My first experience dating a Cancer male.

I've been in four relationships in my lifetime, ranging from 6 months to 12 yrs.. Aries-4 yrs, Aries-12 yrs, Cap-1 yr (but still friends), and Virgo 6 months. The Virgo and I broke up the beginning of Feb this year.. I created an online dating profile and put up a pic.. before I could even fill out my details, I get a msg from a very good looking Cancer man. I replied to his msg.. and he was so sweet and charming! His profile said that he was looking for long term. I'm 41, and he'll be 41 in July (Cancer-Leo Cusp). I let him know that I was fresh out of a relationship, so he knew were I was at. He said he didn't want to meet me, unless I was looking for something more.. We swapped numbers, and within a week.. I forgot all about the Virgo guy. lol We would have contact all day long, txt and calls.. Hinting around that he wanted me to be his girl, so we agreed to meet (2 weeks after first contact). We met and the date lasted three hours.. it was so much fun. We even started making out.. but nothing more. He even made a comment about me being his gf as he walked me to my car. I was on cloud 9! .. The next night.. I log onto the dating site, because I wanted to see what his first msg to me was ((sentimental thing).. my profile has been "hidden" since day two).. and he was online.. kinda bothered me. So the next day, I told him I was feeling vulnerable, and he said that wasn't a bad thing. I didn't mention seeing him online.. I ended up going over his place that night.. the best sex of my life. lol The next day he was kinda acting insecure, wondering how I felt and how I was, etc. I stroked his ego and told him how wonderful he was and how much I liked him. When we told one another "goodnight" that night.. I logged into the site, and he was online. So, now I'm hurt and end up sending him a text, asking how he usually approaches a new relationship.. if he dates one at a time, or keeps his options open. The next morning, he replies, but the I didn't quite understand what he said, so then I get an answer that I wanted to hear.. I don't believe in dating around if you're looking for a relationship.. if you've clicked with one you've met, then why try and ruin it? Maybe that's just me.. Well, that must've set off some warning bell for him, because he started to withdraw. I would still hear from him everyday, but not as much and not so sweet. I ended up feeling him why I had asked that question, and he claimed that he has a female friend that lives in NC that..

doesn't have a phone or Facebook acct.. that set off MY warning bell. I couldn't pull away from him though, he already had me hooked. I had asked him if something was bothering him, since he still pulling away.. and he said it was work. He would say that he would have to work till 7, but he'd be online by 5:30.. he doesn't have a smart phone. Still.. I couldn't walk away. St. Patty's Day, he was supposed to have his kids, even though it wasn't his weekend.. but late Friday night, he calls and wants me to come over? hmm I told him it was too late, maybe the next day.. so next morning he says he was picking the kids up at 11 (before he told me he was getting them Friday afternoon). Then I see on Facebook that he's going to a bar to meet friends at 3pm.. so when I ask, he said the ex was dropping them off at 5pm, so he'd be home by then, and if the kids cooperated in going to bed, I could come over later.. well, I didn't hear from him again until I got a text at 2:30 in the morning. I ended up drinking alone and upset waiting for him and left him drunkin' voicemails and texts.. so when I got the text asking me what I'm doing at 2:30 am, I told him I was asleep... and made a snippy comment that it was funny that I got the text when the bars close. So he ends up calling me, angry about my remark and saying he called me four times and he was home by 5:30.. and he was a grown man and he had a mother already, etc. I told him that I expected to hear from him, because we had plans, and it was rude to at least night contact me.. I had texting issues the night before, but phone calls were coming in fine, so he was just trying to use that as an excuse. Plus Facebook photos pop up that he was with another woman. Hmm.. I ended up with him the next few nights, even though I knew I shouldn't have.. then the next night the girl he took a pic with was posting on his wall.. he deletes it, but I got a screenshot first (wink). So when I ask him about it, he gives me another bs story.. I know I've only done this to myself, and I'm trying to stay away grok him, but it's hard.. now he acts like I'M the one that's hurt him.. Wtf is going on? lol

Sorry, I had a repeat post. ...well, after I had confronted him about the other woman, he has retreated even more. It didn't help that I drowned my sorrows in a bottle of wine and ended up leaving him a boo boo msg that I loved him *facepalm*. This past Friday he deletes me from Facebook, so I sent him a text to have a nice life.. in a nice way, not sarcastic, but I was devastated. I ended up contacting him Sunday. He called, and said he had already dealt with someone like me before.. what, the ones that catch you? lol I'm the one that's been wronged, but yet I want him so bad. I'm too old for this behavior. Damn addicting Cancers... lol I ended up leaving a handwritten note at his apt yesterday morning.. won't do anything else like that again.. felt stalkerish, but I said mad my peace in the letter.. I feel better anyway, but I still gotta stay strong, because Cancer's try to wiggle back into your life? Lord help me... I'm weak. lol

Sorry for all the typos.. autocorrect on my phone isn't so smart. lol

You should re-read your post but try to think it's someone else writing it. It's not that he didn't make any mistakes but I think you'll understand his behavior better if you look at the situation objectively.

