CANCER..OR ANY SIGN....

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Message posted by: hotcbns on 2/22/2005 7:33:03 PM
Hi guys...
I am new here and new at this...but I just couldn't pass these posts up...It just happened to catch my eye...CANCER.. OMG one of my friends (male)..whom I have spent almost everyday with for 2 years...is a Cancer/Leo...He is a partially disabled man..so I have spent alot of time with him..aiding him, keeping him company and watching our friendship grow....Well!!! I have been amazed at the comments about how wonderful/terrific these people are and their shell, patience needed, don't hurt them,don't ask questions,don't delve into their treasures, wait for their timing, moody etc...I guess I could on and on...but we all read these posts..so I won't...
Please don't take me as insensitive..because I am not..I'm a Pisces..gentler and kinder I couldn't be...I'm angry right now..and I have gone through more days of asking myself what just happened here...what did I do or say..when I should have asked what the hell is his problem and where does he get off...— All I wanted was a frienship with a guy that could be supportive, caring,fun, and we had a lot to teach each other
The mood swings, outbursts, never answering a question about things that cause hard feelings being said or done between friends with any openess, scenarios only in his head to justify himself, unfounded criticisms, never wrong,if he gets hurt..it counts..if he hurts someone else it don't, never an apoligy in any form. We will be rolling along having fun, laughing and talking..then bingo..outburst time..Then there is that shell..when he knows he's wrong and doesn't want to have to address it or didn't get his way..off he goes into it.. the last time it lasted 3 months..till I finally called him to address the issues.. his outbursts have me leaving till I can deal with it and then usually I call him..lately when he says things that hurt me ..I give it right back to him..when someone smacks you the reflex is smack back...and there have been many disagreements in the middle between then and now..the lasted issues were 3 1/2 months ago..he's laying low..the only thing going for him..is he sent me a b-day card..last week..
so my advice is and I feel this strongly < if his friendship is mine..it won't leave me> if it's not then it will go...This time I'm not calling...I don't care what sign you are...I don't have answers... only questions myself..but there is a social behavior that people expect(and should) from human beings and to disrequard any part of it ...because some people haven't grown up, don't know how to be open or honest or are just protecting themselves isn't acceptable...
Sorry if I sound hard..but I've had enough trying to understand something or someone who expects me to be a mind reader and punching bag.. .. I'm always being supportive and I don't feel he appreciated it..So girls and guys pay attention
and take a step back and obseve before you get involved friend/or foe ;*)
sofia

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Message posted by: hotcbns on 2/22/2005 7:33:03 PM
Hi guys...
I am new here and new at this...but I just couldn't pass these posts up...It just happened to catch my eye...CANCER.. OMG one of my friends (male)..whom I have spent almost everyday with for 2 years...is a Cancer/Leo...He is a partially disabled man..so I have spent alot of time with him..aiding him, keeping him company and watching our friendship grow....Well!!! I have been amazed at the comments about how wonderful/terrific these people are and their shell, patience needed, don't hurt them,don't ask questions,don't delve into their treasures, wait for their timing, moody etc...I guess I could on and on...but we all read these posts..so I won't...
Please don't take me as insensitive..because I am not..I'm a Pisces..gentler and kinder I couldn't be...I'm angry right now..and I have gone through more days of asking myself what just happened here...what did I do or say..when I should have asked what the hell is his problem and where does he get off...— All I wanted was a frienship with a guy that could be supportive, caring,fun, and we had a lot to teach each other
The mood swings, outbursts, never answering a question about things that cause hard feelings being said or done between friends with any openess, scenarios only in his head to justify himself, unfounded criticisms, never wrong,if he gets hurt..it counts..if he hurts someone else it don't, never an apoligy in any form. We will be rolling along having fun, laughing and talking..then bingo..outburst time..Then there is that shell..when he knows he's wrong and doesn't want to have to address it or didn't get his way..off he goes into it.. the last time it lasted 3 months..till I finally called him to address the issues.. his outbursts have me leaving till I can deal with it and then usually I call him..lately when he says things that hurt me ..I give it right back to him..when someone smacks you the reflex is smack back...and there have been many disagreements in the middle between then and now..the lasted issues were 3 1/2 months ago..he's laying low..the only thing going for him..is he sent me a b-day card..last week..
so my advice is and I feel this strongly < if his friendship is mine..it won't leave me> if it's not then it will go...This time I'm not calling...I don't care what sign you are...I don't have answers... only questions myself..but there is a social behavior that people expect(and should) from human beings and to disrequard any part of it ...because some people haven't grown up, don't know how to be open or honest or are just protecting themselves isn't acceptable...
Sorry if I sound hard..but I've had enough trying to understand something or someone who expects me to be a mind reader and punching bag.. .. I'm always being supportive and I don't feel he appreciated it..So girls and guys pay attention
and take a step back and obseve before you get involved friend/or foe ;*)
sofia

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My best friend is a Cancer, my son is a Cancer, my boyfriend is a Cancer. The one thing I have had to use regardless of the situation is tact. Be direct, be truthful. Listen, but don't let them reel you in. Remember, their whole world is directed by what they feel.

