Cancer Cold Shoulder *shivers*

Greetings everyone! New to the boards, and I'm looking for some insight into Cancer behavior. I have fallen for a Cancer woman. Painfully hard. However, it's so difficult to figure out if the feeling is mutual. My Sagittarius intuition says yes, but that could also just be my Sag optimism. When my Sag realism takes her behavior into account, then the doubts come flooding in.

Anyway, here the issue: I'm getting some serious Cancer cold shoulder. She used to start random conversations with me that would turn into very, long deep conversations, hang around my area all the time, glance at me regularly when she thought I wasn't looking but couldn't make eye contact. Brought me gifts, did me favors. It seemed like a budding friendship/romance. My behavior was very consistent up until she started leaving our small office saying goodnight to everyone except me, and isolating me in front of everyone. Entering rooms and not saying anything to me, but laughing and entertaining everyone else, people I know she absolutely cannot stand. Walking past me in the hall and she's mute. Now I've pulled back and stopped initiating conversations and contact, altogether. I really don't even smile in her direction anymore, and when she tries to enter group conversations that I'm the center of, I just go silent and may even go back to my work.

A few weeks back, she saw me standing alone in a room that she wanted to use and rolled her eyes and immediately did a 180 back to where she came without saying a word. A few minutes later, I approached her in her office and she stops what she's doing and gives me her full attention. But then when I sat down and asked her if she was upset with me about anything, her reaction was smirk and then a "no". Then when I start to explain why I'm asking, I get a shrug and then she cuts me off and says "I'm too busy to be mad", and she proceeds to turn away from me and go back to work. I ask if she's sure before I leave and she says yes without looking at me. Ruh?

Anyway, since then she's been extra nice to everyone (but me). She went away for two weeks and the only thing she's said to me since she's been back is "good morning" (which I returned in kind). Now she's back to giving me the cold shoulder, and ignoring me. What the fudge am I doing wrong? I genuinely like her, but I feel like she just doesn't like me. Let me know if I'm missing something? Any interpretations?

Thanks a bunch!!! : )

Awkward ... sounds like she doesn't like ya, sorry~

Thanks for the response. I appreciate the honesty.

I was getting her thoughtful little gifts in return. And offering to do things for her also. Giving compliments. Joking with her. Opening doors, asking how she was doing, etc. Then she started getting weird on me.

I guess what really bothers me is that she's making it very obvious she's not happy with me. Yet, when I tried to have an open discussion with her about it, and came to her very calmly and respectfully, she shut me all the way down. And since then, the behavior has only escalated. It's just weird.

Thanks for the feedback everyone!

I asked her out once and she accepted, and it went well. But there was a lot of office drama that ensued because of it, and ever since then, she will not accept any invitation from me when I invite her for a walk or for lunch.

I've told her I liked her. I've complimented her many times before. I have no intention of hurting her, and don't even know why she would get that impression. Everyone she entertains gossips about her horribly. When she's not around, I defend her because I feel like she's misunderstood sometimes. But I'm the one being isolated. Smh.

Posted by SugarAries
Just buy an economy pack of "I'm sorry" cards now...you're gonna need them.

Lmfao!!! But I feel like I haven't done anything wrong, like seriously. And that would make me look like I'm really trying too hard. I really do care, and I've shown that. My pride and stubbornness won't let me gift her with anything else.

What was the drama that took place after your date?

I bet someone has told her something about you. If they are talking about her behind her back... chances are someone saw your budding friendship and put the kibosh on it.

Posted by shellshocker
What was the drama that took place after your date?

I bet someone has told her something about you. If they are talking about her behind her back... chances are someone saw your budding friendship and put the kibosh on it.

Yes, she is an indirect supervisor, and I was confronted about our lunch date and told that there are office politics and that it made everyone uncomfortable. Everyone had something to say about it. My own supervisor went and had a closed door conversation with her for at least an hour after our lunch.

I definitely think someone has discouraged her, if not me.

Posted by SugarAries
Good luck having pride in a relationship with a Cancer. The best you can do is an apology that you mean. She'll know if you mean it.

I want to make it right, but that's the thing, Sugar - I don't know what I'm apologizing for. I supposed "I'm sorry if I've done something to upset you" would work, but it makes me laugh out loud thinking about it. What kind of silly game is this? I thought she'd realize I cared when I tried to get to the bottom of why she was upset with me. Nope.

