What is the Deal on Sensitive Guys?

Since I am on my second drink, I will tell you what happened with the Aqua chap.

We spoke on the phone. That is what happened.

Things were going along swimmingly. I was happy. He was happy. We were happily flirting about. He was trying to get me to come over. I was resisting. He mentions that he went out after work with his friend/boss. I say, "Oh is that the guy you were with when I met you?" He says, "yes." I say, "Interesting"

Basically he says you were into my boss. Which I denied. I said I was checking you both out. (truth) but that he was married and Aquaguy started talking to me so I became more interested in him. BUT the whole thing spiraled down from there. I couldn't pull out of it. He even said to me soooo if he wasn't married you would have went with him? Actually he said it in less happy words. (which shocked me as that isn't what would have happened.)

The more I said the worse it got. He just sat there quiet. (ALWAYS a bad sign)

He said that I was making more of a deal out of it than he was, but I could tell he was hurt. I even told him that it was quite obvious that I like him, but noooooooooo he was all quiet and sensitive and weird.

We left things on a weird note. He was quite dismissive and now I can tell, he doesn't trust me even though I never really did anything wrong. Hell, I even sent my friend home so I could, "finish my drink" and get a chance to talk to him. Which is what happened.

thoughts?

Ummmmmm....from personal experience with Mr. Sensitivity LS...(My Gemini ex), you will encounter this time and time if you pursue this relationship!!!

Being Libran can you cope with that?

Good Lord no!

I don't even understand what I did wrong.

drink?

I am making malibu rum/peach vodka in pineapple and a splash of orange juice.

Yup that'll fix it pretty much!!!

SO Chatz ... if that is your real name (lol!) where did I go wrong?

no not my real name....Chatz is short for Chatterbug though LOL

Where did you go wrong?? ummmm....Im not sure you did anything wrong...he asked the freaking questions!!! Did he honestly think they were condusive to a positive outcome—

Men~!!!!

He seems a tad feminine to be so childish/sensitive??

Uh oh, he is really insecure.

I mean I've been known to have a bit of a jealous flash from time to time, but this is heavy stuff ~ unless he's just having a bad night. I would see how things progress, and if more of this comes up you can decide what to do from there.

In my sitch w/ my Lib, I was never ever that obvious about my insecurity and he sensed it anyways no matter how hard I tried to cover it. He basically told me I could decide to get over it, or things don't look good for us. It was an amazing experience for me, b/c guess what? I totally got over it after having the issue most of my adult life (post relationship BURN, which he's going through if I remember—?).

So, you could go that route if he's at all worth it - you know, give him a chance to grow. Or, say "fuck it" if you don't see potential otherwise.

Good point aquaa

How do I fix it?

Ooppps, it wouldn't let me post "F--K it"!

Actually, LS, this is definately a sign that he really likes you. You may not need to do much except make sure that he knows you're into him (which, if you're baking him cookies....)

well ... it really depends on what happens tomorrow. I am willing to give it a shot ... hell ... I am MAKING cookies. (God help me.)

If he could just relax and go with the flow. I just don't want a fixer upper. Maybe he was just saying stuff to test me?

Good point ammorock. Perhaps I just have to reassure him.

Honestly, I think sometimes men can be wayyy more sensitive than women. Maybe it's because they're not allowed to be sensitive in our culture with "the guys" it all has to come out in their relationships?

I don't know. I know that for my boy it's a big issue that I make more money than he does (I've never told him this, but it's obv. with living standards, etc.) I so TOTALLY don't give a s--t about it, but it makes him feel like less of a man. He's either going to have to get over that quick, or get himself a better job!

LS, he probably wants to see if you will show if you really like him or not... You know that can be hard to confirm with Libras, hence all us other girls on these threads...

Ammrocks... A libra having an issue a woman makes more than them—? My ex never had that issue with me.. He enjoyed that. I guess they are all different.

Men have a weird thing about money. Like they equate their worth with the amount they make. It is silly.

THEY have to be the provider.

Aquaguy always talks about his job and how hard he works. I know when he says that he is really saying I dig you.

Stupid Question:

How do I show that I like him?