If you're dedicated to him and he knows it, it's probably guilt he's feeling, in large doses. Tell him if he doesn't want you, you can find another man LIKE HIM that does.

He's water; he's deep; and often he doesn't make any sense. You will have to.

I'm a Scorp, by the way.

Sorry lady?.. you missed a point here

This guy?is partially disabled, which means he is in pain, now? you don?t have to pity him for that but, it requires understanding (not pity) he might figured out there is no future for relationship between you two.. perhaps he loves you very much but because of his condition he consider the other way (for your happiness perhaps)..! have you've ever thought about it..??

If not?.then?You had just a BAD luck?it happen to everyone of us in this zodiac?.its not the star sign? but a personal life and experience?its sad to see this happen to a people with the good intentions?. But, as far as I know existence has its own way to deal with this kind of situations like this and if we interfere, we most likely getting out with broken heart.


I wish you a strong heart and more patience on this

CANCERBABY..
Good-luck to you in trying to correct some of those traits that will eventually hurt you and everyone who cares about you...I admire someone who can admit that they need to change in some way and goes about trying to do so..My friend is a great guy when he is "normal" and I love him very much ...but the toll on my heart is unbelievable...and he never sees it..I do tell him... but it doesn't seem to sink in or matter..it's hard to tell..I am so angry and hurt that he can allow over 3 months to pass without trying to work it out....so I guess if one day he misses me or is sorry for what he did..he'll come around...I hope I still care..
thanks for sharing
sofia

CANCERBUDDY...
Hi again ...sorry I addressed you as CANCERBABY...it was a slip of the tongue..🙂
sofia

Qbone.......
I don't think I missed a thing...I think I understood and stuck around for 2 years...but I think he missed the point...that I really care..but I can't be verbally abused and accept it...You maybe right... but I certainly would like to have been in the decision making process...people hurt other people when they allow themselves to solely make decisions for others..😢
I think ..I have thought of every scenerio there is...but they all hurt..Most people wish they had a loyal and dedicated friend..He just chased me away or kicked me to the curb..so he probably doesn't have to answer for himself..
Thanks for your time and prospective..
sofia ;*)

ladydane;;
I wish you ALOT OF LUCK..with all that Cancer around you..🙂
I was dedicated and always there...the irony of it..is he knew i really cared..but I think Cancers have mind games of their own for their own inner ego and insecurities...they certainly have a great imagination..I give them that...and no..half the time he doesn't make sense..tact is probably not one of my strongest suits...I say it like it is..but I try not to hurt him..how he takes it..is always negative...I thought I was the airy fairy(pisces)but he needs a brick to the back of his neck...and on your advice when I can deal with this calmly..I will tell him ..someone's junk is someone else's treasure...🙂
thanks for your info and advice
sofia

One thing I realized; for all his insecurities, his backwards moves, his shyness, and his utter horror of confrontation, he does want to be the one to make the moves. You can be as affectionate, as giving, as available as you want, but in the end, it's HIS two cents worth that counts. If you want to see a tidal wave, tell him he doesn't have the balls for this, then immediately walk off. Accept the consequences, either way.

Regardless of physical limitations (or otherwise), most men will chase after confidence, once it's proven they don't have any. You have to meet that shell to break it.

Cancer, aries, scorpio... it doesn't matter what sign he is, the facts are: if *you know* you've given the relationship everything you can and he can not appreciate it...he may not be worth the effort.

