My aqua Plan is working. Thanks for the advice.

Just an update for you all. For those that aren't familiar with the story. I'm a scorp and hes an aqua male that I know from work. Literally from day one we clicked instantly. After things started progressing i the friendship stage (ie his subtle touching) he started to get neglectful when I joined his dept. that led to bad fights tears yelling etc to the point where we barely spoke anymore. After a long time of this at the end of 2012 I vowed to clean slate my resentment and initiate more with him after a coworker asked him subtly y I was acting different. She found out his views of our issues without really telling her what was goin on. Through this I found out how he interpreted this pas year of fighting which also helped with the clean slate

So here I am 6 weeks after I made the vow an also thanks to all of your advice on aquas it helped me better understand him and his motivations behind his actions. The resentment is partially gone because I know now why he does what he does so i don't expect so much out of him too the point where he didnt get the chance to make me happy

I've given him room to breathe and have been more independent. I initiate conversations and jokes more and I talk more during the conversations and show my intelligence more since I hear aquas love smart women. I also make sure if we are in a room with a 3rd person I also make sure he gets equal attention


All of the advice has helped. He seems happier coincidentally, he brings me into conversations I stead of 3rd wheeling me And even if he did i make sure I put myself in the convo. He seems to be talking to everyone less even his male work buddies. I don't want him to just do us on me only. Aquas Need friendships so I make sure hes around other people too. I give him advice about work if be asks for it even tho I know more than likely hell never listen to if lol. He has been around me more And subtly putting me first again

The biggest surprise was he was late to work yesterday which was the day before a big project was due and the old scorp in me was starting to be upset cause he in the past was late on imporfnf company project days. Anywy he comes into work 30 minutes later than norm heads straight to my office and hands me a smoothie doesn't say why but I say thnk you he smiles and walks away. And he dedicated his whole day on the big project to make sure if was ready on time. So it was sweet to find out be was late cause he brought me a smoothie rand

So as you can see the plan/advice is working. We are almost how we used to be before the fighting. All that's left is his subtle touching. The right time is coming for when I tell him how I feel. I do know if is not right now as we are in that subconsious healing stage. Even if its not mutual interest. I rather have him in my life than not

But then again how can he not be interested , men Aren't like that with one person only for no reason at all—??

Good to hear!!

Ahhhh just keep it up.... I know secretly you are wanting the same effort from him.... I think he is doing it whether you realize it or not. LoL fixed signs haha we such a pain in the ass. And no guy is going to buy you and only you a smoothie if he doesn't fancy you. Well I mean I wouldn't but you know that's me.

@metoo I think you completely misunderstood what I typed

When I said things are better now its because he is acting like his old self. He's dragging me into his conversations, he bought me and only me a smoothie. He is asking me about my opinion on things. He is the one that seems happier and is around me alot of the day and talking to his buddies less. I mentioned specifically how I make sure he still is around his work buddies because they love friendships even tho hes around them less now. I have even caught him glancing my way or just running into my office with the most random grin

The changes I've made that seems to have made things better was me no longer having expectations of him. Although in initiate more i always make sure I maintain my independence but I guess wherver I am he's always somehow there also

@ everyone else I agree. I'm not going to tell him how I feel. Things need to progress naturally. But the time will come

Ahh your story is so encouraging for me personally ^.^ thanks for sharing

Be careful and remember to hold on loosely. The Aqua plan isn't about him so much but, more about how you are trying to improve yourself as a person. 🙂

Glad to know its working for you hun. Hope it stays that way and becomes even more better for you and him x

@angeleyes. I hope so. I find myself sometimes wanting to slip back into my Scorpio-ness especially on the days where he does the "give me space thing" when I didn't even want it.

