This Cancer guy is confusing me.!!! Please help!

I recently found my first love on myspace. I was so happy to have found him and he was happy to hear from me. We have been keeping in touch for the past 5 months after a 10 year gap.

The problem is that there are large communication gaps between us and I would like to get the ball rolling and communicate more frequently in hopes of forming a happy relationship like we had before.

I am confused because of the large gaps. I have been going with the flow and being patient. I don't want to come off as needy or desperate so I usually allow several days and weeks to pass before calling him because that is how often he calls me. If he called more, I would call more too.

I try to initiate contact but I still feel like he's being distant on purpose. One moment he is sweet and the next a little inconsiderate.

I've read countless information about how great our signs are together (I'm scorpio, he's cancer), but it seems a bit challenging right now.

He has ignored me a few times but responded too. I apologized to him for breaking his heart 10 years ago. He acted like he did not remember what happened but then mentioned the girlfriend he had a year after we split.

I'm so confused because he seemed happy to hear from me and told me I made his day, put a smile on his face, and how he enjoys talking tome, yet he ignores me and I'm fed up. I've been trying to keep up with him communication wise but he is unresponsive.

Any suggestions?

He doesnt seem sure about you. You broke his heart? What did you do? Cheat on him?

Cancer males value Trust and Loyalty above all. He has to fully trust you to allow you in again.

I chose not to write him back. He was in the military. He wrote me but I got scared because he was talking about a lifetime commitment with me so I just didn't write back.

I explained it to him and apologized. I don't know what more I can do. I don't want to be a man chaser. I don't understand why he calls weeks at a time and then when I attempt to contact him more he ignores me or gets back to me several weeks later.

hmm, you ignored him and now he seems to be ignoring you. sucks when the shoe is on the other foot..lol. a cancer never forgets and payback is oh so sweet :-)

So you rejected him.... This is one of the things cancer men fear the most.. REJECTION.

You deserted him and now he is doing it to you. Hes playing with you. You most likely badly broke his heart.

Youre on thin ice.

Come on, can I get some support? I acknowledge that I may have hurt him. It was not intentional. I'm trying to figure out how to get close to him again. I don't know if it's worth it or if I should just let it go. I feel like my attempts went in vain.

I have no idea what's going on in his head.

Are you ready and prepared to be in for the long haul?

There is no quick fix. A few words cant make it alright. Its going to take time and effort and patience.

Like I said - youre on thin ice.

You could try and have a chat with him...see what he says and go from there..

I, personally, highly doubt that he will allow you to get close to him again. Maybe as friends - but even then - you may not be as close as you were before.

He maybe wondering why you want him back now....why now?

I've never connected with anyone like I did with him. I was only 14 then and he was 18. He wanted me to marry him. Can you imagine how frightened I was then? Now I realize how special our relationship was. That's why I feel now is the best time.

Is he in another relationship right now?

Maybe he has moved on and is in shock that you have re-entered his life.... 10 years later...

I know he is single. He's not with anyone.

Thanks leokitten for your imput. Although, I strongly disagree with you, I respect your opinion and you are entitled to it. However, No one knows me better than me. No one can tell me what I did or did not experience. I am in no way living in my past. I am fully in the present and this issue that I am concerned about has everything to do with the present and is just a mere reflection of the past.

For you to imply that I need to grow up is very much an insult. I am a grown woman who has feelings for someone who had a major impact on me when I was 14. While time may have passed, my love for this person has not. Perhaps in your personal life you, at age 14 was immature and incapable of feeling any connection with anyone, but that is not true for me.

As for him not having feelings for me because he grew up non-sense, you could not be further from the truth. I know he has feelings for me, this I know. My question is concerning communication issues. I know that he is afraid of being hurt, and I am on this board seeking input on how to bridge the gap and get him to open up to me.

With that said, it's obvious that you and I share different view points which is perfectly fine, but your response did not address or help my concern in any way.

Oh, and leokitten, I must add this...I'm reading your other posts concerning cancer men and you must love bragging about yours but gladly dis others who are seeking advice. You have not provided advice to anyone in those posts, only insults. It must really make you feel good about yourself to add fuel to the fire of other people's problems.

If there is anyone who has much growing up to do it is you!!!!

