Are Cancers the same at all ages?

This cancer man I have feelings for had been driving me crazy with his pushing and pulling. Words of great caring followed by periods of extended silence. It all felt do familiar and then I remembered!

When I was in high school I had a cancer boyfriend. I was crazy about him. He would push and pull too. I remember the day he gave me a piece of his grandmother's jewelry. I thought he loved me for sure. The first phone call after he gave me the jewelry he broke up with me, but told me to keep the jewelry. We did not date again, but remained good friends throughout the rest of highschool. A few years later when we graduated he was going to move away and suddenly proposed to me. At this point I was over him. He begged and begged for my hand in marriage. It was shocking.

Now, many years later I got back in touch with him through social media. He has told me several times he has always loved me and still does. I asked him about all the times he pushed me away. I was curious. He had no answer as to why.

It is funny how a teenage boy can remind me do much of the forty year old man i care for today. I had chalked this kind of behavior to youth, but it just seems to be a cancer thing. Sigh.

My girlfriend is a Cancer. She does the exact same thing. One minute she is telling me, "You know I'm going to marry you and have your babies, right?" The next she is breaking up with me because, "We are not even on the same page". 20 minutes after breaking things off she is sending me suggestive GIF's on social media. 12 hours later she wants to forget the breakup. Push, pull, up, down..... I'm crazy about her and she makes me crazy. PS She hasn't spoken to me in 4 days.

Both of you are either dealing with a psycho or you were perfect for them but there was some small details that bothered them real bad about you two. Maybe they thought you could never really give them what they want but then couldn't get over you at the same time. Cancers don't say lovey shit to people or do big acts of kindness or life changing shit for no reason. They don't lie to people about how they feel. They might not be forward with their emotions at points in their relationships but they won't lie about their feelings.

Posted by StarChild63
Both of you are either dealing with a psycho or you were perfect for them but there was some small details that bothered them real bad about you two. Maybe they thought you could never really give them what they want but then couldn't get over you at the same time. Cancers don't say lovey shit to people or do big acts of kindness or life changing shit for no reason. They don't lie to people about how they feel. They might not be forward with their emotions at points in their relationships but they won't lie about their feelings.

Damn StarChild, I couldn't have said it better myself. Case in point, I was always breaking/making up with my bf because there are somethings he is doing/not doing that is really upsetting and I can't get over it, except true to Cancerian nature I can't let go of all the good qualities...sigh. Anyway, after all the constant back and forth I severed ties completely. And I'm still hurt/disappointed it didn't work out..I even pictured him in his tuxedo at our wedding. Ah well, there you go!

Actually we just spoke and as it turns out it has nothing to do with me. It is because we are in a long distance relationship and she has a hard time with us being a part. She just needed to sort herself out. She appreciates that I can give her space even though it is hard for me. It's not me...it's not her...it's the distance and that will be rectified soon.

Posted by AlexanderSupertramp
Actually we just spoke and as it turns out it has nothing to do with me. It is because we are in a long distance relationship and she has a hard time with us being a part. She just needed to sort herself out. She appreciates that I can give her space even though it is hard for me. It's not me...it's not her...it's the distance and that will be rectified soon.

Umm well, yeah...that would do it! Well glad you guys figured it out and issue will be resolved soon 🙂

Alexander, glad things are working out for you now.

And yes there are plenty of not so little things standing between the current cancer and me that cause pause. It gives me hope that these things may be the only reason for the push/pull and that some of you think he might really care. If I knew what he wanted and that the pushing would end I would be willing to remove many of the obstacles that stand on my side.

I do find it hard to understand the push and pull though. He has all the same negatives I have, but I only pull him closer, now. In the beginning I would give him such a hard time and told him I was pushing him away. He told me he could handle it and laughed at me. As soon as I gave up pushing and started trusting him, when he started pushing. I just find the silence of his push much more difficult than the harsh honesty of my push.

As for my teenage boyfriend, he may have just been crazy, or more likely just too young to get that serious.

Thanks for all the input.

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by StarChild63
Both of you are either dealing with a psycho or you were perfect for them but there was some small details that bothered them real bad about you two. Maybe they thought you could never really give them what they want but then couldn't get over you at the same time. Cancers don't say lovey shit to people or do big acts of kindness or life changing shit for no reason. They don't lie to people about how they feel. They might not be forward with their emotions at points in their relationships but they won't lie about their feelings.

Damn StarChild, I couldn't have said it better myself. Case in point, I was always breaking/making up with my bf because there are somethings he is doing/not doing that is really upsetting and I can't get over it, except true to Cancerian nature I can't let go of all the good qualities...sigh. Anyway, after all the constant back and forth I severed ties completely. And I'm still hurt/disappointed it didn't work out..I even pictured him in his tuxedo at our wedding. Ah well, there you go!

