My Bestfriend of 5 Years Wanted to Move Our Friendship To The Next Level. ADVICE?

Try to make it Quick

My best friend is a Cancer Male. 5 years ago when we first met in my senior year he was all about me.l and we were talking. Lasted 2 months and I broke things off because he was messing with his ex still. He fought for a friendship and we’ve been best friends since

Over the past 2 months we’ve been having sex. It’s been great. He broke up with his ex about 2 1/2 months ago. He’s so affectionate with me and the more we chill one on one the more comfortable he’s gotten with himself and me. He always kissing on me and kissing me in my sleep. I be feeling it sometimes. He always wants a kiss when he comes and a kiss goodbye. I haven’t attached feelings because I know he still deals with his ex a lot and he has a tendency of going back to messing with his exes, I’ve watched him do it before. I also currently had a miscarriage, I wasn’t even aware I was pregnant but could only have been about 2 weeks. I decided to tell him because we had made an agreement to keep it real with each other and tell each other everything. No secrets. It hurt him pretty bad. He said that he may have to stop because “I can’t be doing that to you, especially you” he’s been a bit distant but around if that makes sense. He’s so scared of confrontation. I’ve realized too that when I go out my way to make him feel that how I feel with him hadn’t changed I can feel his tension lessen. He also knows I hate that and I’m not beat. He also knows that I’m blunt and will speak my mind if I’m bothered by something. I know he also may be fearing what could’ve happened between him and his ex if it never happened and I kept it. I know he has a lot of love for her still too. He wants me to be able to be comfortable around him and let loose and I have and he loves it.

If I were to be honest with myself I love my best friend. But he loves me too, it’s grown over the past 5 years on both our parts. He told me he made me his best friend because he always thought I was pretty big knew he couldn’t have me. I ended up in a 2 year relationship and he went into one towards the end of mine. Now We’re both single. I’m afraid to let my feelings come into play because I don’t want to fall into a second option. I’m afraid to let my feelings come into play because I don’t want to mess up the friendship I have with him if he starts to act different. I also don’t want to apply feelings because I don’t want them to be rejected. I’ve told him I don’t want what we’re doing to affect our bond. I also told him that I may have to stop after awhile to not grow deep feelings. He was understanding to both. But I know in me saying that it probably didn’t make he feel safe to admit any feelings. All he’s said that “ it took me a long time to stop thinking of you in that way. it took us a long time to get where we’re at right now and I don’t regret it. I hope that you feel the same way” I told I did. I

I would love to give it a chance with my best but I’m scared to destroy what we have. I do t have a lot of experience in the talking phases. I’ve only had 2 boyfriends.

Can anyone provide me with any guidance?

@Dreamy88 thank you for your honesty. That’s what I was thinking. We’ve had a solid 5 years of being best friends. He chose to step over the line first. I believe it’s safe to say that I chose correct in not involving my feelings. He wants me to though, be vulnerable with him. But that consists of me bringing my guard down n that allows feelings to flow. I just don’t want him to feel rejected either Bc I’ve seen him when his feelings are hurt. He runs into his shell and avoids

@emeraldgem yes exactly. Again I’ve seen his Pattern of behavior. He always goes back to messing with them. He won’t go into a relationship with them again but he still deals with her. His current ex. I don’t know. He always saying or Chance was taking from us because the line of events of people we were dealing with at the time. I don’t even know how to have this discussion with him. If I were to be honest I would love to let my guard down and allow myself to feel for him because he already does with me, but I’m just so skeptical and want to protect myself. That’s why I keep telling him I don’t want feelings to mess up our friendship. But that’s another way of me protecting myself by saying that. We’ve been messing around and getting even closer since June.

Our chance was taken from us*

So I understand your fears and concerns about ruining your friendship and changes ruining things etc. I just want you to be aware that your operating from a FEAR-based state of mind rather than an ABUNDANCE-based state of mind. Ok, sounds cheesy but hear me out...

Scenario 1: I'm scared to go after what I want and fully/authentically express myself but still end up up with following results:

What if... you keep your friendship going and suddenly he changes and doesn't want to be friends anymore.

What if... you keep your friendship and just drift away.

Scenario 2: I cannot control people, the future or external aspects. Hence, I decide to live fully, presently, and authentically:

What if you end up together and have 1,2,3,4+ relationships who knows... but no matter how long you learn the most amazing things about yourself, life, and love... but then you end up not even being friends.

What if you end up together and this is the love of your life....

Only you know the answers and hold the key to what is best for you. You should follow your heart... whatever that means whether it's just being friends or trying to find love in this friendship. Don't operate based on what you might lose, operate on what you might gain in either direction.

Don't ever be afraid to express yourself and how you feel... yes be considerate and use good judgement on timing but don't hold it back because of fear that you might lose something.

