Cap men and declarations of love

I have read so much about cap men and what seems to be a common thing is that they won't let you in until they are sure they can trust you. What if he started off very much saying all sorts of lovey-dovey things, then pulled away and just calls you friend now? What is that about? My cap man is really amazing and just so you know I am a Leo gal which really is an odd combo but I'm fascinated by him and although I find this frustrating I can't just blow him off. Question to all you experienced with cap men or to the cap men...what would an out of the blue declaration of love by me do to this friendship? And for those of you who are really into astrology his moon is in Aquarius so he can be quite aloof. Thanks.

Even at their most open they are quite difficult to fathom so I wouldn't bother..Do what you feel like doing and deal with the consequences..

Most likely, he was testing you to find out how you feel about him. He might have found it safer to watch and then analyse your reactions rather than come out and say "I like you and do you see us as more than just friends." Believe me, rejection KILLS them. When one Cap knew I just wanted to be friends with him when he wanted more, he stopped talking to me.

Pulling away is common with these Cap males. Intimacy scares them because emotions make them feel out of control, so they pull away to clear their heads.

You're a strong woman and you will know how to handle it. My partner once confessed (in private) to me that women are the stronger sex 🙂 Even more, he needs you more than you need him.

somehow I've managed to be physical with my brother's friend and I don't know that I started it out very well...I know that he told me he has to mentally shut me off because I'm his friend's sister. are there any guy caps out there who can explain this to me?

I am struggling myself with the "lets just be friends" phase..I told him I liked him more than friends after 8 months of constant contact and a meeting..we spoke at length for 2 hours where he poured his heart out..saying he didn't want to lose me as a friend by risking anything further..

Although he knows now that I like him more than a friend..I can't cotinue talking to him as though we are just friends..because the whole dimension of friendship changes..you can't possibly talk about other girls for instance because emotions are involved..I have pulled away for my own peace of mind and he is chasing by phone and text messages..asking why am not on msn anymore..to be honest, he's used to having me around..routine...Does he really not get it? Do I have to spell it out to him?..I need to be in control of my emotions..in order to do that, I need it for either be more than friends..and no I won't demand his time (he lives out of town) or for us not to be in contact at all..that way I can move forward..

Forgot to add to that. Leocap - is this another way of him testing?

MM, your Cap shows that push-pull dynamic that I see so often. Constant contact and meeting doesn't go well with these Caps. I've learned that neediness turns them off. When you pull away, they start calling you and asking who you were with and what you have been doing (while you are not with them). These are not innocent questions. Your Cap wants to know if you are seeing anyone else. And here is the test - he wants to know if you can be TRUSTED to be LOYAL to him when you are not together.

Their paranoia gets the best of them as they think of the worst case scenarios, ie: you're cheating behind his back.

The risk of turning this friendship into something more might terrify him; thus, keeping him in the friendship zone where it is safe and where he won't get hurt. I hope he understands that love entails risk, and not everything is spelled out. He could lose his chance to be with a wonderful person 😉

Generally, Caps mean what they say and say what they mean. His "I don't want to lose you as a friend by risking anything further" sounds fishy to me. Now that both of you have discussed your feelings to each other, he needs to make his own decision and live with the consequensces, and allow you to make your own choices. If he genuinely cares for you and wants the best for you (as any good friend should do), and as much as it might kill him (and hurt his heart) to see you with someone else, he needs to let you go so you can be happy and LOVED by someone else.

Hi Miss Morals, yeah it's a very mysterious thing with these caps. It sounds like yours has more of a hold on you and you have a hold on him. I haven't even gotten that far yet. He did get a little upset that I didn't add him on my myspace. hahahaha. I thought I was talking to a two year old.
Unfortunately mine is basically just trying to shut me out of his head because he's uncomfortable with the fact that my brother is friends with him. A year ago we were physical as well and my brother found out. I know he was pissed off and told no one to speak of it again. So in essence I can see that my brother may have scared him off from it, which really upsets me. It's now a year later and we ran into eachother again because my brother and I went out. My cap hasn't come out with his feelings for me, but as my friend would say..."guys are simple. they show they like you with little actions." When we're around eachother I don't take the initiative to acknowledge. He is like a little toddler. He'll poke me and steal my phone from me. One night he was looking nervously around the kitchen to find something to talk about and pulled up a piece of fruit. It was hilarious. Then he didn't speak until everyone went to bed and starts discussing his family and culture. I don't know what to make of this ladies.