Posted by ScorpioFemale79
@angeleyes. I hope so. I find myself sometimes wanting to slip back into my Scorpio-ness especially on the days where he does the "give me space thing" when I didn't even want it.

yeh i know what you mean. You are going to have your ups and down days about him but keep a control with your emotions, because its only you thats getting hurt.. no one else. I really do hope it works out for you x

Posted by Angeleyes17

Posted by ScorpioFemale79
@angeleyes. I hope so. I find myself sometimes wanting to slip back into my Scorpio-ness especially on the days where he does the "give me space thing" when I didn't even want it.

yeh i know what you mean. You are going to have your ups and down days about him but keep a control with your emotions, because its only you thats getting hurt.. no one else. I really do hope it works out for you x

click to expand

Yep thats true. I dont mind him being social. Its fine with me cause i'm super independent also.

Its just if I'm in a meeting with him or in a social conversation with him and other people, I will get offended if im the only one he doesn't acknowledge.

There's a difference between giving me space and purposely not including me in the convo.

Posted by feb16aqua

Posted by ScorpioFemale79


Yep thats true. I dont mind him being social. Its fine with me cause i'm super independent also.

Its just if I'm in a meeting with him or in a social conversation with him and other people, I will get offended if im the only one he doesn't acknowledge.

There's a difference between giving me space and purposely not including me in the convo.

He might know this. I'm sorry to say but sometimes I will do something like this, but really only when I'm mad or just not in the mood for the person or the energy associated with the person. Aqua men can be tricky, it's a game you must play with him. I'm sure he knows that you are into him and all of that...

click to expand

Well that's fine if he "knows" and if he's not interested then fine. But if that's the case then he SHOULD by obligation treat me platonically like everyone else. I mean sure I adore the man but I just want to know my place and for him to be consistent with it.

I mean when I tried to focus on work and I did treat him professionally but nice at the same time, he didn't like that. He always got all territorial/possessive about something I wasn't doing (of a personal nature).

He said to someone in secret before that he gives me space becuase he never worked with someone before who knew as much as he did if not more and its inexperience on his part but he thought the best thing to do was to give me space and let me do my thing. Which is fine, he's respecting my ability to take our department to better levels...that's great but I have also said to him many times that alot of the responsibility I have is things that aren't challenging and I CRAVE challenge and I said if he's ever involved in anything that's a challenge and if he needs help on it, to come to me. What does he do? He asks unqualified people to help him and its like bleh.

Anyway all that aside, if he knows then he knows. I try and get my independence he doesn't like that. I talk to him, he starts talking to me more but for WHATEVER reason since day one he's never treated me like everyone else.

Posted by feb16aqua
Hi well don't you know we aquas don't really know what we want? lol We want it one day then meh lol.

Have the two of you spent time together outside of work? I'm sorry I don't remember if you said you did...

Alone? We used to before we started arguing.

But we mostly do in group settings. In group settings, he's always talking to everyone else but some how when Im ready to go home for the day that's when he finally approaches me or when I'm talking to one of the males our age. Or he's hovering but never talks to me.

I just wanna get to know him and he's making it hard for me 😢

Posted by feb16aqua
I mean did you two hang out like go out on dates? Have you ever hooked up? Just trying to understand fully...

Before we started arguing yeah we did hang out alone a few times which went fine but like I said the arguing thing happened and poof here we are lol.

But no we weren't intimiate but he was subtly affectionate if that matters.

Posted by ScorpioFemale79

Posted by Angeleyes17

Posted by ScorpioFemale79
@angeleyes. I hope so. I find myself sometimes wanting to slip back into my Scorpio-ness especially on the days where he does the "give me space thing" when I didn't even want it.

yeh i know what you mean. You are going to have your ups and down days about him but keep a control with your emotions, because its only you thats getting hurt.. no one else. I really do hope it works out for you x

Yep thats true. I dont mind him being social. Its fine with me cause i'm super independent also.

Its just if I'm in a meeting with him or in a social conversation with him and other people, I will get offended if im the only one he doesn't acknowledge.

