The dance to gaining a cancers trust...

Based on a vast majority of posts here rearding cancers and the road to trust..so they are very intuitive and seem to lean more toward the private personality rather then the social butterfly of the bunch...they need to fully trust someone prior to sharing even a tiny glimpse of who they are,what they feel and what they want. Many talk about testing people...putting one through tests even to assist with the determination of the one you can trust. It seems with some crabs to be a very slow process, one which requires the utmost patience on the other persons behalf...what such things do crabs look for when they are testing you and once you've managed to gain their trust how quickly do you lose your shell and let the other person in...

Speaking from the point of view as a cancer man,

A cancer knows everything thats going on around them, though they may not make mention of it. They are astute observers of behavior, they can figure out if something is genuine or potentially risky. Though they may go with the flaky for a while, they are more inclined to head towards the genuine. So, ideally, you will meet them at a point of genuinity.


The truth is, everyone is already behind the shell and a part of the cancer's life. You just have to expand your role. For example, if a cancer doesn't come up and talk to you, then thats your role. You are someone they don't talk to. So if you want to become closer, should you go up and talk to them? NO!! Expand your role. Be even more silent. And you will begin to see them deal with you from there. If they come up to you and talk, engage them more (that is if you want to become closer.) Cancer people don't leave people (remember they are clingy) so you don't have to worry about them running off. They will however, deal with you based on roles. So if you don't care about where you are to them, then do whatever you want. But if you care, then expand your role. Start from where you are. Cancers go with their own flow, not the general flow. The key is: If youre a regular, then grow as a regular. If youre a stranger, then be a good stranger. You will get any secret or anything you want from them if you do this. But try to cross the line, and you will be put in the back of the line.

I wanna get in the front of the line! =)we

Sounds like its on a good track. Yes thats true, once I'm in a relationship, I tell all my business to my partner.

So far..so good...I've been knockin' on my crabs shell for alonnng time now...=) it feels right between us...it seems as if cancers are so very private, so very cautious about what they do & who they involve their self with..I value these things in him...do most crabs share this is common? What do you value most in a partner? What traits attract you...

Posted by missscorp
So far..so good...I've been knockin' on my crabs shell for alonnng time now...=) it feels right between us...it seems as if cancers are so very private, so very cautious about what they do & who they involve their self with..I value these things in him...do most crabs share this is common? What do you value most in a partner? What traits attract you...

Women who broadcast their lives to anyone willing to listen are automatically stricken from the race. If a girl has the social networking trifecta of a facebook, twitter and tumblr page. She's already working her way out of a hole in my view. As far as traits are concerned I look for loyalty, comfort, stability, honesty, morals, self esteem and inner strength.

Posted by thecontender

Posted by missscorp
So far..so good...I've been knockin' on my crabs shell for alonnng time now...=) it feels right between us...it seems as if cancers are so very private, so very cautious about what they do & who they involve their self with..I value these things in him...do most crabs share this is common? What do you value most in a partner? What traits attract you...

Women who broadcast their lives to anyone willing to listen are automatically stricken from the race. If a girl has the social networking trifecta of a facebook, twitter and tumblr page. She's already working her way out of a hole in my view. As far as traits are concerned I look for loyalty, comfort, stability, honesty, morals, self esteem and inner strength.

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Thats very true. I can sense when a woman is broadcasting my "moves" on the internet or in real life. I will not pursue the relationship if this is the case. I'm not a lab experiment. I look for those exact same qualities. Be comfortable with me and I'll be comfortable with you. Life is to busy, so much is going on, for someone to try to peg or figure me out.

So note for most women, if you are broadcasting your life or the life of your man online or elsewhere, the man will sense that and will likely slowly but surely lose trust in you and will become a canidate for leaving. It may be an old habit to break but it is a necessary one to abandon.

Infact, if you stop you may see that he will begin to trust and love you more. Give it a try ...please


A woman broadcasting her life or the life of loved ones online or to others is the equivlatent to a man watching porn. Both are secretive, both are anonymous, but both have underlying real world negative effects. May both of our genders stop these habits

Yes! Appreciate the male cancers point of view =) I love when sunscorp comes out to play too!

