oh BOY..

Do I have my hands full with this one..

Need some encouraging stories abt cancers and relationships.
Is it really worth it down the line like many say?

I feel I am bending backwards to please every situation.
I feel like the testing and manipulation side of him has emerged full on..
What does that mean? Is he feeling weaker or stronger for me?

What way would be best in disarming this need to manipulate on an emotional level?

I am an aries and despise the "love playing games", as I feel they are a sign of emotional weakness and insecurity and a desperate need to controll uncontrolable situations.

I just pour my heart out, and thats that. No ulterior motives..

It's like it is impossible to explain fully.

But it all comes down to me giving away more information than he gives, trying to create a imbalance of sorts. It actually feels like he will go to any extent to have me submit completely to him emotionally. And the way he goes about it is through these tests and provokings. I find it distrusting, he calls it clever..

And he gets upset about everything, and when he introduces what he is upset about he doesn't come out being straight with it. I am supposed to be two steps ahead of him always. He lies or give halftruths to test me, and then call the bluff after he got the answer or response he was lookong for. It told him that I disapprove if it as it is misleasing and causes distrust, not to mention I take things and statements as pure facts and can't stand devious behaviour like lies nd won't stand for it.
Tonight it was someone commenting on my fb picture, he wrote me a remark of that comment seeming jokesy abt it saying aren't ypu gonna comment tge guy back? I said I don't comment or like responses from guys anymore because you said you don't like it and I won't be disrespecting ur feelings and said well it's actually a line from a movie, then he said it wasn't..I sent him the actual youtube clip just to prove it was. He said my response to it was bad and that I was talking bs. .. And then I was supposed to apologize?? I was really just trying to disarm any weird jealousy thoughts or whatever he was getting at..this turned massive for him. Earlier today i got a reply to a snap saying I looked beautiful,me being jokesy and boyish I sent a silly face with crossed eyes saying Yeah I get that alot :p I meant that ironic on my part as if I was dilusional..he said I had made a point to tell him that I get alot of attention and got very upset and couldn't let it go. I explained I give the same type of response if someone said Iwa s speacial and replying yeah, that's whaty mom always say.
I told him I like that silly schoolboy flirting and he the girl thinking he is daft and annoying.

Urh..its ALL JUST TINY TINY things..according to him it's the end of life as we know it..

Bexi...he sounds manipulative and mentally exhausting...like he is constantly picking little fights with you...he also seems very insecure...a woman should never have to make a man feel secure...

You have to ask yourself if he is worth this...your literally walking on eggshells to make sure you don't breathe loud or else he may thinking your flirting with guys...

I would flat out say your nit picky behavior is driving me away! It's negative and offputting and I don't like it...cancers are very victim like...once you show them that their behavior is negative, they should get the point and fix it...
Sounds like one big mind fuck that you don't deserve...

Balblair, wow thank you , u actually got it withouth me telling other than the two last occurences this day.

Magicpowas: I didn't tell abt the manipulation part..just two things that happened this day that was torn out to the extreme.
He has been on and into this lock stock and barrell from day one, I told him I need time to open up my heart fully cuz I don't take love lile this lightly. During that time I noticed he was very pushy, and I told him to back off and or give me a break I'm only human. He would apologize asap and our making amends skills was terrific, meeting in the middle.
He doesn't seem distant at all..quite the opposite, but I gave him my word I would open up fully and let him in,( i have trust issues too but not like him.) and he was waiting for me as he was already there figuratively speaking. Well now that I have he seem different. Testing me, manipulating and after that it's as almost he feels proud he got whatever reaction he needed and like he was doing it for us? It feels..a tiny bit emotionally degrading. Like I am an experiment.
The fight abt the comment stupidity went very very far today..and If elt I was meeting middleway, when even that felt unfair esp when he for the first time didn't budge a tiny bit. Then he he asked why are we trying and suggested I should consider what it would mean if we just ended it here. I told him my viewes on that..I was actually crying..that's rare! but it was because it was such a rollercoaster day with him. And I really didn't do anything wrong!!
Anyway in that I said I can't tell you what to think or feel, I guess I had hoped we would be stronger than this. And said it was irony of fate when I finally open up it ends like this, and that I came close to saying I love him today but didn't because it could scare him nut whats the point now. Well guess what...ANOTHER TEST..he just wanted me to see what I was made of je said.
He could just keep an honest way about it with me and ask me these things straight out like I do with him, but my words aren't enough? Is that it? He needs to have my torned emotions as evidence aswell?

Trust me..I have done nothing but reassured him and avoided situations that could arouse jealousy...or territorial issues.
WHAT GIVES? :p


He called me..heard I had been crying..seemed exited abt that?
I told him all I have said here basically but after me crying he was in such a good mood he didn't care abt that.
Well now he is happy..I am feeling emotionally ta

^Well now he is happy..I am feeling emotionally tampered with^

Sorry about the horrible writing..phone-keyboard :p

YourfavoriteDPXmember : yes, I know you may be right! it's just hard giving up when I have put this much effort and emotions into it to not see it prosper. My eternal optimism is my best friend and worst enemy.

Renutzu: haha well u must believe in it to some extent or you wouldn't be here?

I do see your point though, absolutely! But astrology help me understand and to be patient with how other people function. It really is pretty accurate in my own experiences. I was just gutted writong this post in need of hearing about any success stories..if there is any. For what it is worth this has been a true learning process..about how both him and I come across to eachother, we are both agreeing on that.

Just don't understand his ways about things.

I am not as afraid to get hurt at this stage tho, so I am going to hold out a little longer to see if there is a chance of hope..if not it must be ended.