I am thinking about waking up early tomorrow so I can call him and be the first to wish him a happy b-day.

LS, just make sure you tell him - you wanted to be the first to wish him happy B-day, infact set your alarm for 12:01 am. call him then, might even be more shocking. You will definitely be the first.

Go try again LS. You wont lose him. He will get hurt a bit.. But will come over it in few hours... Tell him you are happy to find out his Boss was married. and you know how and when to make that statement 😉

My cookies are baked. Nothing burned. I feel like a real live girl!

🙂

Boss isn't married. I thought Boss was married cause I saw a ring. Apparently, ring on other finger.

Aquaaqi, you make sense. I really did nothing. It is really about him and his self-worth. I can't heal him.

I will give him a call and make him the cookies.

QS

I would but the guy works 10.5 hrs, 7 days a week. He gets up around 6:30. He starts work at 7:30. I plan on calling around 7:15. The perfect on the way to work in a cab time.

(Holy shit! I just had one of these cookies. They are fabulous! I am not sure he is worth giving up these cookies for. hmmmm.)

I think cookies are good. Cookies say I like you. I tried. I want you to be happy. But they don't have the demands of an expensive gift.

🙂

I agree with aquaaqi, especially after just having overcome my own. It had nothing to with my boy, just as your Aquaboy's have nothing to do with you. If he likes you enough, he'll work them out in order to be with you.

I do love a Leo.

🙂

Well, if we get together tomorrow I will make sure I fawn. If we don't get together tomorrow, I will throw the cookies at cars driving past.

(Libras need attention too for those who don't know.)

LOL! LS, I'm cracking up at the image of a Libress scorned, throwing cookies at cars for Valentine's Day!!!

Excellent point!

I did make a big deal about how much I liked him but it went over like a lead balloon. He one, with a little liquor help, told me that he likes me a crazy amount but worries I am out of his league.

Poor Aquaguy.

I am so glad I posted. I feel like there is hope.

LOL!

The sad part is, I am not sure if I am joking. If you hear of any cookie rage tomorrow on the news ... you'll know.

I think sometimes, the more you try to reassure someone, the more it sounds like you might be faking it, y'know what I mean?

It is more in the gestures and emotions than in the words that we truly see how much someone is into us, even if we are air signs! In fact, maybe BECAUSE we are air signs and we know how easily words can be twisted to get what we want.

** I think sometimes, the more you try to reassure someone, the more it sounds like you might be faking it, y'know what I mean?

YES! This is exactly what I felt like last night. I felt like I was coming off fake because I was trying to reassure him so much. Blech.

Aquaagi

So I should tell him when I call that I have a small something for him?

"I don't even understand what I did wrong."

"you bruised his delicate man ego. he has to know he's number one at all times."

Yeah but she didn't say/do anything wrong resulting in his bruised ego, she did/said what was truthful and in no way insensitive. He is insecure, and that is his responsibility not yours. You could have lied and said he is the only one you were attracted to, or you could have coddled him after his insecure reaction but neither are right as one is a lie and the other would just allow him to remain insecure and in the future require that you walk on glass regarding his ego.

I think the best thing to do would be to call him and ask him why your response bothered him. Listen and respond empathetically but tell him that the point is that YOU CHOSE him and he needs to understand that. And that it is unfair for him to hold you accountable for to your own nature as a single woman, that it is unreasonable for anyone to judge you for your feelings on anything before your relationship to him, what is important is how you feel about him now and he needs to understand and take comfort in that rather than worry about something that is both irrelivent, beyond his control and unreasonable in the first place.

I mean, what if you are watching a movie with him and you make a comment about one of the actors being attractive and he responds with the same kind of insecurity....that kind of stuff makes relationships hard.

taking notes

-set him in the spotlight a few hundred times a month

-they are a handful ... any advice?

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Nic! Back the trolly up!

That is quite the HEAVY conversation there and I am not sure how much is true. We do not have an exclusive agreement between us. I have only seen him a handful of times. It would be VERY premature for me to start pulling heavies and putting my heart on the table. (Lesson learned after the last leo who I still mourn.)

