are u guys always doing the right thing?

i wish sometimes that i could throw caution to the wind and say eff it and do exactly what i want to do for me (selfish) instead of always trying to do the right thing where everyone else is concerned!
growing up, i was always an overachiever, trying to make my parents proud. altho it seemed nuthin was ever good enuff. it wasn't until i got older that my parents have acknowledged any of my achievments...and now i could care less.
the man i married, he's a great guy...but the ex i dated before him..i loved like no other. when the ex left the picture for what i thought was for good...i got serious with (now) hubby. when he asked me to marry him, i agreed. shortly after, the ex came back, guns blazing, begging me to reconsider marrying hubby....nope..i went thru with the marriage because i had agreed to and couldnt hurt hubby that way...altho every fiber in my being said not to go thru with it until i had laid to rest all the feelings for ex.
now, a dozen years later, ex still haunts me. he's still not married.still contacts on a regular basis. never stopped. and yes, yes, i know i'm no saint for staying in touch....but truth is, i still long to be with him...but responsibilities to my husband and children outweigh my desires.
so i ask...what's in a person who will say eff it, leave the hubby and stable family life, and go for whatever it is they want? what do they have that i dont have? what is it that keeps me from crossing the line with the ex? lots of other folks cross the line every day or leave their s/o to try things out with someone who they've only known for a minute. and am i mistaking "being responsible" for fear?

Posted by txtbukariesgirl
am i mistaking "being responsible" for fear?

well only you know that, but that doesnt change the fact that its still responsibility. and the truth is in reality, you couldn't even begin to imagine what it would put you're entire family through. im not exaggerating when i tell you if you go through with that decision(where you dont even have the slightest clue how it will turn out), it would mark the end of a 'the good days' period in your childrens life. when my mother made that decision and it was entirely one sided,and for the longest time i just could not understand how someone could be that selfish,but then i came to realize that she was so fucking stupid because she was so caught up in her emotions that she didn't even WANT to consider the effect it would have on anyone else. and her mindset stayed like this until the dude she left my stepdad for, cheated on her. now she lives in regret because most of my family wont have anything to do with her because for a year she acted like she was 16 again, when she was like 35.

im not saying stay with your family and fuck your desires because you have responsibilities,cuz thats not fair either because you need to do what makes you happy, and if you're not happy where you're at now then you need to make a change....but just really think about what you're considering...my personal opinion is your ex does not want you back for the right reason, i mean, you said yourself he came back when he heard you were getting married, if he REALLY was still in love with you, why would he do all that shit AFTER he heard you were getting married? are you really willing to throw everything you have away because of this desire that, you really have no idea how it could turn out?

lets get real, you're fucking married and you're still contacting your ex on a regular basis, i think if you make a change, you need to stop all this bullshit and have nothing with the dude for a good time, and then if you're still sure you want him...well then..do what ya gotta do.

btw im guessing your ex is a scorp

Get rid of the ex and live your commitment to your family. You need to cut all ties with this guy.
What is it that makes you wanna go back?

westside, i daydream about how it would be to leave, but know i never will. and the ex is a pisces. i really just wonder what it is about some folks..like your mom, for instance, that will throw caution to the wind and live life exactly how she wants to...sometimes, i envy that characteristic in people.
i used to think my motto was i'd rather regret something i did, than didnt do. now i'd be a liar if i said that.
and i used to think that once my children graduated, i'd leave....but now i dont even know if i'd have the guts to hurt hubby that way...but i must admit, at times, i think, damn,,,what about me?
and dynamical...nothing makes me wanna go back, per se, because i'm not leaving..but it sucks to have strong feelings for someone and not get the chance to live out "what might have been"..
the ex's job circumstance took him away.

Oh man. In any case you gotta do whats right for your kids and IMO it would be to cut ties with ex.

Why does it even need to be discused this far? IMO the kids and current situation of being married should be top priority. Quit debating and just do whats right no?

