Partner bed sharing with ex and emotionally involved.

How much is too much when being friendly / on good terms with an ex. Meaning a boyfriend / girlfriend that is not an ex spouse.

Posting for opinions for my friend as we don't agree on this one. He's male so putting it out for the wise advice on here.

He has a girlfriend who is a relatively new, i'm talking in the six months but always been exclusive and going well. How OK would you be with your girlfriend being friends with their last ex? This friendship involves them going over to their exes place.

My friend is a bit taken aback as his gf was upfront with him in that she stayed at her exes a bit too late and ended up sleeping there. It's a one bed place...yes they shared a bed.

She was upfront about it and is adamant no sex took place.

My friend is upset but is going to forgive and move on having originally considered breaking it off.

That is way too intimate and unacceptable for me. I couldn't forgive i dont think.

She is definitely Aries sun and with water placements IIRC.

Hell no

When 2 become 1 it's 3.

Does your friend know he’s in an open relationship?

She could totally be telling the truth.

But its a bad situation to be in.

well, it's true it's weird that someone would find themselves in a situation where they can't sleep in another location than their ex place. Fishy indeed.

I wouldn't mind too much at the begining of a relationship as I don't expect exclusivity before a few thresholds have been passed and agreed upon. And the fact she is supposedly upfront about it and confess to it spontaneously makes it less bad. But it would do nothing to establish trust and I would probably scrutinize her behaviour in great details. Would probably have to put some hurdles for her to prove her interest and allegiance to me too.

Posted by hydorah
well, it's true it's weird that someone would find themselves in a situation where they can't sleep in another location than their ex place. Fishy indeed.

I wouldn't mind too much at the begining of a relationship as I don't expect exclusivity before a few thresholds have been passed and agreed upon. And the fact she is supposedly upfront about it and confess to it spontaneously makes it less bad. But it would do nothing to establish trust and I would probably scrutinize her behaviour in great details. Would probably have to put some hurdles for her to prove her interest and allegiance to me too.

💯

Posted by ThatWomanAgain11
Huh? Come to an ex and shared a bed, what for? Lol

What kind of a stupid man who said those things? None.

Anyways, tell your friend to choose the battle wisely.

Apparently she is still friends with her ex which my friend knew about.

He knew she was meeting him, but she ended up staying really late and staying overnight. Not on the sofa but in his bed.

He almost broke up with her but has now issued an ultimatum in that the only bed she shares is his. He should not have to ask.

Posted by Lulufer
Does your friend know he’s in an open relationship?

Quite.

That would indicate to me that the feelings are still there and she is not ready for a new relationship. 6 months isn’t long at all and if they are giving mixed messages I wouldn’t want to be my friend in that dynamic.

Sleeping in the same bed is a hard no. Unacceptable. Taxis are a thing...strange there was no other option available but her to sleep at her exes and in his bed.

Posted by Lulufer
Does your friend know he’s in an open relationship?

Quite.

That would indicate to me that the feelings are still there and she is not ready for a new relationship. 6 months isn’t long at all and if they are giving mixed messages I wouldn’t want to be my friend in that dynamic.

Sleeping in the same bed is a hard no. Unacceptable. Taxis are a thing...strange there was no other option available but her to sleep at her exes and in his bed.

Posted by Black-Ops-Berserker
She could totally be telling the truth.

But its a bad situation to be in.

Even if they didn't have sex, it's extremely intimate to share a bed with someone. Someone you've been intimate with already and clearly are still emotionally involved in.

How did she end up staying there so late that she couldn't go home. Were they drinking.

Did they get undressed in front of each other, did they see each other naked? Did he lend her a t shirt to wear to bed. It's all very romantic and sounds like boyfriend and girlfriend never ended if they're still that comfortable with each other.

I have told him. But at the end of the day, you can't tell someone what to do. I just hope it doesn't end in heartbreak for him and he wishes he'd cut his losses now.

