My Little Corner

My long arse random thoughts that probably shouldn't go in the Aqua Lounge but feel free to construct massive walls of text.

I recall the many nights watching Freddy Wong and co's youtube videos, to my delight there was a kickstarter to fund "Video Game High School". Surely enough it's as innocent as it sounds. A bunch of highschool kids attending and mastering their arts in 'videogames'. Naturally it's filled with memes, gamer trash talk and what I suppose 'norma' people consider their geeky nuances. I love geeking out and most of all I enjoy 'gamer' humour above all else apart from british comedy.

Not sure where I stand with the series. Perhaps as a gamer I can relate to the silly humour but I believe it tackles very real issues, universal themes of growing up much like Skins does. Just a group of teenagers growing up and discovering what they are made of. The fun, the happiness, the loneliness, being directionless, faith, despair, sorrow, regret, confused but ultimately finding their way in this world. Sadly after studying film and media I can't say the reciple for these type of shows are original but what's great about it is that not all teenagers relate to Skins and perhaps VGHS will do a better job at appealing to the rest of the mark.

In restrospect, I can't decide whether it's VGHS or Skins. There are other shows to compare but I'm just going to focus on these two. I was torn between two worlds growing up. Being from surburbia Skins does hit close to home as we ventured out into the world but likewise I've been a gamer for as long as I could remember. Non-gamers can't fathom how close bonds are formed in games. FPS effectively creates a community, and even though its morality can be questioned, it is nonetheless connecting countless different personalities.

Amazing how I automatically become analytical. The point is it deals with relationship dynamics and I love that sort of shit. I guess the recent string of enounters I've had and discussions I've had really got me thinking about my own. How do I approach a relationship? I don't think I ever have, at least not in a very conventional way. I find people interesting, I want to know them, when I start asking you questions then it's a good sign I find you interesting. On a tangent I would say that's very Aquarius of me but what I don't like is the Pisces part of me that cannot separate what type of affection it is I feel.

Shy isn't in my dictionary. I say that I am but I'm not. Most times I'm just unsure. I'm impulsive and like to feel the moment and that doesn't always match up with my logic. I've never been one to not initiate when I see something I like and I'm also guilty of returning affection when I don't feel it. I think somewhere between here and there something is lost in translation. I can acknowledge that in some sense I come on too strong. In layman's terms, I'm probably one of those guys that blow hot and cold. I blow too hot and I need to cool down. It's definitely not pride but a defense mechanism that kicks in as soon as I feel like I'm overexposing myself.

I remember when I got that label "Lady Killer" I don't know how it even came about but unless guys are all idiots out there, it's not to hard to sense the vibes someone is sending you. It's a pisces gift, it really is, don't ever try to lie to us as we are masters of manipulation whether we intend it or not. My choice is to confront it or ignore it. Luckily for me being delusional is also part of a pisces trait, one that I've 'tried' to fix. Unfortunately for me my feelings tend to overwrite my logic. My brain says "Think first do later", my body takes over and says "fuck you do now, think later".

Wasn't until I met this girl called Dani. Right before I got fired from Coco and dealing with some heavy heavy emotional stuff there came along someone who I can truly say I love. I question myself, is this right? Why am I chasing something that won't even last? Why does it seem like the closer we want to get to each other the further we have to pull ourselves from one another? Interesting tidbit, she shares almost the exact same placement as me but in reverse. Pisces Sun and Aquarius moon. I won't dive into astrology but I find it interesting nonetheless.

Even at times now we text each other, sporadic moments, intuitions, "oh don't go on this road today", "oh watch out for this today". I'm not spiritual enough to believe in twin flames. I've read about it and I can honestly say it comes pretty close. I think quite fast, someone would say something and my brain would trail on to the next. She's right there beside me every step of the way. I remember when a friend commented that he had no idea what we were talking about after we got really stoned. If I were to rehear that conversation I would agree because we would automatically finish off our sentences and replies like we knew what the other would say.

I honestly can admit I've not met a person like this and the funny thing is she doesn't even speak a whole lot of english. There came a point where we both sat in silence, "So we should probably end this?" we remarked at the same time and like parrots we both said "If it's what you want". There was a mutual agreement some of us are just broken. Though what's broken is beautiful, there remains a taint, a scar never to fully heal. The fundamental difference is I just don't want to believe in it. I refuse to believe we must play the hand we're dealt because without this mentality I would not be alive today. It's not a matter of faith in a relgion's sense but faith in that life has more to offer than just despair.