Leocap~is this normal for caps to act like little boys when they like someone or is it just based on he individual. I went to his house the other night to pick up my brother and his mom was there. She was staring at me intently and kept basically showing me off as my brother's sister. Everyone knows who I am. I don't know if he has said something to his mom or what. He was very nervous and looking at the ground a lot. He said happy birthday to me and was looking at the ground. Very boyish...cute, but confusing.

Wow- more women than ever it seems dealing w the Cap. male issues!? Gemgem - I recall your posts from a year ago...

I wanted to respond to UKSpacey's original question, bc. I've been there, done that... hasn't gone well... And this was the BIG "declaration of love", via letter, after knowing him a year and a half. It's been about 10 weeks and haven't heard from him. So... I don't really recommend it. I'd done the "I'm in love with you" text message, or "I'm crazy about you" which went over alot better and only took a week or so for him to get in touch. So, my advice, is to do it in a flirty way and leave a little room for interpretation perhaps, or else you'll give him TOO much to think about and scare him too much.

MM~ I think they can say "friends" all they want, but that you just need to 'go with it' and forget the labels and definitions. It will perhaps fall into place and just become more on its own without nailing down "the relationship". I'm not good with this type of situation either, which is how and where I lost out, or let go.

And whoever said that those questions are not innocent ones and they're looking for loyalty, I believe that is dead-on. I've experienced the same exact questioning and knowing what he really wanted to know. But it all seemed so darn ridiculous, to expect loyalty, in a situation where you don't even know that you're dating and don't even see each other regularly.

Thanks Leocap..I am far from needy..he is fully aware of that..I don't really have the urge to speak to him all that often..I go onto msn during work hours because its really boring at work..not much on at the moment..and we have great conversations. I have called him twice in the 8 months I've known him..he's the one calling and chasing..thats why I was a bit taken back by his just wanna be friends when he gave all the green signals..But I am not about to be messed around..I know what these guys are like..Sometimes, its nice to just hear out loud what your thinking yourself..So thanks for your insight..just wanna be friends and not risking anything further does sound fishy to me too..I think its a case of lets see if you hang about or disappear..

The reason for telling him was that so my feelings don't fester up inside..8 months is adequate for me...lol..I have said it once, and I am never going to say it again. I could never get emotional or teary, my pride just wouldn't allow it..He should know better..you can't possibly continue as friends when theres more involved..He isn't going anywhere I know this..but I am better without him..You can't have your cake and eat it too..should he want to be more than friends he knows where I am..He trusts me with everything else, so I don't see what further trust you need in terms of relationships..he needs to grow a back bone..and generally just grow up!

I have to first tell him what I think of his flirting though..cos I have told him on many occasions before..don't flirt unless you can carry it through..But until i tell him exactly what I think of his little games that he plays in order to trap women..I won't rest...He will get a bollocking and a half..after that I am fine if he never speaks to me again..I don't really care..no huge loss..he needs me more than I need him..

Capgirl..yeah I wouldn't ever dream of saying I love you or I am crazy about you..because truth is..I am not at that stage yet..it was a case of just expressing..All I said was "somewhere down the line, I may have a developed a soft spot for you..but shhhh don't say anything to anyone..lol"...those were my exact words...and he replied with "I won't deny it that I too have a soft spot for you and I wouldn't change you for the world"...so really all he's done is reply to what I said..thus playing it safe..its only a week later he followed up with the phone call and said..he's fine with being good friends..cos he loves, respects and admires me as an individual and he doesn't want to risk anything in case he loses that as well..whatever!...all I know is its difficult to continue being friends with someone you know likes you more..It gives him full control to make you squirm, jealous, emotional wreck..just what they want!..so why play into their hands...

Yeah if it works out somewhere down the line then great..but he's got a hell of a job..he's got to prove to me that he's worth it..and we scorpios get blamed for drama!..pah!..

gemgem ~ Caps may act like boys around the person they like. My Cap has a sag moon and a gemini mars so he often playfully teases me and acts childlike, which thankfully, balances his scorpio venus. (I'd appreciate any insights on scorpio venus. I have a cancer venus). Caps are also known to act silly to lighten up the mood and to make themselves and yourself laugh too.

