back with someone who has given you all these red flags earlier on.

and even if we were wrong, and he really means good, his actions aren't making you happy...it is very evident that you need more than that...and trust me, i know it is scary to let them go...but you have, as they do, all the right to do what makes you happy.

if he is lying to you, like mine was, then you defenitely need to step out...because he won't change in a day or a month...no matter what he says...he will be afraid to lose you...but for an aqua of the second type...a life-changing experience..

will be the only thing to set them straight...

my aqua said to me...that she had cheated on me, because she wasn't ready for the commitment...and she said she didn't feel bad because she had told me "most of the truth"...can you believe it?

so...hopefully this guy isn't like her at all...but if he is...is time to say bye bye bye...and even if he is not...it is time for you to evaluate if you really need to put up with the little he is willing to give you right now...

think about what your needs are.

i'm single right now...and although it's been a while, because i think i was becoming a serial monogamous, you know what...it is very true the saying that goes "it is better to be alone, than in bad company".

think about all that my friend...you will be fine...no matter what you decide...think about what is good for your heart and peace of mind k.

vll

Love is defined by the people in the relationship, don't bother with other people's opinions.