Sounds like words coming from a miserable person who's only source of happiness is her cancer man. LMAO..........hahaha

jgoddess i like leokitten felt like u were idealizing a past relationship as well. From the information u give us he does not seem to be thinking of taking it further. But only u would have some idea as to whether he cares for u or not (in a romantic way) My only advice here is to treat this as if u were starting all over. Don't place very high expections of him and focus on being his friend. U never know ! :}

I'm a Cancer so here's what I think:

Cancers will have a tough time giving you a second chance. I know it's been 10 years but if he's over you now, and you've hurt him in the past, it's unlikely he will trust you very easily again. If he is still interested in you, it may take him a very very long time before he let's you back into his "shell".

He let you in once, you hurt him, so this time he's gonna be extra cautious...that is, if he's still interested. He can still be your friend, even your best friend, but as a lover? Well, you're gonna need a lot of patience...

Before, he needed to be 90% sure you won't hurt him before he opens himself up...now he's gonna need 99.9999% .

Just my opinion...

Yeah, I definately feel that he's holding it against me even through his friendly conversations. I just don't have the time nor the energy to try so hard to win him over and I have too much pride to continue attempts to communicate with him. I've been very patient. I'll probably just leave it up to him to contact me. I know he's been hurt many times but it's not my job to fix it that's just something he has to deal with. Maybe when he overcomes his fears (if he ever does), he will open up more nd love again.

I know that I have a special place in his heart because he said so and I feel it, but I prefer someone who is more emotionally stable. Only time will tell. I'll just take a wait and see attitude and leave it at that.

Thanks to all of you who acknowledged my question and took the time out to share some helpful insight. I greatly appreciate it. Please feel free to share more.

Thanks again!

''My question is concerning communication issues. I know that he is afraid of being hurt, and I am on this board seeking input on how to bridge the gap and get him to open up to me''

Yes - lets stick to your question. You didnt come here to seek validation about your past relationship or experience with him but for advice on a cancer man's nature.

I agree with what ellidyr said above. He allowed you in once and you hurt him, but you were only 14. You didnt betray his trust or anything like that - you just walked away and deserted him (this is how he will see it).

It will take time and patience to get close to him again. Make sure he knows youre serious about him. Cancer men NEED reassurance and real love. This is Security for them.

As he is still single - you may just have a chance. Coax him gently out of his shell and try and talk to him as much as possible.

Jgoddess,
I wouldn't continue to move forward or try to contact ANY man who makes me feel as I am in an imaginary relationship with him. There has got to be a dance on his part too not just your part. If he doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't want what he has and I wouldn't stick with time and patience with this type of male behavior.

Ask yourself this question? Is a man who acts distant from you and dwells on the past something YOU want in your life right now? If yes, stick in there, hang in and try to "fix" the tough times you are experiencing with your Cancer man then try ALL on your part to make it work. If NO, move on to a man or other hobbies who can fullfill what you want and NEED right now. I don't believe in tolerate distant behavior, there is no time, patience or "understanding" for it.

''I don't believe in tolerate distant behavior, there is no time, patience or "understanding" for it.''

If you truly love someone - you would tolerate them and have patience. It is what LOVE is.

''I don't believe in tolerate distant behavior, there is no time, patience or "understanding" for it.''

If you truly love someone - you would tolerate them and have patience. It is what LOVE is.

If you tolerate a man's distant behavior when HE is AWARE of what he is doing, he will only see and treat you as a friend. No woman should consider herself as a stepping stone for ANY man and sit around waiting for him to chose what he wants to do on his terms. In my opinion and it is just MY opinion, that is not tolerated. You are either going to dance with me and YOU move the (the man) move the relationship forward or their is no dance. You are in an intense IMAGINARY relationship and you will only be considered a friend, not a cherishable, passionate lover.

krobe....uh oh.... Well I am only telling the truth! I don't believe in imaginary relationships. You are my man and you are going to demonstate that you love me and want to be with me and ONLY me, or bye. If I am not the ONLY one, then we are not in a relationship and I don't do NO friends with benefits. I am not a shoulder to cry on esp. if I want to have sex with you.

i don't think she is going to like calling it imaginary.

i think a better word might be projecting a wish onto a situation that does not support the structure of that wish. hence the frustration....you want something and it is not materializing.

Well, I am not pinpointing ANY woman on this board but in my opinion if a man is NOT moving a relationship with YOU forward and YOU are not the only one in his life then it is NO relationship and I WILL NOT ALLOW a man to use my shoulder to cry on while he sorts there his ex, mess, financial problems. He is going to step up to the plate or someone else will I don't have an "understanding" for patience.

