I wanted children, my Cancer did not

I learned, after marrying after the age of 40, that my Cancer husband never wanted to have more children. This is despite what he told me, despite the fact that, after we married, we went to doctors to verify that there was no clear reason why we couldn't, etc. We are getting divorced, but I am so angry about this. I feel as if he deceived me and wasted the last few years that I might have had the chance to have a child myself. But what does he care, right? He was married before and already became a father during that marriage.

@QLibraMale Good luck to you. Although I'm all for freedom of choice, at this point, I wasn't expecting that my partner did not want children at all. Hope you have better success for your dreams.

Yup. Pretty selfish alright. Maybe he thought since you were over 40 that the doctors might advise you to not with all the risk factors and everything.

Having children is the most selfish thing you can do in life. After 40, it's just wrong on so many levels. If you wait this long, they're just an after-thought. What else is left on the list? Oh yeah, reproduce. No one wants old parents that don't understand you and don't have the energy to cope with a young child. Besides, there are many more risks involved at that age.

You're selfish and inconsiderate towards someone who doesn't even exist.

I really disagree with Mr. Crabby
I know a friend of the family who is an older lady who had a child at 42. She is an amazing mother and her husband is a loving dad. I'm sure her daughter is grateful to have parents like that even if they are older instead of ones that are not as good to her. There are so many young parents who neglect and abuse their children and couldn't care less about them and don't provide for them. Also, growing up I lived with my grandmother for a period of time who I love as much as if she were my own mother and her age didn't matter nobody would be luckier to have someone like her as a mom regardless of age.
Also Mr. Crabby who are you to decide that if Caomel has kids at this point in her life that they are an after thought? You don't know her? Maybe she waited because she hasn't met the right partner in her life as yet or maybe she wasn't financially stable before and couldn't provide for a child at an earlier age.

Waoh Gemtaur calm down, pry your lips away from Mr.Crabby's a** for two seconds and read. She never said she was getting divorced because the guy didn't want kids. Why are you so bitter? Do u need a hug or a life or something?

Wow--had hoped for more constructive comments. Not expecting the vitriol from those who apparently can't even be bothered to read my first post and have it register. Sorry I even posted.

... and thank you to those who made positive comments and clearly read my comments. We are not getting divorced because of no children. However, when we married, he said he would be happy to have more and it is clear he lied and simply said what I wanted to hear.

Having children after 40 is not selfish. One of my close friends had her first children--twins--at 41 and she qualifies as the most incredible mom I know. There are risks and these must be taken into account, but is it better for a teenager to have an unwanted child or for a 40-something to have one at a time when a child is wanted and would be cherished?

You're old, get a stray cat that needs shelter.

@gemtaur Don't pretend you know me. I'd be happy to adopt--my sister was adopted, two of my brothers were adopted, and I also have cousins who were adopted. It is a very good thing to do and I love them all. But you would recommend this while married to someone who doesn't want more children, but claimed to be happy to have them--to the point where he went through checks to see if he had any medical issues? You're foolish if that is the case.

@gemtaur Don't pretend you know me. I'd be happy to adopt--my sister was adopted, two of my brothers were adopted, and I also have cousins who were adopted. It is a very good thing to do and I love them all. But you would recommend this while married to someone who doesn't want more children, but claimed to be happy to have them--to the point where he went through checks to see if he had any medical issues? You're foolish if that is the case.

@gemtaur Don't pretend you know me. I'd be happy to adopt--my sister was adopted, two of my brothers were adopted, and I also have cousins who were adopted. It is a very good thing to do and I love them all. But you would recommend this while married to someone who doesn't want more children, but claimed to be happy to have them--to the point where he went through checks to see if he had any medical issues? You're foolish if that is the case.

@gemtaur Don't pretend you know me. I'd be happy to adopt--my sister was adopted, two of my brothers were adopted, and I also have cousins who were adopted. It is a very good thing to do and I love them all. But you would recommend this while married to someone who doesn't want more children, but claimed to be happy to have them--to the point where he went through checks to see if he had any medical issues? You're foolish if that is the case.

@gemtaur Don't pretend you know me. I'd be happy to adopt--my sister was adopted, two of my brothers were adopted, and I also have cousins who were adopted. It is a very good thing to do and I love them all. But you would recommend this while married to someone who doesn't want more children, but claimed to be happy to have them--to the point where he went through checks to see if he had any medical issues? You're foolish if that is the case.

Well , as a contribution I can say Im happy that my parents, who were old or let's say my Mum was 39, decided to have me....Im happy to be alive!!
It is not selfish at all, since you want them, and you will do your best and care for them and not neglect them as many younger couples do. I was given a lot, and my parents are still energetic folk. We travelled, played sports together and did many things...age is not a problem at all...it is all about attitude..

Im sure your divorce was not for the kids issue but for many other disagreements. Anyway most cancers want to be parents, it is strange he didnt...but it was very wrong to tell you he wanted to, and then said he didnt. Because he played with your time....

You should adopt Mr.Crabby and raise him with the manners he lacks from an apparently poor upbringing. Also if you can muster up some energy please teach him to have some balls so he doesn't have to hide behind a PC regularly debasing women anonymously as if he was some sort of misogynistic coward. Thank you for your attention to this matter and enjoy your day 🙂

Posted by virgodreamz
You should adopt Mr.Crabby and raise him with the manners he lacks from an apparently poor upbringing. Also if you can muster up some energy please teach him to have some balls so he doesn't have to hide behind a PC regularly debasing women anonymously as if he was some sort of misogynistic coward. Thank you for your attention to this matter and enjoy your day 🙂

You must agree with me somewhat if you wish to punish her in that manner.

Mr. Crabby clearly simply wants to depress and degrade others since he doesn't have enough satisfaction in his life. Quite sad, if he is truly only 29, although he seems more jaded than that young age. Clearly, this only says something about the state of his own relationships. One can only hope that he doesn't pass on his manners or genes on to others. ... and I'm certain he will have something critical to say about this comment, so Mr. Crabby, feel free to take your best shot.

wow, there is a lot of negativity on this thread.



I'm sorry your husband lied to you about wanting children. You can always still get pregnant, although it isn't ideal for your body. Just make sure you take care of yourself and get a nice sperm donor. You CAN do it!



good luck to you.

oh, and this goes well with my last thread. which is that quite a few of the cancers I know are completely selfish, and ACT like they are nice.


however I do have a lovely cancer friend who dedicated his life to helping others.

Posted by caomei
Mr. Crabby clearly simply wants to depress and degrade others since he doesn't have enough satisfaction in his life. Quite sad, if he is truly only 29, although he seems more jaded than that young age. Clearly, this only says something about the state of his own relationships. One can only hope that he doesn't pass on his manners or genes on to others. ... and I'm certain he will have something critical to say about this comment, so Mr. Crabby, feel free to take your best shot.

This thread is not about me, please do not derail the subject.

Posted by caprioJust make sure you take care of yourself and get a nice sperm donor. You CAN do it!

You make me sick.