Cancer man and his mood swings

I hav been with this man fr almost 2.5 yrs on and off and we lacked communication..

Few months ago he broke up.. and since then I havr stopped calling him.. he himself calls me aftr a month and then asks me to come on video call.. last week he called again aftr a month and said he wants to meet me as he is really frustrated from his work..

He never shares anything about his work with anyone so easily atlst not to those he doesn't trust...

And then when I said yes lets meet. Then the day we planned to meet, he said no he can't bcz of his work..

And since then I m trying to ask him that why is he so upset with his work he is ignoring me..

What is he upto? Why all of sudden he came back and asked me to meet and then off again?

Cancer man.. ur insights are welcome..

Posted by Ellygant
Work is one of the most important things to a cancer. It gives them purpose and structure. It's a fixture in his life. It doesn't sound like he's moody so much as stressed over the job and trying to hold it together.

If he reached out to you for comfort but then the very thing that stresses him out prevented him from receiving comfort again then he probably felt guilty. If you asked why he was ignoring you after that, then it probably compounded the guilt. Crabs are not that great with apologies either, they prefer to just come back around and make it up to you through action and availability. If you interpret his stress as purposeful neglect though it's unlikely he sees any benefit in trying to make amends when he has so much else that needs his attention.

I always motivated him and supported him for his work.. and he was frustrated bc he couldn't get good time to enjoy his life since last one month ..

What could it mean? Is it just a call? Or he really wants us to get back together?

Why would he call all of a sudden after a month? Or to be precise we talked two months ago.. last month when we talked it was just a birthday wish..

What should I do to make up? How can I know if he still feels for me? He has been hiding his true emotions since long time he only tells when I force him to tell..

And when I called him today he said I have to be in a good mood in my working days.. but again I m sure he is still upset.. I don't know why..

I would do anything if he still loves me..

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by rach10

Posted by Ellygant
Work is one of the most important things to a cancer. It gives them purpose and structure. It's a fixture in his life. It doesn't sound like he's moody so much as stressed over the job and trying to hold it together.

If he reached out to you for comfort but then the very thing that stresses him out prevented him from receiving comfort again then he probably felt guilty. If you asked why he was ignoring you after that, then it probably compounded the guilt. Crabs are not that great with apologies either, they prefer to just come back around and make it up to you through action and availability. If you interpret his stress as purposeful neglect though it's unlikely he sees any benefit in trying to make amends when he has so much else that needs his attention.

I always motivated him and supported him for his work.. and he was frustrated bc he couldn't get good time to enjoy his life since last one month ..

What could it mean? Is it just a call? Or he really wants us to get back together?

Why would he call all of a sudden after a month? Or to be precise we talked two months ago.. last month when we talked it was just a birthday wish..

What should I do to make up? How can I know if he still feels for me? He has been hiding his true emotions since long time he only tells when I force him to tell..

And when I called him today he said I have to be in a good mood in my working days.. but again I m sure he is still upset.. I don't know why..

I would do anything if he still loves me..

Only he can answer all those questions and only if he's willing. If you have to force someone to be emotionally available to you they are not ready to provide what you seek, regardless of what they feel.

At best, assure him you care and hope he has the bright and positive day he needs for work. Then go about your business. There is always room for love and for work in someone's life. No matter how demanding the job. If someone isn't making space for enjoyment it's because they see no other option. And nothing you say will change that.

click to expand

Yeahh u r right... I wish I could help him.. I tried to talk but again he is unwilling to share anything.. I don't know how should I make him feel good... we were best frnds for 4 yrs bfr this relationshp and I knew him very well but this relationship has chngd him alot.. he has become aggressive rude and stubborn...

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by rach10

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by rach10

Posted by Ellygant
Work is one of the most important things to a cancer. It gives them purpose and structure. It's a fixture in his life. It doesn't sound like he's moody so much as stressed over the job and trying to hold it together.

If he reached out to you for comfort but then the very thing that stresses him out prevented him from receiving comfort again then he probably felt guilty. If you asked why he was ignoring you after that, then it probably compounded the guilt. Crabs are not that great with apologies either, they prefer to just come back around and make it up to you through action and availability. If you interpret his stress as purposeful neglect though it's unlikely he sees any benefit in trying to make amends when he has so much else that needs his attention.

I always motivated him and supported him for his work.. and he was frustrated bc he couldn't get good time to enjoy his life since last one month ..

What could it mean? Is it just a call? Or he really wants us to get back together?

Why would he call all of a sudden after a month? Or to be precise we talked two months ago.. last month when we talked it was just a birthday wish..

What should I do to make up? How can I know if he still feels for me? He has been hiding his true emotions since long time he only tells when I force him to tell..

And when I called him today he said I have to be in a good mood in my working days.. but again I m sure he is still upset.. I don't know why..

I would do anything if he still loves me..

Only he can answer all those questions and only if he's willing. If you have to force someone to be emotionally available to you they are not ready to provide what you seek, regardless of what they feel.

At best, assure him you care and hope he has the bright and positive day he needs for work. Then go about your business. There is always room for love and for work in someone's life. No matter how demanding the job. If someone isn't making space for enjoyment it's because they see no other option. And nothing you say will change that.

