My Aqua lost his temper and gave me a blue eye...

I have never been hit by a man before this. I never thought I would be because I'm not weak.

Hmm,

Few questions and please no offense intended -

--- do you drink often and how do you handle your alcohol or does the alcohol handle you?

--- have you been known to have such outbursts in the past?

--- why'd he hit me— Does the fact that he did it in a blind rage make any difference? I'm looking at these and thinking, maybe he was scared for himself too? I have never been hit by a man before this. I never thought I would be because I'm not weak. could you have seriously hurt him too? Is this about if he loves you or did what he had to in order to diffuse the situation or physically defend himself?

--- so after a year and some of this pretense huh?

--- I still don't want to leave and told myself that I'll give him a second chance but if he ever hits me again I will not lie for him and no I will not stay around for more.
How fucked up am I— is there a consideration in there for you to quit the alcohol or reduce alcohol consumption? did you lie for him as you don't really know what went on?

--- He is in a state as well. Worried sick about losing me is he worried too what will happen when you have another outburst like that or punish him subconsciously forever for hitting you?

--- Is there a difference between the man hitting and the woman hitting for you?

--- I don't know why I went so hysterical have you tried hard to figure this out? speaking as a fellow fireblazer...when fire signs go hysterical, overly dramatic, there's usually something they are uncomfortable about or repressing something they can't express or just not confident about something...




I know a few Aquas closely and know from astrology, they are not ones to hit out physically or attack - they are not build for immediate strike outs...they will avoid it, somehow prevent it, sometimes get someone else to handle it...

Seems there are a lot of things to consider so it's doesn't appear black and white.

The focus is to attempt not to blow this out of proportion but to have a few signals that you use in public - so that when you start to get dramatic, he can use it and when he gets illogical/accusatory, you can use it - so you discuss privately at a more convenient time?

omg why in da hell u still wit him— u shud have called they cops or any relatives u had to jump on his ass!!!

in fact no the fight continued and I eventually got hysterically crazy because he wouldn't let me leave his house. Said I'd kill myself on the road.


missed this as well --- did you try to drive home intoxicated and he tried to stop you? 😕

Zen...
I am not an alcoholic and never have been. He is in the booze industry and therefore drinks often and usually gets slaughtered because he doesnt' know when to stop...

I have started drinking fairly heavily since having known him yes. As for outbursts when drunk...no. I'm usually pretty jovial.

I am half his size and whilst yes I was pushing him and hitting his chest it was by no means enough for him to plant me in the face...the effects of which I am still feeling 4 days later. There was no need for him to defend himself, I'm not the type to punch someone or slap them...I will push and shove and he's about 40kg's heavier than me and two heads taller.

Until he denied it I was lying to protect him because I honestly believed he'd given me the blue eye.

He didn't want me driving home because I was drunk yes.

I don't want to blow this out of proportion. I've always been a firm believer in that sometimes woman can make men do things they wouldn't normally do...i.e. push them to it.

omg why in da hell u still wit him— u shud have called they cops or any relatives u had to jump on his ass!!!

Please guys, this is serious. I need serious answers.

leoaqua do u have a prob?? becuz my ass would have shot him or almost beat him to death i cant believe u let him do that to u it doesnt matter wat size u r fight bak!

And get hit again— I don't think so. Besides in the heat of the moment and the shock at having been hit you don't think straight and you're immediate reaction is to defend not fight - well for me anyway.
Sorry if I offended you it's just that I actually need more in depth replies than the typical leave his ass, have him beaten up liners.

LK - I don't want this again...because every time it happens you're probably more likely to be complacent and start seeing it as normal and never in my life did I think I'd go down that road.

I've never been hit by a man not even my father. Ever.
The drinking admittedly is an issue....I didn't think it was...it's very social but it gets out of hand and I've fallen into the same life style as him.

He is remorseful but not as much as I'd expect from someone who is looking at the beaten face of another person they love—??
He wants this buried under the carpet and never ever brought up again. I just can't seem to let go...it has turned an otherwise happy person into a depressed cry baby. I hate this.

His drinking is an issue and mine ONLY when I'm with him. I don't need to drink...I just do it because it's there and everyone around him does.

Well now you know you cant marry him.

you might not be able to let this go. i really think you need "a break" to get some distance and some thinking time. so you will know you are sure in how you feel.

This is what I really want. He gets pretty nasty when I diss him though - even in the nicest way - he takes huge offence and the fight starts all over again.

Well now you know you cant marry him.

