Yikes!

Sooooo. I have a dilemna. Last night at dinner-went to a remote restaurant, out of the ordinary. I saw my best friend's boyfriend with another woman. I cannot believe it, but then again he IS a pilot. So what to do? She is so crazy about him, and will be really upset obviously, but I hate being the one who will tell her.
And no, he didn't see me.
Pic finally posted!!

Well I was only there for an hour or so. They were still there when we left but she was quite beautiful, and they were alone. What if it was an old friend that I don't know and the dinner was simply an innocent visit? The thing is, my bfriend is out of town, and she never mentioned this friend to me. Which leads me to believe that she doesn't know.
Maybe I should just sit on this for awhile and see if he or she mention this friend. Either way, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news. But if it was a sneaky date and she finds out, I will feel as if I deceived her by not telling her.

yeah maybe you're right about that. Okay, i guess it was my protective instincts coming out. I have male friends that I catch up with, but out of consideration and respect I have always tried to be honest with the boyfriends.

No it's not worth the headache but isn't it worth the extra work to take preventative measures and just let your girl know? I

I don't mean that he should've told her because she is concerned he would cheat. I am talking about being a considerate and sensitive human being.
If I really love a guy, then I consider how my actions affect him. Not hand holding, just respect.
Regardless of a double standard which I know is prevalent, the ol' saying goes: do unto others...

You have a point there. My friend is a confident girl, but she is naturally a worrier. Maybe her not knowing is a good thing.
Anyway, it's their relationship and it doesn't involve me.

I understand how you would feel like that Primegen, but for crying out loud. Why so jaded? By what standards are you choosing the girls that you date? Not all women are evil--and not all beautiful women are evil.
For example, I remember you mentioning a girl that smoked in your car even though you say no smoking in your car. Why were you dating someone who smokes to begin with if you have such strong feelings about it?
What's the criteria here?
Are you expecting sanity from girls who are insane?

I absolutely agree with that! Of course. If I expect it I should give it.

which question? I asked a few. What's my motive about asking whether or not I should tell my friend?

I don't know you, Primegen. I asked to learn more about you-I didn't mean to imply that you were jaded.

And then, there's the aquarian woman, ready to share equally in the relationship on every level: emotional, financial, spiritual, physically, etc. Yet in her discriminating and intuitive mind, she can't settle for being loved as just a woman, but as another equally valuable human being.
Dissapointment sets in, as she realizes that he doesn't really value her feelings and thoughts on life, he doesn't respect her odd and peculiar voice, but rather would prefer that she fit a mold which she has never been able to fit into regardless of how badly at times she wishes she could.
So on she moves, or else wastes her time beating her head against a brick wall, attempting to prove that she is normal, yet unique.

HUH?

I guess I'm either lucky.. or a prude. I mostly hung out with Anime junkies and PC geeks in college.. and during our free time they tried their damndest to get me to play chess. I never got the impression that they were jerks or players.. and I don't think any of the other women who hung out with me felt that way either. I'm not wowed by your experiences, Primegen, but many of mine vary so differently from yours.

Plus you can't judge men or women based upon what you picked up between the ages 18 and 25. Everyone is young and confused-- and still doing some of the dumb things they picked up in high school... which is heavily centered around sex.

Oh my goodness. You have just hit it on the head. As much as I love my friends, do you realize how many frickin' times I hear that I should just have a one-night stand, that that's healthy and the ONLY alternative to satisfying sexual needs? I stand alone on this one for the most part. Why the hell would I do that to myself when I am such a unique and special person? I promise you that it's not arrogance. It's self esteem. I am worth it. Too many women--especially my age, are desperately pursuing anything that they can remotely call a relationship just to avoid the inevitable: when you go home alone at night, you had better be happy with yourself and the choices you've made or not made to honor yourself.