Posted by specialsauce

Posted by shellshocker
What was the drama that took place after your date?

I bet someone has told her something about you. If they are talking about her behind her back... chances are someone saw your budding friendship and put the kibosh on it.

Yes, she is an indirect supervisor, and I was confronted about our lunch date and told that there are office politics and that it made everyone uncomfortable. Everyone had something to say about it. My own supervisor went and had a closed door conversation with her for at least an hour after our lunch.

I definitely think someone has discouraged her, if not me.

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ummm... ok you're a Sag, right. I'm going to be blunt, you can take it.

This is a HUGE deal, especialy to a sensative Cancer, that kinda makes you look like you're not the sharpest, if you have to ask her what's wrong.

An hour closed door conversation with a superior... is what the problem is. And the fact that you seem to be taking it lightly that her private life got put on display like that. You are two females, too.
Is she openly gay? bi sexual? yes or no, people have made who she has lunch with an office issue that makes them "uncomfortable". wow

I'm sure she's feeling a lot of different things. Anger, embarrassment, possible guilt, invasion of privacy. Those are just the one's I'm feeling for her right now...

And you're asking her "what's wrong? did i do something?" You are ignoring the elephant in the room.

Seriously, grab a clue.

You guys sound very inexperienced and immature.
No worries, I'm here to help.
With the exception of Leo, fire signs are kind of clueless.
Which is why this would have worked better if she were a Gemini and you were a Bull/Scorpio.
What you want has to be handled secretively. AKA, down low, on the sly, incognito, etc.

Office romance is forbidden. She can't be seen giving you gifts and sweet smiles.
Call her when you are both not working and tell her that you want to continue seeing her.
Tell her the office doesn't have to know you are in a relationship.

Why you two dummies were at work displaying your relationship knowing that interoffice romantic relationships are forbidden is mind boggling.

Ignore each other at work, screw each others brains off at home. Done!
And if neither of you can't keep from telling folks at work that you are together then don't do it!
Which means, both of you will have to lie your asses off to the people at work and BE CAREFUL NOT to be seen together in public.

I'm a female Sag and I agree with the Career and the relationship part. Career is a really important thing for the Cancer zodiac sign. It can't be threatened. Privacy is relationship wise is another(they like privacy; there's a time and place for everything)
We(Sag) like straight forwardness so we can possibility fix the problem. So I understand that part. I say stop approaching her at work about the issue and find a way to discuss the problem in a more private setting where you don't have co-workers all in your business. Hopefully she'll open up more about the situation. If she doesn't do not push all your going to do is have her pull further away.
I don't know much about Female Cancers; but I've learned a whole lot from My male Cancer and My step-dad whose also a Cancer.
I've noticed in them that when they are ready to discuss a problem they will approach you. The pushing makes them pull away cause they really don't like confrontation, and they like it less in public.
Another thing I've noticed and I even asked my Dad, that when he's working(is a bit different what I'm going to say) and my mother a Pieces ;constantly (not saying u are) calling and nagging he begins to ignore her. She tries to be stubborn and then ignore herself when she sees no reaction on his part; she begins to push again until he can't take it anymore and blows up(and it stings like hell)
Pride isn't going to help at all with a Cancer(someone else mentioned it on the thread) and is true it won't.
Don't constantly say sorry either it becomes superficial and it will make it seem like manipulation to get your way.
I say let the water settle and hopefully when she's ready she will speak to you in private. But I say try it first; invite outside of work with out having co-workers around. Avoid the work setting all together when initiating wanting to talk.
Hope this helps a little bit. I'm trying to shed light according to my own experience.

Sags and Rams are so tough to have a secret affair with because they are so fucking clumsy about it.

Wow, I have to say that I love how blunt you all are being in your responses. I definitely can take it. LOL. And thank you for even responding at all. Much appreciated!

But, there's another twist. She is the HR manager, so honestly, she should've set the tone in the beginning about appropriateness and inappropriateness and not accepted the lunch offer. But since she didn't, I didn't think there was anything wrong. Maybe she didn't think it would be a big deal, because it was a very innocent thing. I guess we both learned that day. LOL. And my boss is not her superior, for the record. She actually has more seniority.