Is this a repeat pattern for him— How will I know?

i agree ladym i think she still not seein that

I'm with LK on the drink side - I by no mean implied you were an alcoholic but just to check the pattern - I'm sure you can have fun with or without the alcohol...If not for the alcohol, it wouldn't have played out this way obviously. Does he normally act violently when drunk?...surely he has to confront his drinking issues at some point, right? Have you known him to react violently when sober?

He can't take offence at you putting some distance...VIOLENCE !

On the size difference, he really didn't need to hit you but with alcohol...another matter...

Everything you're feeling is normal - but it will be good to be thought out with him after you've done it by yourself --- so that the ego doesn't overtake the actual event.

The trust is also a big factor - do you trust each other? have you been hurt in the past - emotionally or physically?

Its not matter of knowing, its that fact that it has happened. Abuse or not, you understand the alcohol is a problem. These are issues that need to be dealt with, with or without you.

Im not one to tell ANYONE to stay with someone after abuse, even if it was the first time and a drunken night...not happening.

He has a problem; he needs to realize it; he needs to fix it. You as well.

He's NEVER shown any sign of even being SOMEWHAT aggresive - he's always been the most placid, non-aggresive person I've known. When he loses his cool with someone he'll swear and shout but like any normal person when they bang their thumb in the drawer or whatever - this is why it's such a shock.

Funny thing is though that when he's on his own he doesn't drink...and some weekends we'll go the entire weekend without touching it. It's just that when he does, and I've become the same way - there are NO BRAKES!! We go all the way until we're 100 sheets to the wind and can't remember who's the girl and who's the boy...we usually have an absolute blast and giggle until all hours dancing around like children...this last time. Well.
He has huge stress at work....could stand to lose millions of his own money (and I mean millions - SA Rand ain't worth shit in the rest of the world but it's a lot here). So I get that he's going through a lot but I'm supportive, always have been. Offer help wherever I can, advice wherever I can.

Sorry I meant lose his cool with something not someone - never really seen him lose his cool with a person.

i say....no calls...no communication. just think. and journal and come clear with yourself. and once you do that...you will KNOW the answer...better than you already do.

This is my way of thinking....just going to piss him off though - he wants it over. He doesn't want anymore fighting, can't see why we can't forget it and doesn't get that I'm not over it...
But I think it's the only way.

sorry but leoaqua u need to grow sum balls and tell him no relationship isnt goin to workout if u guys not on the same level

i agree leokitten

What would be your reaction if you had seen him the next day and he had the blue eye?

Would you have remembered hitting him?

The final decision is yours at the end of the day - you got the blue eye...worrying about his reaction to distance seems like the least of your problems

You guys are all right.
I've emailed him asking him to give me some space for a few days.
I do need it seriously.

good luck

*pats the blue eye* ouch ! 😉

Thanks Zen...it's more humiliating than anything...my ego's more bruised than the face...honestly 😉

yep ego punch's the worst of them all 😛

never lets sleeping dogs lie --- the nerve, hmmm?

Real Leo's us three!

i hope u well leoaqua i kno u gonna make it thru all this

Real Leo's us three!

Ha - unfortunately or fortunately, I'm not Leo - Aries I be but like faking Leo every now and then --- as well as faking other signs 😉 for experimental purposes of course *coughs*

Thanks Dream. I feel a lot better actually.
You guys put some perspective on it. A lot of thinking to do now. And work to catch up....😉
Haven't thought straight for two days solid. Have this horizontal filing system going on all over my desk...

hell yeah ! *shakes out pom poms modestly*

"This is what I really want. He gets pretty nasty when I diss him though - even in the nicest way - he takes huge offence and the fight starts all over again."

if you really want to keep your distance for now, then that is absolutely what you should do. especially for your own sanity and state of mind. you need time to yourself to think about the situation...you need to pull yourself away and realize what you truly want and you don't want. you two don't live together, do you? you need to ONLY focus on your wants and needs, so don't worry that he may get nasty or that he will take offense to you taking a break from him...he didn't show you that he cared when he took a hit at you, so why should you care about him— sorry if i may come off as harsh but i am going through a rough patch with my aqua right now as well. i feel that your aqua sabotaged your relationship just like mine has...and it's not right. you worry about you and you only for now.

They should change rock, scissors, paper to air, fire, water and earth. Fire of course being the rock 😉

Moonchild, your right and no you're not being harsh.
I've let him know that we're taking a break and he's accepted. He is hurt but under these very bad circumstances I think he knows I'm not being unreasonable.

ssshhh, not so loud 😉

BBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEE aqua

oh my...

