ex cancer shag buddy won't go away

I want to make it clear, I love cancer's. Being a rising cancer, I can sort of relate. sort of. However why is it that this cancer guy I once casually dated when I was 19, and him 25 won't just disappear out of my life? I mean he is fine person but he always texts me every couple of day's to see how I am doing which I don't mind....but than he start talking about our past and the amazing sex we used to have.

Most times I've reminisced with him, other time's I'd tell him I've grown out of that phase and I do not want to engage in anything like that with him or anyone else if we are just going to be dating and not exclusive. Yet he still bring's up our past sex life and how fun it was. He's been doing this since march.

He recently got back together with his gf, and still has the nerve to text me and start taking about our past. I told him he was being inappropriate and that he should talk to his girlfriend about his needs and not me.
I've even flat out told him that I do not think we should speak, because he keep's doing this. It's like he's trying to convince me into his bed again. Even though I've told him I am not having sex with anyone unless I'm in a relationship and exclusive.

I don't get it. He keep's insisting we be friends, but I don't want to be friends with a guy I've dated and slept with.

The thing I like about him, is that he is a really sweet guy, and he always asks how I am doing but why does he have to bring up our past constantly? When he knows what the deal is with me. I'm not into casual dating like I was in my freshman year of university.

It's like a repeated pattern, he ask's how i'm doing, than I ask how he's doing we are both always doing great lol, and than he brings up or past " remember how much fun we used to have?" me: "yes " him: I know it was great lol

Background story

Than he goes into it. It's like what the fuck do you want from me?! When we were dating we both fell for each other hard, however we were in a open relationship and dating other people. I ended up breaking up with him after he revealed to much information about himself to me. We fell for each other so hard that he wanted to know if I can accept him for who he was. I couldn't so I bailed. Since than he's been doing this never ending pattern of texting me and reminiscing

yea, i had a scorpio friend that did the same thing, the thing with this is, if you came on to him simply for sex, then thats what he will remember you for.. hence the reason one should never sleep with someone right away... he obviously wants some from you if he has a girlfriend and is talking to you about your past sexual experiences... just have a serious talk with him about how you dont like it.


why the hell am i in the cancer forum?

Posted by AL4813
yea, i had a scorpio friend that did the same thing, the thing with this is, if you came on to him simply for sex, then thats what he will remember you for.. hence the reason one should never sleep with someone right away... he obviously wants some from you if he has a girlfriend and is talking to you about your past sexual experiences... just have a serious talk with him about how you dont like it.


why the hell am i in the cancer forum?

I have I've even flat out told him, to stop coming to me for sex. And that he only see's me as a sex object, yet he denies it and does the same thing.
Today I was very blunt with him and he's like believe what you want but it's more than that. I disagree and I just want him to stop.
I'm trying to focus on other things in my life. Men and sex aren't what I'm focused on, but education and money hells yeah

Posted by AL4813
yea, i had a scorpio friend that did the same thing, the thing with this is, if you came on to him simply for sex, then thats what he will remember you for.. hence the reason one should never sleep with someone right away... he obviously wants some from you if he has a girlfriend and is talking to you about your past sexual experiences... just have a serious talk with him about how you dont like it.


why the hell am i in the cancer forum?

And I didn't sleep with him right away. I waited a very long time. But that's not the point. The point is I told him repeatedly to leave me alone and he won't. Even when we were dating he was suffocating and clingy which I like but than it was too much and he still does it, even though he has a girlfriend. It's inappropriate. And his argument is that we can't be friends.....no we can't because he'll try to sleep with me.

"Men and sex aren't what I'm focused on, but education and money hells yeah"


thats what im talking about girl. we need more sistas like you . stay focused on the important stuff.. be easy on the cancer guy, remember they are clingy and emotional.

Posted by CuteGem
it sounds to me that you need to set some boundaries with this guy. You said what you had to say. You told him no so I think that now it is time to stick to silence every time he brings up sex and fuckbuddies and not engage in that part of the conversation. Move on to the next topic like it was never said.
Obviously he is not the type of person to start something serious. He gives signs that he can't stay faithful and he doesn't respect your wishes. This is a man that you cannot trust and he will never respect you. He also comes accross as selfish despite the fact that he is being polite and asks you how you are.
Some people ask about how you are doing it as a technique to come across more friendly. It is part of their social skills. If the actions don't match the kindness of the words this instantly means that the person is faking it for a reason..
This man is chasing after you because he wants you to be the woman on the side or the mistress. This is why he is being polite and this is why he keeps a friendship with you.
My opinion is that you don't have many choices here other than cut him off or stick to what you want and not take it seriously every time he is being nice. He is not genuine. He is only trying to seduce you.
If he really wants you and he wants to be with you he should stop talking about sex, he should leave the other girl and he should slowly invest in you. OR... he should behave like a normal friend if he only wants friendship and friends don't have sex together LOL
However,... after all you said.. with the past that he has and the way he is treating the current gf I wouldn't dare to think ever to be his gf. It is sure that he wouldn't be able to be faithful to me.
It is his personality as such that he can't settle down. He hasn't found himself and can't find a higher purpose other than sleeping around.
I know lots of guys like him and sex and sleeping around is like an addiction.