Read the post tough situation it seems you should keep it moving, he got to you way too easily. As a male cancer I know how intoxicating we can be when heaven one moment hell the next. By the way what sign are you? I ask this out of curiousity.

I am a Pisces. He's a Cancer-Leo Cusp. Just wasn't used to a situation like that. I'm honest by nature.. don't like being sneaky or playing games, especially with someone's emotions. That wasn't very nice of him. 😛

He responded to my card/letter by saying that he didn't see a future beyond friends. I told him I was ok with that and told him to have a good day.. but I haven't talked to him since. That was only yesterday though. Was I wrong to feel like I was being played? I guess time will tell if he actually had feelings for me, and tries to come back.

if you feel you are being played.. you're being played.. don't contact him. do anything you can do to not text him. text a friend instead. seriously..
even do this.. 'pretend' you hate him. 'pretend' you are flipping PO'd at him. don't call. don't text. don't email. don't be friends. ignore him. find
someone else to hang with asap. you know why? if you don't contact him.. eventually he'll contact you. but hopefully you'll have moved on by
then.


Cancer men can be devastatingly sexy and reel you in in a heartbeat. but they want to be free. you'll think, how can this sexy sweet guy not have
another girl? how am i so lucky? the truth is.. he has lots of girls. you'll see them on facebook messaging him. he'll make plans with them while
he tells you something else.. he'll disappear and reappear and you'll be beside yourself. let him go. take a deep breath and get away as fast as
you can.



i ended things with a cancer guy.. cold turkey. unfriended him on fb.. dropped him from skype. deleted his messages. did not contact him.
guess what? he came looking for me.. but luckily i wasn't home. he rang and i didn't answer. he texted asking to meet. no. no. no. you know
why? same time he's calling me.. he was calling other girls too. like the one he broke up with to go out with me, and he went out with her.

you don't want the drama. sweet and sexy.. yes.. but actually calculating and deceitful. be strong. walk away.

Thank you Simkha (and others that have responded).. The thing is.. we're adults. If he was looking for a fwb thing, why not be upfront about it? Not "oh, well I don't want to meet unless you're looking for a relationship" type thing. It would save a lot of drama and heartache for me. Is it because Cancers like to collect, but is selfish enough not to want their "collection" to wander themselves? I thought Cancer's were supposed to be the most loyal of the bunch? And here I thought "I" was too complicated, because I'm too direct.. I must have been too smart for him. lol

Not bashing on Cancers, btw.. He's the first one I've dated, so it wouldn't be fair to think all Cancers are the same.. but I'll be more careful of crab next time. 😉

You're welcome! by the way as a cancer guy I don't take any offense we can be at times a little too good to be true. Keep your head up there's a great cancer guy out there just not that one. I personally think a Pisces Cancer combo is perfect but tricky combination since cancers have difficulty with being direct. Hell I'm still trying to wrangle the fish of my dreams from the ether and its not easy you're slippery sort to hold onto 😉.

Good luck to you pnokio! My biggest advice is when you get into one of your "moods".. please make sure you tell her it has absolutely nothing to do with her (unless it does lol).. just like you, she will need constant reassurance.. and if she loves you, she'll give it back just as good. You two will be happier for it!

Posted by pnokio
You're welcome! by the way as a cancer guy I don't take any offense we can be at times a little too good to be true. Keep your head up there's a great cancer guy out there just not that one. I personally think a Pisces Cancer combo is perfect but tricky combination since cancers have difficulty with being direct. Hell I'm still trying to wrangle the fish of my dreams from the ether and its not easy you're slippery sort to hold onto 😉.

Personally, I dated a fellow Cancerian for 2 years, we were one day apart in our birth charts, 7/15 & 7/16 of the SAME YEAR, Whooooa!!!! Our Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars, ALL the SAME. Some aspects of our natal charts differed slightly due to time of birth. We were almost a complete reflection of each other in the mirror, except for those variances. Times were good, great fun, the intuition of "unsaid words" was psychic. I will honestly say, Cancer men are "not too good to be true" ... because I understood him so well, and could read the understanding and underlying nuances and innuendos. As for myself, I am more often direct, than not (Venus in Gemini) with friends and acquaintances, however I have an uncanny ability to read body language and can "read" and size-up someone within 10 minutes of meeting them. TRUST is a powerful thing! Pisces and Cancer won't work in the long run, DROWNING. Water needs Earth .. best match for a Cancer is Taurus.