I'm not offended by the "imaginary relationship" comment, lol, however I am well aware that no relationship exists. I know that we are not together, so there is no imaginary relationship going on. I was just hoping to have something with him in the future. But I don't want to waste my time. I don't want to "fix" anyone. It's not my job to babysit him and prove myself worthy of his trust.

I am young and beautiful and I know I have plenty of options concerning men. As far as he is concerned I will just wait and see but in the meantime I will remain open to meeting other great guys because I know he is not the only one. He's just a guy that was and is still special to me. It's kinda stressful tying to figure someone out and devoting one's time waiting on a person. I've done that for the past 5 months. I think I'll take a rain check on him for now, lol... Thanks everyone for your input, including leokitten......I still believe in love at 14 though...

jgoddess....these cancer men our trips sometimes its best to lay low and let them come to you. You certainly can't force anything out of them if they don't want to bring it out.
Just have patience and see what happens...patience is what I had to learn cuz they will take you on an emotional spin. They are also somewhat childish...so he may just be seeing how far you'll go. You apologized...that's all you can do for now.

this is a little off topic but i thought i'd chip in here...

i see a lot of people on this board express so much frustration with Cancer-born men and they have every right to. we're very moody, childish at times, we're clingly, we like to whine at the smallest frustrations, and we're so indirect and mysterious sometimes that it drives people crazy...

but i assure you that if you find a mature, emotionally stable, Cancer man (though rare, they have been known to appear), you will not be disappointed! a Cancer man has the most potential out of all the signs, in my opinion. but the keyword here is "potential".

Cancers have the potential to accomplish so much in life. I've seen and experienced first hand the entire range of emotions and situations in life. A Cancer can be as inspiring and courageous as a Leo (without the arrogance), they can be just as kind and understanding of other people's problems as a Pisces (without getting depressed in the process), they can endure and sacrifice SO much for their loved ones...even more than a Capricorn, they can be just as humorous and clownly like a Sagittarius (but not act like total idiots. haha jk), and they can be as protective of their loved ones as a Taurus, they are capable of just so much in life but their out-of-whack emotions are just overwhelming much of the time. It gets in the way of them seeing the bigger picture in life...and it's just a shame.

Cancers are such misunderstood creatures with so much potential. The problem is, many Cancers never reach their potential because they're stuck in the mud, trying to understand why they feel how they feel and always focusing on why life has been so unfair to them. We go through life asking ourselves "why don't they understand us? why can't they feel how much i'm suffering?" but in reality, nobody's trying to hurt us or anything. most of it is self-inflicted doubts and insecurities.

in any case, i just thought i'd speak out for us Cancerians for once because most of what I see on most threads are how bad Cancers are and how difficult it is to understand them. it's true, they are hard to understand, but once you've figured one out, they can make you feel like the most loved and special person in the whole world.

as a fellow cancer i must say well said ellidyr. the only thing i question is the statement about once figuring out a cancer. don't think that will ever happen in that we can barely figure ourselves out..lol

cansir: TOTALLY agreed! us Cancers can spend our entires lives trying to understand ourselves and never succeed. we're just so deep and complex...it's scary. but that level of "deepness" is what makes us so powerful, versatile, and unique...something the other signs don't have (whether that's a good thing or not...i'm not sure)

''but that level of "deepness" is what makes us so powerful, versatile, and unique...something the other signs don't have (whether that's a good thing or not...i'm not sure)''

Scorpios are DEEP like Cancerians - if not more.

Our feelings are DEEPLY hidden. We can suppress deep and intense emotions.

I would say Scorpios are DEEPER.

lol@ Scorpios being deeper. Ya'll might be ScorpSting, but there's really no indication of it, seriously. Ya'll come off with a superficial, putting on the right face, ultra pretentious vibe because of the fear of appearing weak. I think one of the most deepening factors of the Cancer, in general, is their opposing spectrum of vulnerability and impenetrable strength, confidence and insecurity, and clingy retreat within the same body. And while Scorps may be as vulnerable as Cancers, their strength comes off as more of a front than anything else. Ya'll are intense, but I dont think that's the same as being deep. And no Im not an expert, but this is just my experience, and its not even an insult, its just the dynamic of a Scorp. Ya'll certainly have traits that can be appreciated.