You already said "but responsibilities to my husband and children outweigh my desires" so it sounds like you already have it figured out now just do it ya know?

why go out of your way to break something that's not broken? (in this case your current life and marriage).

the grass isn't always greener on the other side...

and i have to agree with amethyst. this guy has no respect for you or your family.

i would be suspicious of anyone who is willing to obtain happiness at the expense of others (in this case, this dude is trying to obtain personal happiness at the expense of your family). pretty selfish, if you ask me.

i'm not saying that you don't have a right to be happy because you do but it's not like you're unhappy in your current situation, right?

i feel like you're putting this dude up on a pedestal and getting carried away.

if excitement is what you're after, you're looking in the wrong place.

Not recommending anyone get involved with a Pisces, um, "gentleman" however perhaps your husband deserves a wife who is 100% into him?
Maybe he deserves better and maybe your kids deserve to live in a home with 2 people who sincerely love each other.

Are you sure you are a textbook Aries??

Posted by starlover
Before all else, think of your children....they should come first, always.

^ this

guys, i never said i was going anywhere. unfortunately i know everything you are telling me. even tho i know staying in touch with pisces ex is wrong as wrong can be, it's like an addiction almost that i've not been able to let go 😢
trust me, i've got a shelf of self help books to show for it.

@impressme..."Hubby probably recused her from the Pisces when he ditched her the first time. Hubby was everything the Pisces was not."

True..funny thing is that hubby is pisces as well. and your statement is true.

Thing is this....you can tell your head all day long what you want it to do...and in fact, do it. but your heart doesn't necessarily have to agree. it seems this is the only thing in my life that this control freak doesn't control. and it drives me nuts as much so as i'm sure it would someone reading this. and my advice to anyone else would be "r u crazy? get rid of the jerk!"
and @amethyst...i'm not one of those people looking for approval on dxp 🙂 ... just chatting is all.

Still i wonder why do some people stay? and others say screw it, step out, and give it a shot.

moreover, some of you mentioned testing pisces ex, how? i've always been afraid he'd all my bluff.

yea, i'm a loser. no getting around it. thanks for all your comments.

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
Not recommending anyone get involved with a Pisces, um, "gentleman" however perhaps your husband deserves a wife who is 100% into him?
Maybe he deserves better and maybe your kids deserve to live in a home with 2 people who sincerely love each other.

Are you sure you are a textbook Aries??

yes, perhaps everyone deserves a perfect relationship. perhaps my husband deserves someone who loves him as much as he loves her.perhaps the children deserve perfect parents. perhaps i deserve a perfect life...and that, would mean having my cake and eat it too...
come on...in the real world, does all this ever happen? i'm doing the best i can at the moment. not perfect. far from it. and no, i don't want some sort of award for staying..i already have that because my family is intact and functioning well.

but what you're in fact saying is that i should leave, heh? because hubby deserves better? or are you saying that cutting pisces guy completely out of my life will make me love hubby 100% ? i'm a little confused. i appreciate your comment rnap but i'm just not sure of what you're point is.

Posted by Jesse91
why go out of your way to break something that's not broken? (in this case your current life and marriage).

the grass isn't always greener on the other side...

and i have to agree with amethyst. this guy has no respect for you or your family.

i would be suspicious of anyone who is willing to obtain happiness at the expense of others (in this case, this dude is trying to obtain personal happiness at the expense of your family). pretty selfish, if you ask me.

i'm not saying that you don't have a right to be happy because you do but it's not like you're unhappy in your current situation, right?

i feel like you're putting this dude up on a pedestal and getting carried away.

if excitement is what you're after, you're looking in the wrong place.

and maybe it has been the excitement......and prolly a little of the unforgettable sex with pisces ex.(not gonna lie)
and you're prolly right about the pedestal. sad thing is i have no way of finding out if he should be on one or not.
sometimes i imagine my husband giving me a hall pass of sorts to test out the situation. i always imagine it wouldnt take but about 3 months before i'd get ex outta my system and come running back to hubby.
so why dont/cant i get him outta my system ALTOGETHER?
and i do control my feelings as an adult should do...but the feelings are ALWAYS there under the surface.
thanks for taking the time to comment jesse.