Yeahh u r right... I wish I could help him.. I tried to talk but again he is unwilling to share anything.. I don't know how should I make him feel good... we were best frnds for 4 yrs bfr this relationshp and I knew him very well but this relationship has chngd him alot.. he has become aggressive rude and stubborn...

It's only natural that the more intimate the relationship the more a person's negative attributes show themselves. That's how you bond. It takes vulnerability to be your less than sweet self, particularly for a sign like cancer which strives to be kind and considerate with everyone. He probably didn't change, he just trusted you more to be his natural self. In that aspect his negative traits being exhibited are an honor to his trust in you. Crabs can withdraw quickly if the person takes those negatives as a personal reflection.

You can't make anyone feel anything. Water signs in particular. The only person in charge of his moods is him. The only way he will share is when he is ready. It's up to you how to direct your own life with that information in hand.

click to expand

Yess that I realised that he trusts me that's why till date he can tell me when he is upset even after that break up.. else he would have shown me that he doesn't care at all.. this is him I know.. of he doesn't trust he will say that I m good perfect... but right now the way he is talking is hurting me alot... I want to be with him but he doesn't want me to be with him but also wants to share him emotions too.. not dirctly but indrctly..

The reason he broke up was his fear of commitments and that made us fall apart even more... he knows it that I genuinely care for him.. and I would assure him that I still care for him in other ways..

He thought that I didn't contact him myself..

So will it make a difference to him NOW? If I start calling him everyday.. or will it sound desperate?

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by rach10

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by rach10

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by rach10

Posted by Ellygant
Work is one of the most important things to a cancer. It gives them purpose and structure. It's a fixture in his life. It doesn't sound like he's moody so much as stressed over the job and trying to hold it together.

If he reached out to you for comfort but then the very thing that stresses him out prevented him from receiving comfort again then he probably felt guilty. If you asked why he was ignoring you after that, then it probably compounded the guilt. Crabs are not that great with apologies either, they prefer to just come back around and make it up to you through action and availability. If you interpret his stress as purposeful neglect though it's unlikely he sees any benefit in trying to make amends when he has so much else that needs his attention.

I always motivated him and supported him for his work.. and he was frustrated bc he couldn't get good time to enjoy his life since last one month ..

What could it mean? Is it just a call? Or he really wants us to get back together?

Why would he call all of a sudden after a month? Or to be precise we talked two months ago.. last month when we talked it was just a birthday wish..

What should I do to make up? How can I know if he still feels for me? He has been hiding his true emotions since long time he only tells when I force him to tell..

And when I called him today he said I have to be in a good mood in my working days.. but again I m sure he is still upset.. I don't know why..

I would do anything if he still loves me..

Only he can answer all those questions and only if he's willing. If you have to force someone to be emotionally available to you they are not ready to provide what you seek, regardless of what they feel.

At best, assure him you care and hope he has the bright and positive day he needs for work. Then go about your business. There is always room for love and for work in someone's life. No matter how demanding the job. If someone isn't making space for enjoyment it's because they see no other option. And nothing you say will change that.

Yeahh u r right... I wish I could help him.. I tried to talk but again he is unwilling to share anything.. I don't know how should I make him feel good... we were best frnds for 4 yrs bfr this relationshp and I knew him very well but this relationship has chngd him alot.. he has become aggressive rude and stubborn...

It's only natural that the more intimate the relationship the more a person's negative attributes show themselves. That's how you bond. It takes vulnerability to be your less than sweet self, particularly for a sign like cancer which strives to be kind and considerate with everyone. He probably didn't change, he just trusted you more to be his natural self. In that aspect his negative traits being exhibited are an honor to his trust in you. Crabs can withdraw quickly if the person takes those negatives as a personal reflection.

You can't make anyone feel anything. Water signs in particular. The only person in charge of his moods is him. The only way he will share is when he is ready. It's up to you how to direct your own life with that information in hand.

Yess that I realised that he trusts me that's why till date he can tell me when he is upset even after that break up.. else he would have shown me that he doesn't care at all.. this is him I know.. of he doesn't trust he will say that I m good perfect... but right now the way he is talking is hurting me alot... I want to be with him but he doesn't want me to be with him but also wants to share him emotions too.. not dirctly but indrctly..

The reason he broke up was his fear of commitments and that made us fall apart even more... he knows it that I genuinely care for him.. and I would assure him that I still care for him in other ways..

He thought that I didn't contact him myself..

So will it make a difference to him NOW? If I start calling him everyday.. or will it sound desperate?

Let him go. Go live your life. If he's meant to be he'll come back. If not you will find someone else you connect with just as well if not better.

For either to happen though, you have to let him go. Love isn't about pleading, begging, berating, clutching, analyzing and planning. It's about being. Accepting. Freedom. Accept the circumstances for what they are and free yourself of trying to force things.

There is no other advice for me to give really. At the end of the day you're driving yourself crazy with all the questioning and analyzing. Things are what they are. Accept it and move forward.

click to expand

Thanks Ellygant...

You r right.. that is why I stopped talking to him the day he broke up.. but he coming around every month makes me feel as he still wants us.. but be really wanted he would discuss..

Everytime I accept and decide to move on he comes back and tells something which makes me feel guilty that I didn't take care of him well..I did what I could to make him feel special but may be he never loved me...

I will have to find something to keep myself distracted...

Thanks alot... ?? blessings ??