Argument w/ Capp Man Last night...confused-LONG

So im an aquarius woman I met my capp a week 4 days ago. He has already confessed that he is madly in love with me and tells me he loves me everyday. I have cooked for this man damn near every day and I am happy to do so. He has been very giving and I am excited to have met some1 willing to take some of the load off me. He TALKS marriage and having kids and the other day threatened to "not wear protection" cuz he wants to get me preggers. On a daily basis, we talk 6 times a day and see each other almost everyday. He has even asked to move into my house. Do capps usually move this fast? He gets mad because I am guarded but dude-its only been a week and a few days. WTH

He called me last night ranting about how we were supposed to meet up but I couldnt due to legit circumstances beyond my control. He was very angry (cursing and making accusations). He argued the whole time and I just listened. I didnt say a word. I was very shocked. At the end of the conversation he said "Dont call me, Just wait for me to call u" and them 10 minutes later he called but I didnt answer. BUT this is not the first instance. I didnt let him spend the night a few days back and he shut down on me again for a whole day. I am a true AQ and I have little tolerance for BS. I like him and we have had fun BUT I will not tolerate this behavior from any man. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt because he had been wanting to see me all day yesterday and to abruptly cancel may have hurt his feelings and I apologized. There are other ways he couldve handled this nor he did he have to talk to me so aggressively.

Should I give him another chance OR keep it moving. It almost seems as if he "THINKS" he is punishing me lol. Little does he know-I have no problem moving on! I dont hold grudges and would like to send him our usual good morning text but since I have been asked "not to contact" him I didnt. This is childish and Im almost tempted to say "eff him" BUT I want to be fair. U guys are the experts and may know capp men better than me. Im used to dealing with Libra's and other AQ men and these unions can be a challenge as well so a lil challenge is nothing for me but I will not be disrespected or controlled or punished. Is this normal? What should I do?

I did think it was a bit bizarre

Im going to search his name using public court records.

Caps typically don't move that fast but abusers, losers, players, commitmentphobes, anti-social personality types, mentally disordered men move that fast and sometimes even faster, they attempt to seal the deal quickly by professing love, locking you in really fast before you can make an objective observation about them.

Triggers that can quickly make his nice guy/in love mask slip away is saying No, being in control of yourself around him and not falling for his professions of love, changing plans, having your own life, not contributing a huge percentage of your life, energy and time to him, they feel entitled to control you so doing anything that doesn't say you're way more important to me than my own life/self can kick them off into a tirade. Be weary of men professing love who don't KNOW you, it's usually a lie.

There is nothing confusing about the nothing normal going on - back away very carefully, but swiftly, then run your ass off and get as far away from him as you can and don't look back! If you have already given him a key, change your locks!!

WOW...thanks hun. That was wonderfully put. I dont believe his azz anyway,lol. But to be honest. Every relationship I have been in has moved at the speed of light. This particular situation has moved faster than that. Yesterday he got a little animated because I wouldnt let him change his address on his ID to my address. WTF. I tell him all the time. I dont know what chicks ure used to dealing with but I can guarentee that I will be 100 times different. This dude has been saying "I love U" since the 3rd day after we have met. It makes me queasy. I just wanna say STFU with that I Love u crap.

No I havent given him a key but I regret that he knows where I live

Posted by lildol
There is nothing confusing about the nothing normal going on - back away very carefully, but swiftly, then run your ass off and get as far away from him as you can and don't look back! If you have already given him a key, change your locks!!

He's been calling and texting me all morning. I havent responded. But I better before he pops up at my house this afternoon. How do u back away carefully?

Thanks, the advice has been awesome

He sounds iffy at best.Based on everything you've said about this man and the quickness with which you've gone from meeting to sleeping together to you cooking and "doing" for him as well as his possessive-controlling-I'm not wearing a condom to get you pregnant declarations added to the I love you at warp speed all smells like a potential nightmare waiting to unleash itself. Psycho stalker comes to mind. LOL Whatever his underlying issues may be (and he clearly has some doozies) I would be trying to detangle myself from this man and situation ASAP. JMO

Posted by Pidelight
He sounds iffy at best.Based on everything you've said about this man and the quickness with which you've gone from meeting to sleeping together to you cooking and "doing" for him as well as his possessive-controlling-I'm not wearing a condom to get you pregnant declarations added to the I love you at warp speed all smells like a potential nightmare waiting to unleash itself. Psycho stalker comes to mind. LOL Whatever his underlying issues may be (and he clearly has some doozies) I would be trying to detangle myself from this man and situation ASAP. JMO

U are absolutly right. Im going to gracefully bow out. Im going to get "increasingly busy" LOL. And pre occupy my time until he just moves on to the next person. He has completely turned me off. Im tempted to just text him "Leave me alone" but I dont want to escalate things.

Ask him for money, say you want 6 kids, ask him to marry you and you want a 10 carat ring....Just start saying outrageous shit to get him off your back, they usually are very lazy and he probably has financial issues as well, of course they can appear well put together financially but typically they aren't, tell him you want to meet his whole family and you want to get married asap, ask him for his bank statements and ask him to put your name on his bank account, just talk crazy, he'll back off LOL.

