2 years and he still withdraws? And you do too, in reaction? How long does the withdrawal last? I think it means he is insecure with you...do you talk with each other about this?
Cap guy with ridiculous amount of Aqua!
It sounds like he is incapable of giving you more, and yet you want more. If he cant *do feelings* then the relationship will remain at the flirty/sex level. Is that enough for you?
Posted by capguyI can COMPLETELY see why others have moved on. It's so frustrating.
Assuming this is actually this man's history with women, then he's probably more aware of why they leave than you are. Probably expecting it. Probably expecting that once again, he's not on the same time table as the woman.
I really hate being on women's timetables. It means they don't see me, they see what they want from me. I also think it's funny that women can intuitively understand that a man is afraid to make a move, yet frustrate themselves when it doesn't happen.
Two people who don't make a move can lead to long-lasting love (eventually) or another girl leaving because she's not getting the response she wants/expects/feels entitled to.
click to expand
I agree with this.
I'm really starting to like you, capguy. 🙂
I hope you don't hide your posts, Capguy. This is a very enlightening, open and truthful thread. You have given a lot of insight, and for me, understanding about why men (cap men, maybe others) think the way they do. It's helpful when someone has been as confused by their actions as some of us has.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Sounds like hes quite young. People mostly grow out of that. Watch the movie the remains of the day. Its about a man who a woman waits for for years and years. I would confront him about the whole thing and tell him basically you want to know now if this is going anywhere.
You can do it in a very gentle non frightening way but have a proper open discussion. Not just a few subtle hints then chickening out
You can do it in a very gentle non frightening way but have a proper open discussion. Not just a few subtle hints then chickening out
"He is a Cap with his moon, merc, and venus in Aqua, Mars in Sagg."
Get out while you still can
He'll always run from you...If you have to stay then whatever you do be cool, try to show little emotion, don't freak out and bombard him with text messages and emails about your fears and feelings and if he disappears for weeks/months forget him, he's gone and even if he comes back he'll be gone again, you can pretty much depend on it being this way forever.
"He does things for me to show me he cares. But it is very two steps forward one step back, hot and cold. Although he is very attractive and woman are drawn to him, I have never seen him with another woman and I would guess it been a long time since he has had a relationship. He's in his upper 30s."
Set your mind that THIS IS THE WAY IT'S GOING TO BE ALWAYS AND FOREVER and then get on with your life, let him initiate contact, suggest dates, allow him to completely run the show and even if he show you loving displays of affection just tell him to cool it and he'll most likely never feel threatened or feel he has to disappear on you b/c you won't expect anything from him. The moment he starts giving and you reciprocate you can pretty much expect him to back all the way up, the back and forth dance is his love style . Treat him like you appreciate him by saying thank you but never show you need him and he may never disappear. He is the epitome of COMMITMENT PHOBIC.
He is afraid you'll end up hating him because that's most likely how all the women he's attempted to date end up, hating him.
There is a reason he's single and in his 30's no woman ever works out.
"All the other women have ended up leaving him, given up on him. He's been hurt. They tell me to be patient, stay with him, be his friend, have fun together."
He's commitmentphobic, no woman is going to live in that back and forth space with him forever and I highly doubt you'll be able to do that as well, you'll most likely give up like all the other women in his past.
Get out while you still can
He'll always run from you...If you have to stay then whatever you do be cool, try to show little emotion, don't freak out and bombard him with text messages and emails about your fears and feelings and if he disappears for weeks/months forget him, he's gone and even if he comes back he'll be gone again, you can pretty much depend on it being this way forever.
"He does things for me to show me he cares. But it is very two steps forward one step back, hot and cold. Although he is very attractive and woman are drawn to him, I have never seen him with another woman and I would guess it been a long time since he has had a relationship. He's in his upper 30s."
Set your mind that THIS IS THE WAY IT'S GOING TO BE ALWAYS AND FOREVER and then get on with your life, let him initiate contact, suggest dates, allow him to completely run the show and even if he show you loving displays of affection just tell him to cool it and he'll most likely never feel threatened or feel he has to disappear on you b/c you won't expect anything from him. The moment he starts giving and you reciprocate you can pretty much expect him to back all the way up, the back and forth dance is his love style . Treat him like you appreciate him by saying thank you but never show you need him and he may never disappear. He is the epitome of COMMITMENT PHOBIC.