@SunScorpio:

I think a good rule of thumb is to ask, "hey, do you have a facebook account?". Her: "yes". You:"Ok, it's been real, have a good life".

@cancer guy, thats a great rule of thumb. But I like to give the girl a little chance. If they have under or around 100 friends, I let them in. Over that, and they usually for one reason or another, get blocked.

oh jeez really, over 100 friends?? I'm 22 and Facebook is a lot more prevalent in my age group. I went to a huge university (44,000 students) and was president of a club there.. I have 1500 friends on facebook.. do you think that looks bad to the cancer guy I like?? I'm not going to delete them, I wouldn't consider them all close "friends" but I do know them and wouldn't want to delete them either..

yeah that looks bad to a cancer man.

great. lol

I totally get how cancers are very private & can appreciate this trait. It seems they share little of their personal life, drama,on-goings with even closest of friends...so you know they will never air your dirty laundry should you be in a relationship. I've heard they are really very private with family members as well....my crab don't have a facebook..said he don't have time for such things..or the desire to keep in touch with anyone he knows in a wide open forum....said the people he does wish to speak to, he has their number and will just call him...does this seem to the correct extent?

ding! ding! ding!

Posted by missscorp
I totally get how cancers are very private & can appreciate this trait. It seems they share little of their personal life, drama,on-goings with even closest of friends...so you know they will never air your dirty laundry should you be in a relationship. I've heard they are really very private with family members as well....my crab don't have a facebook..said he don't have time for such things..or the desire to keep in touch with anyone he knows in a wide open forum....said the people he does wish to speak to, he has their number and will just call him...does this seem to the correct extent?

Yes.

cancer and scorpio i approve

finally a scorp who is not obsessed with a virgo WINNING LMFAO.

Wait... What is this about scorpios being obsessed with virgos? I'm a Virgo and I've had 2 scorpio guys like totally STALK me recently.. Please explain what you meant

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
Wait... What is this about scorpios being obsessed with virgos? I'm a Virgo and I've had 2 scorpio guys like totally STALK me recently.. Please explain what you meant

lmfaooooooooooooooooooooo.


well put it like this i had scorp friends not anymore cant stand them scorp likes virgos and virgos tolerate scorps for a time until they cant take they're crazy psycho behavior lmao.

i dont like scorps they drive me crazy and we clash alot and its maybe cuz ima airy virgo mercury in libra venus in libra aqua rising moon in leo.

emotional people are draining to me and im very logical and intelligent hehehehe lol.

Posted by PurrHiss
I've come close to grabbing pathological texters' phones and smashing them against the wall many times. Instead, I give them the evil eye and let out a loud, exasperated sigh. The thought of taking their phones out of their hands and smashing them into bits and pieces makes me happy.

lmaoooo.

i dont really like the phone to much so i keep my phone on silent lol.

Posted by PurrHiss

Posted by LeGendary ViRGo

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
Wait... What is this about scorpios being obsessed with virgos? I'm a Virgo and I've had 2 scorpio guys like totally STALK me recently.. Please explain what you meant

lmfaooooooooooooooooooooo.


well put it like this i had scorp friends not anymore cant stand them scorp likes virgos and virgos tolerate scorps for a time until they cant take they're crazy psycho behavior lmao.

i dont like scorps they drive me crazy and we clash alot and its maybe cuz ima airy virgo mercury in libra venus in libra aqua rising moon in leo.

emotional people are draining to me and im very logical and intelligent hehehehe lol.

Being emotional does not make one unintelligent, and lacking emotion does not make one intelligent. Look at Einstein. Pisces with Cancer rising.

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i think misunderstood my point im talking about people being over emotional makes one not smart cuz u are not thinking and u dive into things without thinking and thats bad lol.

Posted by PurrHiss
I keep my phone on silent most of the time, too. If someone gets pissed because I don't get back to them immediately, tough shit.

like i say if i didnt hear it it didnt ring lmao.

Posted by PurrHiss
That being said, I've been stalked by a Scorpio male, and he was a crazy son-of-a-bitch.

lmfao.


sad lol.

