need help with cancer and another guy

For the past month my cancer friend has been a little more distant than usual.One day he is happy and wants to talk then the next he's distant.He told me I am the only girl he talks to and sometimes he says really sweet things.Anyway, we are not a couple officially anyway, well today another guy was flirting with me and I wasn't flirting back but I did listen.He says he likes me and wants to go out.My problem is I really like the cancer guy and he is everything I've ever wanted in a guy but he shows interest in me every once in awhile. But I don't want to hurt huim but I don't want to sit around waiting.By talking to the other guy it would take my attention off the cancer and allow him to have space but I am not sure what to do.

You're not married or even engaged to the Cancer man. You owe him nothing. Furthermore, you don't know what he does on those days when he's most distant with you. Everything isn't always as it appears. Enjoy your life and live for you. Some cancer men will attempt to bind you to them before they have even committed themselves to you. It's a cowardly way to gain control. I laugh now at how foolish I was years ago when I first met my cancer. I see that many other women are taken in by the same ole approach. I think it's because they appear to be so different, innocent, loving, and respectful, etc. Or maybe it's because of the Cancer charm and his ability to get in your mind and play head games. Don't let him do it. Live your life and you can care for him but never let him get in your psyche. If you do, you'll see another side to him. That's when the real games will begin.

agreed with the above statement. honestly whats a little fun and flirting when ur not in any relationship with the cancer guy? i mean hey if anything dont tell him, and if u end up seriously enjoying this other guys company, then let him know when offically off the market. if he really likes u, then he'll put an effort into seeing u more, when he notices ur not up his butt anymore. so i.e. go for it, u never know if u could be missing out, either way its not like ur getting married, and first dates are always fun!

have you ever thought about asking him why he is distant? seems like you like him but would rather gain his attention by going out with someone else instead of being honest and upfront with him. why not get his side of the story if he is willing to tell it. if he doesn't then by all means do what you think you need to do..

I feel like I shouldn't have to sit and wait for him. I really do like him but you're right that I don't know what he is doing when he is distant.I noticed he is a really good manipulator and does try to control me at times.The only reason I haven't asked him why he is distant because its uncomfortable to talk to him because he seems like he wants to be alone.When I do try to talk to him he tells me he is fine but I know he's not.He answers my questions with a quick yes or no then I run out of things to say and now I want to get off the phone.I want to be there for him but as much as I try to understand him, I feel like he blocks me out because he doesn't trust females he thinks he will get hurt again.

i don't think anyone is saying for you to sit and wait. what i am saying is try to get him to open up to you by telling him you are concerned about him and think of him as a good friend. you are making yourself uncomfortable by assuming he wants to be alone. we cancers like attention especially when it is unsolicited. also we are great manipulators when we want to be. the advice i have given before when approaching a cancer is to get us in a comfortable setting and joke around with us by asking us questions in a non defensive or serious manner. yall go out for a beer, get him relaxed, and fire away with your questions in a cool way.

thanks for the advice.I asked to meet up with him and he said yes.When its time for us to meet up he doesn't so call so as usually I called him and he's with his friends.I am so mad right now because I really looked forward to seeing him and if I would have never called, then I would have been stood up.I don't understand him and it really is frustrating.I am definitely going to give the cancer some breathing room and talk to the other guy in the meantime because if I would have stood him up then he would not speak to me for weeks.Should I confront him about it or let it go?

Also, I feel like he's built this wall up and is closing me out.He has a trust issue because he's been hurt very bad in the past.He really loved her. How do I show him I care because he's is extremely terrified of getting hurt again that he is pushing me away.

Do you think he's still upset about you having a friendship with your ex? Cancers like to think they are the only man in your life even if it's not true it's something that they don't want to know or need to know.

The best advice I can give you and this is coming from my own personal experience of anxiety, worry, over thinking, stressing, etc. Go out, have fun and do not contact him anymore. If he's interested he'll call. Let him call you and if you talk to him have a pleasant tone to your voice and keep the conversation casual ya know like hey how are you oh that's great i'm doing well been real busy working and living life and taking care of busines, etc. what's been going on with you oh really cool sounds good well i have some errands to run so will you call me later...great buh bye.

Never volunteer information because i find that Cancers want to know everything about you but don't feel compelled to share anything unless you ask in a general non judgemental non threatening way. They don't like to share for fear of being judged.

Cancers like emotionally stable and confident women. I've learned that the hard way and he finally told me that's why he fell in love with me because I was living my life and handling my business so to speak.

Don't talk about ex boyfriends or past relationships unless he asks you first and even if he does don't say too much and make those past relationships sound like they were just awful. Let him know that you want something special and long lasting. Cancers guard their heart with more steel than Fort Knox and instead of banging your head against that steel just relax and let him open the door voluntarily because he feels safe and secure with opening up to you without being judged or having the things he tells you thrown back in his face.