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Damn that's a damn sad good love story. If you feel that way why don't you get counseling to help younger over it? Sounds like a meant to be thing that didn't lift off. If he's worth it don't let him go. You cancers can be way confusing so you should try to have one last heart to heart before you split for good.

Alexandersupertramp good for you two. I didn't realize you are a man going for a woman. Yea cancer women are not built for LDRs. If you ask for it they will give you as much space as you need without getting into messy emotions but they're not built for it. They will drift away from you if you let them. Why would she drift if she loves you and wants you? Cuz that what you want and cancer women aim to please. They are people pleasers-well when they care and aren't on guard. They love to give and they are in love with love. Making people happy makes them happy. Like it's a hobby or something. They put their wants and needs last until you become a memory bc of the distance or you fuck up something that is. But anyways once you fix the distance you'll probably see some leaps in your relationship.

Lostbull. What obstacles can you easily remove? You say you were pushing him away and then you came around and he pushed you away because he didn't trust you? And from your words it looks like you both have no clue how the other one feels and vice vs? Well that's why! Both of you are confusing and press the gas then slam on the brakes and keep this pattern up? Yea I see why both of you would have trust issues and will have trouble moving forward with a real relationship. Thing here is you both need to put your guns down and be real with each other and say sorry. Both of you need to start showing each other with actions that you love and care for one another. Sounds like that's all you need for the relationship to take off. Well do you love him? Think he loves you?

Posted by thinktoomuch

Damn StarChild, I couldn't have said it better myself. Case in point, I was always breaking/making up with my bf because there are somethings he is doing/not doing that is really upsetting and I can't get over it, except true to Cancerian nature I can't let go of all the good qualities...sigh. Anyway, after all the constant back and forth I severed ties completely. And I'm still hurt/disappointed it didn't work out..I even pictured him in his tuxedo at our wedding. Ah well, there you go!

Dang! I'm not a cancer, don't have even one single planet in cancer I believe, but this is exactly how I felt/feel after things not working out with a cancer male. I have never pictured getting married, but for some reason I started imagining him and how he would like completely awesome in a tux! 😄 And I am also stil dissapointed/hurt that it didn't work out, even though I have made it my deal to just leave him the hell alone, poor guy, not ready for my crazy yet. But how refreshing to know, that I'm not alone on stuff like this! 🙂

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Can't remember the details to your story but you'll be surprised at how much a cancer will hold back from you when the situation is like this one. They might want nothing more in the world but to be with you but if the situation is like this it don't make them confident in their decision to be with you and only you and they will be crazy distant with you. You might want to try the same method I wrote above

Lost bull I take part of my answer back because I didn't read your post all the way and missed details. Now I see. You were closed first when he wanted you open. He kept getting rejected and tried to play it cool and give you what you want--detachment. He detaches and then you are now ready to attach. You said you were harsh and he was silent? I think that means when you wanted to be detached you were harsh and the opposite of silent so you probably did things like shout evil shit at him while you felt you were being blunt and honest about your desire for detachment? And when you were ready to trust him he was detached and didn't come forward with you the way you did and just kinda poof disappeared in silence and left you hanging wondering wtf happened why doesn't this cancer man want me and why is he playing games with me? Is this all what happened? I'll explain wxactly what's happening. You continually rejected him and he tried to stick it out with you because he had feelings for you. If you were honest about your desire to be detached I imagine you made it clear you didn't want anything romantic with him, you probably didn't hide the fact that you could've been talking to other romantic interests, you probably didn't really treat him with dignity and respect because you felt he was on your ass and knowing how cancers are he probably kept accepting that shit and coming harder to get you even with a broken heart until one day he started caring less and less until being with or around you was too painful then left in silence. He probably felt it will never work with you because of your ways. When you were ready to trust him by that point he probably thought you were lying or weren't serious or maybe even had resentment towards you for having him wait so long and putting him through hell. You are probably a verrrrrrrty very soar spot for him. That's why he left in silence after had gone through so much. If this is all true then you have some serious work to do and you need to get started ASAP. It might he too late bit then again cancers don't ever truly give up on love.

You set the pace for the cancer and now you don't understand why he can't just go back to how he was? He doesn't trust you at all. The trust is gone. You need to get that back. You need to jump start the relationship and set a new pace. You better be on him like jelly on bread--unless he tells you to back up. You need to do something huge to get him back to how he was. You might even need to mention that you want to marry him and you are serious about it and show him and tell him how you feel. If he did evil shit to you when he was in detached timeout then you need to suck it up and deal with it because that's what you asked him for. Do ask for a apology from him tho but you need to forgive and forget. Move on with him or just forget about him. But you don't have any time to keep that shit up. Hopefully he's not already dating someone that's not scared of emotions and attachment.