He told me her birthday. She's Aries sun and Pisces Venus and Mercury. So some water.

It's fine, whatever .

I can't say much because I'm online friends with pretty much all my exs. Would I meet up with them irl when dating? Hell no. At the same time I take pride that 95% of my breakups didnt result in absolute hate, and we could still be civil adults. Also some of my exs are crazier then me, and take rejection even worse then I do. I honestly need to stop dating crazy horny women.... I'm also a hypocrite because if I dated a women and she said exactly what I just said to me, I would 100% feel jealous about it, and probably even leave her. If we already had sex though, I know for a fact that wouldn't be our last conversation.

Posted by Soul
I can't say much because I'm online friends with pretty much all my exs. Would I meet up with them irl when dating? Hell no. At the same time I take pride that 95% of my breakups didnt result in absolute hate, and we could still be civil adults. Also some of my exs are crazier then me, and take rejection even worse then I do. I honestly need to stop dating crazy horny women.... I'm also a hypocrite because if I dated a women and she said exactly what I just said to me, I would 100% feel jealous about it, and probably even leave her. If we already had sex though, I know for a fact that wouldn't be our last conversation.

I guess ot depends how those relationships ended. A couple my relationships ended in cheating - them cheating. So the end was bitter and I never spoke to either of them again.

I find there needs to be some distance once you've split though otherwise the dynamic just continues.

Posted by MyuMe84


Apparently she is still friends with her ex which my friend knew about.

He knew she was meeting him, but she ended up staying really late and staying overnight. Not on the sofa but in his bed.

He almost broke up with her but has now issued an ultimatum in that the only bed she shares is his. He should not have to ask.

Is this "friend" you?

I been there with an ex myself, or I still am, but not if I'm half-serious about someone else, then I find it inappropriate bc of how that person might feel which is understandable.

I mean I don't think it's that strange, it all depends on the dynamic, how your relationship evolved overtime and ended.... My headspace is compartmentalized and once I've truly closed that door you might aswell be my sister or something. Anyway if it's "right" there are no weird vibes just two friends sharing bed

Posted by MyuMe84


Apparently she is still friends with her ex which my friend knew about.

He knew she was meeting him, but she ended up staying really late and staying overnight. Not on the sofa but in his bed.

He almost broke up with her but has now issued an ultimatum in that the only bed she shares is his. He should not have to ask.

Is this "friend" you?

I been there with an ex myself, or I still am, but not if I'm half-serious about someone else, then I find it inappropriate bc of how that person might feel which is understandable.

I mean I don't think it's that strange, it all depends on the dynamic, how your relationship evolved overtime and ended.... My headspace is compartmentalized and once I've truly closed that door you might aswell be my sister or something. Anyway if it's "right" there are no weird vibes just two friends sharing bed

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by MyuMe84


Apparently she is still friends with her ex which my friend knew about.

He knew she was meeting him, but she ended up staying really late and staying overnight. Not on the sofa but in his bed.

He almost broke up with her but has now issued an ultimatum in that the only bed she shares is his. He should not have to ask.

Is this "friend" you?

I been there with an ex myself, or I still am, but not if I'm half-serious about someone else, then I find it inappropriate bc of how that person might feel which is understandable.

I mean I don't think it's that strange, it all depends on the dynamic, how your relationship evolved overtime and ended.... My headspace is compartmentalized and once I've truly closed that door you might aswell be my sister or something. Anyway if it's "right" there are no weird vibes just two friends sharing bed

click to expand

No I am not the friend. I am female. I would be upfront about it if it was happening to me and say so. I'd have no reason to lie to strangers when you dont know me. I ld just say it was me.

I have been seeing someone for nearly 3 years.

Friend is a colleague who is a bit younger than me - quite inexperienced with relationships.

Ok well he is not ok about it and he almost ended things but the problem is going forward if she stays friends with her ex...