Primegen, I'm not asking for you to rely on my experiences.. anymore than you're asking me to rely on yours. I'm just sharing them- just like you're sharing yours with me. As for changes- well, people are so different..you can always find what you're looking for. But women who dismiss all men as jerks.. tend to always find jerks.

One thing is for sure: heading to the local bar in hopes of finding Mr. Right, is hopeless. I see lots of that going on around. Most likely, Ms. Right isn't at the bars either, Primegen.

Primegen, I actually agree with you on this. The sexual revolution didn't work for women. Or at the very least, it was taken too literal. But at the same time- I think this is a handshake and the sexual revolution was a man/woman thing: men changed because women changed... women changed-- so men changed.

True. After working my rear off all week, I look forward to dinner and a cosmo with my friends and so if someone feels the need to come over and flirt, I am not typically that friendly-I don't want to nor do I know how to play the bar game.

I don't know. I would say blame the parents- but that's such an easy target. I had the best dad in the world, but I still had lots of confusion when it came to relationships with other men- however, because he was so great, it was hard for me to think all men were jerks and/or perverts. Not to mention I have a handful of healthy friendships with men who are not gay.

As for other women, I think it's easier to find someone when you're not actively looking for one. I think when women get into "man hunt" stages, they run across the worse of the worse, and towards the end of their "hunt" they find themselves becoming increasingly more willing to settle- and then jaded by their poor choices.

LMAO.. I've never hooked up at a bar or a club. In way, I'm like you- just there to have fun. I like to dance and drink and have a good time with friends. I mean, too many times, I've walked out the bar/club and after the excitement wears off.. my whole perspective on things are different.. plus- I can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone when I'm partly drunk, in a dark room with blasting music in the background.... let alone a enough conversation to trust a stranger with my number.

Primegen--you know what? I have friends who do the very same thing--you can tell when they aren't even present in the conversation because their radar is on full speed ahead. They get what they deserve.
Personally, if a guy comes up to talk to me, I ask them: what's the quadratic formula? That sends 'em running. If they can tell me, then hey! I'll buy them a drink but then they have to go bye bye. Whatever. Not happening.

Good grief. Are you kidding me?
Well, another thing that seems to happen in bars here all the time - women being slipped something in their drinks. Weird, isn't it? Who is walking around a bar or club with a little baggie of pills, diabolically plotting to drug someone? But it happens. My drink doesn't leave my hand. If I have to go to the restroom, I wait until I am finished.

I very rarely even go to clubs anymore. The tradeoff isn't worth the work to first of all get everyone rounded up and to the club, everyone inside with a drink, finding room to sit or stand, patiently endure men thinking you're a piece of meat, allowing everyone to have fun and yet remain safe, and then FINALLY get everyone's drunk ass into cabs and safely home. PHew. Doesn't happen so often.

Or even worse, it's so crowded, people are squishing you on every side. YUK! Don't touch meeeeeee!

I've only had that happen to me in a gay bar.. and they weren't girls.

Oh my god yes. That's the best. That's when I say: Hey man is he invisible? Wait on him-he was here first!

thanks to all the cocaine he's snorted up his nose!

Oh hey Primegen you'll enjoy this one: another excellent and gratifying scenario: when a guy comes up to me and he's obviously lit and drunk, and tries to act sober, and asks me, so what do you do for a living? I just smile and say I'm an addictions researcher. And you?

I went because I won't lie, I was curious. Since I don't go out to meet anyone- I didn't see the harm. The first time I went to one.. I was snubbed-- but when I went to a gay sports bar-- the bartender chatted my ear off.

I will go to gay bars for sure! You don't get hit on, and the music is fantastic. The downside is sharing the bathroom with MEN. Oh well.
Primegen, the reaction I get is, they stammer and then leave. There's nothing left to say. Sometimes they ask me questions about why I study it, assuming that I've had a problem in the past.
I have very strong feelings about drugs and don't want them anywhere near me-nor people on them--when I am off the clock anyway.