Posted by thinktoomuch
*in a tux, I mean! 😄

You missed my whole point. Get out of your ego and think about it might be right about it all. Why not

Posted by thinktoomuch

Can't remember the details to your story but you'll be surprised at how much a cancer will hold back from you when the situation is like this one. They might want nothing more in the world but to be with you but if the situation is like this it don't make them confident in their decision to be with you and only you and they will be crazy distant with you. You might want to try the same method I wrote above

Can't say for the other posters in this topic, but I need to keep away - for his and my own sake.

Just ??cause I imagined him in a tow, it don't mean he imagined me in a wedding dress😉 😄

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What's the winky face for?

Posted by Virgofem

Posted by LostBull
This cancer man I have feelings for had been driving me crazy with his pushing and pulling. Words of great caring followed by periods of extended silence. , but it just seems to be a cancer thing. Sigh.

I believe it is a cancer 'think' so we wouldn't understand 🙂 But I'm coming to realize it is neither bad nor good just who they are. However, it is a lot easier to deal with when you aren't in a relationship with them. I'm now in the friend arena, with a man who I dated. His texts of "im tired, napping, recuperating, etc" don't bother me anymore. When we were dating and he'd do that and would be gone for a day... I'd lose my mind.

As a friend, I could care less. Because now I'm able to see the patter without all the emotions involved. He's letting me know why and to be honest, he's never out of communication for more than 2 days after texting me. So, if he texted me on Sunday afternoon saying he's tired "..." That's code for... this is the last text until I'm not tired. Which usually means he'll text me Monday night, at the latest.

When you think about it... that isn't a big deal. We're all allowed to have bad days and need time to just rest or think or not be bothered. It's not good and it's not bad... just life in these stressful times.

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EXACTLY HOW THEY COMMUNICATE!

Cancers are not the same at all ages, but anybody can be immature, lack self-insight and be challenging to be in a relationship with at any age.

I'm curious if you think it could be possible that part of the reason you are so drawn to this man is because he is similar to your high school boyfriend?

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by StarChild63

Posted by thinktoomuch
*in a tux, I mean! 😄

You missed my whole point. Get out of your ego and think about it might be right about it all. Why not

No you??re missin?? my whole point: just because I fell in love with him, that does not mean he felt the same about me, and it have been established many many times now, that he did not and he does not think about me anymore. Possibly a thought comes my way once a month, but that's it.

The winky face was me being cute/smart-ass, or so I thought.

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I'm confused. Ok so how has he made it clear? And why still ask about him or be confused about you two— And just like I took your winky face for something that definately wasn't cute or smart ass he could be confused too.

Oh I think I remember a little. I think I told you to ask him to clarify what he meant by different things. But I agree. If a man isn't pursuing a woman in any type a way he's not interested. Men should def pursue no matter what and if he's not budging then hey. But cancers do have a strange way of expressing things. He could mean we want different things like literal different things and not so much saying he doesn't want you. Or he could be saying I want more but your not giving. But you know this man more then I do so I'll just agree and say he's not into you.

Posted by StarChild63
Alexandersupertramp good for you two. I didn't realize you are a man going for a woman. Yea cancer women are not built for LDRs. If you ask for it they will give you as much space as you need without getting into messy emotions but they're not built for it. They will drift away from you if you let them. Why would she drift if she loves you and wants you? Cuz that what you want and cancer women aim to please. They are people pleasers-well when they care and aren't on guard. They love to give and they are in love with love. Making people happy makes them happy. Like it's a hobby or something. They put their wants and needs last until you become a memory bc of the distance or you fuck up something that is. But anyways once you fix the distance you'll probably see some leaps in your relationship.

Did you think I was a girl? Huh. Or were you under the impression that I am gay? Huh. Not sure what I'm putting out there.

Well, as for me, my pushing was not me being nasty at all. I never did anything but admire him and compliment him in general. The way I pushed him away was by analyzing him and telling him personal things about him he never told me. Somehow I am easily able to figure out everything about the way he operates (except when it comes to me). Each time I felt like I was pushing him away because he is a very private person and I am sure I hit several nerves. He always Hid after my assessments until I apologized and then he would deny hiding and tell me I was right. He always responded he was shocked at the accuracy of what I would tell him.

I never rejected him. He became very emotional, open, and I feel romantic toward me even though we were supposed to be only friends. What he did not know is my marriage is basically over. I am married but divorce has been a daily topic for a long time. I was not looking for love but I found it. This is probably why i told him my assesents of him were me pushing him away. When I told him my feelings is when his push and pull started. (I posted on this about a month or two ago). He is with someone as well, but I knew immediately that he has decided to settle for the person he is with in order to gain a family and the life he "should have" at his age. I know that this does not make my feelings okay, but I do love him. And to answer the question, I do think he loves me as well.

