Does he still care or do I need to take a hint?

I'll be brief with this post. I need to know what to do, I'm at my wits end. I can handle the disappearing if he needs space. But I need to know why he's acting like this. He still contacts me/responds, but it sounds so cold lately. Every time I say something sweet he completely ignores it. He hasn't said anything romantic since the 10th of December. This man told me he wants to be in a relationship with me but he needs to get one health thing worked out first and cares deeply for me, and I haven't pushed or asked since (a little over a month ago). We've been seeing each other for 4 months, and the last time we saw each other we had sex for the first time which was amazing. We usually see each other every two weeks but we haven't seen each other since the 5th of December. Like I said, ALL romance/affection has been shut off on his end, and he does not acknowledge my affection but will still talk. Also he got REALLY depressed 5 days ago about something he did not want to talk about, and he cried all night and didn't sleep. I need to know if this is a phase and I need to accept that, or if I need to take a hint that he's not interested anymore. NOTHING at all happened between us that I know of, unless I offended him without realizing it. I'm afraid to ask him anything right now for the sole reason that he's in a bad mood and I don't want to push or pressure him.
I know he's going through a couple stressful things in his life too, but he's never just turned off his affection and acted so emotionless. Christmas was kind of hard for me feeling this way so I'm kind of bummed 😢

That is no way to live.


Don't contact him... see how long before he contacts you.

I dont understand why anyone would cater to such behavior.

Posted by Montgomery
That is no way to live.


Don't contact him... see how long before he contacts you.

I dont understand why anyone would cater to such behavior.

Lol I don't know either, but so many people tell me Cancer men act like this at times. We have so much in common and have such a fun time together it's hard for me to believe this wouldn't work out. At 30 years old, I can honestly say I've never met someone I have more in common with, friend or lover. And as a Capricorn I tend to be loyal to a fault.

Did he wish you a Merry Christmas? Also it seems after you had sex things changed for him. So either it'd natural he's pulling away for a bit or he just wanted sex.

Posted by britneybabe26
Did he wish you a Merry Christmas? Also it seems after you had sex things changed for him. So either it'd natural he's pulling away for a bit or he just wanted sex.

Yes, I woke up yesterday and he had already wished me a Merry Christmas with my name.

Posted by britneybabe26
Did he wish you a Merry Christmas? Also it seems after you had sex things changed for him. So either it'd natural he's pulling away for a bit or he just wanted sex.

Sounds like he is pulling away.


He alreqdy waitee 4 month . It wasn't hysr about the sex. Although the sex could have been bad. We don' t know.

Posted by MissGemmi
Don't worry about it. Probably it all got too intense. Be patient and show love. Continue to be you. He might have some ex flashbacks, but he'll get over it. If he is still responding it's a good thing. Don't ask him what's going on. Just leave some sweet notes and don't expect too much back. If you're loyal and stable then act on those good traits. As long as you keep some self respect. Do your thing but keep a close and loving eye on him.

If he's not romantic to you don't stagnate this matter yourself. Do not I repeat do not mirror him at this stage. Let him come out of it and see if things will change in the ways he interacts with you.

l

Miss Gemini I pm you not sure if you got it?

Posted by frostey91

Posted by britneybabe26
Did he wish you a Merry Christmas? Also it seems after you had sex things changed for him. So either it'd natural he's pulling away for a bit or he just wanted sex.

Sounds like he is pulling away.


He alreqdy waitee 4 month . It wasn't hysr about the sex. Although the sex could have been bad. We don' t know.

click to expand

I agree he's pulling away

@thinktoomuch


"... figure out what YOU want, instead of what

he wants you to do--"



Exactly.

Posted by MissGemmi
Don't worry about it. Probably it all got too intense. Be patient and show love. Continue to be you. He might have some ex flashbacks, but he'll get over it. If he is still responding it's a good thing. Don't ask him what's going on. Just leave some sweet notes and don't expect too much back. If you're loyal and stable then act on those good traits. As long as you keep some self respect. Do your thing but keep a close and loving eye on him.

If he's not romantic to you don't stagnate this matter yourself. Do not I repeat do not mirror him at this stage. Let him come out of it and see if things will change in the ways he interacts with you.

I feel like I want to but if it's intense I want him to be able to sort through his feelings. The sex was GREAT btw, I don't see how that could have been an issue at all. And the health problem is significant but manageable, but I know he's coming to terms with it too. The ex thing makes sense, since there was a lot of betrayal from his ex.
So basically just message him once or twice a day being sweet or funny?

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by KuRiSu

Posted by britneybabe26
Did he wish you a Merry Christmas? Also it seems after you had sex things changed for him. So either it'd natural he's pulling away for a bit or he just wanted sex.

Yes, I woke up yesterday and he had already wished me a Merry Christmas with my name.

Lol, britneybabe totally keen on hearing if other chicks got a merry christmas, because she did not 😄

Just give it a little time and figure out what YOU want, instead of what he wants you to do, want and feel. Or ask him! You have just as much right to be who you are, as he does!

click to expand

I know I want him, but I also want to feel wanted which he previously was doing a wonderful job at. I'm trying very hard to just be myself but it's hard not to worry about it when I accidentally fell for him >_

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by KuRiSu

Posted by britneybabe26
Did he wish you a Merry Christmas? Also it seems after you had sex things changed for him. So either it'd natural he's pulling away for a bit or he just wanted sex.

Yes, I woke up yesterday and he had already wished me a Merry Christmas with my name.

Lol, britneybabe totally keen on hearing if other chicks got a merry christmas, because she did not 😄

Just give it a little time and figure out what YOU want, instead of what he wants you to do, want and feel. Or ask him! You have just as much right to be who you are, as he does!

click to expand

Yes I didn't get a merry Christmas from the Cancer so yeah I'm bummed

Wtf some of these Cancer dudes sometimes I just wanna slap them lol. I know for me when going through rough times I wanted to be with my bf but only if I loved him. Guys I dated for a few weeks I could care less • So you guys been seeing each other ever two weeks which is like really less then 2 months... No title... Lots of excuses... Hmmm my verdict is " not that interested" sorry I wish you had an answer from him but his behavior is very disrespectful if he regally cared for someone I just think he's full of nonsense. I could be wrong but if he's already exhibiting this kind of behavior do you really think you can handle this the rest of your life?

Posted by britneybabe26

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by KuRiSu

Posted by britneybabe26
Did he wish you a Merry Christmas? Also it seems after you had sex things changed for him. So either it'd natural he's pulling away for a bit or he just wanted sex.

Yes, I woke up yesterday and he had already wished me a Merry Christmas with my name.

Lol, britneybabe totally keen on
hearing if other chicks got a merry christmas, because she did not 😄

Just give it a little time and figure out what YOU want, instead of what he wants you to do, want and feel. Or ask him! You have just as much right to be who you are, as he does!

Yes I didn't get a merry Christmas from the Cancer so yeah I'm bummed

click to expand

How rude›

Posted by Moonbutter
Wtf some of these Cancer dudes sometimes I just wanna slap them lol. I know for me when going through rough times I wanted to be with my bf but only if I loved him. Guys I dated for a few weeks I could care less • So you guys been seeing each other ever two weeks which is like really less then 2 months... No title... Lots of excuses... Hmmm my verdict is " not that interested" sorry I wish you had an answer from him but his behavior is very disrespectful if he regally cared for someone I just think he's full of nonsense. I could be wrong but if he's already exhibiting this kind of behavior do you really think you can handle this the rest of your life?

I know what you mean, but he is going through a lot right now, and the health problem is something that he is most likely dealing with a lot of turmoil. I know I can't handle THIS kind of behavior the rest of my life, but the way he was before was simply amazing, the most affectionate and caring and understanding person I've ever met. He gave me a blanket he made himself, we've traded shirts so we can smell each other at night, and the things he's said to me make me feel like he is genuine. But this behavior straight up stinks. I wish he would just ask for some time alone.

Oh, and I should say a couple weeks ago he did mention he was hooked on listening to Sia's "Elastic Heart" over and over again which makes me feel like he's really scared to get hurt.

Posted by KuRiSu
Oh, and I should say a couple weeks ago he did mention he was hooked on listening to Sia's "Elastic Heart" over and over again which makes me feel like he's really scared to get hurt.

It sounds he has an "ex" factor.... All cancers do...

I would not give up this as yet, I would act like nothings happening and be sweet and funny, no displays of big emotions, just be there..... dont say to him that you are here for him, just do it...... and set a deadline for yourself, of for how long you are prepared to "fight" (do as nothing and sometimes sweet and funny messages is a fight for him, a subtle one 🙂 )

so say, you will fight for this for 1-2 months and if its not changing then just disapper, let it be and dont respond to him

Posted by Pandora101

Posted by KuRiSu
Oh, and I should say a couple weeks ago he did mention he was hooked on listening to Sia's "Elastic Heart" over and over again which makes me feel like he's really scared to get hurt.

It sounds he has an "ex" factor.... All cancers do...

I would not give up this as yet, I would act like nothings happening and be sweet and funny, no displays of big emotions, just be there..... dont say to him that you are here for him, just do it...... and set a deadline for yourself, of for how long you are prepared to "fight" (do as nothing and sometimes sweet and funny messages is a fight for him, a subtle one 🙂 )

so say, you will fight for this for 1-2 months and if its not changing then just disapper, let it be and dont respond to him

click to expand

Thank you. To be honest with you, I'm completely torn 50/50 between feeling like I'm pushing too hard, and not hard enough. I've been being myself the whole relationship and I am a very romantic guy (moon in Cancer) but I worry since I'm a Capricorn I might be showing it in a way he's not responding to. So here's what I did, I made a sweet video telling him if he didn't want to talk about what is going on, that's fine and I won't make him, but I do need to know what's going on between us bc I'm a little scared, and I just need to make sure that we are on the same page, and I want a relationship with him and a future with him. I also say what I want in a relationship and I say I just need to know he still wants to be with me. Is that ok? It doesn't sound needy and I was very sweet and to the point. About 3 minutes long..

Posted by KuRiSu

Posted by Pandora101

Posted by KuRiSu
Oh, and I should say a couple weeks ago he did mention he was hooked on listening to Sia's "Elastic Heart" over and over again which makes me feel like he's really scared to get hurt.

It sounds he has an "ex" factor.... All cancers do...

I would not give up this as yet, I would act like nothings happening and be sweet and funny, no displays of big emotions, just be there..... dont say to him that you are here for him, just do it...... and set a deadline for yourself, of for how long you are prepared to "fight" (do as nothing and sometimes sweet and funny messages is a fight for him, a subtle one 🙂 )

so say, you will fight for this for 1-2 months and if its not changing then just disapper, let it be and dont respond to him

Thank you. To be honest with you, I'm completely torn 50/50 between feeling like I'm pushing too hard, and not hard enough. I've been being myself the whole relationship and I am a very romantic guy (moon in Cancer) but I worry since I'm a Capricorn I might be showing it in a way he's not responding to. So here's what I did, I made a sweet video telling him if he didn't want to talk about what is going on, that's fine and I won't make him, but I do need to know what's going on between us bc I'm a little scared, and I just need to make sure that we are on the same page, and I want a relationship with him and a future with him. I also say what I want in a relationship and I say I just need to know he still wants to be with me. Is that ok? It doesn't sound needy and I was very sweet and to the point. About 3 minutes long..

click to expand

Aww that was really sweetŠ

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by KuRiSu

Posted by Pandora101

Posted by KuRiSu
Oh, and I should say a couple weeks ago he did mention he was hooked on listening to Sia's "Elastic Heart" over and over again which makes me feel like he's really scared to get hurt.

It sounds he has an "ex" factor.... All cancers do...

I would not give up this as yet, I would act like nothings happening and be sweet and funny, no displays of big emotions, just be there..... dont say to him that you are here for him, just do it...... and set a deadline for yourself, of for how long you are prepared to "fight" (do as nothing and sometimes sweet and funny messages is a fight for him, a subtle one 🙂 )

so say, you will fight for this for 1-2 months and if its not changing then just disapper, let it be and dont respond to him

Thank you. To be honest with you, I'm completely torn 50/50 between feeling like I'm pushing too hard, and not hard enough. I've been being myself the whole relationship and I am a very romantic guy (moon in Cancer) but I worry since I'm a Capricorn I might be showing it in a way he's not responding to. So here's what I did, I made a sweet video telling him if he didn't want to talk about what is going on, that's fine and I won't make him, but I do need to know what's going on between us bc I'm a little scared, and I just need to make sure that we are on the same page, and I want a relationship with him and a future with him. I also say what I want in a relationship and I say I just need to know he still wants to be with me. Is that ok? It doesn't sound needy and I was very sweet and to the point. About 3 minutes long..

Aww that was really sweetŠ

click to expand

As a Cancer do you think that would be too much right now or would that be good?

Posted by KuRiSu

Posted by Moonbutter

Posted by KuRiSu

Posted by Pandora101

Posted by KuRiSu
Oh, and I should say a couple weeks ago he did mention he was hooked on listening to Sia's "Elastic Heart" over and over again which makes me feel like he's really scared to get hurt.