Life to me is about having fun. Learning to love a little, learning to live a little. One step at a time. Not to say planning isn't important but there are great things right in front of our eyes. "The coco life".... hard to argue with the work philosphy but I honestly think I can make a difference. It's not a question of my abilities, it's just a question of believing in myself. You guys all know by now I'm not exactly the optimist but when it comes to my own codes this is what I stand by. I do as a I say and I lead by example. I'm not a workaholic, I just believe that work should be enjoyable but within reason.

Hmmm funny. I guess perhaps that mentality does actually does give the illusion that I'm passionate. Or maybe I'm just somewhere in the middle? When I'm disinterested then I won't bother but when I commit to something I give it my all, working on it moment by moment even if I'm unsure of the outcome. The musing here is we're all on this road of uncertainty. Constantly asking ourselves if we are making the right decisions, insistent and re-evaluating our choices in life. We not only do it for ourselves but for others. I find myself asking one question "What is a good life?" Is it one that I read about it in the papers? Is it my friends life? Is it his life or her life? Is it about having many friends? Is it about money, fame and fortune?

Can't say to be honest. I know my life best and I'll do my best to live it without concerning myself too much about what others think. These social subtleties create a real bond, there are some people that are worth fighting for and there are others that you just have to give up on. As Dani would put it, our lives journeys are all but different sets of train tracks. Every now and then these tracks cross and we're suddenly along for the ride but here are times where the split a part again... never to be seen or heard again but only to be admired from a distance.

She puts it in a more meaningful way that's for sure. To me I imagine a more chaotic model. Our lives are on separate train tracks but you are the driver. Some tracks end sooner than others and it's not through choice but the non-existent foresight obscured by the scenery at hand. For what appeared to be beauitful and serene who knows what will pop up after that tunnel. Only darkness is certain and only the light is certain. There's only our departure and our arrival, trains may come every now and then and derail us, some may even come right along side us, some may even zig zag right past us and most awesome of all sometimes they just latch on to our own train and continue that journey.

Love is an idea that I never want to lose sight of. The fact that I fucked it up before and the fact that I've lived so long without it is exactly why I think love in all its incarnation should be cherished. It doesn't mean to love blindly but idea that to make a conscious decision to love a person's essnce. I'm way too much of a realist to believe in unconditional love but what I can believe in is my decision to love someone and stand by my words.

That was beautiful...

Posted by aquasnoz



Wasn't until I met this girl called Dani. Right before I got fired from Coco and dealing with some heavy heavy emotional stuff there came along someone who I can truly say I love. I question myself, is this right? Why am I chasing something that won't even last? Why does it seem like the closer we want to get to each other the further we have to pull ourselves from one another? Interesting tidbit, she shares almost the exact same placement as me but in reverse. Pisces Sun and Aquarius moon. I won't dive into astrology but I find it interesting nonetheless.

Did Dani used to work at Cocos too? Was she the red head?

Posted by Chance15
^lol just some nerd stuff..kinda like this 🙂

I really enjoyed that.....reptilian brain theories have always interested me and I i didn't even know we had a monkey brain.


I had a nightmare last night though it wasn't scary it was pretty much a dream where me and a guy who I have a crush on go on a holiday together to thailand and we are staying in this amazing resort he is straight, I know this but in my dream I he said he was going out to get some dinner and convieniently a security monitor appears on the wall and I see him hooking up with a guy and I become really jealous and I wake up and i still feel the residue of jealousy throughout the day.

This is not the only time I have dreams like this My second boyfriend and I slept together the first time we met and that night I dreamt about us having a fight in the middle of the street and I was crying when I woke up I felt so much anger towards him even though at the time I was completely smitten by him. Throughout the day I felt like I was over caffeinated, shaking and a blubbering mess at work I didn't know what to make of my dream but to make a long story short I ended up living out the prophecy in the same place and I felt the exact same emotion only a year later when our relationship had finished.