He will be silent and then randomly send me a message that he wishes I was there, or that I am brilliant, or that he wants to come visit in a few months (we live far away). I am a fool to entertain all this, but he is all I think about all day every day. I would normally think that this kind of behavior is games. I do not think it is with him. I think he feels guilty for loving me.I think maybe(?) he wants to cut me off but cannot get the fact that our chemistry is undeniable out of his mind.

Alexandersupertramp I assumed. I can't remember all the stories andante so many women post I assumed you were female.

Lostbull what do you mean telling him personal things about him he never told you— Does that mean you snooped around then told him what you found out? How can you say you were detached but yet say you did nothing but admire him and compliment him? I would think if I was into someone in the admired me and complimented me but stayed detached was full of straight up shit. I am writing while reading so I just saw that you said it was about stuff you can read from him? He didn't like it? Could be that you were wrong and it came off as you judging him for something that is not a part of him. I'm not saying this goes for your situation but I thought about my friend and how she is with things like people reading her and then trying to "teach" her who she is and tell her what she feels why she feels it why she does what she does. Whenever she goes off on someone for something like that it's because she's pissed off someone tried to tell her about her internal process and thoughts like she doesn't know herself or something. I used to do this to her all the time ad I didn't realize that cancers don't show ANYONE their thought process or like to explain it because it's private to her. Why I don't really know. Maybe it's because she can't put it into words ecause her brain is too high functioning and always switching from things and and she's always thinking and changing so she probably literally really can't put that shit into words. She tries to show people who can't and don't and won't understand her how her brain works by art and writing and science and revolutions and stuff. Sorry I got off topic. But I think it's funny cuz I just realized what she meant by some few words she said a long time ago.

He's not hiding from your "assessments" he's healing because he's hurt. That's why you apologized.ok now I see u said he was shocked at the accuracy. Ignore what I said before I was wrong. Maybe your too abrasive. What do you mean your assessments were pushing him? That's what you told him in the assessment? Wait how old are you and him? He is younger? You are or were married and he was with someone at the same time?ok I need to just read your thing. I don't feel like doing all that work. What title should I read in your history? But if all you say is real then just press the gas and shoot for it. He'll probably fold and give into you if you left your divorce in the past and committed to him. But I need to read the details to get the pictute

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by StarChild63
Both of you are either dealing with a psycho or you were perfect for them but there was some small details that bothered them real bad about you two. Maybe they thought you could never really give them what they want but then couldn't get over you at the same time. Cancers don't say lovey shit to people or do big acts of kindness or life changing shit for no reason. They don't lie to people about how they feel. They might not be forward with their emotions at points in their relationships but they won't lie about their feelings.

Damn StarChild, I couldn't have said it better myself. Case in point, I was always breaking/making up with my bf because there are somethings he is doing/not doing that is really upsetting and I can't get over it, except true to Cancerian nature I can't let go of all the good qualities...sigh. Anyway, after all the constant back and forth I severed ties completely. And I'm still hurt/disappointed it didn't work out..I even pictured him in his tuxedo at our wedding. Ah well, there you go!

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What was his sign?
How did he deal with your moods?

Starchild. The topic was something along the lines of "both taken, confused". I am about to be 34, he is 40. I feel like the things I said to him were pushing him away because I was telling him about his thought process or inner feelings when I should not have been able to understand. It is strange to him that i can understand so much about him based on a short comment he makes or a picture he sends. Emotions and closeness seem to be what pushes him away. We will chat, but as soon as an emotion is shown or something that touches his inner thoughts is said he disappears. When he says something sweet or emotional to me my heart soars but then sinks, because I know that since he has shown me emotion he will disappear for a week or more.

I am still married. It is very hard for me to leave because I am completely tied financially to my husband. It is something I will do though. If I was divorced today I am not sure I would even tell the cancer. I feel like that would be another emotional thing and would scare him away again. He is still in his relationship. He has not said it but I sense he has been exploring which direction he wants to head in his mind. I think he is deciding whether to follow the logical path and stay where he is or follow his heart and pursue me. Maybe I am giving myself too much credit, but I really feel his heart wants me. In his mind I have to be such a gamble. I can only imagine I appear like a loose cannon. Disloyal to my husband, emotional and willing to pursue him. I look completely morally wrong. I certainly am not a sure thing in his mind. Yet, I understand him and he knows it. We connect intellectually. There is physical attraction (never acted on).

