i think i'll tell you a secret. or two.

about things i've learned about cancer males. feel free to correct me.

first and foremost, the fastest way to a cancer's heart is to be absolutely, drop-dead, stunningly gorgeous. if you don't have that luxury, there are other ways, too.

a good piece of advice is to remember that you are in control. if you aren't, you need to get there, because yes, they can and will drive you crazy (although not necessarily intentionally). don't be a doormat please. it's one of the biggest mistakes you can make, because you need to make a cancer aware of what hurts you, and what you will and will not stand for.

be sensitive. not in the sense that you watch a disney movie and bawl, but by showing that you would never embarrass him in front of people, or use his own emotions to hurt him. the easiest way to accomplish this is to generally not make an ass out of yourself, and be somewhat reserved in public. but if you can't manage that, there are other ways. if the people you're close to consider you trustworthy, that's a good indicator that you can be trusted in a relationship, regardless of your apparent rowdiness 😛.

DON'T CLING. especially not too early on. cancers are the clingers, if they get attached. there are ways of supporting him emotionally without being clingy.

on the flipside, touch is good. he's probably not going to be a fan of PDA, but you can still hold his hand, and sit close to him. it's important that he feel comfortable.

oh yeah, and always be respectful around his family.

the thing i think women really need to remember, though, is that cancers are just human. they do seem to have an otherwordly power over women, can't deny that, but you can live without them (trust me). and all in all it REALLY isn't that difficult for them to fall in love with you. they naturally appreciate women and what we have to offer.

Cool! I like your synopsis there Wheels.

Wheelhomies,

Thank you! Your advice was really helpful! By the way, can you tell by the magnetic look in their eyes if they are interested? I was wondering if that is how they look normally, or if there is something more to it.

mellowdee, i was wondering if you would read that; i thought you'd like it.

"By the way, can you tell by the magnetic look in their eyes if they are interested? I was wondering if that is how they look normally, or if there is something more to it."

i can't say. do they have the capacity to lead people on? absolutely. and sometimes they will. it's really up to you to decide whether or not the intensity is genuine or affected, based on a number of other things.

Wow that was really good Wheels!

"the easiest way to accomplish this is to generally not make an ass out of yourself, and be somewhat reserved in public."

This I am... except I unfortunately made an ass out of myself this weekend. It was only because my bull protectiveness came out over my bf. It was actually his fault and he was still the one being stubborn! I couldn't tell him to drop it infront of everyone though, so when things started getting heated I went to stand next to him to nudge him back a little and get in there. Another guy walked over as an intermediate and tried to smooth things over but neither my crabby nor the other guy would shut up... and ... this ... guy ... turns ... around ... to ... MY ... crabby ... and ... tells ... him ... to ... shut the FUKK up!
!!! OH NO HE DIDN'T!! I was pretty chill up until then! I broke out in a RAGE! Course crabby didn't listen and he was tipsy and in less than a second I pushed him back and got in the other guys face yelling wildly about how ridiculous their argument was over and over in a crazed manner and then I turn to the one who had pissed me off and looked him straight in the eyes (I was furious!) to NEVER EVER TALK TO HIM (my bf) LIKE THAT! DO ... NOT... TALK ... TO .. HIM LIKE THAT!!! I can't remember what exactly happened in those few seconds or how many times I must have warned him but I think I kept waving my finger at his face lol

I just remember I caught them by surprise and they just backed off DEAD SILENT. I think everyone there did lol They were just like 'alright alright you're right' and they left.

OMG.. I feel like such an ass lol Afterwards I was thinking that I shouldn't have done that because I could have made it worse. I actually felt bad because I didn't mean to yell at the guy my crabby was arguing with. That guy was right in his argument so I wasn't mad at him. I was angry at the 'intermediate' who thought he could talk like to my crabby, thinking he's all that. All mighty critter 😉 I know bc we went to his b-day party last year.

So after that I actually went over to apologize to the other guy and told him I didn't mean to talk to him like that. I was annoyed at how stupid their argument was, it wasn't worth it and we both knew that it was the alcohol talking between the two. He was pretty cool about it and agreed. I made some comment about how him and my bfs name was the same and what a way to crack the ice lol And bla bla bla and bla bla...

i think the key is to be super hot.

"i think the key is to be super hot."

"first and foremost, the fastest way to a cancer's heart is to be absolutely, drop-dead, stunningly gorgeous."

and i think i beat you. so ha. smartazz.

rainingpeanuts, that's not that bad. anywhere there's a lot of alcohol involved there's bound to be some ummmmm lack of judgment, it's basically expected (not that i know anything about that..😛).

Wheelhomies

What you have wrote above might make sense for some women, apparently. But I advice to look at other things before going on with Cancer man.

