Friends with the Ex

I have a question for you cancer boys / men out there.

I have a cancer ex, who's basicaly become my best friend of recent times. I broke up with an ex at the end of this past year and he's been my wing man in every way possible. I currently have a bf and typical denial of the cancer mind, he completely ignores it especially since my bf is currently at boot camp (military).

Last night i was terribly upset about a lot of things and i ended up talking to him and he cheered me up. somehow we ended up joking around and he went on talking about some girl who was hitting on him(he does that a lot) and goes on to correct himself saying he wasnt into her. I reply 'dont worry im not the jealous type', his response 'Well i am', and we laugh and joke about how clingy we've gotten to each other and how i dont wanna be 'overbearing' (aries / taurus its what i do). He goes on to say 'well maybe i'm being clingy and dont wanna let you go'. sadly our convo was interrupted because his cell died, but it left me thinking. What does he think hes trying to pull? I'm begining to think he's sneakily trying to get under my skin. I'd ask for advice on letting him down easy about the fact that i have a bf, but he knows and seems to be unfazed. are cancers normally clingy to their friends? or is he trying to pull something on me?

I'm begining to think he's sneakily trying to get under my skin. I'd ask for advice on letting him down easy about the fact that i have a bf, but he knows and seems to be unfazed. are cancers normally clingy to their friends? or is he trying to pull something on me?

HE LOVES THE CHALLENGE OF YOU HAVING ANOTHER MAN! LOVES EVERY MINUTE OF IT, NOW GET RID OF YOUR MAN AND BECOME HIS FULL RESPONSIBILITY and watch your good friend turn into DR. JECKYL!

lmfao! why do i get the feeling i should be worried?

He's not joking thats for sure. Even though he may pretend like he is playing! I tend to do that myself sometimes. But you should probably not talk to him so much and find some other people to hang with otherwise he will become just a tad bit obsessive! You are right though the fact that you have a man already leaves him completely unfazed. In his mind you will become his eventually. It's harmless however don't do anymore to encourage it!

Cancers want what they can't have. Since you have a bf, he can't have you and that makes him want you even more.

With that said, the minute you dump your bf, he'll back off. I know, we Cancers are just so confusing and complicated like that. The Cancer way of thinking is that once they "have" you, they need to think about whether they truly want you or not. But if they don't have you yet (cuz you have a bf), then it's no harm to try to get you...

So the short answer is both: he both wants to pull something AND is harmless. the ball's really in your court. he'll never fully tell you or admit how he feels about you because he doesn't even know...he hasn't thought about it since he doesn't have you.

wow, what a confusing answer...i must really be a Cancer! haha

So in the end the way to keep him interested and chasing is to make like you don't give a dam and he will keep trying to be in your face and make time for you?

Its really sad, I know in their minds they are not playing games but I am sure that they know that they are just twisting and tormenting the other person to see what kind of endurance or _hit they will put up with.

Even though the attraction is great with the cancer I am interested in at the end of the day respect needs to be given from both sides.....and I guess its not the kind of ride I am willing to go on yet alone put up with.....the one positive thing I can say is that he has taught me a lot about myself and who I am and what I am willing to compromise on....

and leo kitten you were absolutely bang on 🙂

----> "The Cancer way of thinking is that once they "have" you, they need to think about whether they truly want you or not."

That seems so counter productive. I understand initially wanting something you can't have and that being enticing however, there must come a point where a cancer man makes a decision to stay or go. Surely there are some cancer men out there in healthy relationships?

Well I have to give you props because I wouldn't be able to put up with the I don't know, I'm not sure, I have to think about things......hey 1yr, 2yrs, 10yrs I think you would have figured it out and if he can't totally commit or give a straight answer then I think you have your answer!

The cancer I was interested in is 42 and I think that he keeps searching and searching and hasn't been able to find what he wants or wants to keep, he seems to always be looking for the next best thing, and I am now at the point that go and find it, you deserve to be happy as do I, and if you can't respect me at the begining of what I had hoped would be a lovely relationship then there was a slim chance that you could 3 months, 6 months, 1 yr etc into it.

Luckily he did me a favor at the begining and showed me a side of him that wasn't very nice and one that I could not put up with.