Crazy enough, I believe the things I say that push him away are the things that most attract him to me. I have given all that a break though. I have been keeping all my words in the friend zone. I will not push him away because I miss him when he is gone. I would rather have him as a friend i can never be with than not have him at all. Now, he is the one saying emotional things to me and pushing himself away. Of course, every word draws me further in. I tried to let myself let him go when he disappeared once, but I was so sad I fell into a downward spiral of self destruction. It was terrible. I have given him outs, I have told him to cut ties if he wants. It is when I actually give him the option to go away that he draws closer. Funny, I just realized he really does work backwar

Lostbull sound like he wants you but you are married! How the hell do you expect him to take you seriously? Really what do you expect? That's a painful situation. Even more painful when a woman connects with me on that level and I can't really have her. If you have been keeping it friend zone then if I said some good emotional shit to you I would disappear after too because in my heart I would know that I can't have you and when I emote I would see that as me catching feelings again for someone I can't have or who wants to be detached and I will try to snap myself back into reality. Plus if you keep it friendly and he says some emo shit then I would back away in fear that I might make you uncomfortable and not like me. You expect him to be friends with you really? You know how painful that is? Just let him go and be happy with someone else. What you are doing is teasing him. Even for me I kept trying to pursue my cancer and she clearly told me no I am not into you like that so it's my fault for pushing and falling in love with her. But the hate was there for me. I hated her for that even tho it wasn't her fault or mine. I was going through a pain of a time. You probably cause him to avoid you but if you two love each other through all that and you really get divorced then maybe but don't play with this man any longer. Either you're in ir you're out.

I want to be in. I would leave it all for him. But, he has someone he has claimed he loves to me. I have put it out there that I am not happy. He has not uttered a word of discontent, though I feel certain he is not happy. I want to tell him I want him and him alone. I am just so scared that he will disappear forever. I hope that he keeps his word and visits in a few months and he will understand what I want, and maybe I will understand if he is willing to be with me as well. I fear he will never show up. I just do not know how to show him all this without scaring him. I do think he does know how I feel to a degree because he once told me if he could be with me he would, and I feel he was referring to his situation, not mine.

He was the one who asked me to keep things on a friendship level. I did. He started saying emotional things, and I am doing what he asked. Trust me, I want to melt and tell him all the things I feel. I want to gush over him like I used to before he started hiding.

What do you think I should say that will show my feelings but not scare him away? And yes, you are right, I do absolutely understand why my.marriage would scare the hell out of him if he really does want to commit to me. It never drove him away until I told him how I felt though.

Also, how long ago did things go bad with your cancer? Are you still in contact?

Why do most people who have the deep feels for cancers and v vs have relationship ways like this? He would probably leave the one he's with for you. I don't think he really cares about that relationship if he had focus on you. I think it would be way too cray cray for a cancer to have two intense relationships like that at one time. Like my friend gets mistaken for being in a relationship with her ex because if their kid. When people see them all together or pictures of them together it's not what most people would think. They aren't together and one big happy family. She has full custody and she wants nothing to do with him romantically. They are good distant friends and parents. That's all. She doesn't want to fuck up her daughters future so she agrees to hanging out but she won't let her daughter go alone with him because she fears he might not watch her the right way. So some people assume they are but they don't know because my cancer is private and won't let most people know what her status is and who she's dating. Btw cancers have a tendency to keep the people they want romantically hidden. Why? They think people or exes that got pinched and went crazy over them will try to ruin their relationship if they found out? I know some women found out I was real close to her and they flipped and started stalking her it was weird. More

Stop being afraid to lose him and get him before he's really gone! Do you realize the ones who get the cancers everybody wants are the confident ones. When I started getting confident and stopped letting my fiesty cancer friend push me around she respected me more for my bluntness. They don't mind blunt but they are also too hard on the outside or shelled creature to let them get rejected a certain amount of times before shitting down. He could've backed off because he wants you to be able to choose who you want with a clear mind. And if you keep waiting he might think you chose your husband. Cancer people like to be confident I. Their decisions and the only way they will be confident in their decision to be with you is to know for sure if you are dependable and they know for sure you are confident in them to reciprocate.

What should you say? What do you want to say?

Things went bad since my friend met her sag ex then when she broke up with him it got good then bad all over again when she started fucking around with another dude then it got real shitty assed backwards bad then we stopped talking completely for a long long time now we have a distant but close friendship.

Starchild, that is sad about your cancer. Do you think there still may be opportunity for you two in the future? Based on what I have seen you seem like a great catch!

thanks for all you have said. I looked back at my previous post and saw you gave me some really great input there too. It really has been so fantastic and I appreciate it very, very much.

I have been considering everything you have said all day. I have thought about him all day. I sent him what I will refer to as a gift last week. When he received it I could tell he loved it. It was very personal. I have not heard from him since. I thought for sure he would say more about the gift after he had a chance to look at everything i sent. I sent him a message a few days ago and again this morning. I left a comment on social media and he acknowledged every comment except mine. I really thought he would not be ignoring me this week.

I have been holding back the email saying what I want to say. I want to ask him if he does have feelings. I want to tell him why i think he does. I want to tell him that his silence has not made my feelings go away. I want to tell him he is the one I want. I want him to know he is always on my mind and his absence makes me ache...literally. I just feel if I send this he is going to shut me down again. I will probably send it. I have little self control when it comes to this man.