There are good arians, and bad...just like there are nice cancerians, but there are also ones that aren't that nice too. I am sure that you care for him dearly and that he is a kind, good hearted person with good intentions, but if both you and him are suffering is it worth it? Don't be afraid to let it go if that is what you need, sometimes it is kinder to both people.

aeris

ladydane
hhhahaha..you are a girl after my own heart 🙂 🙂
I've told him about everything else you could think of.. EXCEPT that...
I tell him off and then I walk out... he still hasn't learned I don't play games...I think this all pisses him off...like how dare I..all tho i'm a pisces..I'm Italian with an attitude ..if you don't see my worth ..your loss..
..the shame of all of this is his stubbornness..and that pride sucks...so we are both on the internet...him on one end and me the other and no mail from either of us...I did ask a month and a half ago by e-mail ..if he had a nice vacation and .if he wanted to discuss it..he commented briefly on the vacation and ignored the question..so at that point. i decided not to mention it again..and ignore him....then we had a twist about a month ago he sent 2 different e-mails to my mail box for my hubby..so i wrote back and gave him my hubby's e-mail and told him he can send mail directly to my hubby..none appeared so far..I called his bluff..I think he never knows what i"m gonna do...it frustrates him ...I guess the control issue they have..This will be a biggy..I haven't contacted him personally since xmas ..when last I seen him..and the 1 e-mail...and the response to his...SO ..it's in his playground..he can hold or fold..my thoughts are..no matter what sign..if he cares enough he'll get pass all that crap in his head and do something...if not...well i'll be really hurt..but at least I'll know what he thinks of our friendship...Good hearing from you again..I cracked up at your response..but when I'm ready i will tell him he has no balls...:o)
thanks
sofia

Sofia,

The Control Issues.....what a subject. Could yap all day on that one. You want this but he wants that but you're the one that has to bend. You see, it's a test. Cancers are notorious for this.

My boyfriend has told me on several occasions that if anything ever happened to split us up, he would live alone for the rest of his life. When you fear something, you will use anything at your disposal not to have to face that fear. He wants to see how far I'll go. He wants to see if I'll meet every one of his excuses.

There's probably a heaven inside your guy's heart as there is in mine. The question is....how much of yourself are you willing to give away in order to get there, because if he ever gave it away one time and got burned, he's going to pull it from you first.

My man wants Jesus Christ.

Oh Gosh!

Cancerians are they that devilish! J.C. I really have yet to met someone who is given to such extremes that I have read here.

Ladies Welcome!

The problem that hotcbns is having is more to do with this partial handicapped condition. His behaviour reminds of an Asian movie where in order to drive away his lady love the man- who becomes handicap due to an accident -behaves in the same way as hotcbns's friend. Believe me dear this is an extreme behaviour that you have described. If it is giving you too much pain, you have to distance yourself from him. Just be around when he needs you though. It sounds as if you should be availablw to be utilised. But this is the way to deal with them. Be there only when required.There are many other physically challanged people who may be very cheerful, but then people are different.

I have seen people who react very strongly if they experience even a notion of physical disadvantage as compared to others due to certian illnesses that they have gone through. And they belong to different sun signs. The HIV patients, Arthritic.... list is endless. They require very special kind of support.

This board is no solution if you are looking for answers to deal with your friend's behaviour as a cancerian. I can just tell you that there is one person in my neighbourhood who is a sagittarian and is limp and is really extremely cranky.

Hotcbns

Have seen people with their "disadvantage compare to others", and sadly witnessed their disappointments?and horribly their decisions (% 60 choose to end their misery).

I urge you to investigate this more closely and ask the guy to visit the professionals and talk about your relationships as fast as possible?

Hi Gang..
I'ts me again...
So much support and advice is wonderful and heartful...

CANCERBUDDY..your openess is just great..since you are a Cancer..and most Cancers won't open up..(right girls?)
CB...now that you are trying to change some of your traits...if you would have seen them earlier...would some of your outcomes of relationships have been different?? Today Do you still walk away from someone you really love..if they hurt you ...without having an open discussion??
or try and mend relationships —

looneybird....I use to do like CB does..the hell with this..your loss...I'M GONE...BUT... as I have got older..I try to settle situations and save friendships...if it calls to move on that's other thing...I feel life is too short..why waste time and have more hurt on your heart if you can resolve the issues...But with him..he never steps forward to do a dam thing about a situation..he always waits for me...this time..he'll have to stand on his own to feet(he's capable to do this.)..he just doesn't except the responsibility...because it would mean ..he was wrong..oh!! my God.. the biggest sin is to except blame for one's own actions....I stand on my own, fight my own battles am responsible for my own words or actions..and except that responsibility...I see it as a difference of opinions...but with him someone has to be blamed...(excuse this expression) the Jewish Mother syndrome...
I'm at a distance..I'm here.. if he needs me..whether he knows it or not..but.. he doesn't have forever.. it hurts to know he would leave it that way....as a pisces..after the hurt subsides..Im sorry to say ....I hold grudges when people hurt me and don't seem to care or correct it...

