how to win a taurus without going crazy?

Posted by scorchedearth
if a taurus says they don't want a relationship LISTEN TO THEM. we're the most fixed of the fixed signs. it takes an act of god to change our minds. he's being honest with you about not wanting a relationship. changing yourself and compromising yourself is likely to not give you the result you want and even if it does short term eventually you'll start to feel comfortable with him and the relationship and you'll start behaving like yourself and by that time you'll be really attached and then when he responds poorly and probably breaks up with you you'll be very hurt and likely angry with him over something you did to yourself.

you're playing with fire right now. i know you want this guy. taurus and cancer is a great match, but, you should be listening to what he wants and not trying to manipulate him into getting what you want. eventually that will backfire and then you'll be left with nothing.

so I've heard, but how should i be reading the signs then? everything is there, except exclusivity (even though we only see each other) and i guess "romantic love", maybe lacking in full trust because he's a bit reserved. we are both ourselves, almost too comfortable at times, so neither of us are putting on a show.

i also don't like the word "manipulate" as i only do things that i genuinely want to do, i just don't have any direction to follow as i feel he is judging for me to just know what to do. i have been called "manipulative" though by him, so I'm not sure why I'm coming across as sneaky.

I agree with others - if he says he doesn't want a relationship then he doesn't want one.

Earlier this year I was in a similar position. I started casually seeing a friend - a Taurus - and he flat out told me from the beginning he didn't want a relationship BUT he kept acting like we were in one. He was texting me a million times a day, we'd see each other or go on dates a few times a week, etc. I felt like we were basically dating but without the title. He reiterated, though, that he wasn't looking for a relationship.

Well, I'm the kind of person that my interest in someone only lasts so long if I don't get what I want and once my interest is gone, it's gone. I stopped seeing him but remained friends. About a month or so later he confessed on his birthday that he regretted not dating me and that I was the first girl in 4 years that made him consider having a relationship. Unfortunately, at that point, I just wasn't interested in dating him anymore. We're still good friends but I'm glad we didn't date. Don't change yourself to be with anyone - regardless of their sign. Be true to yourself. If he says he doesn't want a relationship, believe him, and move on to someone else. Or maybe he'll a pull the same thing my Taurus did and come back around. 😛

Posted by scorchedearth
if a man says they don't want a relationship and a woman keeps pushing it a couple of things will happen that don't involve a relationship. the worst case scenario is that he uses your feelings to get into your pants with no desire to give you the relationship you want. that's the most likely scenario when a woman chases a man. it seems desperate. you have to remember that most men like to chase. if they don't have to work for it then it's not worth it. if it seems like there's romantic attraction and that he is giving mixed signals BE CAREFUL. do NOT sleep with him if you haven't already. when a man says he wants no relationship that doesn't mean he won't use you for sex. for your own sanity hold out on sex indefinitely if he's not coming around.

well what you described is manipulative. you're changing yourself to trick him into wanting you. there's really no other word for it. i'm sorry if me saying that upset you but i'm not going to pretend your actions are different than they are. if he says you're manipulative you need to take a step back and stop trying so hard to win him. no one is worth changing yourself for. if he doesn't want you for exactly who you are he doesn't deserve you in the first place. i know you really want this guy but you'll have to change yourself a lot and stay changed to keep him. do you really want to become a different person to snag someone that doesn't want you for you?

id say if anything, I'm the one that instigates sex, so that isn't really an issue. do bulls like the chase though? i was under the impression they don't go after anyone if that person doesn't show interest. in any case, I'm not always the first to initiate things if that counts.

and you're right, i guess that would be manipulative. i just want to be more, and I'm not sure in what ways.

Posted by junebug99
I agree with others - if he says he doesn't want a relationship then he doesn't want one.

Earlier this year I was in a similar position. I started casually seeing a friend - a Taurus - and he flat out told me from the beginning he didn't want a relationship BUT he kept acting like we were in one. He was texting me a million times a day, we'd see each other or go on dates a few times a week, etc. I felt like we were basically dating but without the title. He reiterated, though, that he wasn't looking for a relationship.

Well, I'm the kind of person that my interest in someone only lasts so long if I don't get what I want and once my interest is gone, it's gone. I stopped seeing him but remained friends. About a month or so later he confessed on his birthday that he regretted not dating me and that I was the first girl in 4 years that made him consider having a relationship. Unfortunately, at that point, I just wasn't interested in dating him anymore. We're still good friends but I'm glad we didn't date. Don't change yourself to be with anyone - regardless of their sign. Be true to yourself. If he says he doesn't want a relationship, believe him, and move on to someone else. Or maybe he'll a pull the same thing my Taurus did and come back around. 😛

i work the same exact way! and I'm afraid i will back off completely, and he'll come back around and i won't want it.

in regards to him seeing you as the first person to maybe have a relationship with: mine was dumped a month before meeting me by someone he claims he would have married. if that happened to me, i wouldn't want a relationship either, so my theory is he is just mending his heart and waiting for someone to prove themselves. as foolish as that may sound, that is why i stick around.

