Sex on the first date

Here's an interesting topic, at least for an aloof aqua, but all signs are welcomed to contribute. Ok the story a few may already know (hope moonchild is not around the corner judjing me for this topic :p) I met this virgo girl online, a lot of texting, calls, webcam etc not too much of the talk was clear flirting, a month or two vlater we decide to meet. Our so called first date was pretty much have a few drinks, dance and straight for the hard work. I know what you may think of her but I'm really asking what's all about sex on the first date ? In 2008 is it still the rule that it doesn't work in order to make a relationship or people may open to each other after sex ? Two things made me wonder: firstly SHE texted me the day after, secondly she asked me quite some times the type of question "what are you looking for" meaning in the gf/relationship/sex etc area.

Hmm sounds a bit conservative dont you think 🙂 So you say that when you get to the sex point (happens long before marriage) you stop looking forward to sthg else on your partner ? I believe they're maaaaany things to share regardless of the time you have sex. Well anyway I set the question keeping a neutral opinion, want to hear mainly from those that do not find it bad (we all have the same opinion on why its bad) support their opinion.

Its not in a womans best interest to have sex on a first date, there are those rare few occassions were a guy will begin a full out relationship but for the most part once a man has conquered her then its NOTHING left to know about her, he's already way too familiar with her and simply will become bored and indifferent, if its just pure no strings fun for both people then I don't see anything wrong with it but if the womans goal is to have a great long term relationship then jumping in the bed with a guy on a first date isn't going to get her what she wants, she needs to get the relationship first meaning get to know him, talk about sex and what that means for both of them, gain an understanding that both people want virtually the same things on many levels then give him the sex, if he's not emotionally bonded with her then he's going to walk away without caring about her needs which for her is having a relationship with him and its futile trying to regain a mans interest once he's gotten what he wants without investing in her emotionally, a woman can recover from sex on the first date but that would mean withholding sex on future dates so she can bond with him, if she's always putting out on dates then she's always going to feel a bit slighted and used on some level UNLESS sex is her only objective

My opinion is its perfectly okay to have sex anytime you want to BUT given what her agenda is meaning does she want a quick short fast connection or a more secure long term relationship then she herself may want to set a few boundaries for herself

Most of us mature adult women know that sex on the first date is not in her best interest if she's looking to develop a more meaningful relationship if her choice is to have a boyfriend...

skipping from sex to full commitment is FUTILE and HARD...once a man has insatiated his appetite he's off to conquer someone else UNLESS she's been able to hit the right buttons to help him deeply emotionally connect, meaning she has mastered the art of creating that forever feeling he needs to over look her actions and if she is that kind of woman send me your name, email address, phone number so we connect, you behold the secret that all women die to have in her possession d:

we have evolved as human beings at least I hope we have but SOME things haven't changed from dating to courting to sex to short-long term relationships, it all has a blueprint, we can stray from it and get different results but if a woman truly wants to be more than a fuck buddy, a friends with benefits buddy then having sex on the first night isn't in her BEST interest.

I hear men say all the time it doesn't matter if a woman sleeps with him day one but in the same breath I hear these very same men say I wouldn't want my sister/family member to behave that way and I wouldn't desire more than sex with a woman that gives me what I want so easily. So there is a half unspoken truth behind the male mind of sex and sexuality, everything goes so to speak but in the same breath the woman I settle down with will NOT behave this way

so yes its okay ladies to sleep with men on the first date but KNOW the consequences behind the action

As for women throwing away all inhibitions and pursuing men and initiating sex, many women on these boards are doing exactly that and coming up EMPTY, coming up with struggle and ending in NOTHING. I was one of them, I and many others had and have to go back to the blueprint and revise it. There are certain behaviors that will make dating men easy and make it hard, go against the program will make it hard, I'm not saying women shouldn't do it, by all means try it, do the calling, do the initiating and do whatever you deem is right for you but if its not working then STOP, I find that most women will keep trying to put that square peg in the circle and begin banging it to make it fit.