This WILL NOT happen overnight. It might take weeks, months or even year(s) for him to allow himself to feel safe being vulnerable to you. You are not in a relationship with him and it sounds like you are not dating him regularly so go out and have fun and if and when he contacts you...keep it light and casual and short but make sure you leave the door open for him to contact you again.

With Cancers I feel sometimes i have to be part therapist, mother, lover, friend all at the same time...that's my Cancer Moon talking. I feel your frustration but put yourself first right now. Above all just be his friend and eventually the trust will come in time. Well I hope

I hate the games that you have to play with these cancer men. I just don't have the patience for those mind games. I am a Libra...and I prefer my men to be upfront with me so I know the hand that I am being dealt. I do love getting to know the mystery behind the man...but damn. Let us girls know what is going on!

I am not sure if he is still mad about me being friends with my ex.He never mentions it and I don't either but he never actually said he forgave me for it.

saymyname-I am a libra too and sometimes I really wish he would be direct instead of using hints.I get impatient when he's very sacrastic or stubborn.He is extremely stubborn and hates when I give him even a little suggestion.So I just listen.I noticed he only tells me how he feels whenever he wants to and never when I ask him.I learned to pay close attention to his sarcasm and jokes.

apples, eventhough ur cancerian never mentioned about u being friends with your ex, he might even acknowledge the fact that it is possible to be friends with your ex (theoretically speaking), but, usually, in my own personal experience, he could be raging inside, or felt immense jealousy. The problem here is, Cancerian make no comments, because, he uses his head to deal with life situations, & many times, ignore his own feelings. A cancerian myself, my perspective would be, you have your rights, to be friends with your ex. & I have no rights, to interfere in how u should lead your life. However, emotionally, that is totally not what I want. You see, it is a yo-yo situation for cancerians. Always a struggle between the head & the heart.

Hence, if a lover takes a cancerian literally & be friends with the ex, the cancerian though puts up a front, his feelings could be so hurt, & his insecurity seeps in, as he will not know will the lover's feelings for the ex be revived.

A normal woman has her moodswings approximately 5-7 days a month. A cancerian, be it man or woman, has it 24/7...

I really can't say that is TRUE because I was living with my man and a Cancer man pursued the hell out of me. I told him I had a man and he really did not care believe it or not men are competitors (Cancer men too!) they want to "win" you over and cherish YOU. I don't think he is insecure or jealous because you two are not MARRIED! I don't understand why women "think" you have to be faithful and devoted to a man and you are not legally MARRIED to him. I personally won't even play wife to a man I am not married too. Cancer men understand, he may ACT like he is mad to see if you are going to just "give" yourself over to him without him putting in the work but if he can get you that easy he will probably "run". Men like to put in "work" for their prize, no man wants you to be "too" easy to get. He might "think" he wants it but if you don't present a mental challenge, he will move on too someone else once he has conquered you and captured your heart.

Don't give over your heart easily.

hi krobe, its refreshing to see these positive cancerian traits that you mentioned. the above is my personal view & what i've experienced with some other cancerians. Its heartening to know that we cancerians are not that bad eventually. May I ask, how old are your cancerians?

"The only reason I haven't asked him why he is distant because its uncomfortable to talk to him because he seems like he wants to be alone.When I do try to talk to him he tells me he is fine but I know he's not.He answers my questions with a quick yes or no then I run out of things to say and now I want to get off the phone.I want to be there for him but as much as I try to understand him, I feel like he blocks me out because he doesn't trust females he thinks he will get hurt again."


This has my name written all over it.........Whn we are upset we desparately want to be alone and aloof from the world in think quietly for hours,days,weeks........unless the problem is solved.......this is the only time a cancerian is so damn cold and silent[its the opposite side of my dual personality]

We look at life other way around and its impossible to understand our perspective towards life........we want to speak our heart out whn in trouble but only problem is 99.99% of the people would not understand it and would call u mentally ill.......win his trust and the battle is half won.........letting an already insecure cancerian knw tht ur going around or want to go around wid other guys would end up ur chances wid him.......

Try flirting[we simply love it] wid a cancerian and try to notice his behaviour,tone and facial expression[It would help u decode him].....


Wish u luck!!!!


My First Post[no offence intended]

I am glad your cancer pursued you, but the cancer I know is not like that because he has a trust issue with women because he was cheated on in the past and he was devoted to her.I don't think he trusts me yet.He plays mind games and puts me through tests.For example, he'll ask me a question,then 30 minutes later ask me the exact same question to see if I answer the same.Or he'll ask me in a jokingly if I went on a date or how many guys I've been talking to.But he did call me very early in the morning to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day before mentioning he had to call his mom because she is #1. He worships that woman.Lastly, I haven't called him in the last few days just to give him space.I have been talking to the other guy for a few days but I don't know if I am interested in him because he's after one thing.

apple, if your cancerian is only one of the many guys that you are dating, but u have a liking over him more than other guys...hm...NEVER EVER let your cancerian knows about it, or even just to spite him to take action. That's a first warning. If you do it, in my opinion, *poof* say bye bye to him. But then again, the intuition of a cancerian is so strong, that he probably already knows that you are meeting other guys as well. Hence, he maintained his distance.

