Cap woman put my heart through a blender

It's been about two weeks since things just went way south and we were doing so well. We had a trip planned too and she had me cancel my flight. She had to go for work. Told me it was probably best I didn't go. Anyway the issues were so minor and all happened when we were drunk. We never yell at each other or fight. I've never said anything mean directly at her or anything. It's always something I say towards a friend or around friends and she gets mad that I said that so I go into defense and explain mode when I'm drunk. This happened twice. We get along perfectly but we do drink a lot since we met and even told each other we need to cut down. The last straw which she said was Sunday two weeks ago. Ever since then we haven't talked in person or over the phone. She likes to text and I hate texting when we are talking about serious stuff. She hasn't said one nice thing to me since Sunday. Told me she can't do this anymore. She need space. Isn't feeling it and maybe I'll miss you when I'm gone. Asked me to be her booty call. Drunk text me and said I know I'm not number one and will never be. She had been all over the place too. Saying her biggest red flag is I can apologize which I do all the time and even sent a nice one to her after Sunday night. Then it's because what I did reminded her of past relationships. And now it's that we have different core values which we don't except some political stuff. She has been so cold and just flipped a switch so fast on me. I don't even know who she is anymore.

I haven't begged or been needy and only replying to when she text me. I've been super cool and nice and sweet to her too and she responds cold saying I'm just not feeling it anymore. We were so good together and she was really affectionate with me.

She's 29 going through a divorce and I'm 34 single never been married and was a bachelor. No kids between us. We've been dating for 2.5 months

How do I get her back? Does no contact work?

The reason she wants to text is because it gives her time to think properly before replying, you are asking her to talk about her feelings and thats hard for her. You might not like it but if you like her you have to try do things that make it easier for her to communicate how she feels in a comfortable way, or you wont get the whole truth. Im not saying she would lie but distractions stop us from really digging deep. Whatever has happened has made her question if you are right for her as a partner, caps hate people bringing the past up or even making us feel we are back there. We end up feeling the way we did back then, so even if you didnt fully do what an ex did you are making her feel shes back there and with that, the emotions she had in that situation come back. Right now she needs you to fight for her, we need reassuring alot. Dont use words, actions are louder. Show her you can be the man she fell for and the man she needs. The fact she wants you as a booty calls means she cant let you fully go, keep trying to show her what you two could be, dont beg be manly about it. Hope this helps

Posted by Capricornwoman
The reason she wants to text is because it gives her time to think properly before replying, you are asking her to talk about her feelings and thats hard for her. You might not like it but if you like her you have to try do things that make it easier for her to communicate how she feels in a comfortable way, or you wont get the whole truth. Im not saying she would lie but distractions stop us from really digging deep. Whatever has happened has made her question if you are right for her as a partner, caps hate people bringing the past up or even making us feel we are back there. We end up feeling the way we did back then, so even if you didnt fully do what an ex did you are making her feel shes back there and with that, the emotions she had in that situation come back. Right now she needs you to fight for her, we need reassuring alot. Dont use words, actions are louder. Show her you can be the man she fell for and the man she needs. The fact she wants you as a booty calls means she cant let you fully go, keep trying to show her what you two could be, dont beg be manly about it. Hope this helps

I don't know what to do at this point. Every time I send her a reassuraning text she just replies back that she isn't feeling it anymore. I feel like what I did was so minor we should be able to move on from this and grow. I've been sad for the past two weeks. I think I just need to give her space and see what Happens.

I would not even consider 34 u/old man who chooses alias Longdukdong!!!

Tells whole bunch about you!

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Gemitati
I would not even consider 34 u/old man who chooses alias Longdukdong!!!

Tells whole bunch about you!

Was gonna say the same thing —? you beat me to it haha

click to expand

—?

I am sure she has no idea. But we do?

HAVE anyone will choose alias SMALLTINYSHLONG?

or

SoftAlwaysHanging? —

It's from the movie 16 candles haha. Come on

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Evoxxxscorpio

Posted by Gemitati
I would not even consider 34 u/old man who chooses alias Longdukdong!!!

Tells whole bunch about you!

Was gonna say the same thing —? you beat me to it haha

—?

I am sure she has no idea. But we do?

HAVE anyone will choose alias SMALLTINYSHLONG?

or

SoftAlwaysHanging? —

click to expand

lol

Posted by Longdukdong
It's been about two weeks since things just went way south and we were doing so well. We had a trip planned too and she had me cancel my flight. She had to go for work. Told me it was probably best I didn't go. Anyway the issues were so minor and all happened when we were drunk. We never yell at each other or fight. I've never said anything mean directly at her or anything. It's always something I say towards a friend or around friends and she gets mad that I said that so I go into defense and explain mode when I'm drunk. This happened twice. We get along perfectly but we do drink a lot since we met and even told each other we need to cut down. The last straw which she said was Sunday two weeks ago. Ever since then we haven't talked in person or over the phone. She likes to text and I hate texting when we are talking about serious stuff. She hasn't said one nice thing to me since Sunday. Told me she can't do this anymore. She need space. Isn't feeling it and maybe I'll miss you when I'm gone. Asked me to be her booty call. Drunk text me and said I know I'm not number one and will never be. She had been all over the place too. Saying her biggest red flag is I can apologize which I do all the time and even sent a nice one to her after Sunday night. Then it's because what I did reminded her of past relationships. And now it's that we have different core values which we don't except some political stuff. She has been so cold and just flipped a switch so fast on me. I don't even know who she is anymore.