He seemed offended when I had commented that we intimate too soon.. but he made me feel "safe" that he was not going anywhere before we were. /shrug Shame on me, I guess.

Scorpio, Cancer and Taurus are supposed to be my match. I haven't dated a Scorpio or Taurus. Maybe a Taurus will come my way, so I won't get in over my head, and drown. 😉

I'm very sad it didn't work out.. we had chemistry like I've never experienced before. If he comes back around.. I won't be so trusting with my heart. He'll have to earn that back, if he wants it.

Posted by Maddy
You slept with him the second date, you gave in too easily and maybe he didn't take you seriously after that. Guys won't trust you if you jump to bed with them second you meet them, especially crabs. It takes them a long time to trust you.

Good luck!

i had a "relationship" with a cancer for many years in my younger days. we had sex
after about a year and recent,y ran back into each other and the first time after 8 years had sex on the first weekend. would that be too forward? or more emotional?

Posted by rhaina
I'm very sad it didn't work out.. we had chemistry like I've never experienced before. If he comes back around.. I won't be so trusting with my heart. He'll have to earn that back, if he wants it.

I felt that way with the Virgo.. he was like talking to a wall when it came to talking about feelings. He would tell me he loves me and his gestures showed it, but it's not enough.

It's been over 48 hours since I talked to the Cancer man.. I can't believe he got me in his pincers so easily! I'm trying to keep busy so not to contact him.

Dangit, meant to quote Treefrogster, not my post. lol

Yes I expected him to be my man, because he was claiming I was his girl! lol ... I've read a lot on Cancers since last weekend.. They say not to take what Cancers say, literally. I mean what I say, unless I making a joke. Just an unfortunate misunderstanding. Not sure if I should try to approach him to try and start over as friends, or if I should try and forget him altogether. If I wasn't too approach him, what should I say? Should I still give him some space for awhile first? I don't have any ill feelings towards him.. we have a ton in common, so I know we'd make great friends, if he's willing.

Cancer men love challenges. 🙂 With my ex.. While we're texting he admitted that he has a gf.. they only see once a month.. bla bla.. so i thought he has clean intentions just friendship.. but gaaah.. i fell because of his sweetness overload. 🙂

They will make u love them. They love attention. 🙂

Posted by rhaina
Not sure if I should try to approach him to try and start over as friends

Dearest.....He doesn't want what you want. Period. It's perfectly clear.

How much more do you want to embarass yourself?

I have to say....you sound obsessed with him. You don't want to be friends with him, you want to use that as an angle to get re-connected. Get honest, ok?

I wish you peace.

In a way, yes.. I don't like messy endings, but I guess this one is out of my control. It won't take long for me to bounce back. If he ends up trying to come back down the road, I'll be bitter Pisces by then. lol

I don't think he'll be coming back down the road. I think you scared him off - permanently. Sorry, but it was a little too much, too soon.

I guess Cancer women are very similar to Cancer men. If intimate too soon, I leave him.

Ya, sounds pretty intense for a short period of time. I wish you luck in letting go. It can be so hard. There is a book called Dating with Boundaries. I just picked it up since I am new to the dating scene.
My Cancer guy and I were dating 9 months and he backed off too. He was distant for a month or so and then I accused him of lying but only because I truly had information given to me that pointed to that. Come to find out, he didn't lie and we both had bad information. I should of just asked him,,,,would of cleared the whole thing.
Long of short,,,he said he care but needs to find himself after his battle with Cancer and a divorce. I guess I need to fix some issues also. For me,,,I haven't texted, called, drove by, notta. It has been over a week and I am getting by
alright. I know he will come around and maybe your guy will too. If not,,,remember that rejection always hurts but
every single one of us has gone thru it. It can make us stronger and more sensitive to those we reject.
🙂 Happy Easter

Posted by truecap
I don't think he'll be coming back down the road. I think you scared him off - permanently. Sorry, but it was a little too much, too soon.

Agreed. She is buggin'.

Posted by rhaina
In a way, yes.. I don't like messy endings, but I guess this one is out of my control. It won't take long for me to bounce back. If he ends up trying to come back down the road, I'll be bitter Pisces by then. lol

Just walk away. Why, WHY!!!!! Would you tell him you loved him? Are you insane? You would've scared me off too, & on top of all that you kept trying to contact him...please. You come off like this: