what to do about the self-esteem issue

A day ago I would have said I think all that crap about crabs having self-esteem and confidence issues was bull. But then just in the past hour something bad happened. All my fault for not going to sleep. And as a result my self confidence has reach a low that I have never seen.

TELL THE TRUTH CRABS! When do you hit your lows? How do you recover?

Wht happend

Most of mine was directly linked to my ex. Before I had kids I was skinny but still had the big boobs and nearly perfect hour glass shape (36C-26-38). Even then I somehow thought I needed to lose another 10-15 lbs. I look back at pics from then and think, "WHERE do you need to lose it? Any more weight off and you'd look bad!". After kids the baby weight wouldn't budge and the husband refused sex. 3 yrs of no sex and his excuse was he wasn't attracted to me. You have no idea how obsessive I got about trying to lose weight! We finally had sex when we decided to have a second kid. Just once and that was that, I was pregnant. Then it was 7 yrs of him refusing sex. Yes....SEVEN YEARS OF NO SEX! For a long time I believed him and thought I was some sort of hideous person. A friend on fb sent me a note (a guy) saying "my god, woman, how does your husband let you out of bed in the morning?" after I posted a pic on fb. I started to realize that it wasn't me, that I wasn't disgusting!

Add the constant criticism on my mothering ability, my art, the way I spent my free time, the books and music I like, being verbally abused, and I think it is only by the grace of having a great support group in friends and family, having had a strong upbringing growing up, and sheer strength of will that made me not be completely crushed.

So, when you feel down on yourself, mentally talk yourself up! When those negative thoughts intrude, scream inside, "LIAR!".

moonartist you have no idea how happy I am you're away from that crap. I wish I could spit down his throat.

Xmoonman yeah but you have to take all of it for what its worth, right?

at this point the idea of self sabotage and esteem seem relative so I'm running with it. whatever it takes to get it straightened out.

Posted by kim30
A day ago I would have said I think all that crap about crabs having self-esteem and confidence issues was bull. But then just in the past hour something bad happened. All my fault for not going to sleep. And as a result my self confidence has reach a low that I have never seen.

TELL THE TRUTH CRABS! When do you hit your lows? How do you recover?

If it isn't Our Lady of Perpetual Crisis!

Welcome back, "kim".


All things being relative (isn't that a constant, anyway?)--

Who could co-sign "whatever it takes" without knowing the situation?

You could be a lemming, disguised as a Crab, for all we know.

Posted by xMoonMan
Self esteem and confidence have nothing to do with Sun sign.

I would recommend you delete this notion from your mind.

click to expand

+1

Yes "Montgomery" they ought to have orange cones lined all around me. Thank you much for your concern, your sudden death, whatever it is you brought to the celebration. Happy Easter! Bye.

Posted by ForAnna
Who asked you to co-sign, Montgomery? With your sun being Leo why are you responding? And why plus one when you are obviously an unneeded plus two. I despise you all ready. You are rude and selfish. Even though you obviously are someone I would never choose to help, I have to ask if you are in love with a videographers/photographers daughter. If so, I need to speak to you privately.

Kim30, what happened? You can inbox me if you would rather not post.

Likewise.

When I get done, I usually try to get somewhere were I can get alone. Sometimes ill cry it out when no one else is around. Then ill listen to my favorite rap Music and watch wrestling. I also talk to my grandma about things and then I usually feel better. @Kim30 find things you love about yourself, & write them down. Read that list everyday. Find things that make you happy. It's always good to talk to someone you trust about what bothers you.

@MoonArtist your ex was stupid lol. How could he not like a curvy/big woman. Those are the best kinds. Plus you had his child. He should have loved you even more after all you went through. Ohh well, it's his loss. He can have the stick figure azz models lol yuck!

Pray. God is with you all the time.
Cry the hurt.
Improve yourself for your own good, not because others wants you to.

When I'm feeling horrible, I try to reason myself back. I would suggest following the advices on here as well.

Personally, I would cry out a good lot as to get it out, then try to put myself back to reason.

However, you're specifically referring to self-esteem issues. I can't help with that, I still haven't solved my own. Sorry.

Posted by MoonArtist
Most of mine was directly linked to my ex. Before I had kids I was skinny but still had the big boobs and nearly perfect hour glass shape (36C-26-38). Even then I somehow thought I needed to lose another 10-15 lbs. I look back at pics from then and think, "WHERE do you need to lose it? Any more weight off and you'd look bad!". After kids the baby weight wouldn't budge and the husband refused sex. 3 yrs of no sex and his excuse was he wasn't attracted to me. You have no idea how obsessive I got about trying to lose weight! We finally had sex when we decided to have a second kid. Just once and that was that, I was pregnant. Then it was 7 yrs of him refusing sex. Yes....SEVEN YEARS OF NO SEX! For a long time I believed him and thought I was some sort of hideous person. A friend on fb sent me a note (a guy) saying "my god, woman, how does your husband let you out of bed in the morning?" after I posted a pic on fb. I started to realize that it wasn't me, that I wasn't disgusting!

Add the constant criticism on my mothering ability, my art, the way I spent my free time, the books and music I like, being verbally abused, and I think it is only by the grace of having a great support group in friends and family, having had a strong upbringing growing up, and sheer strength of will that made me not be completely crushed.

So, when you feel down on yourself, mentally talk yourself up! When those negative thoughts intrude, scream inside, "LIAR!".

Wow, MoonArtist. I soo relate to your story. We kind of had this discussion b4 but I gained about 20 pounds after not having sex with my abusive ex for years myself and he said he didn't want to have sex with me b/c I looked like a "fat and disgusting North.... dyke." Yeah, really classy. And I was only about 15 pounds heavier than him if you can believe it! Well I didn't just lose the man, I lost the weight and am back to a 6.

Kim, I do relate the low self-confidence stuff myself. My family moved like gypsies when I was very young and I struggled with fitting in & self esteem issues since then. I wouldn't relate those issues to my zodiac sign but being a Cancer made me extra sensitive to the mean things people can do when they're bored or a hair crosses their ass or they plain just don't like me. People can be cruel and Cancers are very sensitive to criticism, maybe more than most. However, sometimes we're not as sensitive toward the feelings of others as we could be but assuming we're not callous by default that's because we're feeling blue at that time. I think there's a lot of misunderstanding between people over stuff like this. We personalize a bad or awkward moment with another person and think it's about us. More often than not their attitude has nothing to do with us. Most all of us (self included) are too worried about what other people think of us. When I start paying your rent, helping you out with the bills, then I officially want you to care about what I think! Till then.....don't be hard on yourself. It's not easy being a sensitive crabbie but we got our heart in the right place.

I don't get the moonartist thing. I've seen her picture. I'm a straight but if I got down like that I'd totally fuck the shit out of her.
Clearly the man had problems with his head and dick.
Grrrrr....if only I could get him in a room for three minutes...

Hi-5 Este!

Posted by kim30
Hi-5 Este!

Uh, what do you think you are doing?

Este is MY friend, not yours!!!

😛

She can be your friend when she's on the stinky boy side of the playground!

Oh, snap!

Posted by ScorpioFish

Posted by kim30
Hi-5 Este!

Uh, what do you think you are doing?

Este is MY friend, not yours!!!

😛

click to expand

Yes fight for me but know I can always be bribed with a little wet treat....preferably Fancy Feast...but top of the line albacore tuna will due in a pinch. 🙂 Thanks, guys!