Cancer ex playing games or confused—??

::SIGH:: Here is the dilemma:

My ex-Cancer guy left our relationship over a year ago. He hasn't been involved with anyone since us. He randomly and consistently calls contacts me/attempts to keep in touch through other forms. Most recently, he emailed me our love song (usually sends me something sentimental, but this song has been very significant to us). Yet, he doesn't want to be with me.

Why does he lure me in if he doesn't want to be with me? Is he playing games?? What does he want from me—

He may be immature and confused.

How old is he?

He is 36!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Rosepetals
He is 36!!!!!!!!!

Well, if I were you I would definitely just let him go.

He is older than I am, and should know better than to send you love songs and then avoid contact with you.

Don't start a new relationship with another person or go on some crazy rebound, but spend time with your friends and family and perhaps consider casual dating like "It's just lunch" or something.

But whatever you do, don't stick close to him if he isn't showing you signs of solid devotion and love.

Thank you for your advise. The break up was more then a year ago. I have casually dated and am focused on my life even though I still love him. If it were up to me, we would be together.

I don't understand why he wastes his time luring me in sending me sentimental songs and gestures if he has no intention of being with me?

wineaux: He says his sentiments get the best of him.... But... For over YEAR— And, he hasn't dated since!!!!

Posted by wineaux

Posted by Rosepetals
wineaux: He says his sentiments get the best of him.... But... For over YEAR— And, he hasn't dated since!!!!

when sentiments get the best of me i grab my girls and tear up the city, snuggle up with some popcorn and a tear jerker, get on dxp and let it out 😉 hehehehehe. if he still can't let go, then what is he holding on to? does he know he can have the real thing back?

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Exactly my thoughts! He knows very well I haven't been serious with anyone else and would love to give us another try. I've never experienced a man act this way; leave a woman, hold onto her, yet not want to be with her, and not date anyone else. So why, most recently, send me our love song on Christmas day? What is the point?!!

I was hurtful to him AGES ago. I get the fear of having that take place again, although, time after time I've proven change on my part and a person can only prove so much and for so long. We haven't seen each other in over a year. We have each other on our social networks. I wouldn't say we're friends, but have been friendly at times. I won't hear from him for a while only to hear from him again. I've made it clear that I want a relationship and would not reverse to being stricktly friend.

Posted by piranhaparadise
in other words he sends it because he thinks of you ...that's his way of reaching out to you...

In other words, he has feelings for me so he reaches out to me since he is thinking of me, but it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to jump back in a relationship?

Is this the Cancer dance or someone really wanting to let go, but is having a hard time? And in that vulnerable sentimental moment, reaches out only to snap back into what they really want--to move on?

KOL: Hahah! I don't know about that!

Thank you Wineauk! It gets more frustrating! I just read a note where he said he sent the song because it's a song we both like and to enjoy it. Even more ::sigh::
Since when does an extremely sentimental man leave a woman, not date anyone for the next year, send her the relationship love song on Christmas day that carries so much sentiment to us simply because it's a "good song we both like"? A total mind fuck!!!!!!!!

Hey there dear!
I feel for you so much....Crab indecision and manipulation and blackmailing kills us Fish. We don't know where we are standing and they just don't talk..we get drowned in a sea of emotion and it so much affects us!
He WANTS to be with you but he is not ready maybe for the committment and responsibility it involves to be in a full relationship. He doesn't want you to move on, because he hasn't, and he sends this songs and stuff to make you remember him..in other words , he is not letting you move on but is not willing to jump into a mature relationship just yet.
It is cruel and insensitive but Crabs sometimes don't register this..they don't realize they are hurting the other. They don't do it on purpose, it is part of them being so self-absorbed and self-protective, they don't see too much outside their own shell sometimes. And fish sometiems hide their feelings so the crab thinks we are strong and we are not. I guess the only way to shed some light in all of this iis confronting him and asking what he wants..and his motifs...shake him, make him come outof his comfort zone, he is a coward, hiding behind a screen but not facing you..
Coward love never leads anywhere....

Posted by PiscesArgie
Hey there dear!
I feel for you so much....Crab indecision and manipulation and blackmailing kills us Fish. We don't know where we are standing and they just don't talk..we get drowned in a sea of emotion and it so much affects us!
He WANTS to be with you but he is not ready maybe for the committment and responsibility it involves to be in a full relationship. He doesn't want you to move on, because he hasn't, and he sends this songs and stuff to make you remember him..in other words , he is not letting you move on but is not willing to jump into a mature relationship just yet.
It is cruel and insensitive but Crabs sometimes don't register this..they don't realize they are hurting the other. They don't do it on purpose, it is part of them being so self-absorbed and self-protective, they don't see too much outside their own shell sometimes. And fish sometiems hide their feelings so the crab thinks we are strong and we are not. I guess the only way to shed some light in all of this iis confronting him and asking what he wants..and his motifs...shake him, make him come outof his comfort zone, he is a coward, hiding behind a screen but not facing you..
Coward love never leads anywhere....