Wow this is the answer I was looking for It's like you know this guy personally. I agree with EVERYTHING you said. You hit the nail on the head. He is selfish and he is trying to seduce me, and is trying to make me the side chick. He has no respect, and your right he has an addiction. Right on.

I'm just going to say all of this to him.

Thank you.

or just say nothing at all....??

Cutegem

being the aries that i am I revel in telling people off.

And I am assuming you are a gemini, and you gemini's have such a way with words it's so lovely, that I directly told him everything you wrote, but I replaced he with you LOL.

I sent him an email because I don't have his number.....and he quickly responded with text all I read was Thank you for expressing .... before I deleted the text message.

He still tries to come off as polite. Whatever every text he send's from now on will be deleted without a response. Because knowing that jerk, it won't be the last.

You're overplaying your importance in his life. He just wants to fuck you. Cancers always go over old phone numbers for a fuck who was memorable.

you should just say no, so that he can move to the next number.

Posted by incandescentcancer
You're overplaying your importance in his life. He just wants to fuck you. Cancers always go over old phone numbers for a fuck who was memorable.

you should just say no, so that he can move to the next number.

Um i've been saying no since march.....it's now september

he text's me atleast twice every month. I'm just going to ignore his texts now. I hate ignoring people. But it's now come to that.

Posted by ariespiscesgirl

Posted by incandescentcancer
You're overplaying your importance in his life. He just wants to fuck you. Cancers always go over old phone numbers for a fuck who was memorable.

you should just say no, so that he can move to the next number.

Um i've been saying no since march.....it's now september

he text's me atleast twice every month. I'm just going to ignore his texts now. I hate ignoring people. But it's now come to that.

click to expand

In that case, make sure he gets the message by blocking his number. You seem focussed on accomplishing things in life, this kind of distractions is what you can certainly do without. Unless, you enjoy this sort of drama.

Posted by incandescentcancer

Posted by ariespiscesgirl

Posted by incandescentcancer
You're overplaying your importance in his life. He just wants to fuck you. Cancers always go over old phone numbers for a fuck who was memorable.

you should just say no, so that he can move to the next number.

Um i've been saying no since march.....it's now september

he text's me atleast twice every month. I'm just going to ignore his texts now. I hate ignoring people. But it's now come to that.

In that case, make sure he gets the message by blocking his number. You seem focussed on accomplishing things in life, this kind of distractions is what you can certainly do without. Unless, you enjoy this sort of drama.

click to expand

Oh I am so focused on my goals right now. ( typical aries) . You are right it's a distraction. Blocking his number......how do i do that? If he texts me again I will have too. Do I just call my wireless provider?

Posted by SugarAries
Sorry but IC is a little bit right. My cancer ex was in a relationship for 4 years and still managed to keep in touch at least once a month to see if I wanted to have sex. It was pretty much what you're describing here. He'd say "How are you?" Then..."wanna come over?" If I said no, he moved on to the next.

It was just sex for him then and it's just sex now. Ignore him.

I see, I might just have to block his number

Regardless of planet alignment this moron was born I agree with blocking his number. There should be an option when you select his contact and there are apps to download that do that. Isn't it the worst when you're trying to achieve a goal and an ex whatever tried to throw a monkey wrench in the assembly line?

And what the heck hitting you up on the side while he has a girl friend? What a pig!

Give him some of that Aries ice. LOL!

Posted by CuteGem

Posted by ariespiscesgirl
Cutegem

being the aries that i am I revel in telling people off.

And I am assuming you are a gemini, and you gemini's have such a way with words it's so lovely, that I directly told him everything you wrote, but I replaced he with you LOL.

I sent him an email because I don't have his number.....and he quickly responded with text all I read was Thank you for expressing .... before I deleted the text message.

He still tries to come off as polite. Whatever every text he send's from now on will be deleted without a response. Because knowing that jerk, it won't be the last.

That was exactly why I told you not to bother telling him anything. I was expecting that he would try to play with it and I didn't want to give him something to play with.
Because you spoke he thinks that there is still hope and that he can change your mind.
If you speak with silence he will understand that you are serious and that there is no place for games.
Anyway, good call for you to block his number. That was a really good move.
Make sure you stick to that... but keep in mind if he truly wants to have a shag he might meet you in person... "accidentally". Be prepared for that. Best thing to do I think is to ignore him and don't speak to him even if that feels rude.

click to expand

I think may finally leave me alone. He sent an email saying thank you for expressing yourself, and good luck with school"

I didn't reply. I'll leave it at that

Posted by kissmygrits
Regardless of planet alignment this moron was born I agree with blocking his number. There should be an option when you select his contact and there are apps to download that do that. Isn't it the worst when you're trying to achieve a goal and an ex whatever tried to throw a monkey wrench in the assembly line?

And what the heck hitting you up on the side while he has a girl friend? What a pig!

Pig indeed. I'm so over men.