I want to tell him how I really wanted to respond to the nice emails he sent when he sent them.

Well, I took your advice and sent him my feelings. I feel sick. Please keep your fingers crossed.

Lostbull anytime. The fact that he ignores everybody but you on social media means he likes you the most. He's processing and trying to digest it. Cancers are public with people that they don't want-if they don't have a commitment yet. When it comes to people they want or who their fucking most people would never guess it because the cancer does not publicly communicate with them on social media because cancer has a lot of admirers and I guess we can be kinda stalkerish LOL and do "research" on the person just to give the relationship trouble so it can fall apart. Hey I'm being honest. So they keep that on lock and key. That's why they don't show their lover to the world until they are committed an the relationship is unbreakable. Lol. But he loved it. He'll be back around. The feels got to him and he needs to balance himself out. Cancers know how intense they are and know that they can cause people to take this the wrong way cuz of their emotions and intensity so that's why they take awhile before they come back. Ever seen a reallllly excited crab? They are way too happy go lucky and can literally bounce off the walls. Some people might see this and think the crab has lost it lol. So they will bounce off the walls in their shell then get at you when their more balanced and can be normal. Make him feel comfortable with you and he won't take time to process he will invite you on his emotional roller coater ride.

I think I'm a good catch but she doesn't want me. She has about 6 different good catches lined up and I think she might be still in love with somebody because she still isn't really dating anyone. Maybe she's just getting ready to date idk. But we have a complicated past and she can't forgive me for something I did a long time ago when I was wrong and passive agressive. Back then I didn't understand her and ended up fucking things up for good. Maybe one day.

It is funny you say that about keeping me hidden. I only recently was invited to be his friend on one social media site. A different time I commented that I had checked out his page on another platform and commented on something I saw. He flipped out for a second and then explained his outburst away. I left him alone, but made a joke about it the next day. I always had that sense that even though he has hundreds of friends there we are not friends because he wants to keep me to himself.

I hope you are right and he does come back. I put my feelings out there and have not heard from him yet.I knew I would not, unless it was him really truly not wanting me. He will probably never answer. He has a way of coming back saying, "sorry I have not read any of my emails the past few weeks." I find this hard to believe. I am going to try my hardest to not make any contact. He will be able to process, he can move on if he likes, but mostly he usually seems to show up sooner when I am the one that disappears. Too bad I rarely have the ability to follow through on leaving him alone.

You know, I did have him trusting me for a while. He was so open. His feelings about his life, his insecurities and how much I meant to him (although he never spelled out in which way) were flowing. I swear, I was always right there for him, but if he did not hear from me within a few hours of him contacting me he would be apologizing for anything he could think of and pleading for me to be there. My feelings overwhelmed me. I told him how I felt about him because I finally trusted that he would always be there. He was so sweet to me for a few days after I told him (even though he did reject me in a very kind way, including telling me I should try to work things out with my husband). Then a little silence. He sent me a few emails similar to how we had always communicated, and then he was gone. I told him a couple weeks ago I intend to break down his walls, and I think he liked that. I am pretty sure me telling him how I feel again is building them back up.

I am not a cancer, but I would guess if your cancer is still talking to you you still have a chance. It is hard when you know that you did something to lose someone, and it feels like there us no way to make it right.

K correction.No. He WONT come back. You have to go get him. In situations like that they won't come back. But they might give you another chance. Cancers don't come back for people who are married and can't make up their mind, it would be too hurtful to go back and forth with all that. You can't send him a email and think you're done. You have to go above and beyond. And stop leting him run the pace. If you want to talk to him just call him. If you want to see him ask. If you way to do something just call him. Plus what gonna happen is he won't believe you if you stay far away for too long. Sometimes those crabs do that to see how long you will go without them. Especially if you told him you wanted to work it out with your husband or you ain't want them no more

Hey starchild. I got a response, not what I hoped. I am feeling like maybe he does not want anything. Would you mind if I messaged you later. I would love to give you more details, but not really comfortable putting everything right out here. I love your advice, but do not want to be too much of an imposition

I see your point Arielle. I work 80 to 100 hours a week. I am not dependent. I do however own all three of my businesses with my husband. It is difficult, if not impossible, to keep these businesses floating without us both working these kinds of hours together. I do not want the businesses to collapse and leave him in ruin because I want to leave him and find a job not linked to him. It hardly seems right to leave him in ruin because I lost my feelings of love that I held for him for over thirteen years. I do not hate him. I want to see him able to move on with his life and be successful. I want him to find someone who will love him in a better way than I have. To take my love from him, I feel terrible for that. To leave him with businesses that I committed myself to, that is not right. That is not his mess to clean up alone.