Qbone ...unfortunately he probably thinks ..he didn't do a dam thing wrong and of course there's nothing wrong with him...he's been hurt before ...as we all have...

ladydane...he does have a big heart and all the kindness you can find... is in there too..but when something triggers him and him gets thoughts in that head..whether it's really as he hears it or sees it...it's BLOW-TIME... then he runs off at the mouth and says things that hurt...whether he remembers what he says..who knows..I don't..when I cool down I usually call him and then it's like it never happened..his attitude is let's not talk about it..that's the past ..let's move on..as a pisces..I need to clear the air..but it doesn't happen...

aeris787......he has been disabled for along time..and diappointed i'm sure also..we have helped each other through some ruff times..I have spent days at the hospital when he has been in several times...he is in a position to counsel others...ironically ..he can't do as he advises others in relationships...

I just want to thank everyone for their input..todays messages gave me what I needed to have a good cry for myself...
thanks guys..
sofia

Parallax..
hi..I haven't been able to figure out whether he is Cancer or Leo..he's on the cusp of both Cancer/Leo
sofia

Hi CB....

I THOUGHT I READ CANCER'S HAVE TROUBLE LETTING THINGS/PEOPLE GO....as a PIsces..I know I do...my hope is he will have had plenty of time to think and unbruise
and decide ...he doesn't want to loose me..so he needs to do something..
Pisces and Cancer's seem to have alot in commonsy ...but not the outstanding traits that are driving us all crazy...
thanks again CB
sofia

CB..
WE'VE HAD A QUITE A FEW SPILLS...and then it got to..
the point ..I would just walk out and not call him till I cooled down...then in his own way..I'd know he missed me or was sorry...then that really big fight in june..where I ended up e-mailing him and beating the crap out of him(verbally) for his actions..it took 2 months before he was unbruised..I called and ask to talk to him..I wanted to know why he had said the things he said..they really had weighed on my mind...after we had some what of discussion..he always manages to skirt the issues...he made all kinds of excuses for me not to leave when I was going to.. and then we just moved on like nothing happened.....
this time...he showed up for the holidays even after that brawl...then he went on vacation...I've not talked to him since xmas..except 2 e-mails he sent to my mail-box for my hubby.I turned around and sent him my hubby's addy.....a b-day card last week for my birthday and my reply was a thank-you...that's it...
I have always felt we had alot to offer each other in friendship and learning...as I told him I thought he's worth saving 😉...but I'm not going to to call..he really hurt me...and it's time for him to be a man...if he cares deeply enough..
sofia

Sofia, you've got my vote. I have to ask this...could the problem by that you're married? In my old school ways, I'm assuming hubby means husband, still.

Belinda

Hi Belinda
Yes I am happily married and have been for years...and so is my friend married..we aren't kids, not even youngsters...we are middle of age (hhee)😉 I guess this is why I don't play games..I have no patience for it..
but it's not a problem that I know of...nor should it be...friends are friends..
sofia

Sofia,

Some people just feel so much they can't explain it. They want things to go a certain way and when something happens to change anything, they can't handle it. It wasn't the dream world they pictured to begin with. Do all four of you ever get together and play cards or watch movies or go anywhere?

Belinda

Belinda
we use to get to get together every monday night for pizza.. and for get togethers with other friends on occassion...i don't work so my friend and i were always together going to doctors, for lab test, shopping etc..i'm married to a scorp.. and he loves to stay home after work... but he never minds me going out...everyone has dream of what a relationship is about..never in comes someone who has there own ideas..;( not the same expectations between the parties...I for one don't like change either....but I tend to go with the flow..
let me ask you...are you doing ok? is all ok with you— how is your Cancer_World..
great I hope...
sofia

Belind..
oops mistake...should read...
everyone has dream of what a relationship is about..then in comes someone who has there own ideas
sorry
sofia

Hotcbns & evrybody !

Friends do outgrow each other. I noticed that he became partially handicapped after an accident. After that he seems to have changed. Maybe he needs soemthing else in his life and the old setup doesnt work for him anymore. And for his silence and blaming ohters, yeah they are all defence mechanisms, which he has to learn to outgrow. You can help him in this regard only if he wants to be helped. I would go by what Qbone has suggested. A professional help. Maybe somebody could discreetly introduce him to a professioanl counsellor as a friend & that person can turn him around?

He must be really trying to be brave and to prove his self-worth in his own eyes.

