can you...

...describe what your ideal relationship would be for YOU?

Not so much what he or she would be like, though inevitably the answer to that might be involved with the answer to this question, but what would the two of you together be like. How involved with each others lives would you be? How much of each others lives would you share? How much of your own life would be just yours? Where would that person fall amongst your priorities as far as committment goes? Number 1? Second place? Third??

What is it that you want or seek in a relationship? Go all out, people. Dont hold back. This is your life I'm talking about here, no need to be squeemish with yourself or anyone else.

yuh huh... me too. i realize i should probably add to my own topic, but i also realize everything im gonna have to write... LOL!

Aren't we cappies closet romantics 😉

OMG, I'm getting off from work soon ...

I'm come back back to this topic tomorrow 😉

Basically a "Yes Baby" "Anything for you Princess" "I'm so privileged to kiss your feet TC" type deal *sigh*

LOL @ SB...Thats what I wanted to say..

I have no idea about it either..I really wouldn't be able to explain that one. Just go with the flow.

cappysweetie... hehe... perhaps a closet romantic, but i dont feel like im trying to hide anything.

JD... oooh JD lol my kind of guy! 😉

cap, agree with it all. especially... "I want him to be the one whose love and presence make up for everything else. We should be eachothers's strength not weekness.
He has to be the top most priority in my life but i wont and neither would want him to ignore his family or friends for me."

Kind of like Dido's song... "And even if my house falls down, I wouldn't have a clue, because you're near me."

ok ya, maybe i am a closet romantic. 😛

when i think of my ideal relationship, i do think of marriage, but not in the traditional sense involving legal contracts, ceremony, and other common expectations. i think of a marriage of purpose in life, responsibility, a marriage of souls and a marriage of hearts. like a quote i read once, 'we were two and had but one heart between us' oooh... and it would be as forever as i know the word... the rest of my life... and beyond? i want a relationship with a guy that will seek sanctuary in my love for him just as i would to him. side by side. we would be involved in each others' pursuits and will have pursuits together, but whatever it is that we're pursuing, together or not, we're supporting each other and strengthening each other. near or apart, we'll never be without eachother in heart or thought. showing our love will be FUN! he'd be the kind of guy that would make me a better person, id want to be a better person, and he'd just bring that desire of overcoming myself out of me. and lovemaking... would be like getting lost in music with that person, though we havent actually lost ourselves, but found ourselves. 🙂

Did you guys know that swans mate for life? 🙂 anyways, it was on a nice card with a picture much like this that i read that quote... 'we were two and had but one heart between us.' i just find it really sweet and wanted to share.

and i find it really amusing that while im talking to myself here about forever love on the cap board... on the scorp board, they're talking about threesomes and role playing.

lol, that's it... im gonna get back to my day. 😛

its good to have something to shoot for. i think with the person worthy of the rest of your life, the relationship will be made what it should be. 🙂

My ideal relationship involves marriage only because I like the fact that you are willing to give yourself completely to someone -- that what marriage means to me.

A spiritual connection would be more ideal -- an understanding that we were meant to be together ... or something of that nature. Interpersonally, there are no rules when it involves our hearts and minds, our personalities will differ in how we express ourselves phyically.

Here a love poem that I find very enduring and if my husband ever said these words to me ... I would melt:

A gentle word like a spark of light,
Illuminates my soul
And as each sound goes deeper,
It's YOU that makes me whole

There is no corner, no dark place,
YOUR LOVE cannot fill
And if the world starts causing waves,
It's your devotion that makes them still

And yes you always speak to me,
In sweet honesty and truth
Your caring heart keeps out the rain,
YOUR LOVE, the ultimate roof

So thank you my Love for being there,
For supporting me, my life
I'll do the same for you, you know,
My Beautiful, Darling Wife.

- David G. Kelly -

It sooo simple yet real, and it's not glossy in any sense. I like it.

ya, thats a great one 🙂 thanks for sharing! i love it.

aww, creepypants, this topic is adorable. 🙂

I wish I was a swan..

wheels 😛

ya it gives me the warm fuzzies too. lol

i know, huh, sweet&sour. they're so pretty they're almost mythic... like unicorns or something.

Oh well, not just that they are pretty.. I was impressed about that they mate for a life.. And men say that they can't mate for a life because it's in their nature. Why animals like swans can do that but not smart men? I think that's just an excuse..

Btw.. That pic was so cute that I immediately saved that on my computer.. 🙂

been with a gemini man for over 25 years! and i can report to you that idealistic romance is not very realistic. what is absolutely essential? respect. support, responsibility, laughter, and nuturing a love of life, self, and each other. he and i are very much on different wavelengths, and lord knows we've been through more than we could ever have dreamed! yet here we are today, and i am grateful for all that has been and is now, our life. we allow each other the freedom to be and to grow. and literally have saved each others life at various times. relationships and individuals change, and having the strength and wisdom to be mindful of the process of life is ultimately what you make it.

idealistic vs. realistic.

i feel that those are two words/things that dont need to be competing. perhaps depending on what your ideals are. 'ideal' ranges from model standard to far fetched. without aims and without setting bars, where are we going? where are we trying to get to?

