playing hard to get or being open and honest?

i recently had a thing with an aqua, im a libra, and he kept coming and going and now hes talked to me twice in the past 5 months so im assuming its over, but when we first started talking i decided to be honest open and there for him, but as other people have said he just used me when he felt like putting out effort as i am always there for him and i dont ignore him, im nice to him, so he probably didnt think i was worth it or didnt fight for me as i was always there when he wanted to talk so i just feel hurt and used as he was genuinely such a nice guy i never expected him to do something so cold like that
but previously with guys i play hard to get and it gets their attention but then i feel like im putting in so much unnecessary effort that it doesn't seem natural and then they get bored once they 'have' me
i just dont get it like why is it seen as so bad or 'easy' if girl is just genuinely nice to you, there for you and supports you? its not like i was throwing myself at him, sending nudes, etc he just seemed so sweet that i didnt think he was the 'play hard to get' type?

i dont know if this makes any sense, just a rant

I'm 41. As many times in my life as Ive seen men say they don't like to chase, they prefer women to be real... Ive found this to be the opposite really. At least in my life. The longest relationships Ive had including now is when Ive been nice, but not TOO nice and Ive receptively let them persue me. I rarely initiate or reach out, the few times I have the dude disappeared meanwhile all my male friends are telling me to persue him, apologize to him, make it right for him, step it up, etc. But that never felt natural to me either, it felt like I was trying to force it. Support in your eyes meaning you are doing all the work as a woman including reaching out.. that cant FEEL right. Speaking for myself, when I put energy into learning how to receive and live my life that way instead of forcing myself against the natural flow, I find my relationships in the right balance.

Posted by CocoKat
I'm 41. As many times in my life as Ive seen men say they don't like to chase, they prefer women to be real... Ive found this to be the opposite really. At least in my life. The longest relationships Ive had including now is when Ive been nice, but not TOO nice and Ive receptively let them persue me. I rarely initiate or reach out, the few times I have the dude disappeared meanwhile all my male friends are telling me to persue him, apologize to him, make it right for him, step it up, etc. But that never felt natural to me either, it felt like I was trying to force it. Support in your eyes meaning you are doing all the work as a woman including reaching out.. that cant FEEL right. Speaking for myself, when I put energy into learning how to receive and live my life that way instead of forcing myself against the natural flow, I find my relationships in the right balance.

thats really interesting, im only 18, but i hope i find that balance with someone. i rarely initiate conversation first and kinda let them come to me as i used to be rejected all the time so now its a fear thing. its just now when i meet a guy i dont know wether to be genuine or to play hard to get as they see someone just being nice as 'easy'

there is nothing wrong with initiating conversation at all, but if you are not comfortable with it then don't do it. If any male is going to discount you because of that, has nothing to do with you. Unfortunately there are many who get bored if you are too nice to them. They think you are interested and want them right away, they get bored and move to the bigger challenge.. I wouldn't change my behavior for anyone, but I would modify it and work on learning how to receive. Its a fine balance with showing interest and allowing yourself to receive.

Ive never seen a relationship work where a women puts "all her cards on the table."

What I have seen is a lot of men giving this advice and then the woman chasing harder after she lets her interest be known due to bad advice from others.

Its so easy for men to cheat if they don't adore you, so set yourself up right and don't be one of the millions on the relationship advice board because your feeding some dudes ego instead of being true to yourself.

I definitly do not play hard to get. Im too confident and fast.

Like Tiz said, you have to do what comes naturally.

I will let the man take the lead, but im calling when i want to, im texting when i want 2.

Mutables seems to not care who does the pursuing. Its all good

yes Tiziani, but that's only "some people." unfortunately most people aren't as concerned with being open and honest most dudes are spinning plates and trying out the latest "get her to chase you" technique while playing innocent, all the while getting bored if it works. Staying true to yourself as a woman for me at least has meant understanding the core dynamics of male-female relationships which have played out the same since the beginning of time of time in terms of masculine and feminine roles. If I'm chasing and it is unnatural to me, the relationship is going nowhere and I feel drained while getting scraps then I need to turn things around so I am either out of the situation or I am adored as the lovely lady I am.

Posted by CocoKat
I'm 41. As many times in my life as Ive seen men say they don't like to chase, they prefer women to be real... Ive found this to be the opposite really. At least in my life. The longest relationships Ive had including now is when Ive been nice, but not TOO nice and Ive receptively let them persue me. I rarely initiate or reach out, the few times I have the dude disappeared meanwhile all my male friends are telling me to persue him, apologize to him, make it right for him, step it up, etc. But that never felt natural to me either, it felt like I was trying to force it. Support in your eyes meaning you are doing all the work as a woman including reaching out.. that cant FEEL right. Speaking for myself, when I put energy into learning how to receive and live my life that way instead of forcing myself against the natural flow, I find my relationships in the right balance.

Agree. I've come to that conclusion, too.

truecap, its nice to get your affirmation. I spend a lot of time counseling younger females in my life, one on one who have no idea on what femmine, receptive energy is and why they constantly are strung along or accept sub par treatment from the many half-interested males passing thru their lives.

and it tends to be socially acceptable these days to accept that treatment. other women think there is something wrong if you are treated well and try and vilify you for having boundaries as if you should tolerate poor behavior as the norm because having a spine is seen as playing games.

Wise words, unfortunate that the ultimate lesson won't be learnt until ones ready for them.

Harsh lesson #1: Doesn't matter how nice we are to people, or how much we be there for them. Some people just don't hold you on the same pedestal. Review whether your view of them is part fantasy, proceed to punch it in the groin, continue with living.

yes, aquasnos I realized that last night while on another thread (below I believe) one of the dudes was like I only spend money on the women I like, the others I go 50-50 with and he was speaking for a lot of dudes, after bashing the need to pay for a date. Many of the women there enjoyed going dutch. I thought to myself what a surefire way to put yourself in the wrong category and ensure the feelings he has for you are not very strong and will probably never develop to the full extent they could. You will probably not go on that pedestal.