Posted by PurrHiss
I should've worded it differently. Yes, being overemotional can cause people make stupid decisions no matter how intelligent they are. However, having common sense and being logical does not necessarily make someone more intelligent. Know what I mean? I'm not saying overly emotional people OR overly logical people are smarter than the other. They both have their strengths and weaknesses.

i know that its all about balance.

Actually, 1 was a Scorpio, he got very possessive after we drunkenly hooked up twice. I don't Remenar much of what happened, but he remembers EVERYTHING in explicit detail. I finally cut of all contact with him, and recently starter talkig to him again as friends, an he's getting clingy again. I swear I attract psychos.. Now I have 2 Aries after me....:: and all I want is my damn cancer!!!!

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
Actually, 1 was a Scorpio, he got very possessive after we drunkenly hooked up twice. I don't Remenar much of what happened, but he remembers EVERYTHING in explicit detail. I finally cut of all contact with him, and recently starter talkig to him again as friends, an he's getting clingy again. I swear I attract psychos.. Now I have 2 Aries after me....:: and all I want is my damn cancer!!!!

i wonder what u will do if ur cancer become a stalker now hmmmmmmmmmm lmao.


i hear cancers are very clingy u sure a virgo like u can deal lmao.

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
Actually, 1 was a Scorpio, he got very possessive after we drunkenly hooked up twice. I don't Remenar much of what happened, but he remembers EVERYTHING in explicit detail.

you are so not for a cancer...

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
Actually, 1 was a Scorpio, he got very possessive after we drunkenly hooked up twice. I don't Remenar much of what happened, but he remembers EVERYTHING in explicit detail.

you are so not for a cancer...

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I know, that sounds TOTALLY unlike someone a cancer would like. I'm still a virgin, by hookup I meant makeout. I'm actually a very conservative and wholesome girl.. but that was in college and I was young and stupid and it only happened those TWO times and I was so mad at myself for my behavior it totally disgusted myself and completely turned me off of that guy. Especially considering he admitted both times he was not that drunk (and he was the one getting me drunk!) so clearly, he partially took advantage of me. I'm not making excuses for my behavior though. But yes, I am definitely a Cancer's type.. the kind of girl you take home to your parents, take to church with you.. have raise your kids. I'm a good girl, trust me. :-)

^^ i'm not judging you, it's not the action and ya... I know what hooking up means.

there is nothing wrong with getting drunk and hooking up.

what you are doing is...you are painting the scorpio out as being the stalker when you decided to have some fun with him. chicks use alcohol as an excuse all the time, it's just a justification when they go a bit further than what is considered, 'good girl.'

and spare me the whole 'you were so disgusted by your actions bit'... you did it twice. and then you go around and say that the guy took ADVANTAGE of you. *red flag* sweetie.

a cancer will also remember everything in detail, so if you are with one and like to forget details to get yourself out of a sticky situation, they will remember.

i don't care if you are a good girl, a party girl or a scank... i like all kinds of people.

except bullshitters...

I keep everyone outside the shell by default. That's not so bad, because I'm a leo rising, so even my public self is a lot of fun. The private self is for people I could call at 3am when my car breaks down, or who volunteer to help paint my house, etc. But you can't just up & want to do those things at first. No short cuts. You have to be someone I want to do little things with first. If that goes well and there is some kindred spark, then maybe we'll hang out and do something quiet and 'boring'. If you still like my company, we'll go a bit further. Maybe I'll talk about something mildly personal to see you you respond. And see what kind of personal stuff you might share. And so on.

I've had people want to be friends with me that piled it on too fast. Not the they were bad people, just overwhelming. I didn't have room enough to let my intuition tell me how I wanted to proceed.

Trust takes time, consistency, and repetition.