Caps likes things to be proper and he feels conflicted that you are his friend's sister. It is hard for your brother to imagine the both of you together (you know, guys and how they think sometimes). Considering your Cap's deep sense of loyalty to your brother, he wouldn't betray that friendship. In keeping with honouring and respecting (two key themes in a Caps life) that friendship, your Cap might be waiting for your brother's permission.

MM ~ as Capgirl spoke about having an undefined relationship with a Cap, I have had to deal with the same thing too. We don't have labels nor titles. Caps take their time before they call a woman his gf or say "I love you." It is a BIG deal. When they say "I love you," it also means I will PROVIDE for you, I will be RESPONSIBLE for you, I will take CARE of you, I will PROTECT you, I will BE THERE FOR YOU, NO MATTER WHAT.

Although he has deep and strong feelings for you, I am sure he is contemplating all these things. To Caps, love also means responsibility so he wants to make sure he can handle it. I know one Cap who refused to commit because he was a student at the time and felt embarrassed that he had very little money (student budget) nor was he finished school and wasn't established in his career.

Caps are builders who will take things step by step in securing a good future for themselves and their partners and their future family. "A strong foundation that will stand the test of time" - that is their approach to anything they do, whether it be a relationship, a career, a family, etc.

If it is meant to be, both of you will be together.

Aww thanks Leocap..yeah I absolutely hear what your saying..trust me..whilst those words "I love you" are nice to hear, they are not essential as sometimes actions speak louder than words..I am not asking for those words nor would I expect him to say it at this stage..its just a case of "are we on the same page?"..which indirectly we are but he's too afraid to say it..To be honest with you, had he said that yeah lets go for the full blown relationship, I probably would've run a mile..just not ready for a full-on relationship..he knows that too..so he could've had all the time he needed..

And your spot on, he isn't yet established in his career, neither does he have property to his name (I have two apartments)..maybe he feels envious or jealous that I am already established and younger than him and female!..lol..who knows..like you say if its meant to be it will be..but not everyone has the luxury of spending years and years waiting and pining..I spoke to him for 2 hours today on msn..thought I would pop in and say hi..he was delighted and talked about everything including his worries about the job etc..I helped him along the way as a good friend would and offered my advice etc..also had a fight..lol..well we can't go without having a fight..and he said he will call me later..and when I said ok, I will bid farewell as I am logging out, need to do some work..and he said "don't go..why u going 😢 but I had to go..for my own peace of mind..

LeoCap~~ What took you so long to show up here— LOL You are giving great advice, which is alot of the same exact things I've been told by my Taurus friend, TaurusGirlWithCap, who has been w/ hers for over 4 years and has now built a solid foundation w/ him. How long have you been w/ your Cap.?

These guys cannot be pushed into moving any faster than they can handle or are able. It's going to be at their pace, or else you just have to refuse to accept their terms, cut them off and bail out.

I think she's been with her fella for 3 years or something to that effect..

Thanks CapGirl for your advice on the letter thing. I had actually thought about making this declaration of love in a letter but something told me it might freak him out. He's hard to figure out. When we were together he was quiet and I would venture to say a bit shy. Yet he e-mails me recalling some of the intimate moments together and it surprised me. Believe it or not he left me with the impression that perhaps he was not physically attracted to me. Is this also typical Capricorn male behavior or just a shy kind of guy? I'm curious to hear from any of the leo ladies and their experience with Cap males.

Most of these Leo women seem to have 'em figured out! As far as the physical attraction factor, I've had the opposite "problem"- he's definitely attracted and has confessed that in no uncertain terms. He'll pounce and take action without warning, when he makes a move. It's pretty funny and rather admirable. lol They remember things in detail, so I'm not surprised about recounting intimate moments. Best version of that from mine was "Don't you want me next to you?" I mean how cleverly worded is that?? 😉 LOL

LOL...capgirl, those clever responses is one of the many reasons I love this cap guy. He does seem to have an easier time expressing himself with such clever quips. I realize that if he is like most caps he is not as trusting or willing to be as vulnerable. Just curious how long it took any cap men out there to make the step towards more than just friends?