So again he did me a favor in educating me about myself and what I want and what I am willing to put up with

and yes I know my last comments sound very selfish but I finally realized that its not just about making him happy....you have to be happy with who you are.....and hopefully the rest will fall into place 🙂

Its really too bad because I can feel how sensitive he is but he is unwilling to take the leap.....I guess he's been hurt to many times.....

At the end of the day we can't change who the other person is....we can only change things about ourselves and learn and go forward....besides if you truly do love them it would be warts and all lol

Your right not the same situation.....but again you can't make him change.....so I guess you have one of two ways to go.....you continue to live like you have been or you can make the decision to move on!

I know thats pretty blunt and I am not meaning to be cold or unfeeling but as I see it thats pretty much what it boils down to.....

If you love him and don't want to leave then I guess you have to be prepared to be treated in the same manner....and at the end of the day you made that decision....

and yes I know they will haunt you till the end of time emploring you to take them back....but then everything just goes back to the same roller coaster ride....



Sorry for being so harsh

It Seemed Important,

Can I ask what sign you are?

I am an aries, and I know that we are not our sign but I am just trying to gain some more insight into everything.

If the good out weights the bad then all is not lost 🙂

My sister is a libra......and I just broke up with a libra in early january.....very difficult to do.....he had a hard time letting go...but at the end of the day he wasn't the one and I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him..... plus there was a 11 year difference and I could see that would come into play eventually!

So my dear you are between a rock and a hard place.....I hope that he does come around....and it sounds like there is more good than bad.....

I know of 3 cancers all men and all of them have problems with relationships.....my girlfriend has been married to one for over 10 years and things are really bad for her right now.....she can't get a straight answer and he has been very cruel to her.....he is so moody and he just keeps telling her to leave him alone and he will come out of it when he is ready....but he just keeps playing with her head and trying to ruin her self esteem....he's a nasty piece of work....but they have history and 3 kids....you don't just walk away from that....I guess?

I would have hit the road a long time ago.....again its a hard call and its a difficult road....

and to think my father was a cancer and he was the greatest dad and husband.....he never treated my mother badly he adored her.....I guess it comes down to upbringing and environment also.....

They are a puzzle 🙂 oh and the kind where you will always be missing the pieces lol

I'm sure all this negative talk about how difficult it is to deal with a Cancer's moodiness has been a real turn off. But we Cancers DO have redeeming traits and we can make others very happy and put others ahead of ourselves. We're quite selfless and very understanding of others and considerate. That's only when we're in control of our emotions. If you play the push and pull game with our minds, we'll go nuts. The LAST thing you should do is put any unnecessary emotional stress on a Cancer...we'll go nuts on you!

So let me share the secret with you all. The key to happiness with a Cancer is to keep him emotionally STABLE. This means, let him freak out and complain and bitch about how unhappy his life is. After all the bitching and moaning is done, smile and tell him everything's going to be ok and make sure that you'll still be by his side no matter what. The LESS you react to his moodiness and tantrums, the easier it will be for him to calm down. Once he's calm, he'll realize:

"Wow, this person I'm with can REALLY TRULY accept me for who I am...my good and my bad"

If you can withstand (and trust me, it's not easy at times) the onslaught of Cancerian moodiness, you can be happy with him. Not every sign can handle it...I know that, for example, Libras are greatly affected by negative moods and don't like to be dragged down by negativity. Cancers can definitely be very negative at times so it might be challenging for that couple to deal with the moodiness. On the other hand, a Taurus can handle it just fine. It takes a LOT to get any kind of reaction from a Taurus...they're so steady and calm...when you freak out, it doesn't really bother them that much and their good nature let's you feel calm and reassured that they won't judge you and will still be there for you no matter what.

Anyways, they key is NOT to cause any unnecessary drama for Cancers. Keep him CALM and keep the relationship LIGHT. No need to make things all emotional and dramatic...don't play ANY mind games with him and let him know that no matter how much he freaks out, you will stay calm and steady for him and still love him...

Wow very insightful information i must say. But getting this topic back in order, I'm a taurus / aires girl with a scorp / libra bf, with a cancer ex.