I agree with Scorched. I'll also add my two cents from the perspective of having been married to a fucked up Taurus. My ex wasn't EVER big on romantic overtures and wasn't much of a cuddler, etc. I didn't find out until after we got married exactly how incompatible we were in many ways. I'm super affectionate and love to have the favor returned. Love and sex are very intertwined for me and I WANT/NEED both. He was a prude, had a much lower sex drive than me and wasn't very big on sharing emotions. I gave everything to him, let him have his way on just about everything and as long as that went on he was mostly happy and easy enough to get along with. For all of my giving I got crumbs in return. In the end I was resentful, deeply unhappy and hated him for all the hurt that his verbal abuse caused. Oh, and he never did propose to me. It was just sort of expected that we would get married and I did want to marry him. Looking back I wonder if he felt pressured into it but didn't really want it. We're not at a point where we can have civil discussions together about this stuff, yet.

So, save yourself some future pain and just stay friends with this guy. He doesn't want a relationship and it doesn't sound like you're compatible for marriage in many ways.

Posted by scorchedearth
i do wonder why women have sex with men who won't commit. what message are you sending? you don't have to buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

i'm all for being in charge of your sexuality but damn are you not sending out the right message.

it should be if he wants you he needs to show that and put that shit on lockdown. he has no incentive to change his mind about wanting to date you if he gets to bang you whenever he wants.

i wouldn't want sex to be the reason he wanted to be with me. originally, he didn't want just a sexual relationship, so we paused that and developed other connections. fast forward to having similar interests, humor, values, etc. and we're hooking up again. so, in the matter of "...when you can get the milk for free" its more-so I'm not going to play games, and instead show him exactly what kind of relationship we could have, and if he decides to pursue other people, he gets none of it. i'd rather him want all of me than just the sexual part of me.

I agree with what's being said. Don't look or try to work past him not wanting a relationship..

Just think...A person that was trully into someone wouldn't tell them that they didn't want to be with them. What purpose does that serve?

I had to get that through my skull in dealing with my Taurus friend. No matter how much it feels like a relationship, you gotta know deep down he wouldn't push you away by those words if he REALLY wanted to be with you.

That's the thing though...once he is done with you he can always go back to "but I told you in the beginning I didn't want a relationship." I know how that game is played too well. Always listen to what's being said.

Posted by mf90
and the stance is "i don't want a relationship"

THE END.

Posted by xMoonMan

Posted by Damnata

Posted by mf90
and the stance is "i don't want a relationship"

THE END.

Vulcan logic..Love it!
Human emotions, love and the heart operate in a different realm
(I'm sure you're aware of this)

hahaha, this meeting is ajourned...
😉

click to expand

is it so wrong to question and even challenge the phrase "i don't want a relationship"? theres always a reason why; a preconceived notion, a past experience, personal reasons, etc. I've spent enough time with this person to know that we are very compatible and really enjoy each other, we even act as if we are already in a relationship as an everyday occurrence. am i just to say "oh okay!" and give up? no, i'd rather prove myself to them, make them feel special and earn their love. sure, he may not want a relationship right now, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't change.

i understand the situation as i've been the one rejecting someone else, but it's always been for a particular reason. this situation? no reason, really. i know he's the only one that could answer it really, but i can't sit idle or just give up when theres at least something there. has dating really become that quick, or am i just really old fashioned?

inb4 clingy, pushy, manipulative, etc.

its all about how you present the matter!

Posted by xMoonMan

Posted by Damnata

Posted by mf90
and the stance is "i don't want a relationship"

THE END.

Vulcan logic..Love it!
Human emotions, love and the heart operate in a different realm
(I'm sure you're aware of this)

hahaha, this meeting is ajourned...
😉

click to expand

I'm one of the more emotional Virgos..with a chart doused in fire. 😄

However "I do not want a relationship" = "I do not want a relationship"

Posted by thescepter

Posted by Damnata

Posted by xMoonMan

Posted by Damnata

Posted by mf90
and the stance is "i don't want a relationship"

THE END.

Vulcan logic..Love it!
Human emotions, love and the heart operate in a different realm
(I'm sure you're aware of this)

hahaha, this meeting is ajourned...
😉

I'm one of the more emotional Virgos..with a chart doused in fire. 😄

However "I do not want a relationship" = "I do not want a relationship"

I DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP (OR INSERT ANY EXCUSE)= TRY HARDER STUPID?

YES/ NO?

click to expand

For me what I say is what I mean..so no. There was one time when the circumstances upon which I didn't desire to pursuit a relationship with a guy would have changed in a while but it didn't feel right to postpone it..I would've felt like stringing him along and it wouldn't have been fair to him. However he insisted, in my stupidity at that time I gave in, and it went to hell in a basket fast.