Posted by ThatWomanAgain11

Posted by MyuMe84

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by MyuMe84


Apparently she is still friends with her ex which my friend knew about.

He knew she was meeting him, but she ended up staying really late and staying overnight. Not on the sofa but in his bed.

He almost broke up with her but has now issued an ultimatum in that the only bed she shares is his. He should not have to ask.

Is this "friend" you?

I been there with an ex myself, or I still am, but not if I'm half-serious about someone else, then I find it inappropriate bc of how that person might feel which is understandable.

I mean I don't think it's that strange, it all depends on the dynamic, how your relationship evolved overtime and ended.... My headspace is compartmentalized and once I've truly closed that door you might aswell be my sister or something. Anyway if it's "right" there are no weird vibes just two friends sharing bed
click to expand

No I am not the friend. I am female. I would be upfront about it if it was happening to me and say so. I'd have no reason to lie to strangers when you dont know me. I ld just say it was me.

I have been seeing someone for nearly 3 years.

Friend is a colleague who is a bit younger than me - quite inexperienced with relationships.

Ok well he is not ok about it and he almost ended things but the problem is going forward if she stays friends with her ex...
click to expand

Hmm.. well, Imo it's not up to us to work out how much someone gives the volume of his heart to. You may be just worried for him and that is okay but then again you cannot dictate his life. You can only dictate your own.

Sorry to barge in and say that but I have experienced too much on that matter which makes me believe that at the end of the day, one can never dictate another one's decision.

click to expand

Im not trying to dictate his life he can do what he wants. But he came to me for advice. He keeps talking about it and how upset he is still.

Maybe I just have to smile and nod from now on.

Posted by MyuMe84

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by MyuMe84


Apparently she is still friends with her ex which my friend knew about.

He knew she was meeting him, but she ended up staying really late and staying overnight. Not on the sofa but in his bed.

He almost broke up with her but has now issued an ultimatum in that the only bed she shares is his. He should not have to ask.

Is this "friend" you?

I been there with an ex myself, or I still am, but not if I'm half-serious about someone else, then I find it inappropriate bc of how that person might feel which is understandable.

I mean I don't think it's that strange, it all depends on the dynamic, how your relationship evolved overtime and ended.... My headspace is compartmentalized and once I've truly closed that door you might aswell be my sister or something. Anyway if it's "right" there are no weird vibes just two friends sharing bed
click to expand

No I am not the friend. I am female. I would be upfront about it if it was happening to me and say so. I'd have no reason to lie to strangers when you dont know me. I ld just say it was me.

I have been seeing someone for nearly 3 years.

Friend is a colleague who is a bit younger than me - quite inexperienced with relationships.

Ok well he is not ok about it and he almost ended things but the problem is going forward if she stays friends with her ex...

click to expand

I wouldn't be ok with it either and I wouldn't expect my partners to be... I'm just saying from an emotional point it can really be just this simple uncomplicated thing that is made complicated by the outside world

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by MyuMe84

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by MyuMe84


Apparently she is still friends with her ex which my friend knew about.

He knew she was meeting him, but she ended up staying really late and staying overnight. Not on the sofa but in his bed.

He almost broke up with her but has now issued an ultimatum in that the only bed she shares is his. He should not have to ask.

Is this "friend" you?

I been there with an ex myself, or I still am, but not if I'm half-serious about someone else, then I find it inappropriate bc of how that person might feel which is understandable.

I mean I don't think it's that strange, it all depends on the dynamic, how your relationship evolved overtime and ended.... My headspace is compartmentalized and once I've truly closed that door you might aswell be my sister or something. Anyway if it's "right" there are no weird vibes just two friends sharing bed
click to expand

No I am not the friend. I am female. I would be upfront about it if it was happening to me and say so. I'd have no reason to lie to strangers when you dont know me. I ld just say it was me.

I have been seeing someone for nearly 3 years.