If you see that chasing and initiating and pursuing isn't working for YOU please stop and do something different, like lean back and let the NATURAL process take effect when your dating a man. A man will be and become lazy emotionally and physically if you don't know what your doing and don't know how to inspire him to pick up his part of the relationship and nurture it, this is why most of these guys are just getting away with doing NOTHING, the women do the chasing, the calling, the pursuing, the cleaning, the gift giving, they do it ALL and thats dayum ridiculous 😱

Wow thread is on fire. It's an important topic I admit. Let me start with applausing Aquarius_God for proving that aquas are true rebels 🙂 Ok firstly I think you got me wrong: putting aside STD, we're grownups and that's common sense. The question was more to weight the chances of such a situation: lead to a relationship vs FWB vs one-night-stand. I think most of you were clear: it depends but practice has shown it's more likely FWB and less chance to get serious am I wrong ? I'm not a sexist or rasist that's why I set the question on a natural basis cause I wonder myself mainly because she initiated contact the very next day (so I suppose not a ONS). The kind of sexual bond we had that day, I used to experience after the 3-4th date with my ex, well unless she faked but again texting the next day makes no sense, also spending money on LOT of texts. Does the situation I described seem like something outside these 3 chances ? Dunno, on the top of my head maybe insecurity or having some problems and liked me so relieve herself via sex or even who knows doing it with someone else too dunno due to insecurity ? Point is I intend to be discreet but clearly ask her next time we meet what she's looking for, dont forget she asked first quite a few times. I believe this will show where we stand as well as I can see her honesty while we talk. Let me go through the posts again I may answer to more issues.

"Natural process huh? Is this where you play coy and hard to get and your white knight rides in on his mighty steed and whisks you off and you both live happily ever after?"


Ewwwwwwwwwww that made me cringe...no one lives on that planet anymore at least most of us don't...yeeeesh that statement made my jaws clinch LOL

neutral basis, sorry typo

There is a way a woman can let a man know she's interested without having to convince him or chase a man down. A man either feels it for a woman or he doesn't, to convince him otherwise is FUTILE

There is a more natural way rather than a forced unnatural way and again I'm not saying women can't do the opposite, we all can do what we choose to do but what works for some women doesn't work for other women...I say to all women do what works for you despite all the hoopla about the wrong and right way, try it all and stick with what works for you as an individual, for some women chasing works and for some it doesn't...whatever works for each individual is suffice, there are certain situations were it doesn't create attraction or make a man want a woman more thus we end up doing more of that unattractive behavior and get zero results, there are subconscious instructions that women must understand to create that forever feeling which will inspire a man to freely and willingly let go of his single life.

Aquarius_God your not reading my post, your browsing, I believe we are saying some of the same things in different ways...I never disputed your post

I am actually reading your posts, and I disagree with them on many points. It sounds to me like you're trying to trick men into relationships.

LMAO!!

Oh ok I see...your right...I won't refute your feelings

LOL@this is such nonsense

Cappywench...pointing to my eyes to her eyes *giggling*

Clearly if a woman wants to have sex with a man by all means do it, have it, indulge it, love it but if she is CLEAR about her own needs, depending on level of maturity, needs, wants, objectives and if her goal is to gain a more solid relationship, something long term rather then indulge in immediate gratification then she will be more mindful of how she approaches sex with a man....she will approach things differently rather than just jumping on every man dick that has a trace of attraction for her, you can't say I want a husband and jump on every dick that says hello my name is....

if it was true that immediate sex doesn't effect marriage and long term relationships then every woman on the planet would be married, I mean if you know something I don't know then tell me, I'm sure there are women who would love it to be easy and be able to walk outside point and say you, yeah you, give me that dick, cock me and now we are officially girlfriend boyfriend...match.com stock would plummet

a woman can literally sleep with over 50 men on first dates and out of that 50 only 1 or 2 of them would want a relationship based on something other than sex, women can't afford to USE themselves up like that

Its not about being a slut, I believe most of us have evolved away from that pre-madonna attitude. Its about making BETTER CHOICES, its about being more conscious and mindful about how we choose to date and whom we choose to sleep with.

I have said many times and I don't believe you read it or understood it, women can do as they choose with there bodies, no one here said that a relationship is impossible to have AFTER sex has happened... we are saying don't bet on this fairy airy idea of a relationshp because she chose to sleep with a man she barely know especially if she's not going into it with open communication before the onset of sexual contact

again were all saying the same things but you seem to make this a debate, maybe your in a fighting mood? Not sure but the more and more I read your post we are mostly saying the same things in different ways

There are women that just want to have some immediate fun, no strings attached, going with the flow vibe and there are women that have played the immediate fun game and want something more indepth and fulfilling, we all at some point have wore both hats

Hmm sounds a bit conservative dont you think So you say that when you get to the sex point (happens long before marriage) you stop looking forward to sthg else on your partner ? I believe they're maaaaany things to share regardless of the time you have sex. Well anyway I set the question keeping a neutral opinion, want to hear mainly from those that do not find it bad (we all have the same opinion on why its bad) support their opinion.


hahahahaha, you ask for opinions and yet your not cool with what you get lol -- I just find that funny 🙂

Anyway, it just depends on the situation and it really depends on the type of person you are -- views on sex and so on. What I feel personally and what you are asking is different so yes it depends on the person at hand and what they value more in a relationship.