There's a difference between giving me space and purposely not including me in the convo.

click to expand

I used to be like that. I went to a boat party once for work. Started out fun at first but randomly I found myself all alone. My best friend/colleague back then left me to have a snogging session with her new bf. I felt like i was all alone in a crowed place. it was such a horrible feeling.
BUT... Now i feel if i was socially mixing at a night out, i think i have that confidence now to blend in, chat and have a fun time. I've learnt to become for comfortable with myself.. i don't care what others think anymore kinda thoughts now. I think back and question myself..' what was i thinking??' lol
Do you feel like your shy? don't feel confident? wanting to stand out?

Posted by Angeleyes17

Posted by ScorpioFemale79

Posted by Angeleyes17

Posted by ScorpioFemale79
@angeleyes. I hope so. I find myself sometimes wanting to slip back into my Scorpio-ness especially on the days where he does the "give me space thing" when I didn't even want it.

yeh i know what you mean. You are going to have your ups and down days about him but keep a control with your emotions, because its only you thats getting hurt.. no one else. I really do hope it works out for you x

Yep thats true. I dont mind him being social. Its fine with me cause i'm super independent also.

Its just if I'm in a meeting with him or in a social conversation with him and other people, I will get offended if im the only one he doesn't acknowledge.

There's a difference between giving me space and purposely not including me in the convo.

I used to be like that. I went to a boat party once for work. Started out fun at first but randomly I found myself all alone. My best friend/colleague back then left me to have a snogging session with her new bf. I felt like i was all alone in a crowed place. it was such a horrible feeling.
BUT... Now i feel if i was socially mixing at a night out, i think i have that confidence now to blend in, chat and have a fun time. I've learnt to become for comfortable with myself.. i don't care what others think anymore kinda thoughts now. I think back and question myself..' what was i thinking??' lol
Do you feel like your shy? don't feel confident? wanting to stand out?

click to expand

It isn't that i feel "alone" in the exampel you give because i'll mingle in that situation but I meant if i'm in a meeting with him and 1 other person or in a convo, I will always be the person he doesn't really say ANYTHING to. He won't even look at me. It's like why did you invite me just to ignore me completely. I dont get it. He doesn't think he is but last time i checked in the dictionary. Not speaking to = ignoring.

Posted by everevolvingepithet
Maybe he thinks he said too much last time so keeps quiet? A smile and a nod is at least acknowledgement if nothing less after that. So this 3rd wheel thing is still ongoing?

No he stopped for a long time when I decided to clean slate the resentment and just start talking to him whether he wanted to or not. It worked right away, now he's completely talkative and does most of the initiating and I welcome the approach all the time.

Though he kinda sorta did it 1-2 days ago at the end of a meeting and so I kinda got up and left (it was the end of the meeting anyway) and what do you know their convo ended right then.

Why end the convo if your not speaking to me anyway lol.

Maybe he just likes to know your around ? He likes your presence whether you speak or not possible?

Posted by NotYourAverageAquarius
Maybe he just likes to know your around ? He likes your presence whether you speak or not possible?

That's what I thought. But I mean what does my presence do for him LOL i dunno.

The other possibility I thought of was that he just doesn't know what to say to me unless its work related becuase of the drama.

Even tho we have the same life style : modest, humble, financially stable, intelligence/educated and same viewpoints and personality almost...he should know how to ask me basic things but I am starting to assume that my actions dictate his actions. He seems to be affected by anything I do.

For example, a coworker called him and his fellow aqua buddy annoying cuase they kept cracking jokes during a meeting. It bothered him sure but he didn't avoid her or anything.

If i was upset at him he'd give me space. If i'm quiet, he'll assume I'm mad and like not know what to say.

When things were good and we'd go to lunch sometimes, he didn't know what to say then too. He would mumble and mutter stuff even when i brought up his interests he wasn't talkative

So i think he's just I dont know what to call it...panicking too much internally when we're alone, which is why he defaults to the other person and 3rd wheels me.

Who knows we will see. I mean like i said he didn't start talking to me alot again until I approached him first at the beginning of this year.

I wonder what about me that affects him so much :>