Ash, you mentioned you have been in some abusive relationships before...I work in the counseling field, LeoKitten is right, you really should consider reporting that incident with the police, even if a few days have gone by to protect yourself. Secondly, it may not be a bad idea to talk to someone or consider speaking with a counselor. You may not fully feel the emotional trauma that this experience may have on you yet, but down the road it could effect you more than you realize. Just a suggestion- but first and foremost, tell as many close friends/family that you can about the situation- so they can be on alert incase this guy comes around again...you can never be too careful. Best of luck.

Aqua had never raised his hand to me, but he did throw a laudry bottle at me once he was so angry,hit the wall right at my head level, i assure you i would not be here had it hit me, i was abused in my first marriage, when i was 16, and the only broken bone i have is from that relationship, my second relationship of 18 years, i was verbally abused and not treated right, there is a pattern, either you break it, or it gets worse and not being apologetic and truly showing actions of regret, those are not good signs, because it will happen again. Be good to you and I am sorry you are going through this.........prayers and hugs your way lady.

I'm with UC...any man who raises his voice or hand to me is HISTORY. PERIOD. There is NO justification in this situation, NO excuses - it is what it is. He has shown who he is and what he is capable of doing in the future.

I will say that when ANY person values who they are, they will let NO one penetrate that barrier - love for thyself is a POWERFUL thing.

LEAVE NOW!!!!!!!!! Do not make any excuses for him or for yourself! He's abusive, he's been abusing you all this time and you are just getting a taste of the physical aspect of it. Next thing, your body will be found in the dumpster. "An ounce of prevention it worth more than a cure."

Don't even take time apart from him and or seek counseling, just pack and GO!!

Hugs & Kisses

You are a beautiful woman, you don't need to put up with NO form of abuse, treat yourself with respect and you'll find a well deserved man to treat you the same!!!

I wen't through the first few lines you guys sound like kids man besides he shouldn't have tried assaulting you twice that's dumb say the least.

Hitting is a no-no. When this occurs, all bets are off. Game over. Curtains close.

Sounds like the two of you need therapy, tbh. We all can benefit from the experience. But you two, especially. And separately, please. Rewind.

Best.

If you were drunk, you could have tripped over and hit your face on the doorknob or something!!

It happens !

man's best body !!! you hit the nail on the head or the doorknob 😉

idealism is great but in reality, we'll just never know what really happened...

I promise you...she's not leaving him...they are going to play that mess out

It's best for her to love herself first, put love of herself first but unfortunately she's too deep in.

actually she needs to come back and give advice, its healing to hear others story even if its not a positive one, I'm sure there are other people here that deal with this type of issue just not voicing it.

In my opinion physical abuse is one of the lowest forms of love a person can experience but its hers to hold and do what she wants with it, we can say leave, get out but thats something she will have to figure out for herself.

amen

"Okay so, you and he got drunk, you went psycho on him, and then he hit you in the eye?

Relationships NEVER get over that sort of whirly-twirl, therefore your relationship is over. You can either end it, or drag it around your ankles for a while until it drops off into the gutter. I suggest that you take charge of the situation and give him the boot. Lesson learned and problem solved.

Lesson learned: You can't hold your liquor, therefore you shouldn't drink.

Problem solved: He hit you, therefore you should dump him."

This was THE BEST advice/post I've read throughout this thread. My thoughts exactly.

I really don't like the downplaying of the pushing and shoving you did to him, LA. Physical contact is physical contact, and truth be told, while I would never condone a black eye, if he was truly attempting to keep you from DRIVING and KILLING SOMEBODY OR YOURSELF WHEN YOU HAD CLEARLY HAD WAY TOO MUCH TO DRINK then you have a lot of thinking to do, and it's not just about him.

Hey guys,
I'm still here....and I agree completely about telling the story because I too believe there's a lot of people on here who aren't actually honest...and why the hell not— The point is to be able to be honest because we're all anonymous.

Look I suppose there are details missing. I can bully too don't get me wrong, and yes I did push and shove him, but not enough to "hurt" him physically. I never threw anything or lifted my hand to him...and I was pushing him in the chest becasue he wasn't listening to a thing I was saying, just refusing to let me out the gate.

I've kept distance since my last posts...feeling better but still undecided as to where from here? We've been talking over the phone...he goes between crying and begging things to go back to normal to saying sorry I did fuck up I can understand if you don't want to work things out. Truth is I fucked up just as much.

I'm seeing my therapist on Monday - said she'd make a plan.