My mind feels like a watery prison

I cant stop thinking. Its like the thoughts shoot out non stop. Its like a nagging alter ego that's always nagging me that Im not good enough. It won't stop. I just want to not be in my head for one day. It's as if my head and my heart are in sync in the worst way possible. My mind hurts,And in turn so does my heart. Simultaneously.

And it sucks. I think so much that it's hard for me to hold a conversation with my friend. Without thinking of my nagging self hatred. Which makes me hate my self more. Because I feel as if I come off as self absorbed. I put up such a good front. I just talked to a friend from dxp about this last night. That was the first I mentioned it.

No one knows I feel like this.

Because Im a "big girl" and I have all these things around me that tell me I have to have my shit together. I can't break.

Its painful. I live with it on a daily. And to the outside world, I seem like I got my shit together. I don't. I really don't. And Im hurting deeply.

Im at work right now. Been here 8 hours. 3 hours left...

I managed to pick up a double in the office on a day when two co-workers aren't present. So I'm extra busy. In this time I managed to work. bullshit on DXP. I wrote a paper on the Palestinian/Israel conflict.

Sent it to some friends. Texted some friends. Anything to get out of my head. But I can't. The thoughts shoot out from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. It's painful. Very painful.

I just can't take it some days. Im not depressed. But It's extremely painful and leading there.

On top of the Pisces told me she is going through some things. And now I feel worthless, because deep down I know I can't be there for her like she needs me to. Because as balanced as I seem, she just has no fucking clue how Im really feeling inside. And that it's probably best someone else helps her. As much as it hurts to say. Its true. She needs stability. I portray it. But i'm far from stable. Im just kind of keeping afloat. With music. With money. With life. With my heart.

Try meditation. the easiest way to start is just listen to a song you like and try





If you want to go deeper in the subject google mindfulness / kabat zinn

I've had and somewhat still do have this same issue. Good and bad thoughts just flowing through my mind non stop along with stress, anxiety and depression. But good news is that I just stop givin a fuck after awhile and let all the various thoughts come and go as they want and my brain just went numb after a few years. I'm still in my head sometimes but its nothin now.

Posted by InnovationQey
I've had and somewhat still do have this same issue. Good and bad thoughts just flowing through my mind non stop along with stress, anxiety and depression. But good news is that I just stop givin a fuck after awhile and let all the various thoughts come and go as they want and my brain just went numb after a few years. I'm still in my head sometimes but its nothin now.

its stopping me from emotionally connecting with humans... bruh its too much sometimes. I want to focus on the moment and I find my self taking a lot of amphetamines (coke and adderal) just so I can concentrate better and be better company

Posted by tiziani
I can relate to your thread title even though I cannot relate to not being able to stop thinking.

Most days if I close my eyes I see water all around in every direction I look and at night it's sand.

deep

Posted by Ellygant
The stimulants are probably worsening your condition. While it varies drug to drug, most of the time the brain and the body has to play catch up once the drug leaves your system and you become depleted of that select hormone it produced. The only way stimulants tend to actually help is when they're prescribed as a regiment, along with a good diet and exercise as cliche as that sounds. Taking them sporadically or recreationally is constantly sending your body through tailspins, which if you're already struggling with emotional balance it will exacerbate it more.

It couldn't hurt to visit a psychiatrist. You don't have to follow up but it could show you there is help available and you have options. There are more disorders than depression and most are very treatable and offer a wide array of health options. Your mental quality of life is just as important as your physical. And based on personal experience, eventually the incongruency of your inner life catches up to your outer life.

yeah I was prescribed amphetamines and took them as prescribed for a very long time. but now I dont have insurance. So its difficult because it created so much balance in my life. Not I feel lack of balance. And I get adderal when I can. But only use it certain days. And coke helps. I micro dose coke just enough to give me a balance. I know its bad. but it sucks in my head otherwise. Im too in it.