Posted by amethyst2002
You keeping in touch with the ex isn't helping matters any. Had you dropped contact, I wouldn't be surprised if you had been able to get over that faster. It may have lingered in the back of your mind as a "what if," but the fact that you keep in touch just fuels it. Drop contact and step away so you can sort your thoughts.

agree with this and your other comments. and have dropped contact for months, a year even, before. he's still been there in the back of my mind. some sort of crutch maybe—
and he's always ended up contacting me again. and unfortunately, my resistance has sucked thus far.
fact: except for in the beginning, he's never asked me to leave my family for him.
but i wonder if i said, "hey, i left my husband today. what's the deal with us?" if he'd be swimming away at fifty leven miles an hr.
maybe i'll ask him strait up this week.

i hear ya impressme. i hear ya.
but i gotta get ready for war. as long as i keep it status quo, ex is happy.
as soon as i start pushing him outta of my life, ignoring emails or txts or calls...he'll turn it up a notch. he has in the past.

fortunately, his job takes him outta the country and his home is two states away.

Posted by ImpressMe

Posted by txtbukariesgirl
i hear ya impressme. i hear ya.
but i gotta get ready for war. as long as i keep it status quo, ex is happy.
as soon as i start pushing him outta of my life, ignoring emails or txts or calls...he'll turn it up a notch. he has in the past.

How long have you been married?

click to expand

13 years

Cutting ties with an ex you loved in the past is a great idea. It hurts to even think about but if you don't you get to a day if not every weekend where you ask yourself, what if.

I finally am moving on from my ex because I have had more opportunities to be busy with other things than thinking about how things could have been.

As an Aries I feel wiser and healthier having moved onwards (not necessarily over, but onwards).

Yes it takes time, it hurts at first but it does hurt less over time, and yes it does a world of good.

I don't fault you for wanting to think about this ex, or for thinking what you are thinking, I just can't recommend leaving your husband as I don't know the guy you love, and can't say that he will be with you more than a month if you decide to be with him.

If I knew what was what I totally would tell you one way or the other. Such is life. I honestly wish it wasn't so for you, so you can sleep at ease.

I promise you this though, the decision to leave your husband would never come from the idea that you love an ex. You would leave a husband or a wife for that matter because you wake up one day knowing you aren't going to make the union work anymore both ways, and it the furthest thing from your mind would be an ex or someone else, you would be free and clear from any other ideas and just know that it was time.

Posted by txtbukariesgirl

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
Not recommending anyone get involved with a Pisces, um, "gentleman" however perhaps your husband deserves a wife who is 100% into him?
Maybe he deserves better and maybe your kids deserve to live in a home with 2 people who sincerely love each other.

Are you sure you are a textbook Aries??

yes, perhaps everyone deserves a perfect relationship. perhaps my husband deserves someone who loves him as much as he loves her.perhaps the children deserve perfect parents. perhaps i deserve a perfect life...and that, would mean having my cake and eat it too...
come on...in the real world, does all this ever happen? i'm doing the best i can at the moment. not perfect. far from it. and no, i don't want some sort of award for staying..i already have that because my family is intact and functioning well.

but what you're in fact saying is that i should leave, heh? because hubby deserves better? or are you saying that cutting pisces guy completely out of my life will make me love hubby 100% ? i'm a little confused. i appreciate your comment rnap but i'm just not sure of what you're point is.

click to expand

Not sure if you can "make" yourself love someone. I know I can't - obviously not that evolved.

I don't know your story - was PiscesA your true love, your "the one" and for some reason you felt it was never going to happen so you ended up settling for PiscesB rather than be left nothing/no-one?

Many people get married for the wrong reasons and then compound the problem by staying together for the wrong reasons. Cause of much misery. Note to people who whine sanctimoniously "I have to stay for the kid's sake" - take it from a kid who experienced it - you aren't doing them any favors. The poor kids end up thinking all the crap is their fault. It can seriously fuck them up. And it's not their fault and it took me a LOOOOOONG time to figure that out, believe me.

I know the world isn't perfect, but if we were all married to someone who really rocked our world, had our back and loved us wholely and solely I am sure the world would be a much happier place.

Your story touched a nerve with me I guess because I don't want to settle for "not quite the one" only to find out later "the one" realised I was their "one"......how fucked up is that?

oooh thankyou Starlover - I am looking forward to meeting my "the two"
Hard to imagine anyone better than my the one, but if he exists, by all means bring him on!


and apologies for all the swearing in my post...the dead body of our coffee machine has just been escorted from the building. No replacement in sight.