From what I have experienced, almost all Cancer men I have met so far are pretty much unstable about materialistic things. They could lose their houses for some very stupid thing and will turn to their relatives or familiy for support. This is really bad situation for the ones who care for them. Watch out for such Cancers or they will bring your life to the hell.

haffo, do you think this is a trait of all cancers, or just a coincidence about the cancers you've met?

i think it's probably like one he's met and he's projecting his infantile assumptions on others.

I see fiddlesticks is bitching again?

"she also has an abundance of gem in her chart"

So does the cancer man I'm seeing at the mo. He seems pretty free with his money and offers to pay for things almost instinctively even when there's no reason, polite-wise or fair-wise, why he should do it.

Update with my cancer man: I met up with him last night. I had actually prepared myself to tell him that I didn't think we were suited for eachother and that we should not see eachother anymore when he totally took me by surprise. --Do cancer men tend to be inconsistent in their behavior towards others? I thought this was the Aquarian way--

Pre-amble, I've been seeing a cancer man for about 2 months now and initially he was very enthusiastic, sending me nice texts, calling me, wanting to see me. Then things cooled down to the point where he wasn't replying to me and he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship and would not communicate with me for the whole day and then text or call me late at night.

So last night as we'd arranged that he was staying with me, I texted him and asked him did he want to eat with me and when he didn't reply after about an hour I called him where he was in the local bar again and he told me he'd eat himself beforehand and we agreed a time I'd pick him up. I was annoyed afterwards and decided that this was not the kind of relationship - or whatever you call it, arrangement - I wanted to have where I'm constantly feeling dissapointed by his lack of interest or attention and it really would be better to finish it now. So I drove to pick him up with this in mind.

I picked him up, he could tell that I was annoyed and he started to tell me he missed me again which I didn't respond to. I think that he was quiet also after sensing that I was annoyed with him. He hugged me and kissed me and was basically nice to me and I couldn't find a cue or an inclination to launch my speech I had been drafting in my head on my way to pick him up....

We ended up having a nice night and then he did something that totally swung the needle on the scales way over to the other extreme: he told me that he was in love with me. I giggled when he said this, partly because I had had a glass of wine but also because it was totally unexpected and way out of his character especially in recent weeks. I also giggled because it's a big thing for me if a man says he loves me and as it was so out of context with what I was thinking and feeling and how he was behaving, the giggle just came out just as unexpectedly.

I don't know whether he means it or what. But it was a nice twist the evening took instead of what probably would have followed if I had said what I was intending to.

i see you don't disagree with my assessment of your idiocy

who's idiocy are we talkign about here fiddlesticks? You must remember you need to make things extra clear to idots.

"i see you don't disagree with my assessment of your idiocy"

It's not a matter of agree or disagree, it's a matter of ignoring what you say.

Surely, this is because of your idiocy..

And I'm sure who is idiot, after trying and fuckuing up 20 times and still saying "the rest could be good".

You can't check all of them. You don't have enough life time for that.

If you go through that unrealistic way, you are an idiot.

See?

what the heck are you saying?

"And I'm sure who is idiot, after trying and uing up 20 times and still saying "the rest could be good"."

i realize that english probably isn't your first, second, or hell maybe even in your top five languages... but at least make some sort of effort.

"does that apply for the chicas also?"

hmm...actually, yeah, i'd say so.

"And I'm sure who is idiot, after trying and fuckuing up 20 times and still saying "the rest could be good".

You can't check all of them. You don't have enough life time for that."


i don't know if you're referring to what i asked you with this or not, but i didn't know how many cancers you've seen it happen to. you're right, there isn't even a possibility of studying every cancer in the world. but i've never seen a cancer who had difficulty with money (from the few that i know).

I guess no one ever told haffo that cancer is one of the most industrious and successful signs next to capricorn.

And wheelhomies.........RIGHT ON TARGET........you know what you are talking about through and through (at least that's the POSITIVE half of us lol)

mellowdee....its well within character for parental cancer to pay for things....even to the point of being unfair to him.....let him do it then show him you appreciate it...(operative word there is SHOW)...you can tell him too.....its his way of sacrifice.

Now on another note I'm not sure how to make this one out....when cancers withdraw 99.999% of the time its because we have lost interest...and what's worse is we may still go on with the normally scheduled program until we're sure we want to cut it....so my cancer senses are confused as to where this out-of-the-blue proclamation of love is coming from.....I'd wait quietly and see what developed over the next few weeks.

"is it their money or a Student loan/Grant —"

antibling, why? why?? that's all i want to know. 😛
it's their money.

"And wheelhomies.........RIGHT ON TARGET........you know what you are talking about through and through (at least that's the POSITIVE half of us lol)"

hehehe...i was taking the silence of the majority of cancers here to mean that, but i wasn't sure, so thank ya. (and i'm sure had i included the negative, there would be a bit more protesting 😛.)

"my cancer senses are confused as to where this out-of-the-blue proclamation of love is coming from.....I'd wait quietly and see what developed over the next few weeks."