This is like watching someone squeeze a turnip and they're upset that orange juice isn't gushing out.

Posted by mf90
i've been pursuing a taurus for almost 7 months, and i still haven't gotten "the title" or any serious talk of commitment. well, i guess i have, and the stance is "i don't want a relationship". however, as weeks go by, i have shaped and molded myself to be less emotionally needy, as it seems to push him away. at a snails pace though, he has been returning affection, with new elements coming into play here and there.

He may have considered you a 'possibility' in the beginning.
My gut instinct tells me the 'initial' interest or relationship transpired into something less substantial, and more superficial.
Your manipulative, emotionally demanding and 'molding' tactics manifested itself as artificial, pretentious...and not as something that is concrete, 'real' or genuine.
He doesn't trust you.

It's not perfection we look for. It's trust, loyalty and most importantly, HONESTY.

People who are real. People who do not hide their true nature.

You may have been compartmentalized.
His defenses are up.
Your emotions will take a back seat...and his physical needs will be met as he takes the drivers seat.
If an opportunity presents itself with someone else, your time will be expired, and the new prospective woman will assume the passenger seat.

Thus, your emotions will still take a back seat.

I can't stress this enough with posters..."slow moving" doesn't indicate "aloofness, indecisiveness, or obliviousness."

Slow moving = caution + observation + active listening + assessment.

This can be summed up depending how the other person is coming across.

My definition for "I don't want a relationship = I don't want a relationship with YOU.

Posted by mf90

everything is there, except exclusivity (even though we only see each other) and i guess "romantic love", maybe lacking in full trust because he's a bit reserved. we are both ourselves, almost too comfortable at times, so neither of us are putting on a show.

1. If there is any trust lacking, it's because you created it.
Reserved = Caution + Assessment

2. He's not putting on a show. You are!

Posted by mf90
i have been called "manipulative" though by him, so I'm not sure why I'm coming across as sneaky.

click to expand

His Final Assessment?

Sneaky + Manipulative = Lacking in Full Trust.

talk about a tough crowd, lots of negativity. there has been more harsh judgement on me than good advice or even encouragement to move on. i guess the right details are missing and i'm seen as a "desperate fool" or however you'd like to put it, but theres been nothing but honesty and genuine spirit with this friendship, one of those "you'd have to just be there" type of things.

don't get me wrong, i understand you shouldn't push someone into a relationship and i should even accept the fact that maybe it's because i'm not the right person, but i truly believe love should be earned and not just given, and that is the advice i've come here for: whats the best way to earn a taurus' love?

so if all you have to add is put downs and "just move on!" then save your words please. looking for people with experience, not opinion.

Never Ever Pursue a Man

Oops, how silly and thoughtless of me! Thank you, MoonMan, for helping us see the right way. Well, OP, you're right. You have to EARN a man's love, the same man who says he doesn't want a relationship. Maybe if you get pregnant you can force him to make a commitment. Also, grill him for info on what his favorite foods are, his favorite sex positions, how he prefers women to look and act and then change everything about you so you fit his ideal and when you someday feel resentment that you're no longer YOU and he doesn't love YOU, just cram those feelings deep down inside yourself and remind yourself how lucky you are that you finally MADE him have a relationship with you.

Posted by mf90
but i truly believe love should be earned and not just given, and that is the advice i've come here for: whats the best way to earn a taurus' love?

so if all you have to add is put downs and "just move on!" then save your words please. looking for people with experience, not opinion.

So you will ignore everything and only seek the advice you want to hear but you won't get that on these boards. It's not honest... something you don't know much about. Your fwb Taurus probably does. He's told you he doesn't want a relationship (honest) and he's called you manipulative (honest).

Most people who have posted have experience. They are Taureans or have had relationships with Taureans. They have also called you manipulative and they are strangers. So that is a bunch of strangers and the guy your sleeping with that have called you manipulative and dishonest. hmmm...

But you're going to ignore it

Just like you'll ignore the Taurus when he says, 'I don't want a relationship"

good luck with that

Posted by mf90

.....or am i just really old fashioned?

A FWB arrangement for an old fashioned individual is an oxymoron.

Tell me something else....

He's an earth sign, your contradictory, ambiguous nature will definitely pose a potential dilemma in the future.

Especially for a sign that craves consistency when looking for a long term prospective partner.

Posted by mf90
whats the best way to earn a taurus' love?

Translation: "I need another manipulative tactic. A Quick, Easy Game Plan. Instant gratification."

Answer: Stop playing games! Stop being dishonest. Stop being manipulative.

I can 'peep' individuals like you with blinders on!

He may have had a soft spot for you at one time.

But you (MF90), you just don't know when to stop...you just kept it going....

...And you're still keeping it going!