It sounds he has an "ex" factor.... All cancers do...

I would not give up this as yet, I would act like nothings happening and be sweet and funny, no displays of big emotions, just be there..... dont say to him that you are here for him, just do it...... and set a deadline for yourself, of for how long you are prepared to "fight" (do as nothing and sometimes sweet and funny messages is a fight for him, a subtle one 🙂 )

so say, you will fight for this for 1-2 months and if its not changing then just disapper, let it be and dont respond to him

Thank you. To be honest with you, I'm completely torn 50/50 between feeling like I'm pushing too hard, and not hard enough. I've been being myself the whole relationship and I am a very romantic guy (moon in Cancer) but I worry since I'm a Capricorn I might be showing it in a way he's not responding to. So here's what I did, I made a sweet video telling him if he didn't want to talk about what is going on, that's fine and I won't make him, but I do need to know what's going on between us bc I'm a little scared, and I just need to make sure that we are on the same page, and I want a relationship with him and a future with him. I also say what I want in a relationship and I say I just need to know he still wants to be with me. Is that ok? It doesn't sound needy and I was very sweet and to the point. About 3 minutes long..

Aww that was really sweetŠ

As a Cancer do you think that would be too much right now or would that be good?

click to expand

I think it's just enough. Theres nothing more you can do but wait and see.

OP, If I am honest, I think that video message was a bit much....... hopefully he will like it..... but dont be disappointed, if he doesnt respond immediately or not in a way you would like it....

the bottom line is, it is better to regret, that you did something, than regret you didnt do it, if your heart wanted to do it......

now, just wait, and if he responds or not, just continue in a few days, like nothing happened, so he will not be pressured to respond emotionally, even if he not answer your question, it doesnt mean he is not thinking about it intensively....

I have a cancer moon as well, we just like to take care of the wellbeing of our beloved and make them comfortable, so I understand the need for the video message..... but no more big emotions from now on, would be my advice

Posted by Pandora101
OP, If I am honest, I think that video message was a bit much....... hopefully he will like it..... but dont be disappointed, if he doesnt respond immediately or not in a way you would like it....

the bottom line is, it is better to regret, that you did something, than regret you didnt do it, if your heart wanted to do it......

now, just wait, and if he responds or not, just continue in a few days, like nothing happened, so he will not be pressured to respond emotionally, even if he not answer your question, it doesnt mean he is not thinking about it intensively....

I have a cancer moon as well, we just like to take care of the wellbeing of our beloved and make them comfortable, so I understand the need for the video message..... but no more big emotions from now on, would be my advice

It might have been a bit much honestly, but he's been like this for a few weeks now and I've been so depressed from the Holidays. I've been struggling with trying to be open with him emotionally. I felt like I was just sitting there and saying nothing, just letting it happen. It was a moment of me being vulnerable. He hasn't responded. Our connection was so deep it still doesn't make sense. I could take him needing space rather than him being emotionally cold to me for weeks. I can understand space/alone time, I just can't understand turning emotions off and treating me like a friend. Or am I expecting too much? This is getting to me way more than I expected O_O

Posted by thinktoomuch
😄 Ain´t no cancers commenting on the thread OP, just so you know 🙂

Why should we? Ya'll crab whisperers seem to be the experts.

Posted by KuRiSu

Posted by Pandora101
OP, If I am honest, I think that video message was a bit much....... hopefully he will like it..... but dont be disappointed, if he doesnt respond immediately or not in a way you would like it....

the bottom line is, it is better to regret, that you did something, than regret you didnt do it, if your heart wanted to do it......

now, just wait, and if he responds or not, just continue in a few days, like nothing happened, so he will not be pressured to respond emotionally, even if he not answer your question, it doesnt mean he is not thinking about it intensively....