We believe in devotion. Feelings has to be mutual before we take any action. Me, no matter how much I am in love with a person, if she is wavering about her feelings, trying to choose over who is the better one, expecting me to take action to win her over. Sorry, that won't happen. I will open my heart to someone, who opens her heart to me. Make your decision that I am the one, & I will be yours. Telling a cancerian whom u are interested in about ur other dates is not a smart move. Just that simple.

I just started talking to someone else last week and I haven't told him but I think you're right that cancer's intuition is strong and I think he already knows.He started asking me if I go out with other guys more often but he says it jokingly.Even yesterday he called me but he remained a little distant.I don't want him to go *poof* bye bye, so I am going to cut if off with the other guy. I just thought it would be a good idea to talk to other guys because we are not in a relationship, but I don't want to ruin my chances of being with him either.When I first met him he acted differently, we would talk on the phone all night and now sometimes I don't even know if he wants to be bothered with me.

apple, i sincerely wished that you will work out with your cancerian guy. Libra & Cancer has such great attraction towards each other, & I think their personality will complement if ever both signs can work out their differences. What you are experiencing, is similar to what I had before with my Libra, however, due to sceptism, & distrust & miscommunication & the refusal to open to each other, we never made it.

Unless one of you is willing to open up about your feelings, (which I don't think your cancerian guy will ever do) it faces the danger of just being 'like that' & soon, the feelings will cool down. What remained is possibly a lasting friendship, with underlying current on & off.

Another thing about cancerians, is that, they really need alot of space alone, many times, which may seemed detached or aloof. But, it is their nature. & no matter how much they love you, there is this possibility that you will never know some things or some secrets about him, & you need to respect that & don't pry. If ever he is ready to open up to you, he will.

People talk about cancerians cancerians. But I realised, if you are into depth psychology as well, cancerian has the traits of what the Myer-Briggs Personality Type called 'INTP', which is Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking Perceiver. You might get a bit of insight & read up on that, to see if your cancerian man has that trait in him.

Here's some extract from the website http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html<BR>
Inferior Function: Extraverted Feeling

Extraverted Feeling judgement, Fe, is the shadow function of the INTP, being by far the least developed of his faculties. Indeed, mature use of Fe typically doesn't begin to take shape until well into middle age. Feelings and emotions are regarded with suspicion and perhaps fear by the INTP and he may be keen to avoid considering or showing them. At the same time, he may experience a certain fascination for the emotional world, but he is desperate to de-personalize any thoughts on that area. He is compelled to subject his emotions to continual analysis, the Ti core literally suppressing the Fe shadow, attacking Fe with accusations of irrationality. He resists letting his feelings go, fearing that to do so would be to relinquish control to an unknown force. He believes emotions to be of a lesser substance than logic and his natural goal would be to conquer his emotions with pure rationality.

Much of the above demonstrates the immature and underdeveloped

interesting post fly!

ooh? leo? ur cancerian an ESTJ? hm...that's interesting. All along, I thought cancerians are either intuitive feelers or intuitive thinkers, cos' they are pretty psychic & imaginative bunch. of course, the fire signs are also very intuitive, & i am not surprise u are an ENTJ. ENTJ are supposedly intuitive thinkers who has leadership qualities, which fits the traits of a leo.

Now I wonder your cancerian's birthday...perhaps he has some planets in the earth signs...?

Oh yes, i get it. if your cancerian is an ESTJ, his feelings could also be one of his least developed traits, which is quite typical of cancerians, unless he is a pretty mature cancerian. Because ESTJ are people who are thinkers aided much his by his senses. hm...dont know if i am making sense. pardon me. i'm all craps at times. hahaha.

I agree that's an interesting post. It really helped and was interesting to read. I took the myers brigg and I am a ESTJ.My cancer friend hasn't taken it, but I am sure he would probably be a INTP. Anyway he's still in his shell and I decided to let him be and if he comes around then I will try to open up to him first but not 100% and if not, then I guess he moved on.By the way, fly did you take the myers brigg test?

yup, i took the test, & i was an intp. sometimes, intj. i was in love with 3 libras. first one was an infj, second one was enfj, 3rd one was enfp. All belong to the feelers.
that's why, we never worked out, cos' we don't understand each other, & perhaps it was this difference that caused the attraction between us.

all these signs & personality types aside, if you really do like him, one of the thing you need, will be lotsa patience.

anyway, if you are interested to read more about personality types, check out this site:

http://www.personalitypage.com