I mean I like him. Very much. And I don't mind being truthful and telling him that I care about him and like him and that I am not seeing anyone else at the moment, but I don't want to make promises I can't keep. I don't know if he is my forever home or just drifting by.

gotcha Aquaaqi

I will probably phone first thing in the morning but I will work it in.

He might be beyond saving. His mom walked out when he was about three and has nothing to do with him. He has a big weeping wound from it though he denies it. It is a shame what parents do to their children.

I just hope he isn't looking to me to save him.

:-/

lol!

If he is, he is in trouble. lmao!

That is what I am doing. I feel a little more detached then with the two leos, so I am able to be very in the moment and affectionate, demostrative, caring, then go away for several days to a week.

I just have to remember sensitive. He is sensitive.

sensitive is hard.

"We do not have an exclusive agreement between us."

Well, you might disagree but I don't see a point in ignoring small issues just for them to become larger if you do become serious...it is a lot easier to work out now than it will be later. I mean if it isn't heavy/serious why are you worrying about it anyway? It is serious enough for it to drive you to drinking tonight...so it is serious enough for you to communicate the issue.

Nic my dear, I can be a bit of a lush. It doesn't take much to encourage me to drink. 🙂

I also don't want to push him into something he may or may not want. Ya know?

I just think the beginning should be fun. I don't want to clog it up with a lot of chatter about feelings and crap.

Tactful. Tactful. Tactful.

I am okay when I have time to think. When I don't and I am unprepared, when they hit you with the you were attracted to my boss and you rather be with him, I can make a bit of a butchary of the whole thing.

Even when I have time to think, I can be a bit blunt.

I will try though.

"I feel a little more detached then with the two leos, so I am able to be very in the moment and affectionate, demostrative, caring, then go away for several days to a week."

"I just think the beginning should be fun. I don't want to clog it up with a lot of chatter about feelings and crap."

Your leading him on. Being affectionate but unwilling to talk about the feelings behind it is making his head spin. He can't tell heads from tales, that is why he is acting this way.

huh?

How am I leading him on?

I have told him I like him.

I was sincere in that confession. Am I willing to foresake all others for him? At this point no because he has given me nothing to foresake others for.

If you could explain Nic, I would appreciate it.

I think it is WAY too soon to have big discussions about feelings. I went against my better judgement about this with the Leo and voila .... disaster.

Plus, I don't know if he is my forever home. I am not going to say that he is, if he isn't.

that would be leading him on imo.

I honestly want to get to know him better. I am undecided who he is or what he is to me. If his affections were more consistent perhaps mine would be as well. I am uncertain.

Well, you have me really confused.

You really like him but not enough to have a conversation that would clarify both of your concerns enabling it to go back to "light and fun" as you seem to want.

You are able to be affectionate because your detatched, on top of being very demonstrative and caring and then nothing for up to a week. Maybe it is just me, but this isn't much giving and a whole lot of taking.....which would explain why he is looking for some sort of confirmation from you.

ummm ... he could call me within the week. Sometimes I call him, sometimes he calls me. I am not going to chase him down.

I am treating him in a genuine manner. I like him, I am attracted to him, but I am not going to be all over him because that isn't who I am. I will respect him and respect his need for space as I expect myself to be respected and my need for space to be respected.

I can't make a comitment to him because this is all new and don't know each other well enough.

At this point, I am just observing.

I am not sure what you really want me to say to him to reassure him. Perhaps that is where we are both confused.

It isn't that confusing really, I don't know what else to tell you. I don't want you to say anything.....I was just giving you my perspective.

I called him this morning. He was happy with the Happy Birthday. I told him to let me know what he wanted to do tonight. He got a little cagey but I ignored it and got off the phone ASAP.

I didn't mention the cookies.

We will see what happens.

But I don't understand your perspective nic. We already talked about it, at the time. I am not sure what talking about it again would do.

I rather make happy associations at this point than bad ones. If there is an oportunity, maybe I will mention it, in a soft way. I just don't like the idea of calling someone, confronting them, and putting them on the spot.

ls, I'm with you on this---it usually backfires and you feel worse.