I haven't seen pictures of a swans in ages...I forgot how they form a heart. I wonder if swans are the reason we draw hearts in that particular shape. I'm kinda dark sometimes. At my old job I decorated our office with cut outs of real hearts versus the hallmark shape that we are familiar with. I was the only one that thought it was funny though. Everyone thought I was bitter...
I like Raisin Peanut's thoughts, but I love Creepy's idea of finding sanctuary in each other. My ideal mate would be fun just like Steve Irwin's widow said. They had fun and thats what she will miss the most. I want to have "fun" too. I am restless and don't want to be held back. Ideally, I'd like someone to complement that passion and we'd be restless spirits together.

They gotta hold their own and be as independent and equally have dreams and ambitions which drive them to believe in making those dreams a reality - someone not too emotional but not too distant - supportive and not too clingy - down w/ whatever needs to be done - doesn't mind being alone sometimes - and works just as hard to earn their keep every step of the way - someone like myself I guess - I'm not expecting to ever meet this kinda person so I try not to keep my hopes high either 😛)

"someone like myself I guess "

Isnt that a tall order? lol
I am sure u will hav to hunt arnd quite a bit for all the qualities that appeal to u..actually these are the same qualities I would look for in a guy..ambitious, loyal, independent and loving. Its tough to find someone like that. Are u single capvirgo?
:-)

i've accepted that nothing and no person will ever be perfect, not even marginally, not even by my standards... the right person is one i love and who will work with me to try to make things right... me, him, us together... when we're not perfect, we can at least be honest with ourselves and move upward, forward, and inward into each other. that kind of effort is worth so much to me.

In reply to your question bittertaurus - yes - I am - things didn't work out with the Virgo I had been infactuated with (she apparently found some guy in the Navy and changed her schedule to a later time during the day as well so the chances of me even being able to talk to her are little to none - but it's whatever I guess - it prolly wouldn't have worked out anyways cause based on her birthdate - her moon sign is that of a Leo - and I've seen her short temper in the past) But yeah - I'm single - no hurry to really date anyone - just trying to get my life together - but the last Taurus I was with was for 3 years and I guess if she hadn't cheated on me we might still be together and she might not have gotten so depressed after the guy I was replaced by left her (therefore attributing to her rather large weight gain) Although I am alot of those traits (independent, loyal, ambitious) apparently I either have a different way of loving someone (to me it's more of a mutual trust - there's all the other factors of a relationship mixed in (emotional, physical, mental fulfillment) but it seems that the girls I've been with have a problem with me working alot - (see much like any Cap - I want to be successful more than anything - and Caps being natural workaholics - it's hard for me to break from this trend - which therefore makes it hard for me to show that I care even though I do - but it just seems like an obstacle sometimes because the women I've been with ended up becoming insecure - even though I was there for them like all the time - I was never one to really wander far from the women in my life - but at the same time - I know my responsibilities and it can be frustrating to keep a relationship stable if the other person is either a big spender, insecure, dependent, not down to earth (they have their heads in the clouds with these big dreams and no motivation or even a plan to help them achieve them) basically someone that either demands too much affection, and can't realize that we live in a cruel world and alot of times that sacrifices need to be made - but knows that I mean well and I will be back to spend as much time as I can to be with them (but having to work so much cause my job depends on me that much and I'm too responsible for my own good to call out and would rather be making money then spending it) it gets me into this self-realization that no woman is gonna put up w/ a guy like this - so I figure I'm just better off alone really 😛)

In response to Cap - I couldn't agree with you more - I know Virgos are good for this because they're known for helping to run things smoothly - (my one Virgo co-worker friend is just like me - we both work the same times and just as often as each other - were both frugal people - we both only have one credit card and one bank account and like to keep our lives simple - and we never argue about anything - we relate to one another perfectly - if I could find a person like that - that was a girl obviously - that would be the ideal personality I would look for - I need someone to go up that mountain with me that most every Cap finds themselves climbing in life - and you're right Cap - most of them don't seem to have the patience to deal with people like us 🙂 I mean in my last relationship - I worked alot - but I also bought her things and helped her out and tried to love her the best I could (spent literally EVERYDAY with her - even moved in with her to make her happy - but it wasn't me that brought her down - it was her - 'I'm too fat, I'm so sad, all you do is sleep and work, (I have a very physical job - but hey - what's a lil sleep right? Who needs that? Wasn't my fault she had sleeping problems) I'm so broke - pay my bills too could ya? (It's like that Destiny's Child song - (and as you all should know by now - Beyonce's a Virgo) "Bills, Bills, Bills" But I dunno - maybe it was just my last g/f that really has made me wary of whom I date - Leos have expensive tastes (after hearing about my Virgo friends ex whom is a Leo - it turns out that she's just like her - she recently took out a home equity loan and now wants to charge him more for child support - he said 'take me to court - cause I ain't paying anymore' lol!) Cause w/ my Taurus ex - it was great - we'd take these lil naps together, travel together, just hang out, do whatever - but then she started this 'take me to school EVERYDAY no matter what cause it's no longer a favor - it's mandatory') kinda thing - and then she met that guy and even though I knew things were over between us - since she was my only real friend that I hung out w/ (her possessiveness caused me to be with her like nearly everyday so I didn't have much of a social life otherwise) so all the while my temper was very slowly building up until finally I just lost it and never talked to her again...as Sean "Puff Daddy, Puffy, or P.Diddy" Combs would say 'ya cross me - ya lost me' and that was that 😛)

