Sag & Aries on/ off 8 years

a little long. i do apologise.

Im an aries sun 22, he is a sag 24.

We dated in high school, i was 15, my first everything, my dad wouldn't let me date him, so he broke it off only to continue calling me for years to talk & hook up. I would do it and he knew i was so head over heels for him. He stopped calling me for 3 years.

Low and behold i am 20 and he calls me out of the blue one day, wants me to end my current relationship and date him, which i did a week later cuz i was already unhappy, and then he said he changed his mind, i was heartbroken again.

doesn't mean we still didnt text each other sometimes. we are like best friends, he is one person i really can't lie to. he just seems uncomfortable getting too close and intamite with me.

over the next year i become single and we hang out often, and i thought he was really liking me and we were getting somewhere. then he would refer to me as just as friend.

well, when i got sick of the mind games and started dating someone else, and fell for him (a gemini). After, he has told me almost everything i wanted to hear. I still miss him, and we talk sometimes, and sometimes we fight cuz we still hurt each other.

I am not going to leave my awesome bf for him just so he can hurt me again maybe. But its always in the back of my mind i am meant for him. we saw each other at a party last weekend and he adn i talked, almost flirting, i couldn't help it, we have a bond. and then he was chatting up my clueless bf making him laugh, oh...... i know he knew how awkward i felt. i think he is pushing me away though, he doesn't like that i withhold from him now.

I have tried cutting it off but he always texts me again even if its about a band or something and sparks up a conversation i can't help but joining. we know each other's mind too well. I wanna be happy with my gem but he makes it impossible.

he has tried to get me to cheat on my bf several times or come see him, and gets mad i won't. i think he probably just needs his toy back. but, damn no one can make me laugh like him. and every now and then he will write something crazy like he wants me to live with him, to which i can not react to.