Typically they are looking for someone they can USE/easily control, just beat him to the punch, tell him you need money to pay your bills, just lean in on him with the pressure and say I need to talk to you 20 times a day, 19 times won't do and call him 20x's a day every day leaving whiny messages on his voice mail, be super needy/clingy, I need you where are you, I'm lonely, I'm desperately lonely, just annoy the fuck out of him, he'll inevitably find someone whose less annoying and less high maintenance.

That's if being busy/ignoring him doesn't work lol

I'm a cap female. And NO, that is not usual cap behavior. Run, run run!!!

Posted by tiki33
Ask him for money, say you want 6 kids, ask him to marry you and you want a 10 carat ring....Just start saying outrageous shit to get him off your back, they usually are very lazy and he probably has financial issues as well, of course they can appear well put together financially but typically they aren't, tell him you want to meet his whole family and you want to get married asap, ask him for his bank statements and ask him to put your name on his bank account, just talk crazy, he'll back off LOL.

Typically they are looking for someone they can USE/easily control, just beat him to the punch, tell him you need money to pay your bills, just lean in on him with the pressure and say I need to talk to you 20 times a day, 19 times won't do and call him 20x's a day every day leaving whiny messages on his voice mail, be super needy/clingy, I need you where are you, I'm lonely, I'm desperately lonely, just annoy the fuck out of him, he'll inevitably find someone whose less annoying and less high maintenance.

Fuhhhnnnnnnnneeeee!!!! But I agree.I have already told him that I was busy tonight. He usually responds which he hasnt.So that must mean he is in his feelings. lol... Either way I dont give an eff. On to the next....

I don't think it has anything to do with his sign. He is plain nuts. Best to get away because it can get worse.

RUN...

Tell him that you just started dating, and u dont wana be exclusive yet, its been days...so tell him u wana take ur time...and if he actually cared he would respect ur decision...haha (will send him running off)
ooh...and tell him u just got out of an abusive relationship, but u weren't the victim.hahahahaha he'll run so fast u won't ever c him again...

okay..but if u want him to stay...
HAVE SOME CONTROL WOMAN! he cant make plans in days, thats nuts. Plus u havent rlly gotten to know each other...tell him to work on ur pace, or its nothing. A little control will work...

I'm surprised you're even considering whether or not to give him a chance.

I'mmmmmmm speechless.. lol

It's been 5 days... we NEED updates!!!

Ok...so here is the update. LOL. Things took a very sharp turn. After the argument-I just left him alone. And that was going OK for about a day then he called and apologized. He confessed that he was used to getting his way and he thought that that was the case here. But he has realized that I am different and that I actually been what he has been looking for. He said that he was tired of what he was used 2 and has been trying to settle down but the women in this area dont give him a challenge so he runs over top of them with charm.

With that being said. Things have slowed down. He is more "realistic" with his feelings. He still says I love U occassionally BUT he proves it. In this little bit of time he has done so much for me and hasnt asked me for a red cent which I am certainly not used 2. I havent asked him to do anything for me but its like he anticipates my needs and just does it or takes care of it and I have always needed someone like that because I have alot on my plate. Plus I feel important and relevant.

And let me just I have never had sex this amazing in my life. He is "gifted" in that department and everything I have researched on the capp man this happens to be the truest...

As long as you don't "lose" yourself in the sex and take things slow and let him continue to prove his worthiness (weeks and months or nice but real trust and commitment takes longer than this so keep that in mind while things are back to sunshine and happy days) you'll be fine. Keep in mind though that this guy seems to go from one extreme to the next. Now he's all cooperative and as you stated "realistic" whereas a few days ago he was borderline psycho stalker which for me would still indicate a need to be on my guard. But then that's just me. LOL

I dunno, his description lines up with Narcissist possibly with some anti-social traits, toxic men sometimes test a woman first to see what he can and can't do/get away with and once they see how you react they easily ADJUST themselves to what you respond favorably to and MORPH over night into the man of your dreams which inevitably turns into a nightmare.

Many behave this way b/c that will be used as LEVERAGE later on down the line to HOOK you in, mind you many women get hooked on the sex, the demonstrative actions and words that say I love you without really giving it a thought as to why this person, a virtual stranger that was acting like psycho boy would be doing all of these things, many women opt out of THINKING because it all feels so damn good, the verbal displays of love, the spotlight attention, all of it is a HOOK and it works, it absolutely works because so many women go without male love/affection for so long she just want to believe someone is that deeply into her verses really taking her time to see the person for who he really is so when a man show up and GIVES freely it's like a cool drink of water in the desert hot sun and she is HOOKED, she becomes absolutely dependent and hooked in.

I would be wary of emotional displays such as I love you in a matter of days/weeks from a man, many of them are beyond perfect which is hard for a woman to look past the Narc.

I would say be very careful, don't turn your brain off because it feels so good to be enveloped by this man, it's always a hook and a catch at the end and the price is very very very high, you lose yourself and become his doormat and don't think you can beat him at his own game, many of these guys are 100 steps ahead of you at every turn. I'm not saying they are smart, I won't give them that much credit but they are experienced at hooking women in, BREAKING them and throwing them away once she's hooked in and demonstrates that she's in love.