I feel this has been very insightful, but I also feel very confused now. She is not out, but has more to lose (husband, kids, job). I am not out, with less to lose (probably why I'm taking it more lightly). We've had a discussion about same gender relationships, and she said that she accepted them, but that's all I know about her feelings on that. I understand how we may seem inexperienced or immature, but the truth is that we have a strong connection that we both haven't quite figured out how to navigate because of the circumstances. I see a problem, my instinct is to get to the bottom of it. She sees a problem and she avoids it. Our communication style s are so different, but we have so much in common.

I have her number, but the one time I texted her, she gave me a two word response. Then she came to work the next day and announced in front of everyone that I had texted her and had a whole conversation with me about the text. *head scratch*

Sounds like I just need to continue to give her space and not react at her ignoring me. Hopefully she'll come around. She's been avoiding me all day, but it gets easier every day she does this. For a Sag, when we ignore someone and that person doesn't ask about it, we assume that they don't care. So I guess my thinking is that I don't want to not address it because I don't want her to think that I don't care or never cared. 'Cause I now feel that she never cared. I think a romantic relationship is out of the question at this point, we're both at the stage of trying to heal some hurt and sort out where we stand. The feelings are too strong for even a friendship to exist at this point. I just have to give it time.

Lmao! Not malt liquor, though. I do feel like I'm in one of the best dramatic movies that hasn't yet made it to the big screen.

Yes, she is unhappily married. She complains about him a lot, but I think she overheard a comment I made about a married man who approached me saying that I would not entertain dating a married person. I think it may have stuck with her.

Walk up to her with a smile. Have arms open in peace. Ask if there as anything that you did to offend her and you apologize and that you never meant her harm.

It's too late now to figure out what was done because its in the past but you can resolve for the present.

Posted by SugarAries

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by SugarAries
She is NEVER EVER EVAR EVARRR going to break up her family. My mom is an unhappily married Cancer. She's been complaining to me for 3 years.

If I'm unhappy i'll break up a family and than some, but maybe she's still in love with her husband.

Possibly. Some of you crabs complain just to be complaining though 😛 and it really doesn't mean much. Just your way of venting I guess.

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Yeah try not to take it personally. We have to air our annoyances so we don't turn into a nuke mushroom cloud killing everyone on the planet.

Posted by xMoonMan
This situation has drama, drama, and more drama written all over it.
Now you're telling us she has a husband and kids. lol

specialsauce,
You're a game player.
I have nothing more to say....as far as I'm concerned, you're on your own, sunshine!

You're right, it is full of drama, and I absolutely abhor it. I do deserve some of it. We both probably let it get to a point where it shouldn't have. She started it, I allowed it to happen, took it up a notch, and now it's just...ugly. I seriously think she hates me now.

It's so sad being a hopeless romantic. Emphasis on hopeless.

Posted by SugarAries

Yeah try not to take it personally. We have to air our annoyances so we don't turn into a nuke mushroom cloud killing everyone on the planet.

I don't...anymore. I wish my old posts were still here. I've learned so much from Cancers in the past year. I needed to infiltrate the enemy fortress 😛 to understand what I was dealing with. I didn't infiltrate anything lol. But I learned enough in the process to be at peace and I feel like I've grown as a person. That sounds maybe, pathetic or cheesy...but I was in here like every other poster, needing to know the whys. If I would have known sooner, I would have respected and understood their inner-workings and it maybe would have turned out differently in my relationships with them. BUT it's not exactly information they're forthcoming with 😉

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aww sorry about that. For me I don't like to "let it all out" because you know? Who cares? So I keep it to myself because nobody cares.

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by kissmygrits

Posted by SugarAries

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by SugarAries
She is NEVER EVER EVAR EVARRR going to break up her family. My mom is an unhappily married Cancer. She's been complaining to me for 3 years.

If I'm unhappy i'll break up a family and than some, but maybe she's still in love with her husband.

Possibly. Some of you crabs complain just to be complaining though 😛 and it really doesn't mean much. Just your way of venting I guess.

Yeah try not to take it personally. We have to air our annoyances so we don't turn into a nuke mushroom cloud killing everyone on the planet.

+ a Billion % , thank god we don't run countries, when i'm angry, the red button will be pushed.

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Can we kick the Bushes out of our group? They don't count right? *crosses fingers*