The part about enlarging a role makes sense too. If I have a friend who I go for coffee with, and that friend eventually says hey, lets get coffee and walk in the park since it's so nice, then that role has expanded. Maybe a few walks will turn into lunch, or a movie, etc.

lol, like I framed it with.. he didn't take advantage of me, I said only slightly and that I'm not excusing my actions. I didn't think he was a stalker because he gave me attention after, I thought he was a stalker because he IMed me for 2 HOURS saying everything in detail that happened, everything I said, how I kissed, blahblahblah, it was creepy. And he would just contact me 24/7. Anyone who is normal does not want to be contacted all day every day. A little coyness can go a long way.. if you show too much interest you are asking for the person to get turned off to you, trust me, I've been the person on the other end and I KNOW that if I had backed off a little, things could have gone differently. Anyways, I'm not bs-ing you, I said I was in college, I had my fun, yes I got drunk, but it's out of my system. I was raised Catholic, didn't get my first kiss till 19, still have only dated one guy, I love my family, don't drink anymore, have a college education, don't smoke, etc. I AM a good girl, but of course college is a time for experimenting and yes I may have gone a little wild a few times but.. making out with someone twice is hardly anything when you look at all the other stuff girls do in college...like sleep around, try drugs, etc. I just don't want you thinking I'm not who I say I am, because all I have been is honest.

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
Actually, 1 was a Scorpio, he got very possessive after we drunkenly hooked up twice. I don't Remenar much of what happened, but he remembers EVERYTHING in explicit detail. I finally cut of all contact with him, and recently starter talkig to him again as friends, an he's getting clingy again. I swear I attract psychos.. Now I have 2 Aries after me....:: and all I want is my damn cancer!!!!

...it must have been the EVERYTHING in explicit detail that threw em off!!

@sandyclaws you usually keep everyone outside the shell..until? They prove trustworthy? Until you completely trust the other party? So when your comfortable enough with someone that has your attention..that's when you'll totally hang out and do something boring like hang indoors and just be comfortable? Me and my crab recently took it to that level and that kinda boring is my kinda fun! =) it felt so comfortable between us..he once told me he was boring and I'd get bored..its the simple things that do it for me and I find everything about him exciting =) especially the "boring part!" =)and the consistency on my behalf won't get boring to him?on another note I had a close girlfriend for years..I always knew her when we were both in ltrelationships..it turned out we both became single around the same time and went out twice as single girls...both times she left me for men she didn't even know..totally rubbed me the wrong way..she was drunk and I was the cock-blocker until she purposely lost me to me with someone she didn't even know, turned me off so that I ended out long time friendship...you are who you roll with...my cancer always asked if I had hung out with her and now I know although he never met her he didn't like her or me hanging with her. He asked about her recently and I shared..he seemed very pleased that I was turned off by her behaviour and really I totally was...Is this the way of the cancer? Sound about right? Cause it was just "my way" but he seemed to appreciate that?

Posted by missscorp

Sound about right? Cause it was just "my way" but he seemed to appreciate that?

I would def think the person was more legit if we shared opinions on things that we came about from our own mental processess. Cancers don't want clones of ourselves, but we do like harmonizing views on important things. So the fact that you & your cancer think the same about your friend's behavior, is cool because you didn't sit and sort out the opinions together. No one was echoing what the other wanted to hear. Cancers want people to 'magically' be on the same plane as them before trusting more. If you are your own unique person, and happen to share a lot of the inner views of a cancer, that is good. It's sucky when someone tries to find out likes & dislikes so they can repeat them back as proof that they feel the same way.

Cancers come at things sideways, like a crab, until they feel safe. So doing the boring stuff, discovering shared likes, etc, that's more sideways kind of behavior instead of coming right at a cancer with too much boldness or chasing.

But once you have that rapport, and you're in the shell, cancers love love love romantic gestures. My partner always gets me car out of the garage before work and parks right by the door so it's warmed up and I don't have to go out in the rain to get it. Sometimes she puts a flower or a note on the steering wheel. Or sometimes there's an I love you note on my keyboard in the morning. She brings me treats at work sometimes. Little thoughtful things mostly. Not dramatic like a dozen roses or the obvious stuff. That's really sweet to a cancer because it means someone is paying attention and cares enough to keep up the sweet stuff over the longer term. If done in small doses consistently, it makes a cancer melt 🙂

@sandyclaws...thx..it does appear we share many beliefs on many topics..except shopping! Hehee...girl thing! And maybe he likes that I don't go with the flow when it comes to my opinion on things...I don't agree with him just because but will instead stand my ground and challenge him with a debate...once my mind is made up there's no turning back...hmmm..maybe he doesn't like it..love it or leave it... He never shows a vulnerable side...and its the vulnerability and the trust to show it that can make us closer...he hasn't got there...sometimes I wonder if he ever will? I love love to dance, I can dance my life away....but this is the longest dance I've ever participated in to the same song...over & over....