Friend is a colleague who is a bit younger than me - quite inexperienced with relationships.

Ok well he is not ok about it and he almost ended things but the problem is going forward if she stays friends with her ex...
click to expand

I wouldn't be ok with it either and I wouldn't expect my partners to be... I'm just saying from an emotional point it can really be just this simple uncomplicated thing that is made complicated by the outside world

click to expand

I'm not sure I know what you mean by that

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by MyuMe84

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by MyuMe84


Apparently she is still friends with her ex which my friend knew about.

He knew she was meeting him, but she ended up staying really late and staying overnight. Not on the sofa but in his bed.

He almost broke up with her but has now issued an ultimatum in that the only bed she shares is his. He should not have to ask.

Is this "friend" you?

I been there with an ex myself, or I still am, but not if I'm half-serious about someone else, then I find it inappropriate bc of how that person might feel which is understandable.

I mean I don't think it's that strange, it all depends on the dynamic, how your relationship evolved overtime and ended.... My headspace is compartmentalized and once I've truly closed that door you might aswell be my sister or something. Anyway if it's "right" there are no weird vibes just two friends sharing bed
click to expand

No I am not the friend. I am female. I would be upfront about it if it was happening to me and say so. I'd have no reason to lie to strangers when you dont know me. I ld just say it was me.

I have been seeing someone for nearly 3 years.

Friend is a colleague who is a bit younger than me - quite inexperienced with relationships.

Ok well he is not ok about it and he almost ended things but the problem is going forward if she stays friends with her ex...
click to expand

I wouldn't be ok with it either and I wouldn't expect my partners to be... I'm just saying from an emotional point it can really be just this simple uncomplicated thing that is made complicated by the outside world

click to expand

I'm not sure I know what you mean by that

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by MyuMe84

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by MyuMe84


Apparently she is still friends with her ex which my friend knew about.

He knew she was meeting him, but she ended up staying really late and staying overnight. Not on the sofa but in his bed.

He almost broke up with her but has now issued an ultimatum in that the only bed she shares is his. He should not have to ask.

Is this "friend" you?

I been there with an ex myself, or I still am, but not if I'm half-serious about someone else, then I find it inappropriate bc of how that person might feel which is understandable.

I mean I don't think it's that strange, it all depends on the dynamic, how your relationship evolved overtime and ended.... My headspace is compartmentalized and once I've truly closed that door you might aswell be my sister or something. Anyway if it's "right" there are no weird vibes just two friends sharing bed
click to expand

No I am not the friend. I am female. I would be upfront about it if it was happening to me and say so. I'd have no reason to lie to strangers when you dont know me. I ld just say it was me.

I have been seeing someone for nearly 3 years.

Friend is a colleague who is a bit younger than me - quite inexperienced with relationships.

Ok well he is not ok about it and he almost ended things but the problem is going forward if she stays friends with her ex...
click to expand

I wouldn't be ok with it either and I wouldn't expect my partners to be... I'm just saying from an emotional point it can really be just this simple uncomplicated thing that is made complicated by the outside world

click to expand

I'm not sure I know what you mean by that

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by MyuMe84

Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II

Posted by MyuMe84


Apparently she is still friends with her ex which my friend knew about.

He knew she was meeting him, but she ended up staying really late and staying overnight. Not on the sofa but in his bed.

He almost broke up with her but has now issued an ultimatum in that the only bed she shares is his. He should not have to ask.

Is this "friend" you?

I been there with an ex myself, or I still am, but not if I'm half-serious about someone else, then I find it inappropriate bc of how that person might feel which is understandable.

I mean I don't think it's that strange, it all depends on the dynamic, how your relationship evolved overtime and ended.... My headspace is compartmentalized and once I've truly closed that door you might aswell be my sister or something. Anyway if it's "right" there are no weird vibes just two friends sharing bed
click to expand

No I am not the friend. I am female. I would be upfront about it if it was happening to me and say so. I'd have no reason to lie to strangers when you dont know me. I ld just say it was me.