Your disappointment is the result of how much you value this person. Yeah I know people who are close to me ( I am a double cancerian) do not want to loose me. Cancerians are delightful creatures. It is really not that difficult to figure them out really. See Cancerians see things in a different way and they know that the world wont believe them. Most of the time that si reason for their silence. They also dont want to bother people with their woes. And believe me if that's what it is- they better be left alone to deal with them. You wouldnt want to listen to their woes, it can get very frustrating unless you know how to scoop them out of that state. If you cant dont take it as a sign of defeat. It is their coping mechanism. The loved one should get busy with their own thing.

When I say I am really surprised about what I read about the cancerians here. I mean it. Because I have never met such extreme cases. I do agree with the mood swings but they do bounce back.

There is one thing accept it & digest it. Cancerians love ot have a good time & have a very wild side to them. That needs to be brought out. Mnay cancerians due to approval seeking behaviour suppress their wilder side & grow up with lots of conflicts.And cancerians who have lived their fantasies are the happiest and most delghtful people that I have ever met. Hello mirror 😉

Give me such a cancerian anyday. LOL

Looney Bird

Hi

I just had a thought...isn't it kind of lame to say/ or feel ( cancer or who-ever) that because someone previously hurt you ....the people who come in your life afterwards ....can't be trusted or your not going to give them a chance..instead your going make them pay/ or prove the're sincere and worthy of you...HOLD IT...haven't we all been hurt in love and friendships— If you close off your heart and yourself..you will never heal, learn or find other special people out there...you will miss out and so will the other person ment to come your way...

looneybird ...I have suggested he try anger management..so has his wife ..but of course he's a man..men don't see or admit they have a problem ..most of the time...defense mechanisms...boy I can write a book from his..
friends do out grown each other..but not from one second to the next..😢 and back again 😢

sofia

Hello everyone!--> and big hugs to sofia

I'm a new, and little late at jumping in the conversation, but I did want to toss in my 2 cents. I did have a similar situation with a friend (aries) who didn't become disabled, but did have a long and painful recovery from an accident/surgery. The loss of his indepence was unbearable for him, and he took it out on everyone- friends and family members alike.

For awhile, I stuck it out.. but after some time, I had to let the relationship go.

After about 1/2 a year, we reconnected. He is currently in therapy, and we're slowly rebuilding a friendship. Sometimes, things just happen.. and people need time and space to go through and adjustment period.

I don't know about everything that happened between you and your friend, but I do know that time heals all wounds. If you're the type of person who has trouble letting go-- then maybe a "break" from you friend is all you need (vs kicking him out of your life entirely).

Then again.. there's nothing worse than repeat offender when it comes to emotionally beating up on someone.

Something to think about...
-sTD

seizeTheDay ..
Hi and thanks for a hug** needed that..and hugs to you for joining in..believe me I'm no saint ..just an angel...after awhile of starting to walk on egg shells..I smacked him back..when I got smacked(Hypothetically..speaking) and walking out..but that's not me..I usually stand my ground and say what's exactly on my mind..but I guess I would just get hurt and retreat and he just wasn't listening...
I think there is a misunderstanding here...he has been disabled for years before I met him..he can walk and do for himself..but he has all kinds of health issues..that's why I hung in there so long and tried to be understanding..We have distanced each other since dec 7th....we did the the polite thing through xmas..and since then it's been to the point of..really no contact other than a polite b-day card from him and his wife(last week ), a few e-mails of art content he can use..from me..no conversation between any of us....he has a tendency to involve others into our favor..and of course...a slanted story in his direction..what imaginations these Cancer's have..I wish someone could get him to therapy...just not happening..
thanks for joining in and your input...
I'm just rolling with the tidal wave right now (his & mine)
sofia

seizeTheDay ..
Gee*s I'm sorry for being remiss in not wishing you and your friend the best of luck too 🙂 I'm new to this also and sometimes I and thinking faster than typing or visa versa..😉
but I'll get it together..I hope..
good-luck and again thanks
sofia

Hello sofia,

No probs-- I'm not offended.

But yah, I hear you. Nothing worse than being in a relationship where you are walking on eggshells. And the ackwardness of a relationship that has ended *geh* !!! Are you still friends with his wife? -sTD

seizeTheDay
sorry to say haven't heard from her either i'm sure she is in the defense of her hubby mode that's why i always asked him not to involve other people in our disputes i never went running to my hubby with stories it's like 2 chidren having a fight..the parents (our spouses..Hypothetically..)get involved the next day the kids are out playing again and the parents never talk again because they went in that defesive mode...but he wouldn't listen (what's new with that one ??
so no i haven't heard from her either unfortunately ;(
sofia