@Generous_Libra yes I’m a Libra. Sag rising Virgo Moon

@stillstillwater that was the best perspective. You have valid points. We made an agreement that our friendship will come first before anything. But you are right I’m running on Fear. I don’t want to fall into the “second option” category. And I’m running on fear because I know how he is. We’ve been spending time together and everything. But he still sees his ex too. They went out for 3 years but known each other for 4 years. I don’t know how to break through that. That’s why I’m saying I don’t know how to go from here. I don’t want to come off too strong and or make him feel like I’m trying to force something. When he gets uncomfortable he distances himself. He doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings through words it’s all through actions. He loves hard. His last ex from high school they broke up in 2015 and he didn’t get over her and stop seeing her until 2017. I feel like I don’t have a big chance. Cancers are so sensitive and you have to have a lot of patience. The biggest thing I’m fearing is that I will open myself but he’ll still end up going back to her to prevent drama. Also I used to be cool with her ex. But she would always come to be about their problems and I was blunt with her one day and she got mad and cut me off. I didn’t care Bc at the end of the day I only knew her because of my bestfriend. He also doesn’t like drama so I feel as though he couldn’t follow through with it. Because if he went for me it would cause a lot of problems

@Black-Mamba yeah my first love of my life (first Bf) was a Cancer. He was amazing but but he passed away. I had met my bestfriend after that.

@Black-Mamba My Venus is also in Virgo and my Mars is in Leo

Posted by alwaysbalanced96

@stillstillwater that was the best perspective. You have valid points. We made an agreement that our friendship will come first before anything. But you are right I’m running on Fear. I don’t want to fall into the “second option” category. And I’m running on fear because I know how he is. We’ve been spending time together and everything. But he still sees his ex too. They went out for 3 years but known each other for 4 years. I don’t know how to break through that. That’s why I’m saying I don’t know how to go from here. I don’t want to come off too strong and or make him feel like I’m trying to force something. When he gets uncomfortable he distances himself. He doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings through words it’s all through actions. He loves hard. His last ex from high school they broke up in 2015 and he didn’t get over her and stop seeing her until 2017. I feel like I don’t have a big chance. Cancers are so sensitive and you have to have a lot of patience. The biggest thing I’m fearing is that I will open myself but he’ll still end up going back to her to prevent drama. Also I used to be cool with her ex. But she would always come to be about their problems and I was blunt with her one day and she got mad and cut me off. I didn’t care Bc at the end of the day I only knew her because of my bestfriend. He also doesn’t like drama so I feel as though he couldn’t follow through with it. Because if he went for me it would cause a lot of problems

so what if you open up and he goes back to her? You have to work on that... because there are two parts in a relationship: 1) to love 2) to be loved back. You can only control one. So release the need for control and certainty... You can only do your part.

And if he hurts you and goes back ot her... at least you lived your truth. Believe in yourself that you're stronger than fear and pain.

The bird jumps not because it knows the branch is there but because it believes in its own wings to fly!

Through this confusion you have to figure out what's more important for you.... to be safe and avoid pain. Or follow your heart, live passionately...and if you get hurt you will only grow stronger from it. Believe in yourself.

When I read OP I was feeling awww poor girl...it’s so unfair...

Then I read more about how Cancer is sensitive and IF she opens up he will run back to his ex and I snapped out of weak ass mode and I wanted to scream!!! Your weak ass men generation is ridiculous!!!

Since when anybody fucking cared about men who are ‘sensitive’—

You put him in a pedestal and dust his balls with a feather duster so it wouldn’t get scratched!!! And if it is - he runs...

Let him run! This ‘love’ is pathetic!!!

Find a MAN!

@Gemitati I’m not looking for love lol I’m doing what I can not to mess up my friendship

Posted by alwaysbalanced96

@Gemitati I’m not looking for love lol I’m doing what I can not to mess up my friendship

Yep! While you at this I think you can end world hunger as well...

@Gemitati what crawled up your ass lol. Keep that negative energy in another thread

@impulsv because he still deals with ex. He has a hard time letting go and has a history of messing with his exes. So since I’m aware of this I don’t want to catch feelings. Feel like if I do then I’m asking to eventually be hurt

Posted by alwaysbalanced96

@impulsv because he still deals with ex. He has a hard time letting go and has a history of messing with his exes. So since I’m aware of this I don’t want to catch feelings. Feel like if I do then I’m asking to eventually be hurt

You have. Caught feelings. Are you seriously in denial?

@Gemitati lol I love my best friend so if you call that catching feelings then okay. But I love him same way I did before we started what we’re doing now. If you haven’t read the prior convos, i clearly said I’m keeping my guard up Bc I don’t want to catch feelings. If I caught feelings i would not be asking for advice and @stillstillwater wouldn’t have said what they said. So again read the whole thread before you decide to put in your input love.

@Gobby lol except I’m not like that. I’m picky as hell and due to my past I’m deff not like that. But I know what you’re talking about because I have Libra friends who are like that

Thank you @Black-Mamba 🙂 for understanding where I’m coming from