Do we really seriously get a second chance at that mindblowing sex and awesome brain connection all mixed up in the one person? it's not too much to expect? I don't want to be greedy.
When what happened to me happened I did not take it for granted, I loved every minute of it, I told him how awesome it was, I thought I was just the luckiest girl in the world....then it was ripped away from me and I thought it was the world showing me how fantastic things could be (for other people) but I am not allowed to have that (for whatever reason)(punishment for the crap I went thru as a kid??)

Anyway, this isn't helping txbkaries so I will drown my sorrows in chamomile tea or whatever the coffee guy has left for us.

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
oooh thankyou Starlover - I am looking forward to meeting my "the two"
Hard to imagine anyone better than my the one, but if he exists, by all means bring him on!


and apologies for all the swearing in my post...the dead body of our coffee machine has just been escorted from the building. No replacement in sight.

Do we really seriously get a second chance at that mindblowing sex and awesome brain connection all mixed up in the one person? it's not too much to expect? I don't want to be greedy.
When what happened to me happened I did not take it for granted, I loved every minute of it, I told him how awesome it was, I thought I was just the luckiest girl in the world....then it was ripped away from me and I thought it was the world showing me how fantastic things could be (for other people) but I am not allowed to have that (for whatever reason)(punishment for the crap I went thru as a kid??)

Anyway, this isn't helping txbkaries so I will drown my sorrows in chamomile tea or whatever the coffee guy has left for us.

i understand!!! and when i had pisces 1...i didnt take it for granted either..and like you, it was snatched away. hubby does treat me like gold..it's just my feelings have not ever been like they were for the ex.
how was your first "one" ripped away?

oh, and i don't whine about "staying for the kids". i only have one friend (and now you people) who knows my true feelings. my husband and i don't argue. we have a very good relationship to be honest. my children don't suffer anything.
what's sad is that my husband and i are more like best friends than anything else. good...and bad...

sorry txtbukaries - I didn't mean to infer that you were whining (about the kid thing).
It's just a thing people do, and if they aren't complaining that's why they must stay they go all martyr
(?sp) on you (and you know they really only stay because the husband earns enough money for them to stay home and go to lunch and get their nails done and crap without them having to get up off their butt and get a job.)
Trap the right guy with a kid and you are set for life.

But I am getting on to a whole other rant here.....if your husband treats you like gold make sure he gets gold back.

If your "feelings" let you marry PiscesB where was your heart at the time? Was PiscesB your "the two" (refer Starlover - we get more than just "the one")(or most people do - how do you know if you are part of the minority that only gets one?)

Or did you settle? I mean honestly, truly ruly.....where was your heart?
I think I read that you got serious AFTER he asked for your hand in marriage. Just wondering.

@amethyst..thanks for your response 🙂 and yes, i wonder if things had gone on with ex if it woulda fizzled out...and i certainly wouldnt have had to be in an emotional turmoil all these years. i have never had another ex that i gave two rats asses about once it was done.
listening to everyone's advice has really helped. i decided two days ago to cut all contact. but i gotta be honest, today i was feeling "withdrawals" already 😢 i know he'll message me sometime this week and the thought of not typing back makes my stomach hurt. (loser) it's completely like a drug addiction. and yes, sometimes i feel i'm acting like a stupid teenager too and need to get over myself.
@rnap...i hate how you can't inject emotion into typing 😢 i didnt think you inferred that i was whining..i just wanted you to know that i wasn't one of those types. 🙂 and i def didnt marry husband for the money! lol...i mean, now, he provides everything for me and i dont have to work if i dont want to, but back then he actually moved into my home and made half the salary i made. i married him because he had a good soul and a kind heart. he was my re-bound guy tho. i think the fact that the ex came back a month before our wedding and hasn't stopped contact since has held me back from loving hubby the way i could/should maybe.
sidenote...the ex comfronted husband several times before i got married.
shortly after i got married, i did talk with hubby about having mixed feelings. he convinced me that i'd done the right thing and that if the ex really loved me, he'd never left. it made perfect sense then. and i couldnt trust the ex's intentions...so i stayed and made the best of it and here i am years later, still wondering if i did the right thing.
i'm sick of my own self with this situation!!!!!!

don't be so hard on yourself (I know it's a special Aries gift to do this)

Go and fuck his brains out. The husband I mean.