Not to mention, I truly love my jobs. It would kill me to leave all that hard work and passion. I have created something that not only benefits me, but also benefits my employees. I know 90 percent of my employees would leave if i was gone, they have told me so much. Some of my customers are like family. Plus, I love to work and I like being my own boss.

Well, my husband made promises to make changes when he knew about this other man and when I admitted I was no longer in love. He has not followed through. I had promised I would keep myself open to the possibility of falling back in love. Nothing has changed. I expected I may not feel the way I used to for my husband, but I never expected that my feeling for this other man would grow stronger. I am sure he will not be with me. It makes me sad, but it only makes sense. I need to be serious and leave my.husband. At least separate. He told me he wants me to stay even if I do not love him anymore. I agreed to stay for now, but I know I am not doing him any favors. It does not matter if I can not have the cancer, if my heart can feel this way about another person it is not fair for me to string him along. I am sure I am causing him more pain than he shows.

I have not tried counseling. My husband does not believe in counseling. I have always believed that feelings are flexible as well. This was part of the beauty of our relationship. It did not matter how we felt at the moment, we always knew that love was the base of it all. And crushes on others, sure, that was another part of the beauty. My husband has had a crush on several women. I have had mild crushes on a few people. The nice thing has always been that we could be open about these things with each other and neither one of us was ever jealous because we knew our love was strong enough that neither would stray.

This is something else. I am sure part of it is based in fantasy. Isn't that how all feelings start? Everyone is a fantasy to a degree, in the beginning. I know that if this man had me, he would be a pain and a half. I am okay with that because he is worth it. The scary thing is he would actually take work. My marriage took no work. It just was. It was simple and comfortable. There were fights, but it was OK, it always was. But fights became more frequent until I felt that the lack of work was a staple of our marriage. My husband would not put in work to change even when I did. I grew frustrated and resentful. I slowly lost my frustration and slipped into a comfy spot again. That would seem great, but his lack of effort and interest left me feeling that our love was just friendship. Two years later my feelings remain the same. I thought about staying in the relationship because we are still friends and we are a family. I never expected to have feelings for anyone else. I rarely like others. I am a pretty big snob about those I like. To find someone charismatic, funny, interesting, confident, vulnerable and super intelligent (why must I be insistant that the one I love be smarter than I am?) is unlikely. There have been many opportunities for me to step out in the past and present, but I have never been tempted. This cancer is the unique one. Truth is, I know I am not good enough for him, even if I was single. He has told me all the wonderful things about me, but I know that he would be let down in time. He may think I am beautiful, clever, interesting, hard working, caring, giving and intelligent. Too bad I am pretty plain, in worse shape than I initially appear and dull compared to a man like him. And, yes, I do love him. I cannot tell him that.

Anyway, I want to update all my situations. The cancer responded. He would not address anything directly. He spoke in his own kind of hard to decipher poetry. I hate this, it is beautiful, but it is also his way of avoiding my questions. I asked him to directly tell me if he had no feelings for me and gave examples of why I thought he did. But I begged him to tell me he does not like me. I also told him I had to tell him my feelings again, or I may regret the rest of my life not trying. He never said a direct word about anything I really said. He elaborated on a few other topics we had talked about. Then he went into this story about looking at the details in the world and missing the rest of the world. He said something about we can not have it all. Of course he never mentioned a word about us, or really even any actual humans. Trees, and rocks and whatnot, that was what this fable was about. Ugh. "We can't have it all." I am sure he means he is sorry but he does not want me. I do not think it is my marriage that holds us back. I now think what holds him back is his significant other and especially his child. Of course I did not hold back from asking him for a clear response. I said please just clearly tell me if you feel nothing. If you feel anything, just explain. I told him I understand he does not want to be with me, but I need that for closure on my feelings. It has been several hours, no response.

Then, I have had a stirring feeling in me about this. Things are bad with my husband, but I believe in nothing less than honesty. He knows I have told this man I care for him in the past. He knows we still speak. I had not told him that the man was considering visiting (I am sure he does not anymore) and I had not told him that I expressed my feelings to him again. Well, I told my husband tonight. I thought we might have a separation. The beginning of the rest of my ever so lonely life that I have created for myself. He was much more upset than I thought he would be. Disturbingly upset. Seems he thought that since I had not brought up the cancer's name lately that my feelings were under control. I asked what he thought about things. He refuses to talk to me. I made my bed......

I do understand why some people pretend nothing is wrong in a relationship. I see why people even have secret affairs. It is hard not to love and care for someone even if you are no longer in love. It is hard to see them hurt. I just cannot allow myself to be dishonest. As low

As I feel, somehow being honest seems like the right thing. It seems like there is a lot more integrity in that.