Nobody owes you a phone call or any sort of committment because they put their dick in you. Sex is just sex. It's not an engagement ring or an emotional IOU card.

Wow, why are you in such an uproar AquaGod, you are usually cool-tempered, what happened lol?

With that attitude alone I'm not sure why ... nevermind 😉

this thread makes me wanna go pick up a few guys and test all theories with each

uc, are you a professional relationship counsellor?
just wondered

Some may agree on what I'm about to say..Some may not. Ok, first off. Having sex on the first date is NOT always forbidden. And here's why. The reason 2 people have sex in the first place (rather it's on the 1st date or on the 6th month) is due to the chemistry they have with eachother. There have been so many cases where 2 people meet & have sex on the first date because of the overwelming chemistry they both have for eachother & thus, since both people weren't looking for the "F Buddy" status, the relationship worked out fine & is STILL working out fine. It's no different than a woman who lies & says she doesn't give oral sex when a man asks her that dreadful question. Depending on the nature of how he asked that question, she's going to lie in order to not make herself look easy or whatever comes with actually saying yes. But then 2 weeks later when the 2 finally do it she's a little TOO good at oral sex (thus giving it away that she lied when asked the question if she's ever given oral sex). If 2 people who are both level-headed & both have that chemistry that they plan on using for the GOOD & not just to the advantage, then no having sex on the first date is ok in some cases. But the key is they BOTH have to be looking for more than sex. They BOTH have to be looking for the chemistry. Hell, there are plenty of whores & "fast ones" who purposely don't have sex on the 1st date just b/c they don't want to give themselves away that they are whores, but in the end everyone finds out, thus there was no purpose for pretending to be a saint for 2 weeks if you knew good & well as soon as those lights finally went off, the halo was coming off & the thorns were coming in. Everything also depends on how the 1st date goes. If the 1st date consists of mainly drinking, partying & other people being in the mix out in public scenes then sex that very same night is probably not going to turn into a relationship. But if the 1st date is very exclusive, just the 2 of them, no one else looking at them, no one else to distract them, & getting to know that other person is the 1st on the agenda, then having sex that night IF the chemistry is there (and if done for the right reason) is fine. The problem with having sex on the 1st date though is that it takes TWO people who's main agenda is to get to personally know the other person. Not just ONE. And usually in these situations, there's usually only ONE person who has pure intentions

thank you aquip,
that really couldn't have been summed up better.
and also just because a female decides it better to wait doesn't mean it applies to all female situation. the main theme here appears to be good judgement and responsibility.
if good judgement is lacking, there is no way a person can even use advice because not only does one size not fit all, when push comes to shove they are not going to have a ready source of unlimited advice to base their decisions.

that's the point cappy.
there is no measure imo, whether you wait or not to give it up, the fact is if a person plays the coy card hoping it will get you closer to a person's heart or emotions, the truth will rear its head one day.

it's not a case of what will people say, it's whether you're being honest.

based on this, we would basically not live life then.
we live daily based on seemingly responsible decisions made, still things still go wrong. I mean, you can have a cancer, no one to blame.
all decisions made have potentially dire consequences but we manage to take in these odds and keep responsibly pushing along, why is the decision to have sex or get into a relationship be any different?
yes women have more emotional link to most situations but surely with experience comes the ability to separate the reality and fiction ?

to deny or carry on, I didn't realise the aim of this thread was for anyone to change their ways. whatever works for you...

truth is in my younger days, I based decisions on emotions but after a while I refuse to let history repeat itself by learning to ask the right questions to help me reach the best choice.
if I use my emotional programming all the time, it becomes an excuse to hide behind .
at the end of the day, where did we learn about relationships ? aren't we all writing our rules for them as we go along ? why not accept everyone's ?
I will say this though based on my experience, all women are not programmed the same way. seems the issue is acceptance.

ash ur avatar's farting arrr ? what that mean ?

ooo can I watch ?
not the sharting though *holds nose*
aqualeo ! hello !

huh ?

AL, I'm good THANKS 🙂

About this topic,
Not surprisingly, the fire/air sun signs commenting are leaning towards similar POV and the water/earth kinda concurs 🙂

Woman are wounded far more by expecting something from a relationship than it falling apart then men. No need to put pussy on a pedestals pussies just cant handle the cold world. Those comments annoy the shit outta me whan woman make it seem as if their some great prize that needs to be won. Or witholding certain parts of the relationship because it could fall apart. The relationship could fall apart no matter if you have sex at first or not.