Yes they are pretty good at making you feel your the only woman alive that they are talking to!...but read between the lines..
"those clever responses is one of the many reasons I love this cap guy" - thats how they can tap into every personality..well constructed and thought of responses...then there goes the female population...HOOK, LINE & SINKER!!!!!!!..Lol..

ukspacey - Believe it or not he left me with the impression that perhaps he was not physically attracted to me.

They are expressionless..don't take it personally..he prolly fancied the pants off you secretly!..but he will never let on..and him following it up later by recalling those intimate moments obviously meant that he did..

MM~ Yea... this fish didn't bite on that line... my response to that question was "I do... I don't..." lol He was using it to get me back into bed, in referring to the post-coital cuddle, and we were IM'ing so hence in part my ability to resist and keep the distance! lol

I'm determined to find someone to date this summer! Will a cuspal Taurus-Gemini do?? hehe

Hi Capgirl...yeah I was writing about another guy a year ago...unfortunately this is the other cap and I was trying to stay away from him because he plays the field a lot. But once you break passed all of that exterior...there is this very intelligent and very pent up person. He's been burned.

THANK YOU LEOCAP...I was beginning to wonder if he didn't respect me and thought of me like all of the others, but he was way too nervous around me and trying too hard to build a conversation for that. When we got physical he wasn't trying to actually do the deed with me...it was almost playful and he honestly was just concentrating on my body and pleasing me. I've heard that caps will play and it's only because they are interviewing for "THE ONE." What do you think? I mean...I can really push people away and act like I don't like them just to see if they'll come to me. It's something I'm working on. I have no idea how to win him over because I always felt that it looked desperate to come onto someone...especially a cap. As far as a scorpio venus...wow...that is a very sexual man you got there. Scorpio in general is a mysterious, sexual, almost mind reader. They usually can tell exactly what buttons to push with you. I know that when they're hurt though...they will sting and they never forget. I think my cap's chart is Aquarius Venus and I'm a Gemini Venus (those are supposed to be compatible), Go to this site and if you can find all of the information that it requires for a birth chart then it will do everything for you http://www.0800-horoscope.com/.

It was the strangest thing...before I left my ex boyfriend of four years in Arizona this woman came up to my make-up counter and there was absolutely no customers around at this time. She told me things about myself that only I knew. I didn't have to say a word. I've always been skeptic of psychics, but this prooved it. Long story short...she said that regardless of what happens with my ex who was a Libra I would end up with a Capricorn. Well, when I moved back to california...strangely enough...I had relations with two caps in a row. I was definetely not being very safe emotionally, but I had always liked this one cap, which is who I'm talking about in these postings. Anyway....she told me to check my chart and in my house of marriage is in fact...Capricorn.

Wow gemgem...thats spooky!...

haha...yeah it was strange...I usually would be like "mmmm no. You have no idea what you're talking about", buuuuuut this woman knew things. That's why the next day I went on line and checked that website and it said sure enough that I was supposed to marry a capricorn.

Ukspacey ~ My Cap knew I loved him long before I said a word about how I felt about him. Once he knew, he kept it to himself for months before he brought it up in a conversation. Perhaps it is his Scorpio Venus that gives him that remarkable intuition. I was shocked yet relieved at the same time. TaurusGirlWithCap has given great feedback. As she said, show appreciation for things he does for you. It will make feel admired, respected, happy, and needed because he wants to be your hero.

True, Caps are traditional and would rather say it first.

CapGirl - glad to be of service. I'm happy to help. Known him for 3 years, with him for a year. "These guys cannot be pushed into moving any faster than they can handle or are able. It's going to be at their pace, or else you just have to refuse to accept their terms, cut them off and bail out. " Very true. Sb, forever counts as a timeframe in a Cap's world. Patience is key with these men even if that leaves us pulling our hair out.

MM ~ action speak louder than words - so true. A Cap male once told me, "Never trust a man's words over his actions." A scorpio's intuition in very strong. His insecurities may be getting the best of him. Constant signs of reassurance is good. Take the initiative if you need to. I've had to do it on several occasions and the Cap was grateful that I did.

It sounds to me like he is so into you. He wants to spend time with you, such as talking to you, plus he opens up to you about everything, including intimate topics. A Cap won't reveal himself unless he trusts you and you have earned a place in his inner circle. It looks promising so far. Have patience and keep up the good work. 🙂

🙂 🙂
Yes Scorpios intuition is very strong...