So be careful, he showed you his true self in the beginning and because Narc's hate to look bad, hate to see themselves mirrored back in a negative crazy way through another persons eyes that says he's crazy he'll CLEAN IT UP really good and give the most profound believable excuses as to why he behaved the way he did. IMHO he showed you his true self, true face and now you can ignore it or you can forget it.

If I were you I would tread carefully and the first sign of craziness after he's given you a great excuse...Get out, if he shifts back into Mr.Crazy your best option is to wish him luck and opt out.

Posted by Pidelight
As long as you don't "lose" yourself in the sex and take things slow and let him continue to prove his worthiness (weeks and months or nice but real trust and commitment takes longer than this so keep that in mind while things are back to sunshine and happy days) you'll be fine. Keep in mind though that this guy seems to go from one extreme to the next. Now he's all cooperative and as you stated "realistic" whereas a few days ago he was borderline psycho stalker which for me would still indicate a need to be on my guard. But then that's just me. LOL

+1

Ingrained personality traits are not easily changed, some never change at all.

Extremes is a huge clue that something is way off with this guy...

I guess I'd be okay with his reasons for the extreme behavior yet if Dr.Jekyll/Mr.Hyde showed up again I wouldn't let it slide a 2nd time.

Posted by Pidelight
As long as you don't "lose" yourself in the sex and take things slow and let him continue to prove his worthiness (weeks and months or nice but real trust and commitment takes longer than this so keep that in mind while things are back to sunshine and happy days) you'll be fine. Keep in mind though that this guy seems to go from one extreme to the next. Now he's all cooperative and as you stated "realistic" whereas a few days ago he was borderline psycho stalker which for me would still indicate a need to be on my guard. But then that's just me. LOL

Thats true lol. I am always on my guard though.

Thanks babes. This was wonderfully scripted. Everything is normal for now and I see exactly what u are saying. Its nice to have some1 do something for u BUT I also know that it doesnt come without a price. Im not really looking for a relationship I just didnt recognize 'the games" that were being played cuz I knew it was a few going on.

Just take charge and tell him the rules. Im a cappy and thats my advice. If he doesnt abide by your rules tell him thats not love and then leave him alone for a bit to think it over

*UPDATE* He asked if he could come get me from work cuz he wanted a quickie I said NO and he sent me a long text about how I am changing and he wonders if we should back off each other. I said thats fine. It would give me time to explore other avenues.

A hour later he offered to take me to lunch and I declined saying that his temper tantrums turn me off and that I was going to lunch with a friend (im really going to the gym) and that I might call him this evening.

Posted by MissAQ4real

He has already confessed that he is madly in love with me and tells me he loves me everyday.

He TALKS marriage and having kids and the other day threatened to "not wear protection" cuz he wants to get me preggers.




I have cooked for this man damn near every day and I am happy to do so.

He has been very giving and I am excited to have met some1 willing to take some of the load off me.

On a daily basis, we talk 6 times a day and see each other almost everyday.

wow, you mean you cooking for him everyday, happily, and being very excited about having him, as you talk to him 6 times a day, everyday ..... didn't give him the signals to back off and stop going so fast?

What an idiot .. other people who have read this at value think of him.

heaven forbide that you participated in the relationship ... it was all him.

You merely happily "played" the part ... you didn't actually want him to believe it, right?

Posted by MissAQ4real

He called me last night ranting about ....

He was very angry (cursing and making accusations).

Posted by MissAQ4real

.... and I just listened. I didnt say a word.

Posted by MissAQ4real

... he shut down on me again for a whole day.

Again?

Wait, it's you not saying a word, while he freaks out because I don't know .. maybe you not saying a word is confusing him as to where he stands?

Posted by MissAQ4real

I have little tolerance for BS.

click to expand

Is that right?

Yet, you have no problems with giving him mixed signals and then watching him run circles around you trying to figure what the fuck you want from him.

He just seems weird...
DO YOU LIKE THIS GUY?
If you really do not, then walk away... tell him how you feel and walk away...

Posted by MissAQ4real
*UPDATE* He asked if he could come get me from work cuz he wanted a quickie I said NO and he sent me a long text about how I am changing and he wonders if we should back off each other. I said thats fine. It would give me time to explore other avenues.

A hour later he offered to take me to lunch and I declined saying that his temper tantrums turn me off and that I was going to lunch with a friend (im really going to the gym) and that I might call him this evening.

you really need to give him the pink slip. all of this erratic behavior has not stopped since the first time you experienced it. he sounds like he has an emotional problem.

"He asked if he could come get me from work cuz he wanted a quickie I said NO and he sent me a long text about how I am changing and he wonders if we should back off each other."

*red flag*

he wants to break it off because you not gonna give him some. wtf is that. first it was the getting you pregnant shit. now this.

Any news?

This all sounds so familiar to me..

asha..what happ with your cap? Did you break up with him...update!!

Hi BGP 🙂. I gave a full update in a new thread. It was going 50-50 until last week we tripped again. Btw the man took me to Venice for his anniversary, that I should not forget to mention 😉