Worse case scenario with a Cancer is to get impatient and try to control the situation by controlling him. Cancers are good at mind games and they sense manipulation in any form, they will certainly return any intent to manipulate and they will run with GLEE in the opposite direction if they feel you trying to control them.

I'd have to second the questioning of the intensity of a relationship at 14, though you are right that we cannot tell you what you were feeling. Give it some time and see where it goes is all I say. Its not hard to question why he is distant, its harder to say if he will stay that way...only one way to find out tho. Good luck!

''lol@ Scorpios being deeper. Ya'll might be ScorpSting, but there's really no indication of it, seriously. Ya'll come off with a superficial, putting on the right face,''

Yes! Haha! This is exactly what we want you to SEE. We keep these DEEP intense feelings HIDDEN behind an ice exterior. We HIDE it... and oh gosh we do it so well. 🙂

Even a Cancerian cant READ us. They cant always sense what is really going on in our minds.

''Worse case scenario with a Cancer is to get impatient and try to control the situation by controlling him. Cancers are good at mind games and they sense manipulation in any form, they will certainly return any intent to manipulate and they will run with GLEE in the opposite direction if they feel you trying to control them.''

I agree with you here. Cancerians do Sense when youre trying to manipulate them (being such clever,tactical game players themselves).

The point you dont seem to be getting Scorpio is that if someone knows your feelings are hidden, then they arent really hidden after all, now are they? If scorpio loves you and you dont know, then his feelings are HIDDEN. If on the other hand you DO know, they are not.
Scorpios are so easy to read once you've been around a few for a long time. They may not "say" how they feel (which is what you mean by HIDDEN) but they cant help showing it. Intense emotions cannot be kept inside, so the scorpio reveals them with actions. It's very simple really. You're not as complex as you might think. Maybe to those who are clueless...but definitely not to me.

You are clueless newbie because you take us at face value. Those Scorpios in your life seemed to have fooled you and you have fallen for it. Oldest trick in the book.

Bottom line: You dont know WHAT we are THINKING OR FEELING.

You're right newbie. I've never had a problem reading Scorpios.I can see what they're are trying to hide clearly and I can see they're trying to hide them. In fact,when I deal with some Scorps it seems like they're the only one that believes their own hype. Although I do know this Aquarius girl who is so head over heels for this Scorp guy, she will ask a million questions why when what he's doing is SO blatant. So yeah...some people get lost on pretty colors and cool facades.

lol one of the first things I had to learn about my Cancer guy is that he cannot and will not be controlled. He does things on his own time of his own accord and any attempt on my part to change his time and accord will be sourly dismissed. And I can admit, after getting to know him over a year now and being with him for almost 8 months of that, I hardly know him. Its no joke that getting to know a Cancer will take as much time as he dictates, tho it hardly seems that it takes long for them to develop feelings. And this isnt a bad thing because its based largely on a sensible approach to illogical emotions, but it is rather irritating because I, as a taurus, took the time to develop the feelings and now Im ready to move in full speed with really getting into him.

"You are clueless newbie because you take us at face value. Those Scorpios in your life seemed to have fooled you and you have fallen for it. Oldest trick in the book. "

You REALLY are retarded, arent you? Learn how to read and understand.

"Bottom line: You dont know WHAT we are THINKING OR FEELING"

But I'm sure YOU know what everyone else is thinking or feeling, right?

And by the way, even though your sun is in scorpio, you have very little scorpio in your chart and you behave NOTHING like a scorpio, even though you cling to being one. Looking at your chart I'd say you were born on the cusp of libra and scorpio - October. The REAL scorpios are born approx between 13 Nov to around 18 Nov. These are the ones who incorporate a lot of the scorpio traits in their chart...the traits you try so pathetically to hold on to. Do your homework dahling...before you open your flytrap.

Newbie - I sense your jealousy. Its okay - I am used to haters.

😄

lol...so that's the escape clause "jealousy". Hunny Bunch...Scorp, not everyone who disagrees with you is jealous.

Sweetestfatale and newbie: ''MEOWWWWWW....scratch scratch''

Cancer men are easy as pie compared to Scorpio men. In fact, I find them boringly easy to figure out. That's why all of these "help with Cancer men" posts make me chuckle.