Wow PiscesArgie! Thank you for your insight! What you've shared is the hunch I was feeling!
He is very self absorbed. He switches from extremely sensitive to my feelings to completely self absorbed and clueless to what he is doing. I get the feeling it isn't intentional, BUT how clueless can a person be if the same pattern has been taking place and I've talked to him about it several times?!
I do hear you when you say he wants to be with me but isn't ready for the responsibility.
I emailed him yesterday wishing him a Happy New Year and told him I hoped he worked on what ever fear he had and stopped hiding behind electronics with me. More strange behavoior: he will send me things and doesn't reply back most of the time when I reply.... arghhhhh!!!!! What is up with that?

I will confront him next time he contacts me.

Posted by Rosepetals

Posted by PiscesArgie
Hey there dear!
I feel for you so much....Crab indecision and manipulation and blackmailing kills us Fish. We don't know where we are standing and they just don't talk..we get drowned in a sea of emotion and it so much affects us!
He WANTS to be with you but he is not ready maybe for the committment and responsibility it involves to be in a full relationship. He doesn't want you to move on, because he hasn't, and he sends this songs and stuff to make you remember him..in other words , he is not letting you move on but is not willing to jump into a mature relationship just yet.
It is cruel and insensitive but Crabs sometimes don't register this..they don't realize they are hurting the other. They don't do it on purpose, it is part of them being so self-absorbed and self-protective, they don't see too much outside their own shell sometimes. And fish sometiems hide their feelings so the crab thinks we are strong and we are not. I guess the only way to shed some light in all of this iis confronting him and asking what he wants..and his motifs...shake him, make him come outof his comfort zone, he is a coward, hiding behind a screen but not facing you..
Coward love never leads anywhere....

Wow PiscesArgie! Thank you for your insight! What you've shared is the hunch I was feeling!
He is very self absorbed. He switches from extremely sensitive to my feelings to completely self absorbed and clueless to what he is doing. I get the feeling it isn't intentional, BUT how clueless can a person be if the same pattern has been taking place and I've talked to him about it several times?!
I do hear you when you say he wants to be with me but isn't ready for the responsibility.
I emailed him yesterday wishing him a Happy New Year and told him I hoped he worked on what ever fear he had and stopped hiding behind electronics with me. More strange behavoior: he will send me things and doesn't reply back most of the time when I reply.... arghhhhh!!!!! What is up with that?

I will confront him next time he contacts me.

click to expand

write a pro and cons on a piece of paper of your relationship and im sure you will have the answers. you really have to wait to you have a clear head and not think with emotions and i did for awhile. I been through this recently.
and im now d

Posted by Let*It*Be
"I will confront him next time he contacts me."


So you will sit and wait a week or two for that little bit of sentimental expression, and then watch him disappear again. Never mind my above advice, it's clear you'll be the "someone" I mentioned.

You do not know the full story. You also do not know me or my life. Although my heart is with Cancer guy, I do casually date due to the inconsistency of Cancer guy not being able to make up his mind. So no, I won't be sitting around waiting for a sentimental expression. IF he contacts me, a discussion of what the point of his intentions are will be taking place.

Thank you for caring to post your perspective, although there is no need for you to be insulting and tacky. 😉

Posted by 69virgo

Posted by Rosepetals
::SIGH:: Here is the dilemma:

My ex-Cancer guy left our relationship over a year ago. He hasn't been involved with anyone since us. He randomly and consistently calls contacts me/attempts to keep in touch through other forms. Most recently, he emailed me our love song (usually sends me something sentimental, but this song has been very significant to us). Yet, he doesn't want to be with me.

Why does he lure me in if he doesn't want to be with me? Is he playing games?? What does he want from me—

how you know he has'nt been involved with anybody since yall?..you kinda got me with that one...

click to expand

Along with our mutual friends giving me the dish, and my intuition, he is a pretty honest man and has confessed this to me. I don't see why I shouldn't believe this, considering he is the one who left the relationship and other then consistently showing up in my life, hasn't made solid attempts in being with me. We were VERY emotionally and spiritually involved...very bonded. I'm not too surprised about him not being involved with anyone. I'm just confused as to why he would leave us, yet consistently make intimate gestures referencing our past, but avoid making solid attempts in rekindling the connection we have.

LetItBe: As mentioned, you DO NOT KNOW the full story nor do I care to share the details and length of it with people such as yourself. I don't know how you were raised. I do know there is a more tactful way of giving "advise." Going off your "advise" given, it's quite apparent you have a lot of anger issues projected onto (I'm sure not only me) and a lot of time on your hands to be playing judge with a situation you don't fully know of.

Please learn the difference between CASUALLY DATING and A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP before spitting out your judgments. It'll save you time, ease your anger, and help you give more useful advise. Please refrain from posting on this particular thread as I will not respond to additional posts from you.