Yes good idea CancerLA. I agree that's what I should do. And also it's good for me and my sense of self not to dedicate so much of my thinking on him at this stage of things especially because he is being so inconsistent and because in previous relationships with guys, I altered my own routine too much to accomodate them which wasn't appreciated or reciprocated. I just get excited and when I meet someone who I like and I want to be with them and touch them and shower them with affection. This is my enthusiasm.

We can only meet up with eachother on the weekends because my daughter is with me during the week and he can't stay over then. He is seperated from his wife and his daughter is in another European country where he visits her every 3 weeks. So basically we don't get to see eachother that often inspite of living relatively close to eachother.

He has said a few things that have contradicted what he has said before. Like for example, when I first met him he told me that he wished we could meet up more often because people change all the time and so if a couple spent too much time apart, then they also grow apart in this time. Then later on when I confronted him about not answering my calls, he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship which hurt me a bit because this was not what I was suggesting either but simply that he calls me back when he says he will.

Another one was that he says he values honesty from people and told me never to lie to him. But he has told me a few lies. He said he was 35 when he's actually 42 (I know a minor one!), he said he hadn't had any affairs since he's been here and then he told me that he had been with a woman for a month in the summer.

So he's more than a little perplexing to me. But yes the main thing for me is to not let whatever he says, does or doesn't do upset me.

because you need to make a cancer aware of what hurts you, and what you will and will not stand for.

oh yeah! but this is a toughie, cause you have to use tact and not attack.
you'll be setting yourself up for a major pout regardless tho..........

be sensitive. not in the sense that you watch a disney movie and bawl, but by showing that you would never embarrass him in front of people, or use his own emotions to hurt him. the easiest way to accomplish this is to generally not make an ass out of yourself, and be somewhat reserved in public.

oh yeah. the fact that i "fight fair" is a huge defuser with my guy.
his ex, who was a cancer like himself, had that sharp, shrewish cancer
tongue and went for the juggular. i am very friendly in public and very
well liked, and am a favorite of his co-workers. he seems very proud of
that. he likes that he can take me out with them and i do the socializing
and help further his career.

DON'T CLING. especially not too early on. cancers are the clingers, if they get attached.

sigh. yep. oh, and let another guy start hitting on you..........
you'll have to peel the cancer off of you. ha.

i can't stand it if i were dating someone and someone starts hitting on my girlfriend. call me old fashioned or whatever, but i think that's a huge form of disrespect and i won't stand for it... and if she seriously flirts back in an effort to either manipulate or because she's actually interested, i'd just as soon walk away from the relationship, because i see it as disrespectful as well...

"sigh. yep. oh, and let another guy start hitting on you..........
you'll have to peel the cancer off of you. ha."

- Well I could see why LOL I'd be the same way!

And wow, yes, I see it as very disrespectful on the guys part. If a guy wants to talk to me I'd expect he have the manners to introduce himself to my boyfriend and include him in the conversation. It's happened a couple of times with guys who I don't know. The time I did not have the chance to introduce him (because I cut the guy short quickly) he was very annoyed. And yes, all over me the rest of the night.

Another time, also a guy whose name I don't even know... came up to me while I was hugging my bf and handed me a shot he had bought me. The last time I saw him was at a bar where he grabbed me by the waist as I walked past, pulled me to him and asked "Where do I remember you from?" So I know, he wasn't just being friendly. He walked off at which point I called out to him and told him to come back. I then introduced my bf which was when he realized that I really didn't know the guy. I suspect the smiles and handshake between the two were fake because the eye contact didn't seem as friendly... heheh

Some have almost gotten into fights! Actually, one by his own friend LOL I did KNOW them though. No shame ppl, no shame *nodds head* 😛

oh, i go the opposite direction. if someone i'm with flirts or pays a little too much attention to someone, weeeeelll. i just move along and find my own company. i am bold and have no problem walking right up to the most gorgeous guy in the room and starting a nice little convo. now, if my guy is just chatting someone up nicely, no big deal. if the woman is the one chasing, then i stay and shut her down!! but i figure what's good for the goose.......
i'm not over the top or unreasonable, but what's mine is mine or it's discarded. period. i will not tolerate being humiliated in public. my ego and pride are aries huge. he knows this tho, and doesn't push that button. so, we stay cool. is this a positive behaviour from me? probably not. but trust me, i've worked hard to get a handle on it and i'm up front and admit it. we all have things that aren't pretty, this just happens to be mine. well, and my first hubby cheated and got addicted to porn. sooooo, i'm a bit sensitive.

"my ego and pride are aries huge. he knows this tho, and doesn't push that button. so, we stay cool. is this a positive behaviour from me? probably not. "

Yes I think it is a good way to be. You stand your ground and I don't even think it's being over the top. I want to start being like this. I instead just feel either humiliated and feel the problem is with me, or that he's going to end up with this woman and there's nothing I can do. I'm an a $ $ hole in these matters. You are definitely playing this much better than me redhedgurl and you should be happy about your aries ego and pride!