Will my cancer lover forgive if I confess...

Okay, my cancer boyfriend and I were out one night and had a blazing row. He tld me it was over, that I was wasting my time. I was gutted, and the for the next few days he never answered my calls or emails so I thought that it really was over...so I went out got hammered and I slept with a guy, purley rebound sex. But a few days later my boyfriend got in contact and wanted to make a go of things again and asked if I had been with someone else. I said no and the guilt is tearing me apart. My friends say I have nothing to feel bad about but I realy do. I'm just wondering is this considered cheating to a cancerian man and if I tell him the truth will he ever forgive me??

Quite Frankly .. it doesn't appear as though you have anything to confess, nor feel guilty about, from my perspective ..

He broke up with you, told you it was over and then proceeded to ignore you .. who you choose to sleep with while single is nobody's business except your own ..

The only reason you feel bad is because he has decided you are actually worth it .. lucky you

Sounds to me as though you are letting him decide your happiness and self-worth for you .. he can walk out over a row if he chooses, ignore you without having adult conversation about the problem if he chooses, think he has some kind of right to ask you about your personal business while a single woman, and has YOU feeling bad when it was him who broke up with you ..

If he was still ignoring you, you wouldn't have a second thought about sleeping with other people ..

You were single (by his choice) .. don't let him, or anybody else, determine what is appropriate for you to do in her life. It's up to you to decide what is right or wrong for you, not him.

He's a guy .. don't think for one second that he wasn't capable of getting laid with someone else while single. Most blokes are capable of getting a piece on the side at any time, single or not. Let me tell you .. if he slept with another woman during this break, I guarantee you he isn't feeling guilty about it.

Seriously .. you have nothing to feel guilty about and so long as you let guilt influence you, you will be living your life according to another persons standards to save yourself this grief .. when in reality, you can only save yourself by realizing the only person you have to answer to .. is you.

seeing how he broke up with you i agree with everyone else and say you shouldn't feel guilty and you probably made that decision because you were hurt. so as a cancer i say try to deal with the guilt but do not tell him. i know honesty is the best policy but not in this case. some things are better left unsaid. if you tell him i can say that as a cancer he will hold this against you and out of hurt might try to spite you. also, he will keep that you cheated even though he broke up with you in his back pocket. that is just how we operate so i say let sleeping dogs lie and just move on knowing you made a mistake..

Thanks for the advise guys, yer great agony aunts! I still feel insanely guilty but I understand that something like this would really hurt him...so I will keep my mouth shut!

I agree with what everyone else said, especially *Cansir*.

He WILL hold it against you - even if he did the EXACT same thing.
And it's highly possible he did.

You have to find out exactly where you stand with yourself and him. I would actually use this one night stand as a tool, a measuring stick for the worth of the relaitonship. Yeah, people are right in that you were single, none of his business and so on and so forth.

But, PAngel was right about it sounding like your determining your self worth on his desire for you. It was further proven when you went and got drunk and got laid, that is a sign of feeling needed. Other people will disagree, but combined with what you already said I think that is exactly what it was.

Tell him you slept with someone else. Tell him the real reason you feel guilty. This is honesty, and it would seem like you haven't been completely honest with or about yourself in the sense that your letting someone else determine the quality of your life and happiness. Turn your wake up call into his wake up call and the reaction will let you know if the relationship is workable.....and take the initiative in determining where things go from there.

If he is going to try and make you feel guilty and ashamed, point it out and let him know that this isn't going to work.

" also, he will keep that you cheated even though he broke up with you in his back pocket. that is just how we operate so i say let sleeping dogs lie and just move on knowing you made a mistake.."

You are who you are and have done what you have done. Take ownership of it or it will take ownership of you.

Unless, you are ok with someone who feels right in judging you for both the way you act in a relationship and out of a relationship. Then that is on you and you deserve whatever guilt trip you fall prey too.

However, with the person I love and past relationships I do not put judgement on them for what they did or did not do before or after we were together. I believe everyone deserves that kind of acceptance and understanding. Without it I don't believe true love can come to fruition.

For the record I wasn't saying she should tell him for him. Having back bone would be able to say "why yes...yes it did...I hope you can deal with that."

What is the point of assuming he was with another girl? Wouldn't basing what you do and not do off of what you think someone else might or might not do in a situation that might or might not have happened is allowing the other person to control you more than anything else? I think at most it is, at least it is just trying to excuse a superficial solution to a more serious problem.

Where did I state that she had owed anything to him? I don't understand, your not arguing any of the points I made. If anything...not saying something out of fear of how the other person would react is giving power/control to the other person.