I have a cancer moon as well, we just like to take care of the wellbeing of our beloved and make them comfortable, so I understand the need for the video message..... but no more big emotions from now on, would be my advice

It might have been a bit much honestly, but he's been like this for a few weeks now and I've been so depressed from the Holidays. I've been struggling with trying to be open with him emotionally. I felt like I was just sitting there and saying nothing, just letting it happen. It was a moment of me being vulnerable. He hasn't responded. Our connection was so deep it still doesn't make sense. I could take him needing space rather than him being emotionally cold to me for weeks. I can understand space/alone time, I just can't understand turning emotions off and treating me like a friend. Or am I expecting too much? This is getting to me way more than I expected O_O

click to expand

Kurisu, I understand completely....... your 50/50 disposition, as to do something or not..... You did and he is thinking about it, dont worry.... now just dont do something drastic and just wait. Patience, he has to work it out.... now just retreat or if you write to him, be sweet and funny, but really this time... no 3 minute video.... you told him, what you wanted, now he is thinking about it.... he has not forgotten about you, just wait patiently..... his not responding to you is not a bad sign necessarily, just dont worry 🙂 you can feel love for him, just feel it now in private..... think about the nice memories and dont think about future or action.... no action is needed now.... your video message told him what you feel, any more would be weak..... now just try to stay calm and dont regret your message.....

Posted by kissmygrits

Posted by thinktoomuch
😄 Ain´t no cancers commenting on the thread OP, just so you know 🙂

Why should we? Ya'll crab whisperers seem to be the experts.

click to expand

LMBO!!!!!!!!! crab whisperers ROFL

I agree completely and I will not show any more, he does know how I feel and repeating myself will only create more distance. I just found out not only is my moon in Cancer but my rising sign is Cancer as well, maybe that's why I've been so emotional lately... the thing that really bothers me is that MULTIPLE times in the past he's reassured me since he was hurt so badly he would always be upfront and tell me if something was wrong between us no matter how hard it was to say. He worded it different ways to cover everything and asked that I do the same for him if I felt any differently, We promised each other. His illness might be playing a factor in it but he's never been shy to talk about it before.
I know I just need to wait now. Since last week I've been finding it very hard to focus on things. The holiday season doesn't help either and with New Years approaching I feel even more alone. I will not reach out to him though, I'll be there for him but I don't want to push him away more. It's funny, in my mind I still don't believe he's doing this, we have too much going for us. But things don't always work out the way you want them to I guess. I will be strong and patient. I've been very patient these past 4 months, never pressuring him for anything. IDK what changed. Every single night I text him at 10 to make sure he's still awake and takes his medicine, and he's told me in the past he likes that I care about him like that and he likes a little predictability. Should I continue doing this or just retreat and leave him alone?

KuRiSu - you had an agreement, that you would be honest with each other, if anything would bother you..... and he is not really doing it..... so him telling you he liked your text every night may be the same.....

I am not sure, if this would be a correct solution, but if you want him to miss you, I would maybe just stop contact ?

Maybe the right thing would be to list the facts about your relationship..... not the words/emotions/chemistry, but facts

like, how many times he did something, how many times you did something..... just have a hard honest look at it, and dont make excuses for him (he was hurt in the past - pleaaase, you wasnt? I am sure you were hurt in the past as well, do you hold it against him or want to try to be happy with him? Exactly 🙂 )

why you should pay a price for his ex (or exes) bad behaviour? Are you his terapist or a romantic interest? (you can be both, mind you, if he is willing, but he is not willing at this moment....... I am sure he will be, just wait for it and in the meantime repeat: you are not responsible for his disappointments with other woman..... did you disappoint him?

Posted by Pandora101
KuRiSu - you had an agreement, that you would be honest with each other, if anything would bother you..... and he is not really doing it..... so him telling you he liked your text every night may be the same.....

I am not sure, if this would be a correct solution, but if you want him to miss you, I would maybe just stop contact ?

Maybe the right thing would be to list the facts about your relationship..... not the words/emotions/chemistry, but facts

like, how many times he did something, how many times you did something..... just have a hard honest look at it, and dont make excuses for him (he was hurt in the past - pleaaase, you wasnt? I am sure you were hurt in the past as well, do you hold it against him or want to try to be happy with him? Exactly 🙂 )

why you should pay a price for his ex (or exes) bad behaviour? Are you his terapist or a romantic interest? (you can be both, mind you, if he is willing, but he is not willing at this moment....... I am sure he will be, just wait for it and in the meantime repeat: you are not responsible for his disappointments with other woman..... did you disappoint him?

No I didn't disappoint him to my knowledge, but he sure is making me feel like I did something wrong... still no word from him either. I don't really know what to do, I'm a very strong person but this is killing me, I haven't fell for somebody like this since I was a teenager, and I know this wasn't infatuation. It is REALLY hard not to want to try and talk to him.
Sadly, if I do look at the facts and take out all the words and emotions, I've definitely put more into this but he still has put a lot into it as well. But he was hurt more than anyone I've ever met and I know he's shielding himself. If you'd like details I'd be happy to PM you about them.