LOL. who needs emotion? Remember we are cold brutal brash hard hearted Aries that don't care about anything!!!
Or so I read here a while ago.

ima go cold turkey. wish me luck 🙂
and like i said before, when i do, he'll turn it up a notch.

and he's outta the country till next friday. then he'll be home. i dont think he'd ever do anything to put my marriage at risk, but it does get scary at times to be honest.

It won't ever be easy to admire what you have while you are in the shop polishing what you want. I can't imagine it is easy when the reality of routine seems to dull the senses, but if you were to look at the reward in the long run, it would seem logical to say that a healthy environment for you and your family is better than a drug enduced thrill of a romp with an ex.

It seems to be common that the incredible ones in bed are the hard ones to keep. Just imagine your ex has crazy std's and lost his mojo.

The ex seems pretty self centered which will leave you hurt again, along with a heap of collateral damage. Maybe start pushing the limits with this hubby. Get yourselves in check physically and go to meditation gigs for the emotional end.
Get into crazy bondage stuff and sex seminars. Explore and learn way more about eachother before you lose focus reminiscing on the lense to the past.

Oh ya.

I would totally live life for the people I cared about. Hell I would live life for people I hated. I like to make people happy. Always have. I let my brothers abuse the shit out of me, combined they all owe me at least 3'000 dollars in the money and shit they've stolen. Don't get me started on the rest of my family and friends... God I've let people take advantage of me.

But if I ever got to the point where I was having mental break downs over something, I would say FUCK IT and totally do whatever I needed to do to feel GOOD again.

Now I am very detached from life in general. I do what I need to do to keep the people around me happy, and keep the people and things I really care about in a sort of separate life. I care more about the "other life", but I feel less selfish at least.

not that this makes anything ok....and again, i reiterate that i'm not throwing my marriage away...but i do wanna make clear that i've had an intense relationship with the ex even longer than with the hubby. i'm not talking about me wanting to have some simple romp in the sack with some guy i just met.
the ex contacted yesterday. i've not responded.

Posted by txtbukariesgirl
not that this makes anything ok....and again, i reiterate that i'm not throwing my marriage away...but i do wanna make clear that i've had an intense relationship with the ex even longer than with the hubby. i'm not talking about me wanting to have some simple romp in the sack with some guy i just met.
the ex contacted yesterday. i've not responded.

I have not doubt in an investment that may have been made at one time that may be tipping the scales in your mind, but a simple/passionate romp is all I can forsee it adding up to in the end. I see you becoming dissappointed in him for not living up to expectations that you would have now from what you once knew and would want to revisit (and may have become a bit romanticised in the time that has passed), compounded with the needs you would have being a mother and carrying baggage from what would become an ex-husband. That is quite a bit to bring to a relationship, yet alone bring back to an old relationship. I mean can the sex really be that incredible? I wonder what this guy did that your husband doesn't do, or do well enough to keep the fires white hot.

It would seem you have a good grasp on things and a descent head on your shoulders. These thoughts shared are only to help tip scales and reinforce thoughts and possibly comfort you in your decision. If it were your prerogative to throw caution to the wind, then by all means, good luck and I wish you harmony for the future, but don't be suprised if you lost your chips to the dealer on such a gamble.

I have not doubt in an investment that may have been made at one time that may be tipping the scales in your mind, but a simple/passionate romp is all I can forsee it adding up to in the end. I see you becoming dissappointed in him for not living up to expectations that you would have now from what you once knew and would want to revisit (and may have become a bit romanticised in the time that has passed), compounded with the needs you would have being a mother and carrying baggage from what would become an ex-husband. That is quite a bit to bring to a relationship, yet alone bring back to an old relationship. I mean can the sex really be that incredible? I wonder what this guy did that your husband doesn't do, or do well enough to keep the fires white hot.

It would seem you have a good grasp on things and a descent head on your shoulders. These thoughts shared are only to help tip scales and reinforce thoughts and possibly comfort you in your decision. If it were your prerogative to throw caution to the wind, then by all means, good luck and I wish you harmony for the future, but don't be suprised if you lost your chips to the dealer on such a gamble.



all true :/ and yes, sex was that incredible, insatiable, unforgettable, i could go on and on.


and @impressme...lol...and i've had hall pass chances but honestly, i've always been afraid to sleep with ex again. i thought it might push me over the edge. a point of no return, ya know?