He is afraid you'll end up hating him because that's most likely how all the women he's attempted to date end up, hating him.
There is a reason he's single and in his 30's no woman ever works out.
"All the other women have ended up leaving him, given up on him. He's been hurt. They tell me to be patient, stay with him, be his friend, have fun together."
He's commitmentphobic, no woman is going to live in that back and forth space with him forever and I highly doubt you'll be able to do that as well, you'll most likely give up like all the other women in his past.
" have done this but have made mistakes along the way, texting him that I miss him and such. This freaks him out and he withdraws. They say he likes it but doesn't know how to respond. Needs to take a step back to think about it. Then I withdraw. It's like a cycle but we always come back to each other. There is a bond.
No he doesn't like it, if he's withdrawing it means HE DOESN'T LIKE IT, least not in a way that doesn't scare the holey hell out of him so yeah stop the mushy stuff and he'll most likely have no reason to withdraw but in all honesty, men like him look high and low for an OUT so although you may get it right and stop the mushy stuff, he'll find something else about you to run from, that's just the way it is with men like him. Take it or leave it and don't expect it to change because it won't, if you have about 20 years to spare just maybe he'll stop but even then he could still be back and forth. Do you have that much time?
"I am going to stop trying to have a relationship with him and just push the friends thing. See what happens. Any insight is welcomed."
Good idea but honestly it's probably too late, you'd have to change everything about the dynamic you share with him. My suggestion would be to look up any and everything about how to have a relationship with a man that isn't dependent on women and love, read everything about commitment phobes and how to maintain a connection/relationship with him and you may have a fighting chance.
Something I've learned about men like him, you have to lose him to win him, you have to stop expecting him to be normal like all the other men that actually aren't afraid of being in love.
SO there are 2 things going on....He's either commitment phobic or you are not the one but good enough for now until he finds his dream girl so he keeps you at a safe distance, you'll have to figure out which one applies to your situation.
No he doesn't like it, if he's withdrawing it means HE DOESN'T LIKE IT, least not in a way that doesn't scare the holey hell out of him so yeah stop the mushy stuff and he'll most likely have no reason to withdraw but in all honesty, men like him look high and low for an OUT so although you may get it right and stop the mushy stuff, he'll find something else about you to run from, that's just the way it is with men like him. Take it or leave it and don't expect it to change because it won't, if you have about 20 years to spare just maybe he'll stop but even then he could still be back and forth. Do you have that much time?
"I am going to stop trying to have a relationship with him and just push the friends thing. See what happens. Any insight is welcomed."
Good idea but honestly it's probably too late, you'd have to change everything about the dynamic you share with him. My suggestion would be to look up any and everything about how to have a relationship with a man that isn't dependent on women and love, read everything about commitment phobes and how to maintain a connection/relationship with him and you may have a fighting chance.
Something I've learned about men like him, you have to lose him to win him, you have to stop expecting him to be normal like all the other men that actually aren't afraid of being in love.
SO there are 2 things going on....He's either commitment phobic or you are not the one but good enough for now until he finds his dream girl so he keeps you at a safe distance, you'll have to figure out which one applies to your situation.
The word I was looking for besides commitmentphobic is Avoidant Personality Disorder, something you may need to learn extensively about. And the new personality disorder that's out there is called love shyness. There is a book out there online, I haven't had an opportunity to check it out yet by Brian G. Gilmartin.
In his book, Gilmartin estimates that love-shyness afflicts approximately 1.5% of American males and will prevent about 1.7 million U.S. males from ever marrying or experiencing intimate sexual contact with women.
He also has a free ebook Shy & Love on his website...I haven't read it yet so I can't say much about it.
http://www.love-shy.com/resources
In his book, Gilmartin estimates that love-shyness afflicts approximately 1.5% of American males and will prevent about 1.7 million U.S. males from ever marrying or experiencing intimate sexual contact with women.