It's been a while this my original post, but since then i've tried to calm him down. It seemed to work... for a while and hes panicked, sulked and whinned around me and i've just listened and just tried to set him back in order. hes a great guy, but i find it difficult to make sure we stay in the friendship zone. its like i could cut him off, but when i disappear he freaks out and gets really worried and i feel bad. cancers are very in tune to emotion and i cant just let him wack out over nothing.

so obviously the situation has gotten worse. He's playing a prank on some friends this week and somehow coned me into agreeing. we 'aparently' got engaged 2 nights ago and have been convincing a couple friends into believeing it. we plan to reveal all a week after a month.

So yes i've realized i've most likely just walked into my own death trap and should be hanging myself right about now. i dont even remember how i got tied into all this crap!? he knows me to well and recently protected my dumb aires self from dealing with another ex. its like on more than enough occasions we make an awesome team, but once again why would being engaged be the biggest prank and history?

like i know this sounds dumb, but i find myself more and more in need of him. not like im using him or anything, it just so happens that since we hangout so much hes always there when i need him, hes always protecting me from danger and even his sister's gotten my back. i kinda feel in debt to him for keeping me safe from harm, but i guess us aires have a tendancy for walking into the lions den, right?

I feel as though even he believes it's his duty to watch over me, and yea this might sound worse, but... he has always watched over me like this even when we were younger. he was there for me when my aunt died, mind u, i litterally called him the day she died crying and we haddnt spoken for 3 yrs at that point. hes been there when i've broken up with my previous ex (several times might i add) and he even gave me the strength to see i was only hurting myself in that relationship. like a lot of the time, i feel like i owe him for so much hes helped me. even if its dumb stuff like dragging me out of the house when im mopy, or stuffing my face with japanese food to cheer me up. he'll dance (he cant dance), sing (he CANT sing) and even pick me up and skip down the street to the wizard of oz song, just to make me smile.

eh...sigh, i'll always have a place in my heart for him, but im with someone i love already and i kno hes trying to break me down. hes a cancer with a moon in taurus so obviously persistance is not a problem. i just feel like crap because in the end i'm still gonna lose my best friend. anyone else ever end up feeling like that? it's like someone so great is in ur life, but you know, no matter what the end result will still be the same. i know that after this i dont think we can be friends, why this type of prank? what will it really give us!? nothing. im not trying to stop the end, im just upset that i'll lose another friend, but in theory he wasnt really my friend if he was competeing for my heart.

Hm...this sounds real bad. The prank idea. Much like you've walked into his trap. Engagement? Gee, are you sure he's going to reveal all a week after a month? What if he doesn't? To an outsider, you would be the one breaking the engagement, despite the fact that it was a setup, but who knows anyway, besides 'the 2 of you'...

When its time to be firm with a cancer, you have to be, with reasons, of course.

Hare Rama Hare Krishna....

Take care.

yea i know, ridiculous. i was talking to my gf and and i hate the idea and im kinda annoied that i agreed to it to begin with. so i was supposed to meet up with him yesturday, he wanted to talk the story details over n no call. I didnt bother messaging him because, hey if he doesnt wanna hangout one of my other friends will, no biggie. called today, phone off left voice mail. figured this thing will unravel itself if i become the anti-girl. or shall i say, when no idea's come to mind avoid it all. so im going mia for the time being, i kinda feel insulted by the idea of the prank now. its soooo childish and its like why that of all things? to my knowledge the only ppl in on the 'prank' is his sis and one of his best friends. obviously my girls know and said... looks like someone wants attention. probably more so then ever, im between thoughts of him being an idiot since he has a habit of finding humor in the oddest things, and wanting me back.

havent decided how to break it to his friends, but ur right either way i end up looking like the bad guy. or maybe his plot is to make me look like the bad guy so his friends wont hangout with me anymore? all of them have seen to grow very fond of me and we've gone to parties, shopping and misc hangouts besides the bar. are cancers typically manipulative? i kno libra's tend to be (sry libras!), but from the cancer men i've met i never have been quite sure if its manipulation of extreme mood strings. how can you tell if its really just their odd sense of humor or the actual truth? or more so, what is the real truth?

