The Past

My bf is 28, and when i say his past was horrific (in terms of treatment of women) i mean he should be ashamed of himself. He isn't of course, but i personally think that it is having a negative effect on what we have. For example, he strung women along, claimed to be in love with them all, and caused a lot of heartache, didn't deal with the shit at the times when he should have, basically a first-class bastard. I'm no angel and my own past relationships dont even deserve a mention, but at least i managed to get closure on them all.

I dont think im like the others, but i think he already has expectations of the kind of path we are potentially heading down..y'know, the type where he throws in "i love you" a dozen times a day and expects me to be eternally smitten...no!!! I feel myself becoming agitated and distant..even today when we spoke i couldnt even an effort at conversation so i made it short before he picked up on my mood..i cant deal with it right now.

Anyways, having time alone for a month or so, i'm getting to thinking that maybe this guy isn't all i think he is. I dont even know if i love him now, i know i'm being very hasty and im just thinking aloud here right now. I'm already damaged goods, and he is my first regular bf in 3 years (my own choice) but talk about the past coming to haunt you. He says he has no problems with his past..but i have problems because don't patterns USUALLY repeat themselves.

I suppose he has grown over the years, and possibly has genuinely changed, but can i really wait to find out. I'm speaking from genuine terror, i only expect the females to sympathise here!! and he hasnt said or done anything to make me like this. Its like the monthly freak out!!

That's not good!! Hell, i need therapy now.

Maybe im mistaken..lets take the man out of the picture. My feelings are based on my own knowledge of the past, and therefore he cant be to blame in any way for how im thinking and feeling right now. We're not even in the same country until 9th September!!

I am changing and i think i'm reaching the bottom of the hole and ready to climb back out again. I've been alone for 3 years, more or less by choice, and i just havent been ready for anything serious all that time. I love what i have, its true and i know that this fear is going to cause serious problems. But sometimes when fears are proven time and time again you kind of give up being optimistic. He's done what my ex did to me (lying and cheating, seeing various people at once)..can i really be with someone like that, or accept that a large number of the population (male and female)also have a similar past. Or do i accept that he's with me now, hopefully older and wiser and focus soley on the here and now and possible future??

You have set up the brick wall in case something comes out and HURTS you again.

So true, but normal.

That's just beautiful!! Its a slow process and i'm glad he's not here witnessing it, i need to do this in peace.

No actually..of course i have no idea of people's past when i start relationships with them. This only emerged after we'd already been together for a couple of months, and he was trying to get closer and i couldnt let him. For no real reason, we had the usual trickeries but nothing that made we want to leave or doubt him. So, he has a past etc but already decided i love him and im not letting myself lose it. If it so happens that it all goes pear shaped for us, well, ive been through it all before.

The goody goody people are so boring, i choose pain and a good time anyday!!

Wow Sola, you seem to have just as many problems in relationships are I do 🙂

You are just a libra and I'm a Saggiecappy girl. We should talk (:

Hmm so you attract drama because youre craving for it, so whats the point in all your moaning in the past 3 months or so? I wouldnt say that was just all venting..I say you have deep issues.

First,I say no one in their right mind sets out to "attract" drama..certainly no me, so get a grip of your mouth.

Second, my avatar..does NOT reflect my true identity. I'm a good woman, just disappointed and hurt. I know what i deserve, i just have shit days at times.

And third, at least i admit my problems instead of blaming others or sweeping them under the damned carpet.

Sola you need a hug. I mean it. Not those wassup homie or aww come here hugs. You just need a really big comforting hug. One of those who cares about everything else just enjoy the hug hugs.

It's okay Sola, I understand 🙂 I admit my problems too 😄

Well ... I'll go on record and say that I attract chaos everwhere I go, well, at least thats what it seems.

I haven't read all of your posts to know whats going on with you, may then I'll have a different opinion. But until I read them all, I understand where you are coming from and I have crappy days too 😄

Don't be mad Sola 😢

I agree with DK, you need a hug *squeezes Sola*

I love hugs!! Really guys, im better today than i have been, christ i am crazy. Its under control though..these last 3 days have really hit me hard.

My dog is cuddling me right now..cuddle = hug in UK english!!

I've started to notice a pattern with you. They come in two forms and both are to the extreme. Usually when things go good it's really good then when things go bad the shit really hits the fan.

I need a puppy, I really want one 😢 But my apartment doesn't allow pets. I don't really blame them, there are so really gross people where I live so I wouldn't want them to have pets either.

I thought you had a dog already? Why would you want a puppy? Unless you want a dog and a puppy.

Nope 🙂 I don't have a doggie, I want one, I really do, maybe after I move I will get one. I can't get a guy to love and cuddle with me so I know a puppy would 😄

I'm gonna cryyyyyy!!! Lovage to you all, i'm ok 🙂

Yup, no complaints.