I can't help but feel like my scorpio moon is responsible for this lol I know its stupid and irresponsible for my to point the finger and blame something but astrology is about understanding yourself better and ive aways thought of my moon as my subconscious that shows me things that I don't want to see or is the thing that I tend to ignore (alot) lol but now am starting to get to know it more or its making itself known in the form of that nasty dream that I had last night....at first I thought it was torturing me and having a laugh at my expense but if I didn't know any better I think it was trying to tell me something lol....anyways I deleted my friend off facebook today because of that dream lol.

Omg I was just on another forum talking about the dream that I had last night...

This guy says that I've got abandonment and rejection issues and when I dream about these situations its my human consciousness and my reptilian consciousness arguing and they create this scenario in my dreams so simulate the situation so i can come up with a solution! - holy fuck that's weird and what was weird is that i blamed it on my scorpio moon and the reason i did that was because scorpio is also represented as a lizard which symbolizes the reptilian mind and I found this little bit of information -

"Some Scorpios find themselves somewhere between the stinging scorpion and the eagle, and they are referred to as grey lizards. Lizards tend to display a neurotic concern with the self, and sometimes withdraw into tangled hatred at perceived injury, wishing destruction on their enemies. For grey lizards, revenge takes the form of bitterness and resentment held inside for centuries. They fail to rise above their circumstances, and often their brilliant potential remains dormant."
from goodman

if scorpios can be lizard scorpion or eagle then I want my moon to be an eagle!

@Viv: Go for it man 😄 This is my little corner to offload anything lengthy haha. I enjoy reads and stuff! Should write more, I think this bloke has already got me hooked!

@11th, yep she's the red head! Did you meet Dani too?

Posted by Chance15

Posted by aquasnoz
My long arse random thoughts that probably shouldn't go in the Aqua Lounge but feel free to construct massive walls of text.

That's where I generally put mine or sometimes Nem's thread lol

Aquas and the Aqua dominant are keen observers of human nature so a lot of my random thoughts have to do with those observations. I usually have one or two a week that I ponder as a theme.

One from the past few days, is people with phony honor codes that they invoke when they want. People that say things like 'I'm always honest' or 'Please believe this about me.' One, if it were true, it would be apparent and one wouldn't need to verbalize it repeatedly to make others believe it. Two, if it is coming from a completely self interested perspective and scenario, it is inherently dishonest regardless of the justification. It's a double standard invoked when there's something advantageous to be gained.

click to expand

I'm always uncertain of what I think but yeah these observations in itself becomes an observation and by that time I lose track of what I'm actually thinking about. I'm not the greatest writer but at times I just need to offload these thoughts somewhere.

In regards to codes, I haven't made up my mind about that quite yet. There's a lot of 'sayers' out there but not a lot of doers. I've made it a personal habit to never say something I can't do and I think this is why I've always being placed in management positions. In other cases it could be the fact these people with phony codes wishes to be a certain way and perhaps lack of discipline or just that primal urge overwrites that.

When it comes to trust, for me, even if I know they mean well I can never fully invest myself in them. Selective trust I suppose...

I'll take one person as example, and yes this is the sag just because it's quite recent.

She's loves having fun, loves talking, loves talking about miserably things actually, loves showing us her random photos from facebook and loves talking about 'oh shit there's that guy I slept with' on a regular basis. She's an extrovert for sure and there's nothing wrong with any of these qualities I described I'm just painting the picture.

So we hit a snag in management, she went from a supervisor to effectively store manager. She's a hard worker, knows how to talk to customers and a pretty efficient team leader. Thing is she has no prior management experience. The only thing we talk about is work now (well that's actually my fault because I don't want her to know me, last time that happened, she came in for a kiss). She has a lot of ideas, does nothing to share it with management, works over time because nobody knows what she's doing then complains that work is shit.

I have a huge thing with people who complain about work. I admit work isn't that grand but it's only shit because you make it shit. Fact is she discusses all this with fellow coworkers and the mentality she sets is "such is the shit coco life" and this effectively strips her of any authority. She says she's got a strict work ethic but when in actual fact even if she does, it isn't showing.

Putting in and volunteering hours after rostered hours is great but not when you need to complain about it and make it apparent. Commanded authority never lasts.

Can I write walls of text here too?