Why are you so available to him when he obviously doesn't respect your feelings.Have you ever considered that you deserve better?Go MIA in him and that way you will know if your absence means something to him.If not,you have your answer to every question.I see here a lot of women hurt by cancer men even they are not all the same and yet you still chase them,feel guilty even for things you never done,put your life on hold,loose self esteem and forget your worth.Meanwhile what are they doing?Feeding on your love,draining you of all the good and beautiful you have in you.That's sad.Stop babysitting them.They are adults.Do you really think you can trust a person like that with your life?Do you think having kids with a person like that will guarantee a healthy and happy environment?You DO deserve better,you deserve men that will love you an treat you like a princess,a confident man who will be by your side at any moment.Because he is emotional do you think is ok to make you feel less important?I think you ladies forgot your worth and put up with too much sh#t.With all do respect for your pain and suffering you deserve better.

Renutzu : I agree It's not a nice thing to do to taking it out here, but it helps..esp finding this post below abt the matter, hightide describes my issue spot on, I feel way more relaxed now that I understand why he does the things he does..infact all the situations he propose in his post there has taken place, wasn't aware that this testing is a cancer thing..

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/what-is-this-test-i-heaar-cancer-guys-do-2817488/

He suits me, just his recent actions that is confusing.

Are you a cancer?

Haha..oh dear..

MagicPowas:
I have been open and frank with him the entire way, and no he isn't a bad guy or else I wouldn't pursue this would I?
And I have expressed my love through words,.actions, poems, gestures, flowers sent to him..
I have no problem expressing it, not now anymore. But I would never lead someone on before I am 100% sincere body mind and soul..I don't do things half-hearted. And I don't get people who say I love you after a few days or whatever. That would be a simple crush mistaken for love!

I have told him my heart is fully open and it is all his, but now he is the one with the holdback, telling lies to see if I fall for it and if. I reveal something he wants or doesn't want to hear. I have said that this is not the best way to go about it, as a lie will always be a lie and I find the tactic deceitful. Because of this I started questioning myself what he was getting at and his intentions behind this behviour. Every time I "pass" he calls off the bluff and is so happy for us and his "clever" ways in doing so. Yet again I feel confused as he admitted previously it was bad and he wouldn't do it again.
And I don't want the person I am involved with to ever feel the need to test me like that, I am pretty much straight up.
No games, no bs,no drama.
I don't play any form of a victim, but it should be OK to express how confusing and frustrating this is everyday being at the spotlight of scrutiny without being a self entitled victim.

And what I wanted was someone who could tell me how to adress it correctly based on similar experiences and hopefully success stories that went through this in the initial stage
I just want to be able to pull through this by truly understanding where he comes from without giving up because if his erratic ways and bickering
And of course I talked to him about all this before I even posted here

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember
Text him this, and text it to him NOW:

lmao! 😄 I love this sign!! heeehee.

Thank you all

Its all sorted..He called me after realising himself what he had put me through.
I got the most heartfelt and sincere apolpgy I have ever gotten.
He said today a fear he hadn't aknowledged fully had come to the surface, and it was nothing I had done to provoke it other than his own insecurities. And that he pushed me away without wanting to. He said he couldn't understand I had put up with everything he had put me through and that it was totally unjustified. He said instead of appreciating that I had chosen him he had been thinking why?
He said the strenght and faith I had shown him was out of this world. He said I have now seen all of his worst, thanking me for sticking it out.
He said I was his rock, and would try and spend the rest of time making it up to me, if I would still offer him that chance.
I had to beg him to stop apologizing.

We started to discuss feelings and emotions and me helping him with my tools on emotional logic -understanding, sorting and adressing..organizing kind of.
And he has already helped me to understand and tap into emotional sensibility.
He thanked me for giving him the most valuable lesson he had learned as to understanding himself better, I thanked him for the very same thing.

Phew..purgatory ended ‰

Posted by bexi
Thank you all

Its all sorted..He called me after realising himself what he had put me through.
I got the most heartfelt and sincere apolpgy I have ever gotten.
He said today a fear he hadn't aknowledged fully had come to the surface, and it was nothing I had done to provoke it other than his own insecurities. And that he pushed me away without wanting to. He said he couldn't understand I had put up with everything he had put me through and that it was totally unjustified. He said instead of appreciating that I had chosen him he had been thinking why?
He said the strenght and faith I had shown him was out of this world. He said I have now seen all of his worst, thanking me for sticking it out.
He said I was his rock, and would try and spend the rest of time making it up to me, if I would still offer him that chance.
I had to beg him to stop apologizing.

We started to discuss feelings and emotions and me helping him with my tools on emotional logic -understanding, sorting and adressing..organizing kind of.
And he has already helped me to understand and tap into emotional sensibility.
He thanked me for giving him the most valuable lesson he had learned as to understanding himself better, I thanked him for the very same thing.

Phew..purgatory ended ‰

Sounds like bullshit to me. But good luck with that one.

Time will show! Actions will speak 🙂

I can only take his words for it and so far its been completely different.
All I wanted was a fair and respectful approach.
And the boy I haven't "seen" for ages emerged. Unarmed
No more of this defensive shell, no angry guards at the gates of his heart..hope it last 🙂

Sounds like Pisces and Gemini craap....

when you're not getting back at least half of what you invested, it's time to shutdown the entire operation and save what you have left. move on. you will save yourself a lot of grief in the long run. clean break, cut ties, and do not be suckered in anymore.

if you want to see where this goes, then so be it. funny how others gain a new-found self when their partner is about to leave. but if he really did change for good, good on him.