How do cancer guys act after a fight?!

We had a huge blowout the other day the next day talked a few hours and made up, another minor one the next night and talked it over were fine... We aren't exactly together, but well that would be the next step... We talked yesterday and decided we both needed to think about what we wanted... but it sounded like he was giving me reasons why not to want him? When the past 4 months he has been more pushing feelings than I, joking around about marriage, rings, wifey, wanting to give me the world etc... I in turn laugh it off am sweet but not sure how serious he is? So when mine come out he runs? I prefer communication and talking now now now so I don't know why on earth I gave a date later this week to talk it out... I'm more than confused. If he has to THINK about wanting me does he really even want me?!

he is probably thinking about the consequences if he were to put himself out there and it not work. when a cancer gives we give our all so we have to be certain that it is the right decision. despite what ppl might think cancers are very analytical well at least i am. i have to think about things and play all the scenarios over and over in my head before i am comfortable making a decision. also, it will be very intersting seeing how you are a libra. one of my best friends is a libra and although we get along well we drive each other crazy. luckily we both don't take each other to seriously so it works.

I need to do that myself next time I get in an argument thx leokitten... does he ever keep to himself?

I have noticed him do it one other time when I offended him once it wasn't anywhere near like the awful fight that we both want to forget about though so maybe that's why more time is needed? I dunno it took him a bit but I achieved my balance back and he came around...

It's just weird I feel him pulling away when I wish he was closer and him pulling closer when I'm unsure.... the space and going back to the shell is really hard on me im trying so hard not to call its the first day in months we haven't spoken... what if he doesn't miss me?

Cansir... I had a really good friend at one of my jobs but could push each others button in an instant it was weird! its a different type of relat with the guy though... so do u think him giving negatives was running scenarios?

That's part of her question LK. They arent really in a relationship yet he jokes about marriage, rings, children ect. Which Im learning is typical of a Cancer man, and he might not be joking about it, but he'll certainly mention it in a joking way, so much so that you dont know whether to take him seriously or laugh it off (as she mentions she does).

I'd say go with Cansir on this. The Cancer "step up, step back" thing is crazy...and yes it goes exactly how you type it, when you seem unsure he steps in (to make you be more sure) but when you get sure he steps out (to see if you're really sure and to decide if he wants to be sure). This hokey pokey will continue until he is very comfortable with you and until you apply constant (but not too hard) pressure when letting him know you're intentions. At least that's how it worked with me. And it took us a year to get to the point where he is comfortable enough to step in with me.

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Thanks for the feedback LK 🙂

I tend to like harmony and it is awkward not hearing from him or talking to him... but you are correct they were parameters I set when he said he wanted to think about things... I have never dealt with a cancer in this way so I guess I am sort of trying to figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing... We have been friends for quite some time so the change over has been very different, but I thought in a good way. I'm trying to grab a clue on where he's at I like to talk through thoughts... The distance makes me feel unwanted and off balance especially after so much communication in the past... And I try not to force expectations on anyone? You are a leo, I love you guys... you're strong if I had some of your strength probably would have handled the blowout a little better lol


Sweet,
Thank you also so much for your feedback,
In the past, before we started seeing each other, he has made the comment that joking is always half serious... He has also told me a few different times that I was the only one he was seeing, and well a bunch of sweet things... It doeeees feel like the hokey pokey... alone time with him is amazing though. I wasn't quite sure where I was at on my feelings or I guess how deep they were until the fight and until now, and with him bringing up all the negatives is that what he wants me to focus on? I thought we made up... I'm already indecisive 😢

That might have been his intention on bringing up all those things. He might want you to make a decision about your feelings for him sans the rose colored glasses. The cancer guy Im talking to started from the first time we talked with putting out some of the darker points in his history. I took them as him being human and making mistakes like the rest of us and I was very grateful that he wasnt pretentious or putting on airs to seem perfect.

"he has a lot of things going for him it seems"...my Cancer guy works 3 jobs and will pick up an extra project if he feels like its worth it. He's very generous to those closest to him, his mother and his aunt. I recently found out he spend more of his money taking care of them than he actually does on himself. So generous workaholic sounds about right.

im not subtle in fighting.....im either quiet or full blown pissed off. when im quiet is the best time to talk.....the calm before the storm. if u dont want to talk about it i will decide for myself what is going to happen and if u didnt want a part in that decision then dont come back at me two days later and wanna talk. i have to clear the air as soon as possible after a misunderstanding. or worst case i will just give up cut ties and move on.......

Hmmm... I do like those rose colored glasses SF! lol It is starting to sound like his behaviour is on par for a typical cancer? I have been keeping myself busy and anxious to see what happens... I am still laughing at the tree incident LK, so does this mean his memory is even better than mine? oh boy...

What does your post say CJ?

lol@ no tree sale. Its amazing how they keep those seemingly unimportant convos in their head for later continuation. They do have good memory and although you least expect it they remember things down to your favorite phrase. It really made me blush when my Cancer guy started rattling off the things I say to him when he seems to be getting sick...and I had thought that he never really paid me any attention.

The down side is that these workaholics...well work a lot. The time my Cancer guy and I spend is usually based around what days he is least busy or needs the most rest. I do like that he is hard working and about his business tho.

My Cancer guy just told me the other day that he's a naturalist "he let's things go the way they might" rather than a perfectionist...which is my job 🙂. He is currently teaching me to be more spontaneous and to stop "overthinking & overplanning" as he called it.

i hide it cuz i realize im a spaz and every one else isnt.....😢

i think im bi-polar..... after i get really mad i sink into a sadened depression...

sounds like a Cancer man...you wouldnt happen to be one would you?

"i have to clear the air as soon as possible after a misunderstanding. or worst case i will just give up cut ties and move on......."

CJ7 --- hehehe I am not a guy but I am a cancer and this is SOOOOOO ME!!!

Awwwwww CJ I see it now! He was actually quiet during the fight, which kind of suprised me as he gets loud joking around with people (play fighting) and then he was very apologetic for his actions that led to it, but I'm not sure if that was before or after I apologized for going off... The next day I had said that I was emotionally drained after all of that and he said he was too but glad that we got through it... After everything seemed okay though later that day he said he wanted to think about things do you think he's sad do cancers get mad than sad? I know I really upset him... I've known the guys for years and well never been in a fight with him so it's different... I am surrrre you aren't the only spaz our there! hehe I know I sure can be one sometimes...

SF! That is sooo sweet that he remembers those things how long have you guys been together?

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we've been friends for a little over a year now and more than friends since June, so about 6 months.

"i hide it cuz i realize im a spaz and every one else isnt....."

you're not a spaz - I wouldn't change a thing about you 🙂

Soooo we talked this morning but nothing about what we were supposed to be "thinking about"... When bringing up the blowout the response was that he doesn't want to ever again think about last week... I guess this is good? lol I have no idea... That's great SF, so it took 6 months to be in a relationship?

It took me 6 months for me to finally be done with my ex and give Mr.Cancer a chance to be more than my friend. Its taken the remaining 6 months to prove to him he wasnt some sort of pastime or rebound, but I have myself to thank for that.

I dont see him wanting to forget it as a bad thing unless it really is unresolved for you. And if it is unresolved you really have to look at why and if its a personal reason that would call for asking him to do something excessive to alleviate then its most likely rooted in something you need to resolve within yourself. And that miht have seemed to come out of left field, but more recently I've noted that with myself, sometimes disagreements seem unresolved just because Im not ready to accept the solution and not so much because we havent found it.

very good point LK!