He also has a free ebook Shy & Love on his website...I haven't read it yet so I can't say much about it.
http://www.love-shy.com/resources
Posted by capguy
Any good books on remote diagnosis disorder?
LOL good one...
I'm sure you'll find a good book, google it LOL
The way to a man with that much Aqua in his chart is FRIENDSHIP with no expectations. I too have Moon,Merc,Venus in Aqua and the guys that have been around me for a long time are the one's that are near and dear to my heart. If they can feel like the walls are down and there will be no judgment on their issue ect they will open up and allow themselves to be someone that you might be very happy with.
I would also date other men too..lol
TIKI33!! Girl you know your STUFF!! HandsDOWN!!! I'm new on this message board (2 days) I've been reading old comments of yours in other posts and you Put those losers on BLAST!! High-five!
Depends,But I have let a couple in, after I went through somethings of course. Friendship is a huge deal with these type of guys. But like what was said most women will not wait around for this.
WOW!!!!!!!!! What an eye opening post THANK YOU!!!!
@Amh2222: No I dont do all that testing and stuff thats way to draining. I rely on my intuition and observation to get me through.
"just want a comfortable friendship and open up when you trust them?'
^^^ That about sums it up.
"just want a comfortable friendship and open up when you trust them?'
^^^ That about sums it up.
Many of the things I have read here reminds me of my Cap w/ Venus Aqua as well. I never had to make the first move but I did have to voice out my feelings first. I did it in a funny way that ended up in my favour suprisingly.. Cause we didn't spare anytime with our attraction to eachother. It's like our relationship is going backwards. He and I didn't want anything to begin with. Then it happened. Then we where fighting against it. Then he gave into it first by stating we where together to others.. Then the fights came... And now it has kinda calmed down alot. Though he has an additude problem and asks for a lot from me. Straight told me he needs me to be his version of superwoman to be with him. I do have a question for you. Does the cappy your interested in talk to his ex's still? In a sweet manner as well? I know all are different but I want to know if it's a related thing among these types of caps.
Ahhh ic. Thank you for your answer. It seems Capricorn w/ Venus mars males are very social in many aspects. Have you ever tried to just confess your feelings to him? 2 years is still a very long time for him to know how both of you can work together. =)
Venus in Aqua, we love a mate that gives up space..The more space they give us the more we crave them. Venus in Aqua cannot stand a clingy mate with no life of their own.
"I have Venus in Aqua but I wasn't sure how important that was."
Thats very important, I would say it kind of tells what kind of woman you may like and your love language. Which is so imprtant, I think if ppl find thier object of affections love language they might be able to make some hard things easier.
"But when I'm not being clinged-to, I'll always be around of my own free will."
Thats kind of what I was explaining, Aqua in Venus likes it when we do things of our own free will and not feel pressured or obligated. Its so much better when its a natural kind of thing.
"Is that clinging though?"
No as long as you are not imposing on the other person..If they are ok with it then its good..
Thats very important, I would say it kind of tells what kind of woman you may like and your love language. Which is so imprtant, I think if ppl find thier object of affections love language they might be able to make some hard things easier.
"But when I'm not being clinged-to, I'll always be around of my own free will."
Thats kind of what I was explaining, Aqua in Venus likes it when we do things of our own free will and not feel pressured or obligated. Its so much better when its a natural kind of thing.
"Is that clinging though?"
No as long as you are not imposing on the other person..If they are ok with it then its good..
"the "he's just not that into you" things are things I do when I'm really into a girl. It's stupid."
lol, thats what I have learned from dating Aqua men..Not all women get this..To tap into your intution and trust it is a beautiful thing..But its not always easy..lol
lol, thats what I have learned from dating Aqua men..Not all women get this..To tap into your intution and trust it is a beautiful thing..But its not always easy..lol
Posted by amh2222
But believe me, it takes a strong, mature woman to say I will just wait for him, maybe forever.