i have to tell you.. he would not be going after you if wasn't interested. just enjoy the ride. water feels great when it isn't thrown at you, but when it flows...thx treefrogger..if you only knew how lonnnnnng its taken me to get here with my crab....I love him & I'm trying sooo hard to go with the flow...it seems as if the flow goes according to his direction and his direction only which in turn makes me feel foolish & I don't like that feeling, I've never dealt with this in the past...its new and its a challenge. Does"going with the flow" mean go according to their flow? For as long as they want you to? Not fair...still going with the flow...but bothered

About 3-4 months into our relationship my Cancer suddenly started telling me EVERYTHING. To me, it was just outta the blue. It kinda took me by surprise b/c I was still being somewhat reserved and private myself about my own personal issues.

Missscorp, how long have you two been dancing?

@Wineaux...thank you..I'm not there yet..but I'm trying to be! This man teaching me patience..I do the same..think about the moments shared in-between..it keeps my patience on stand-by for a period of time..I always want to be moving forward in life..be it business or personal...this just makes me feel like a move forward...standstill...and them some kind of circular motion!! Haha! Will I ever get used to it?....hmmm...we'll see!

Missscorp, me and Mr. Cancer have a hot date planned on Tuesday. I'll definitely fill you in on the hotness. I'm so excited I could burst. Damn, it's been so long since we've seen each other. I swear, I thought we were doomed but he held on tight even when I attempted to let go. I think he needs to be rewarded. Smile!!!!! He sent me a kinky message last night detailing what he wants to do to me. Oh boy! I might need a guard. LOL

@Maddy & MiaSangria..thx for sharing...he did open up to be about a few things....like really open up to me...that was over a year ago, I think when taking our relationship to a "next level" I had cernt expectations of him...since I just don't share the gift of me with anyone unless in love & he knew that from the beginning. I was honest & laid the cards on the table...He throws me for a loop..ALWAYS! When he did open up & wasn't meeting my expectations of the relationship between us I got frustrated,hurt & lashed out..I told him I wasn't into games & it was beyond me to play them with him..I asked him to leave me alone & he did...I know I hurt his feelings with my approach to it..he left me alone for almost 4 mos (an eternity for me 😢it didn't matter who I met & who crossed my path during this time because it was only him...still..in my heart..always..after the new year it really got to me...I called him & of course he didn't answer..but I left him a heart felt msg. Apologizing for how I handle things, I told him I realize now I could have handled it differently & how some things have changed in the months we had no contact but my feelings for him remained the same 😢 I left the ball in his court) I told him I would love to hear from him but if I didn't I understood why 😢 he came out of his shell looking for me 2 weeks later & its like we had to start over...I see a difference, I can see him attempting to change some things between us but then he goes away into hiding after sharing so much on a wonderful level? Cracked a joke about our wedding photo? I didn't get it?? And then disappered on me? Hasn't answered a few txts I send him...I called onced but got his ans machine so hung up..nothing! And it makes me feel disregarded and as if the time we've spent together getting closer means nothing to him...and this is when I start getting frustrated and running out of patience...its just not cool, I always put myself in the other persons shoes and ultimately treat people how I want to be treated..I don't understand the ways of the crab....its why I've been here so often! Points of views...my feelings hurt and I don't want to run with them like last time...its like I said 10 steps forward in the right direction...3 steps backward and now I'm stuck in that notorius circle...I'm very blk & white...don't know how to interpret gray areas?

Is he waiting to get a reaction from me? See if I handle things like I did last time?

If you two aren't dating, then you should act like you two aren't. Like i said in different posts, you have to play the role that you currently are, you cant advance until the role is officially changed. So if you to are in a friend dance, don't impose or expect serious relationship gestures. If you expect them, he will sense a hint of manipulation on your part and will become guarded or mute towards you. He sees you just as you see him. Also, he's seeing how you would behave if you two were actually in a relationship. Would you be pouty, would you have unattainably high expectations, would you pursue your own personal goals? He's screening you out through the googles of friendship. , and he won't pursue anything further if you're trying to control something that hasn't even been established yet. He's looking for what's really going on with you.

