Cap decoding needed!

Hi SunMionStars - I think him reaching out is a good thing, he's not ready to talk about your issues but is willing to use this dinner as an excuse to reach out and get in touch.

I would go to the dinner, be civil act like everything is ok (no matter how hard it may be)

Talk to him in private after about how what he did made you feel

If you don't feel comfortable going, then tell him. Tell him you want to work things out when he's had time to think about everything and is ready to talk about it. Until then, space is probably best.

Mine hasn't been in touch after an argument and went on silent mode.

I reached out multiple times and then he said he needed some time

They need to process things and eventually they do come back

Posted by SweetSauce

Posted by pinkbird03
If you don't feel comfortable going, then tell him. Tell him you want to work things out when he's had time to think about everything and is ready to talk about it. Until then, space is probably best.

You see that is the problem caps seem to avoid issues and not want to work them out. Then the ignoring the person starts.

Why come?

click to expand

The cap I date only talks about our relationship if I bring it up. I haven't had any major issues with him, really just questions about how he feels because I'm always wondering. I do feel like he avoids some things, but he hasn't started ignoring me. A lot of people say caps ignore them. I am waiting for this...

SMS, you've taken years to decide whether you want to give a title to your relationship though he's wanted a title for a long time.

Now, all of a sudden you "don't have an undetermined amount of time for him to think things over"?

How fair is that? You can drag your feet for years, but he can't think things over?

Can't have it both ways, ya know.

Just talk to him and feel it out.

If you think he's so volatile and not worthy of the boyfriend title after all this time, then let the relationship go.

If you let it go, then don't meet for dinner with him and the brother.

Posted by SunMoonStars
Truecap, I know you warned me that this negativity from him would happen. Do you think he is acting like an asshole so I will break up with him? what is it that he wants? 😢

I had my reasons for withholding an official title and those reasons are still valid. I'm sorry, but I won't give a title to someone who is so volitile. I don't think I should be blamed for that. How many Caps would do that??

I'm mulling on the invitation and out of town for a trip. He texted me again "please talk at me. Hurt for you". Why did he say "at" instead of "to"?

And is this an invitation to start a conversation about the issues?

(Questions for everyone).

You could always give him the title for a probationary period and see if he steps up or dips out.

I was wanting to work with him on how to better our relationship and then eventually give him a title.

I told him we owe it to each other to give it an honest shot.

He doesn't listen much and we have been fighting and making up, fighting and making up. His communication sucks especially if he's dealing with something.

At this point, I'm weary and don't know anymore if I should try with him yet again just to be turned on 😢

You guys have been together for about 3 years, yeah? I don't understand your aversion to the title, especially if it's so important to him.

I'm sure you have your reasons, but it sounds like fear to me.. like if you don't have to give him a title now, then you won't have to worry about one of you taking it away later.

Posted by SunMoonStars
Here is some of the drama since meeting him. He himself put a hold on the title thing when he was dealing with health problems.

- drinking problem (big deal to me, not to him)

- health issues (possible heart condition and anxiety attacks)

- got fired from his job a few weeks ago.

I have stood by him through it all but he would alternate between nice and lashing out at me. Feels very unstable. How can I commit to him? Yeah there is a lot of feat on my side.

I want to work out a realistic plan for us to tackle our issues and he knows this. He's been hesitant. Leads me to think he's full of shit. When it comes to real life, day to day, him and I details.

You HAVE committed to him. Time, energy, sex, affection, experiences, your thoughts, your words, your actions, and your deeds, etc.

If you don't want to be with him, then stop seeing him. If the red flags are enough to make you not want to go forward, then what is the point of being with him in any capacity other than friendship?

Again, I'm calling BS. Sounds like fear to me, but not of him.

*and he's made all those same commitments to you, by the sound of it.

If a title is the only thing he says he wants, why not concede and give it to him? Doesn't mean you have to marry the guy.

OP - for the record, I'm not saying either you or your fellow are wrong. But it is kind of obvious you both have different needs, wants, and style s of relating. If the discrepancies are core, fundamental ones, why exert more energy trying to put a square peg in a round hole? That Libra Venus and Mars of yours isn't making a decision anytime soon, and his Cap bits are chomping at the bit about it.

Give him the title - tell him you'll make him ur bf and come to the dinner.

New start

He's playing up - poor thing lost his job no wonder he's down

Update for those interested. He messaged again sayjng he wished i was with him and his brother at a concert. I replied i will go to the dinner if scheduling works out. Asked him if he is willing to work on formulating a plan with me and sticking to it. He said "yes". I am hopeful and will try my best.

I AM wishy washy when it comes to giving him a title it is a big deal to me. It involves others like my family meeting him. Im not going to bring someone who is unpredictable around them. He's not stupid, codependent.. Hmm i don't think so. Anyway, i may see him and his brother tmr or saturday for the dinner.