I dont think its that cancer men are hard to figure out, I think its the frustration that you cant really do anything but let them get their way or learn them alone even after you have them figured out.

''Cancer men are easy as pie compared to Scorpio men. In fact, I find them boringly easy to figure out. ''

They are easy and oh so sensitive. The frustration occurs when you have to be patient with them because they are so slow moving(strategically) most of the time!

What man doesn't require patience when it comes to emotional involvement? lol We women can't help it that we understand that stuff better. We're just made that way. 😉 I think it's a universal thing with men and emotions. Emotions are considered "feminine" by society and men have been programmed to ignore them, suppress them, hide them, etc. Water men, especially, seem to struggle with this the most because emotion is so much a part of their make-up. So they overcompensate, with an inflated "macho" ego or by avoidance.

But most of what I've read here on the Cancer board, as far as testing potential lovers and disappearing acts applies to all three water signs. And needing love and acceptance to feel secure, well, that applies to everyone on the planet, doesn't it? However, even a water sign, will come after you if they really want you, ESPECIALLY if they know you want them in the same way. What I'm saying is, don't waste your time on someone who is not giving you what YOU deserve. At some point you have to say, "Who gives a shit what he needs? I have needs, too." Don't wait around on these men forever. You could miss out on something better. It's very easy to explain it away with "He just needs more of (insert nurturing B.S. here)" when really, he just needs a wake up call, which is exactly what you will provide by looking for what you need elsewhere.

you are exactly right.

It's very easy to explain it away with "He just needs more of (insert nurturing B.S. here)" when really, he just needs a wake up call, which is exactly what you will provide by looking for what you need elsewhere.


Best advice yet! If a man is just feeding "ANY" woman words and only worrying about him and his feelings then he is emotionally immature and why even "try" having patience to figure him out. If he is not mature enough to deal with his own feelings then he is not mature enough to deal with me. BYE! These naive ladies make up ALL the excuses in the world for men when if you can pick up he is not interested in being serious with you, you will not waste your time or have any "patience" you will value yourself to and know wholeheartly you need someone who can give YOU what YOU want and NEED. IT is not about HIM! It is about him if and when he steps up to the plate.

Yeah, I don't want to put his feelings and needs above my own. I believe in sharing, not one-sided-ness.

Yeah, I don't want to put his feelings and needs above my own. I believe in sharing, not one-sided-ness.

Yeah, he will come around too you though. He will pick up that you love yourself more tha anything else and will want to add to your life and make you happy. If he comes back around, I would be open and vulnerable to recieving love from him. You have to let him so you can recieve his love. I would just stick with boundaries on the inside and be soft and loveable on the outside. Oh, Cancer men don't mind you expressing how you feel if you can say it from a strong place of being grounded.

It's so ironic that we're born with such double-edged swords...we can really hurt ourselves if we're not able to control our emotions. And that's the main reason why us Cancers all seem the same to you -- we're not in control of our emotions, we let our emotions control us. For those Cancers who are in control of emotions, the sky's the limit.

Here's an update! He called, I brought up everything that bothered me, he was very apologetic and promised that it won't happen again. I like how things are looking right now. We talked for like 2 hours. It was great!!!

Communication is always the key.

***Cancer men are easy as pie compared to Scorpio men. In fact, I find them boringly easy to figure out. That's why all of these "help with Cancer men" posts make me chuckle.***

Ah the good old "it-can't-be-that-easy-tactic". Cancers might be easily figured out if you really care, but that what you find out one day might be different from another day. That could mean that they are a bit bipolar or that you only succeeded in convincing yourself that you figured them out. Or both. 😄

That could mean that they are a bit bipolar or that you only succeeded in convincing yourself that you figured them out. Or both. 😄

Honestly

Well, talk about hard to figure out! I called him yesterday and he said his phone battery was going dead and that he would call me later but he never did. The fact that he couldn't figure out who I was by my voice alone indicated to me that he is a player and has many women blowing up his phone plus he's gorgeous so I know he has many to choose from and it's obvious that I am not a priority. He guessed another women's name too! He asked who was calling and I asked him who did he want it to be, and he guessed Robin? Perhaps that is the person whom he wished was calling?

I doubt that he feels the same towards be despite our great convos. I decided to leave this guy alone and to ignore future calls from him. Him not calling me back like he said is dishonest and that is not the type of man I want.

I can usually tell if a guy is interested, but with him I am always wondering.