I find this to be true as well bittertaurus - but I guess instead of explaining how my past relationship has gone up until this point - I guess the easiest way to say why I have been such a workaholic was for the very same reason why she has always seemed to have expensive tastes - (I mean she's a Leo - she's got a short temper which is known of most any fire sign - and she's from a family that's well off so she was always expecting others to do things for her - whether it was my family or myself - and always enjoyed the freedom of spending her own money - but wanting to get every financial advantage possible without spending her own - so because of that - she went from someone that seemed frugal and somewhat like myself - to someone that started expecting me to pull her weight as well as my own) so that was a big factor in why I found myself having to work more - she couldn't seem to understand that in order to be able to appreciate and have nice things in life - you need to work hard for it - and after my mom had welcomed her into her home for 9 months when she finally snapped at her after she had evolved into this person that neither my brother or mom could any longer deal with - she started pushing that we moved out to our own place in hopes of things getting better (meaning more money needed to be spent for paying all the utilities and phone and food and rent and after I had been able to save enough for a down payment on a car - then I had to start paying insurance and car payments (I mean I will give her that though - she did offer to drive me to and from work for like the entire time we were together - but in return there were times where I would have to fork over her half of the rent as well as buy her half of the food and just buy her necessities in general - she became more and more dependant on me basically - which caused me to inevitably work more to make ends meet) and now here I am - one more month to go left on this apartment lease - it's now almost 2 years later since I first started talking to her - and I just stopped asking her to pay me anything other than the rent - even after we've broken up - I STILL help her out - she brings her new b/f over and they do their thing - uses my computer and internet and electricity and food and phone (when I say 'my' I mean this is all the stuff I either own or have paid in full for most of the duration that we've been here) and sometimes she doesn't even pay me all of her half of the rent. But....

...through it all I've still managed to pay down my debts that have accrued over this past year - after this paycheck I'll have no more rent to pay or utilities or even my car insurance - everything will be paid off except for my car payments - even bally's I've managed to pay off as well - I have a 3 year membership there in which I'll won't have to make a monthly payment for at least quite awhile 🙂 But see this is what I'm trying to say - and I tell her this w/ her b/f too - if she wasn't so pushy about moving out or even moving in and just taking it slow for at least a couple years - maybe things wouldn't have ended up this way - cause even though I worked alot (still do) I still managed to spend time with her everyday...and if I didn't have so many financial obligations - maybe I could've relaxed better with a better peace of mind knowing that money I had made could be spent more on her without so much worry - that's really what it comes down to for me - cause now I'm gonna have alot of money to save up and no one to spend it on - and me being the naturally frugal person I am - I won't know how to spend it all quickly enough - but I guess @ the same time I wouldn't want it any other way really - I like having financial security - I think every Cap does (or earth sign possibly even) and the thing is now that I'm broken up w/ her - I can't even stand her - I don't want anything to do with her when we go our own ways - she wants to live in another town closer to her beau - hey - that's fine and dandy w/ me - I don't mind isolation - I've spent so much time working I don't even know how to have fun anymore around here - I don't have any friends that I really hang out w/ anymore cause her insecurities drove me to that decision of abandoning them - love is cruel like that I guess - but I did it all for her - I sacrificed so much for her and she still left me for someone else - probably because she loved me more than I ever could - and I've told her that - but I have no regrets really - I mean that's life - people come and go - there's no obligations that the person were with will be there tomorrow - and I think that might be why people are insecure of themselves - because the life they life and the people that are in it are so far and few that they try to force someone to love them rather than letting it just flow - and it's like bending something that's bound to break - cause sooner or later - with enough force - it probably will...

...but if I could make things right again - I wouldn't - cause her personality is too different from mine that it just couldn't work out as we could ever hope it could - but I guess that's why mistakes are made - simply so that we can learn from them - but for now - work just preoccupies my time - keeps me busy - and from being bored 😛)