Listen LostBull those push and pull games are Gods way of telling you that the grass is not greener on the other side. You didn't fall out of love with your husband you fell out of infactuation. Love is not an emotion it isn't a feeling it is a spiritual state. That feeling you are missing isn't love it is just romance. Throwing away 13 years of marriage because you assume someone is better out there to fit that fantasy in your head is an illusion. Your husband knows about the other guy and is still there tells me he loves you unconditionally and is waiting for you to figure out what that is. Take your vows seriously as you did 13 years ago. We women get caught up in romance assuming everything is suppose to feel the exact same way years later. When infactuation ends that's when real love begins.

I'm not here to judge just giving you some wisdom before you make a big mistake and end up losing the love of your life. Your husband is a good man pay attention to the signs dear and let your ego go you can't get the message if you're caught up in it.

Being honest is the right thing and you should always be real. The cancer probably knows how much trouble and pain and confusion comes from this situation an probably feels like he needs to withdraw. He is probably confused and hurt too. Love happens that way. You never know your husband could have sent him threats or harassed him. I remember my friend mentioning that a woman kept harassing her calling her phone from at least 100 different internet numbers and stalking her outside her house tampering with her car and getting other people to do it too. She was stalking her on Facebook and it was crazy out of hand.She even tried to fuck up her kids birthday party. I don't think my friend ever told dude that she was going through that--for months and months and months. I never talked to her much bout it but I do think it turned her off.
Pm me

I am separated as of today. Pretty sure my husband never contacted the cancer. When cancer was giving me the silent treatment I checked all my husbands email and social media accounts to see if he had sent a message. I can't believe I did that. It is not my husband's style to do that, but I was desperate for answers

Dumb woman lol, destroyed what little she had left lol

It is not just because of a feeling Arielle. This has been two years in the making. Did it push me to separate now? Yes. Is this the real reason we are separating? No. It just makes me realize that i am wrong staying. And yes, i desperately want the other man, but that is not the cause of our troubles. It is a symptom. But, it is no less real as a result. I should have let my husband go long ago. I have known that we are not meant to be for a long time. I stayed because he asked me to. I think he is scared to have things end. He is scared of the unknown. In the mean time, my staying with him was holding him back from meeting someone that can love him the way he should be loved. I know that leaving him is the right thing for him too. I should not have waited until I had feelings for another man. That is one hundred percent accurate. But, I do not see anything happening with the other man.

To prove it is not just the other man, I told my husband before I even met this guy that he should start dating other women. I told him I do not think I am his best option. I am not what I think he deserves. I planned on remaining faithful. I had no interest in even finding anyone else. I did not love him anymore, so I wanted him to find someone who would. I planned on just being alone. Then, if he found someone, he would not mourn our relationship so much. He did not want to date anyone else of course.

And this other guy,I really do think he is the exception. Would I eventually date others if I was single? Yes, I would. I would also not go on more than two or three dates with most of them. I am just much more into friendships than relationships with most people.

Hey Arielle, I have been stalking this cancer board. When I saw you posted I was actually a little nervous. I have interpreted some of your past comments towards others as pretty hard core attacks. Now that I look at things I probably just felt that way because of my situation. I think I have changed my mind about you. Although you do not necessarily agree with my actions and decisions, you have been incredibly respectful towards me and express your concerns in a mature way. I feel like you have actually read my responses before reacting. That is pretty cool. I can say I actually appreciate you taking the time to give your input. You are pretty alright.

Lostbull I pm you but I want to comment on your lastcomment to me. Not saying he did but with my friend the ex made lots of those disposable internet numbers and harassed her real bad. Sent emails, calls, texts from all fake accounts and all that. She would get other dudes to call her and pretend she met him out somewhere but she doesn't really give her number out so she knew it was a set up. And the dudes will be trying to get information out of her like what her name is, where she lives, if she's dating a Asian dude it was fucking crazy. She even pretended to be insurance companies and stuff like that. What she didn't know is my friend has several good police officer friends and everytine she called they traces the fake numbers back to her and then pulled her name and all files on her. She doesn't know who she's fucking with and thought my friend was so clueless. my friend said she will press charges if it continued. I never knew a woman scorned could get that psycho. So she also doesn't realize that a really good friend of hers is good friends with my friend and told her all of her personal business between her and dude. LOL. Anyways Also does your family talk to him? Because dudes family told her some wild butter too and told her to back off and that she was working with the psycho ex together with a custody case.!LOL. But my friend is too nice. She still was respectful to dudes family through it all and still-I think-haven't told dude all of the drama he put her through. And this has been years. Cancers keep shit secret even if they want to knock someone else they have crazy control over their emotions. Bet my friend would and could punishhhhhh her but yet she never even took her psycho ass seriously. You never know. butter gets wild when people try to stop the love of a cancer. So you never know if behind the scene shit and your own one on one shit is fucking their lives up or hurting them. YOU HAVE TO TALK AND PUT IT ALL OUT ON THE TABLE FOR A NEE START.