@sunscorp....right now I'm made to feel like a role I've never played before? I'm not the good time girl...I know he knows this.....so why does it feel like I'm being treated like one? It just really hurts...I'm not seeing anyone else cause I'm a one man woman...I disregard a lot of potentials cause I love my crab....I don't know how to go with the flow here? Does he expect me to keep sharing my moments only for him with no expectations know the kind of girl I am? Double standard? He is as selective as I am when sharing or spending time with someone...I think if he thought I was just a good time girl he wouldn't give me the time of day so why does it feel as if I'm treated like that in the time in between....I know it has a lot to do with my perception of things....I over analyze, think too much...obsess almost...also a scorp thing...I'm workin on it!!! I don't like this role....its not my role

@wineaux...your posts bomb! Makes me stop & really think...you've had the oppty to be close with your crab....I'm just nnow getting mine and then he runs? Thx sun scorp..its nice to try and get in his head for just a moment....its not too nice being inside of mine right now with the way he leaves me thinking...😢

if u feel like u have no role then you should not do anything about how you feel towards him, because he won't regard it. If a stranger came up to me and said "I love you" id think they were crazy. You're not a stranger to him but you are a stranger to him when it comes to his big relationship desicions. So do as a stranger would do and play no active role. You will get the love you're looking for from him BECAUSE he will be able to adequately show it. Its not going to be strong at first, infact it may never get strong. But it will be a love you will be satisfied with and a love he'll be able to show, because he know what role to play based off the one he's given you. If youre not sure whats going on with him, respect his elusion and elude him AS WELL. That is key. If he eludes you, elude him. If he approaches you, approach him. thats the dance, do what he does and you'll gain his trust, ALTHOUGH he will display his trust through his dance, not by telling you every thing. So just stay in step. He will trust you if you can stay with him on the dancefloor regardless of what kind of move it is. He may be spinning you around, but just keep spinning with him and add you're own flair to the spin. he'll like it and will probably stop spinning you around. He doesn't owe you anything its just a dance, its your choice to choose to dance with him, not his force to make you.

When we are together....I know my role....its when he goes away and the silence sets in...he don't associate himself with alottt of people as I am very friendly,always upbeat but choose to do the same...one of his friends told me he had been single for awhile and I'm the first and only girl he's ever brought around..he said...if you made it past the 2nd date with him...its all good!...=)its the pace that throws me off & the dance...when I "know" I just "know" and a dance is unecessary...I will be patient...I know this crab is worth it =)

Posted by missscorp
a dance is unecessary...=)

if you don't dance, what will you do? just be?

i feel like punching something... is that better than dancing?

Cancer is a complex sign....yes!! I agree! I'm usually really ood with people but cancer definitely throws my intuitive instinct out the window! Yes I know he has the qualities I value in a relationship and all the other things that matter...and yes I know my crab cares enough to always come back but I wanna know more then that! Scorpio thing I guess....sometimes as difficult as this is to admit...when I'm not in control of a situation it makes feel so out of control...with the man I'm with...I will grant him control...please! Take over but after feelings have been established and confirmed...I feel it when we are together and I think it scares him? So sunscorp you are basically saying to be avail to him whenever he wants to see me,contact me and the time in between when I would like to see him...be quiet about it? I don't like it! Why? That's such a one way street? And I feel like I cannot even verbalize this to him cause it send him in that damn shell...its just not how things should work...its 50/50....give & take....it takes two people to make things come together...it makes me feel as if his feelings are more significant then mine...yes, I love him...but I love me too...it just don't feel fair

Posted by missscorp
That's such a one way street? And I feel like I cannot even verbalize this to him cause it send him in that damn shell...its just not how things should work...its 50/50....give & take....it takes two people to make things come together...it makes me feel as if his feelings are more significant then mine...yes, I love him...but I love me too...it just don't feel fair

snap! 🙂 i'm not sure i'm cut out for crab dancin'...i do my best because i care. i just don't think things will work out with my Cancer and me. that doesn't change me loving him. but we don't need to be together. sounds like you should keep yours, though 😉 just don't lose yourself when dancing the steps...