But I look at it like this... We have slowly grown to care for each other. He is so special to me and I think "What would my life be without him?" and I also think this, "He does hurt me sometimes with his lack of showing emotion or if he says something awkward, but at least I feel SOMETHING". Have you ever been in a relationship where you stopped feeling anything. I have, it's miserable. I also just really don't care what anyone else thinks.
I wonder though, if a lifelong "pseudo" relationship will cause you regret? I believe if there is real love on both sides and it's evident, via actions, then expressing your needs and expectations shouldn't scare him away. I wish you the best.
This whole thing about the guy being the prize to be claimed, have to be in a relationship, the woman is scorned if the guy doesn't commit... Just makes it seem like we (the men) are interchangeable and are secondary to the actual relationship itself. That's why I hold back, because I know I'm being pressured not because they only want to be with me but because I'm "next" and since the last guy got dumped, it's my turn to be your boyfriend. But I don't want that I want someone who actually wants me, not what I represent, but the actual person.
And it also seems like the cat and mouse game, the girl is the cat I'm the mouse and once I'm caught, the cat loses interest and walks away. It's the not committing that makes the women go crazy. They say they want a guy that will settle down, but they've experienced that before. And they've dumped all those guys, and are now chasing the guy who won't settle down. Till he settles down, and he gets thrown on the pile of ex boyfriends with all the others.
Is this what girls are like? If so, I'd RUN far far away! I urge any guy to do so.
And it also seems like the cat and mouse game, the girl is the cat I'm the mouse and once I'm caught, the cat loses interest and walks away. It's the not committing that makes the women go crazy. They say they want a guy that will settle down, but they've experienced that before. And they've dumped all those guys, and are now chasing the guy who won't settle down. Till he settles down, and he gets thrown on the pile of ex boyfriends with all the others.
Is this what girls are like? If so, I'd RUN far far away! I urge any guy to do so.
Posted by capguy
(continued)
because I think romantic relationships have to have some sort of tension to work, that sense that maybe you might lose the other person. That's not there in platonic or family love. Which is why hanging out with your friends and family is nice and fun but not exciting, and it doesn't keep you from knowing if you're coming or going.
Tension to keep it working? Nah, I'll leave that to the drama kings & queens. Maybe that's why we like to build the layers of self preservation up. After each layer is exposed its as if a new person is emerging and it peaks the interest to keep pealing away. What happens when you get to the core? Comfort, peace, and the desire to build up layers around both of you together to preserve the bond.
The way you described it as in losing someone, is why I thought of drama. I associate tension with fear, passion with excitement. It takes work to keep the excitement in a relationship. If you think that the passion is associated with the chase, then you have been dating the wrong girls. For me, passion is enhanced by devotion, loyalty, and that ever wonderful sexual chemistry!
@ Capguy
despite all the complicated scenario, which you have pointed out with complete sincerity,i am and would be sure of one thing that there is no other man as good in love as a Capricorn man is;least complicated,no drama,action-oriented,no stupid verbosity,and utmost sincerity.
despite all the complicated scenario, which you have pointed out with complete sincerity,i am and would be sure of one thing that there is no other man as good in love as a Capricorn man is;least complicated,no drama,action-oriented,no stupid verbosity,and utmost sincerity.
Posted by capguy
Could be. I have Venus in Aqua but I wasn't sure how important that was. But when I'm not being clinged-to, I'll always be around of my own free will. Is that clinging though?
I think this is how my cap with Venus in Aqua acts. The early stages of our relationship I kept space between us mainly due to having a crazy ex husband. My cap kept on my tail and at times I found him to be clingy especially when I visited him he wouldn't break free of his hold on me. Yet when I moved from my home and ex did not know where I lived for about two months I wanted more attention and then he started to push away. I got the hint and got a life..lol then he began to come closer. When I am with him he clings to me and he wants my full attention. He hates when I get quiet because he wants to know what I am thinking..lol we had a little argument about that. He asked me what I was thinking about and I told him nothing then he says no one has a blank mind..lol then I said nothing important for you to know then he says that he wants to know everything. Wouldn't that be some form of clingyness? Now let me beg him to know his every thought he couldn't stand to have me around..lol
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