I have been seeing someone for nearly 3 years.

Friend is a colleague who is a bit younger than me - quite inexperienced with relationships.

Ok well he is not ok about it and he almost ended things but the problem is going forward if she stays friends with her ex...
click to expand

I wouldn't be ok with it either and I wouldn't expect my partners to be... I'm just saying from an emotional point it can really be just this simple uncomplicated thing that is made complicated by the outside world

click to expand

I'm not sure I know what you mean by that

Posted by MyuMe84
How much is too much when being friendly / on good terms with an ex. Meaning a boyfriend / girlfriend that is not an ex spouse.

Posting for opinions for my friend as we don't agree on this one. He's male so putting it out for the wise advice on here.

He has a girlfriend who is a relatively new, i'm talking in the six months but always been exclusive and going well. How OK would you be with your girlfriend being friends with their last ex? This friendship involves them going over to their exes place.

My friend is a bit taken aback as his gf was upfront with him in that she stayed at her exes a bit too late and ended up sleeping there. It's a one bed place...yes they shared a bed.

She was upfront about it and is adamant no sex took place.

My friend is upset but is going to forgive and move on having originally considered breaking it off.

That is way too intimate and unacceptable for me. I couldn't forgive i dont think.

She is definitely Aries sun and with water placements IIRC.

The entire thing looks very fragile and non lasting to me. Not counting in the heartbreaks and emotional pain that might follow...

Posted by TurnedOn4

Posted by MyuMe84
How much is too much when being friendly / on good terms with an ex. Meaning a boyfriend / girlfriend that is not an ex spouse.

Posting for opinions for my friend as we don't agree on this one. He's male so putting it out for the wise advice on here.

He has a girlfriend who is a relatively new, i'm talking in the six months but always been exclusive and going well. How OK would you be with your girlfriend being friends with their last ex? This friendship involves them going over to their exes place.

My friend is a bit taken aback as his gf was upfront with him in that she stayed at her exes a bit too late and ended up sleeping there. It's a one bed place...yes they shared a bed.

She was upfront about it and is adamant no sex took place.

My friend is upset but is going to forgive and move on having originally considered breaking it off.

That is way too intimate and unacceptable for me. I couldn't forgive i dont think.

She is definitely Aries sun and with water placements IIRC.

The entire thing looks very fragile and non lasting to me. Not counting in the heartbreaks and emotional pain that might follow...

click to expand

It looks as if it is going nowhere. But ill be a good friend, smile and nod for now and be there if it does go wrong.

Posted by MyuMe84

Posted by TurnedOn4

Posted by MyuMe84
How much is too much when being friendly / on good terms with an ex. Meaning a boyfriend / girlfriend that is not an ex spouse.

Posting for opinions for my friend as we don't agree on this one. He's male so putting it out for the wise advice on here.

He has a girlfriend who is a relatively new, i'm talking in the six months but always been exclusive and going well. How OK would you be with your girlfriend being friends with their last ex? This friendship involves them going over to their exes place.

My friend is a bit taken aback as his gf was upfront with him in that she stayed at her exes a bit too late and ended up sleeping there. It's a one bed place...yes they shared a bed.

She was upfront about it and is adamant no sex took place.

My friend is upset but is going to forgive and move on having originally considered breaking it off.

That is way too intimate and unacceptable for me. I couldn't forgive i dont think.

She is definitely Aries sun and with water placements IIRC.

The entire thing looks very fragile and non lasting to me. Not counting in the heartbreaks and emotional pain that might follow...
click to expand

It looks as if it is going nowhere. But ill be a good friend, smile and nod for now and be there if it does go wrong.

click to expand

Wise choice. Sometimes people know its gonna burn but still they want to touch that hot pan just to feel it or at least they like to go with the flow.