Posted by txtbukariesgirl

I.



all true :/ and yes, sex was that incredible, insatiable, unforgettable, i could go on and on.





this breaks my heart. these are the people we are supposed to marry......the incredible unforgettable sex people.

And yes, before the "Sex isn't Everything" brigade come after me, I am aware that there is more to marriage than just sex, but the sex should be awesome or you just shouldn't be doing it.


No hall passes on my watch you wicked little Rammettes. End it or mend it.

Someone posted this on the relationship board

We've all been there. We've all had relationships that felt great, that met our needs at the time, that made us feel fulfilled and happy, but also ended so horribly that the idea of post-breakup communication was out of the question. Then, months, or years later, something happens. It's almost inevitable. Because we men are creatures of habit and because we can't let you women just move on, there's a good chance that at some point we pop up and try to reinsert ourselves into your lives. We do damage, leave ??_ and then we reappear.
Any good detective will tell you that criminals who are guilty can't help but return to the scene of the crime; neither can we. When we know we've done wrong it's in our nature to reappear for a number of reasons.
Sometimes we want to show you that we've changed, and are better people.
In this case, because we??re not trying to get back together with the woman, this is a ridiculously selfish reason to come back into her life. The guilt of what we've done is so affecting that we want you to know that we aren't really that person any longer or that we never really were that person. We want you to see us for who we are and to know that we??re not the douche-bag we pretended to be when we were with you. In reality, we??re really great people — really — we are — our current girlfriends can attest — we really have changed. I'm sure that makes you guys feel great — knowing that you were the only person capable of bringing out the worst in us. Knowing that we??re not really interested in what you had to go through to heal or in knowing how you??ve moved on, all we want is to be able to sleep peacefully at night knowing that you know it wasn't us now, it was us at that time in our lives or, it wasn't us at all, it was you (don't worry we forgive you). Or it wasn't us, nor was it you, it was just the —we??, that brought that out. Either way, if this is why we??re reappearing, it's probably best if we just stay gone.
Sometimes, we realize what we've lost and are ready to be whatever we need to be to get it back.
Of all of the reasons a man might reappear, this is the most rare. Sometimes, without us really realizing, a woman can carve out a perfectly round little space in our hearts and lives. We leave her, thinking she??ll be the only one who experiences any loss, but, really, we lose too.

Try as we may to fill that spot she left with the square pegs of another woman or of other women, there's always a certain amount of emptiness that remains. And maybe one day we wake up and decide we??re going to give it another go. All we can do is reappear and hope our spot is still reserved.Some say —all??s fair in love and war?? and I agree to a certain extent, however, the fact that all is fair, doesn't always mean all is right. As men, I think we sometimes have to take responsibility for the damage we've done and respect the fact that our women are entitled to rebuild themselves in whatever way they see fit. We also have to be responsible about how we decide to return to their lives. We have to think about whether we are returning because we think we can —help?? them, whether we??re returning because of our own selfish motives, or whether we??re returning because we think there might be a real chance at a lasting —we?? this time.

*unknown blogger*

well this morning i copied and pasted the above post to my ex and DID NOT get any kinda response/answers i was hoping for. i know i said i was gonna go cold turkey but i wanted to get his take on it.
it pissed him off. which is completely not like this pisces who usually i can't pull an emotion out of.
he said that just because i found solace in an article or whatever, not to expect him to reply or comment. that he didnt wanna start his day off with this kinda bullshit.
i honestly was taken aback. what the hell?

what's your point eee?

maybe you need to lose this guy's number

@impressme..yes...husband knows full well about ex. ex tried to stop us from getting married for about a month before we did, confronted husband several times, showed up at places where we were, called our home..etc.
shortly after i married my husband,(2 weeks) i told him i was having second thoughts about if i'd done the right thing. we talked it out and ultimately i decided i would stick with my decision.
husband knows we have had "contact" over the years, just not to what extent.
@eee, i'm happy you're intrigued with my misery. lol.