I'll say, ignore him. Maybe after his cranky mood is over, he might just suddenly pops up in front of you, pretending nothing has happened.

The best way to deal with him, pretend nothing ever happened...anyway, u know, & he knows, it is just a prank. Sometimes, a cancer could be so self-absorbed, that he wont know he's action is hurting others, until the other person does it back to him, as in, mirror his action.

If you cant predict his move, mirror his then. u don't need to waste any brain cells on cancerians.

lolz thanks for the advice. it seems u have delt with this type of behavior before, so its good to kno im not alone on the ridiculousness.

phoenixblaze26,

sorry for the delay in responding to your posts...

In regards to your Cancer ex-bf...I think the best way to deal with this is to sit him down and tell him how you feel about the prank and everything else going on. Despite what others might think, Cancers do appreciate honesty and maturity. We Cancers may not always be mature about things -- in fact, we can be quite immature when we're so immersed in something and can't see the forest for the trees -- but we do appreciate it when others can bring us back down to earth and see how ridiculous are actions are becoming.

I know you still care about your ex and you still want to be friends but you need to let him know, once and for all, that you're really in love with your bf and that this prank goes against your principles. It may end up hurting your current bf and you should let him know that if he cares about you, he will not try to hurt your relationship with your bf and wish her the best. If he can't handle that, then let him sulk and whine for a while. In the end, I think he will come to realize that he would rather have you in his life as a friend, than not have you in his life at all.

Lastly, Cancers are very sensitive so be gentle when you tell him. Be honest and sincere about your feelings and make sure he GETS IT. He might have deluded himself into a false idea that he has a chance with you -- let him know that you are completely committed and devoted to your bf. If you make it clear he has no hope of winning your heart and he understands this, the ball will be in his court to decide how he wants to proceed in regards to his friendship with you...

That's all you can hope for at this point -- put the ball in his court and hope he chooses wisely.

Thank you ellidyr,

I informed my cancer ex what was up and how i felt, he ended the prank in less than a week. He felt really bad and has been trying to make it up to me since. He seems to understand where im coming from and our friendship seems to be on the ok level now. he still calls me every day, but now he seems slightly distant. I guess its as expected, but it still kinda sucks because he told me he wouldn't be joining me on my birthday (T_T). otherwise we're sorta back to normal, his sisters getting very close to me for some reason. We've about the same age, but call me paranoid, but i always wonder if there are any ulterior motives when it comes to family members getting close. btw shes a defensive capricorn

You're welcome phoenixblaze,

I'm glad your ex-bf is finally back to normal. I'm sure he's slightly hurt that he no longer has a chance with you and it's probably normal that he's being a little distant with you. Cancers hurt very deeply and this "distance" may just be his way of protecting himself from feeling any more hurt from his feelings for you.

I think in time, his relationship with you will change into that of a sincere and pure friendship. Cancers have a tough time letting go of things and you are no different to him -- he will hold onto you dearly as a friend as long as you still show that you care about him and want the same.

As for his capricorn sister, I wouldn't think too much of it. Maybe the fact that you made things clear with her brother, gives her the opportunity now to become closer friends with you. I highly doubt that the sister has any ulterior motives for getting close to you. She might actually admire the fact that you handled the situation with her brother so maturely and would like to be closer to you as a friend.

Just my 2 cents. Hope everything works out for you phoenixblaze 🙂

-Ellidyr

lolz, i was wondering why this post was back up! Thanks Ellidyr, to end that story or give some type of conclusion, he and his sister both attended my birthday! I'm still cautious around his sis and she actually wanted to engage me in a real conversation. I know that probably sounds odd, but i tend to leave real convos (i.e. my hopes, dreams, and inner most thoughts) to people im closest to. Turns out we both share the dream of going to ireland and may be planning a trip this summer! She seems to be very sincere even though i think she has a slight hidden agenda, but i currently have no interest in pushing her away, besides capricorns are all welcome.

He's been back and forth on the distance level, we still act very much alike and it seems he hasnt given up just yet, but hey who knows. I actually have grown very dependent on him, slightly regretting it, but hes very much my guardian angel. Honestly with all my minor complaints on cancers (i know plenty), they are some of the most wonderful people, when they arent freaking out.