My advice is too look back to the early days of this thread, there were some wonderful exchanges here last year and into the early spring between myself and a bunch of other people dating Capricorns.

I can only speak from my present experience, 14 months as lovers and a prior 6 months as friends (I also have a moon in aquarius- makes for a social creature who enjoys reading). My bottom line, discount price advice is if you really, really like him, now I am talking soul mate here go for it! If not you might want to walk. There are the most fustrating people on earth and getting them to truely express themselves is like pulling teeth, or worse.
They go between the public and private selves, being open and loving one minute and closed and cold the next (don;t worry, most caps are aware of their ability to be somewhat unfeeling and none of them like it, trust me, they would like to be loving and expressive and they beat themselves up for being the lather).
It is hard to give your love to the public cap especially when he turns his back and acts like he doesn't give a care in the world for you. If you hang in there you can eventually tease that about this but for the first couple months its better to play along and try to merge the two halves.

Again, you must be patient, hard for a Leo, I know, but they like to go at their own pace, they like to think alot about you and where you are going to take them, if they think you will work out they give you a chance...not very optimistic guys, but great friends, wonderful lovers, and in the end they will make your life a much more exciting place, GOOD LUCK

I took your advice Capgirl and did tell him how I felt in a more flirty way. His response at the time was to spend more time together doing romantic things as he put it. This conversation was over the phone. I did hear from him for about a week (which for a Leo gal like me is forever) and then he suggested we just remain friends. That I should not get more romantically involved with him...I should find someone closer, etc. Yes, there is a distance factor. When I have told some friends about this some advise me to pursue things he's just scared, others say he is letting you down easy. I have come to the conclusion that figuring out a Cap man is too much. I keep telling myself to forget him but it's hard when you feel this is THE ONE which I have never felt before. Oh yes, when all this started he was much more expressive and even imagined that we could get married, then the distance began, then it became more friends and then it seemed for one moment he was open to more but now has decided on the just friends. Again, being a Leo I am much more willing to risk for love even if it means heartbreak. It seems Caps are the complete opposite. Anyhow, there are so many people on this site with great insights, any thoughts on this? I am living my life and not just waiting but wonder if there was something I could have said to make him take a chance?

Oh my goodness, Taurus Girl what you said about him looking at your hand and asking about the ring it just hit home. Is it possible are cap men can be that similar? I keep reading that for a cap man he must know a woman is steady, rock solid as you said taurus girl and someone said it would be good to show your appreciation of them. Just curious what this means for a cap. As a Leo I am naturally quite loving and expressive to anyone I care about. I have no problem telling my close friends that I love them, sending folks little gifts just because, etc. So he of course is the recipient of some of these gestures but I wonder if a Cap would not be see this as steady or rock solid? What makes a cap man feel that someone is loyal to him?

Hmmm... that sounds like my advice, UKSpacey! Forgot you were out there battling the Cap Crap! 😉 Well, I'm a "Cap. man flunkie" so listen to what TGWC has to say. I pushed mine right into the arms of a Virgo girl it seems... I totally agree with the PATIENCE advice. I attempted to box mine in, was demanding and inflexible on wanting a relationship before agreeing to give in more to him... and came off too serious/ scared him away.

Soooo... just go with the flow... let him call it "friends", whatever he wants to call it... Doesn't mean that much, not as much as what's going on between you. I couldn't handle it- the uncertainty and insecurity- so I pushed and ended up with nothing.

That does all sound way familiar... within the first month, he was asking me about kids, true love, and other serious stuff. Don't latch onto that and bite... just nod or smile in response. It's a hallmark of commitment phobic men- and returning that same level of interest with enthusiasm about marriage and kids will send them running (i.e. a POOF that leaves behind a nuclear cloud)!

TGWC can answer the rest... I'm not rock solid-steady... and more like a mexican jumping bean. "Now! I want this! Now!" ... "No? Then get lost creep!" LOL 😉

Cap men's barks are louder than their bite, also they have a terrible time talking about intimate things and often step all over their words, its a painful experience to be in the receiving end. Keep in mind, these are guys, not women, they can't say things are well as we want to hear them, so try not to take their words to seriously, trust me, they are pliable, it just takes a strong woman, a little time and good food for them to realize your not going anywhere!