This, I agree with completely 🙂

I will say its rather interesting how easy many young girls are -- I mean, regardless to what, commonsense has to sink in at some point. Opening up your legs shortly after the guy says, "Hey baby", is a bit questionable, but everyone is different. Sex is what any individual makes of it but people are different. Its not smart to assume one woman's view on sex is going to be the same as the other ones view -- many guys make this mistake 🙂

Whoa! I always miss you Zena 😄

How are you?

Cappy, I'm here !
At work --- taking a break !

Yeah, I'm at work too -- 6:00am is when I start LOL. I'm totally not the average capricorn, working sucks! hahaha


What do you do? I'll tell you what I do 🙂

lol - tell me, I'll tell you - FUNNY !

lol - tell me, I'll tell you - FUNNY !

I work for a health dept -- I'm like the secretary

and I work for an private school program -- I'm like a counselor lol

that's ok, we can feel the energy in the building !

oh yea, I remember your major I think cappy... does the job count or ... ?

by the way...forgot to say hello to everyone....hiiiiiiiiiiiiii....

ENERGY!!!!!! Hey dude 🙂

oh yea, I remember your major I think cappy... does the job count or ... ?

Nope, I use both jobs to pay bills and school stuff. Thats why I'm trying to get done with school. Working both of these can be a bit daunting lol. Plus, I'm a part-time nanny sometime -- I just got that job but that get be hair-rising.

I don't mind working but at least I have jobs right now, you know?

yup feel you...
keeping the roof over head and food in stomach 😢 adulthood sucks !
i'm sure your goat can plod along nicely 😛

Nope Zena, being a ram, you'll be sure to knock out all that get in your way easily. I'm a bit slower 😄

lol cappy !nah my life's more of an accident waiting to happen !
still got a long way ahead. even after skool, doesn't end....

erm, uc, what are you talking about ? be careful about what?
I wasn't talking about sexual conservation, that's private so I can't be the judge of that even with my real life friends... pov I meant is the live and let live attitude...

lol cappy !nah my life's more of an accident waiting to happen !
still got a long way ahead. even after skool, doesn't end....

Girlie, you have no idea 😄 If all my life's happening were posted on DXP (I'll never do that) you'll say I was a train-wreck ready to explode hahahahaha!!!!

uc, I also asked you that out of curiosity, I mean, if someone advertises their services, generally, I would expect some credentials to back it...
how do you know you're older than most here ? no one stated their age I don't recall

lol cappy ... we don't mind.
makes my theatrics seem like child's play

Hey, I think I'm the oldie here -- I'm 208 1/2 years old after all 😉 I will be 209 in a month and two weeks 😄

so long as the avatar keeps on seducing us all you can be any age you want ma dear 😛
ok now I'm dizzy starring at it :S

anyway, what am I to be careful of out of curiosity ?

hmmm,
I got confused as I thought this was more of stating opinion thread not advice or summ.

🙂

you would be surprise how much respect you would get by holding out...the longer the better...dont give up the goods too soon....

Unusual Cancer always has a very important point...I personally love her insight. I've never found myself angered or peeved by what she's posted. It's always thoughtful and engaging...

As for sex on the first date, I think that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I've known people who got married who did the dirty deed on their first date, who felt it brought them instantly closer.

I've played the game both ways...holding out..."as long as you can" and giving it up right away. Neither have resulted in anything different for one reason or another.

I've heard men say it's a great privilege to get it right away and they don't think anything of it. I've heard men say they respect the woman more if she doesn't. One man who said he respected me because of it couldn't commit anyway, because it wasn't what he wanted.

I think it is ALWAYS merely a matter of the people involved and the moment they each happen to be in. There is no right answer, there is no wrong doing.

And BTW: you can have sex on the first date, you can have a one night stand, and not walk away with a black cloud for the rest of your life. I once thought I got an STD...sat there in the clinic and told myself, "A big girl who wants sex with no strings doesn't cry when she gets an STD." And I didn't cry...but I didn't get one...thank god. Just be willing to accept the consequences of your actions

Hmmm, I missed something .... who called you silly, stupid, egotistical and old ——??

^yea and her avatar ... I'll say yes on the first date ms p - have no fear - or no if you want

Power over your sexuality is attractive. If you don't have that, then no...sex on a first date isn't a good idea, because a man will lose interest if he sees that you allow him to dictate and control your sexuality.

Hmmmm, this is a very interesting point.

I don't care what anyone says, a womans sexuality IS a prize, and if women treated it as such, they would realize men worship them for it...they don't run away from it.

Ditto!!!! 10X 😄