I haven't begged or been needy and only replying to when she text me. I've been super cool and nice and sweet to her too and she responds cold saying I'm just not feeling it anymore. We were so good together and she was really affectionate with me.

She's 29 going through a divorce and I'm 34 single never been married and was a bachelor. No kids between us. We've been dating for 2.5 months

How do I get her back? Does no contact work?

it sounds like she needs to heal. i'd let her know how i feel about her and will be here to resume the romance when the divorce is final.

regardless what the situation is, when someone tells you that she is not feeling it anymore. tell her okay, have a good life babe.

when a man shows me that he can walk away gracefully, that's when i go into introspection and gain the next level of respect for him --> the foundation of love. i value the character of a man above all else

staying a minute too long when she clearly expressed that you are not wanted is not going to change how she values or feels for you

Posted by iCloud9
when a man shows me that he can walk away gracefully, that's when i go into introspection and gain the next level of respect for him --> the foundation of love. i value the character of a man above all else

staying a minute too long when she clearly expressed that you are not wanted is not going to change how she values or feels for you

Yeah I told her how I felt in two text messages responding to hers. One was light and funny and the other was a little more deep but sweet. I left it like that and haven't text her since. She did just randomly come to this place I always hangout at with friends in my apt complex. It's a cafe and she knew I would be there and only knows about it because of me. She acted like she didn't know me and was very cold. I just acted cool and didn't even mention anything or how she was acting. I don't know what to do at this point. She is acting totally different.

OP, I'd back off. From this vantage point, it looks like she's playing with you, anyway. Don't know if that's in-character for her or not, but that's what it looks like. I say avoid talking to her. You'll feel better eventually. You might even come to realize it was the wrong relationship. Or not, but you might gain a better perspective over time.

If she really cares and she's willing to act like an adult, she'll come back around. I don't care what her sign is, when you really want something, you make an effort to get it. If she never makes the effort, you'll have more respect for yourself if you can honestly say you didn't try too hard for something that wasn't worth it.

Posted by Bricks195
OP, I'd back off. From this vantage point, it looks like she's playing with you, anyway. Don't know if that's in-character for her or not, but that's what it looks like. I say avoid talking to her. You'll feel better eventually. You might even come to realize it was the wrong relationship. Or not, but you might gain a better perspective over time.

If she really cares and she's willing to act like an adult, she'll come back around. I don't care what her sign is, when you really want something, you make an effort to get it. If she never makes the effort, you'll have more respect for yourself if you can honestly say you didn't try too hard for something that wasn't worth it.

You nailed it! thanks for the input. Guess who text me tonight telling me she put a lot of thought into it and wants to be a booty call. its a win win win. asked if i had any questions concerns and comments. WTF! She wouldnt even acknowledge me on Sunday. I replied back with a funny picture cause i was a little drunk and she says so yes!! it was a pic of a dog, haha. I know i should have probably ignored her. I havent responded to her last text which is so yes! and I get it if you are not okay with it. Not sure what she is trying to do here and what i should do. I dont think she is the type of person to just have sex with someone but i have no clue at this point. should i just say i respect you too much and its not what i am looking for. or say you wouldnt be able to handle it. she knows i was a bachelor before i met her so she thinks i would be up for it but i like her too much so it would be tough. I could just bang her one good time and cut it off. haha

Posted by drxpxfJupiter

Posted by Longdukdong

Posted by Bricks195
OP, I'd back off. From this vantage point, it looks like she's playing with you, anyway. Don't know if that's in-character for her or not, but that's what it looks like. I say avoid talking to her. You'll feel better eventually. You might even come to realize it was the wrong relationship. Or not, but you might gain a better perspective over time.

If she really cares and she's willing to act like an adult, she'll come back around. I don't care what her sign is, when you really want something, you make an effort to get it. If she never makes the effort, you'll have more respect for yourself if you can honestly say you didn't try too hard for something that wasn't worth it.

You nailed it! thanks for the input. Guess who text me tonight telling me she put a lot of thought into it and wants to be a booty call. its a win win win. asked if i had any questions concerns and comments. WTF! She wouldnt even acknowledge me on Sunday. I replied back with a funny picture cause i was a little drunk and she says so yes!! it was a pic of a dog, haha. I know i should have probably ignored her. I havent responded to her last text which is so yes! and I get it if you are not okay with it. Not sure what she is trying to do here and what i should do. I dont think she is the type of person to just have sex with someone but i have no clue at this point. should i just say i respect you too much and its not what i am looking for. or say you wouldnt be able to handle it. she knows i was a bachelor before i met her so she thinks i would be up for it but i like her too much so it would be tough. I could just bang her one good time and cut it off. haha

You sound really sweet.. Some cap women wouldn't know a good thing even if it hit them on the head. Something about masochism and suffering and shit.

Regarding advice for you, that's really confusing that she's the one asking for booty call. May be she's testing you? But I'm going to try to be in her shoes and think that if a relationship went sour and I asked for a booty call, what do I want or am trying to do... hhmmm... It just seems like she's playing some mind games. Unless you're really attractive and it is possible that she just wants to have sex with you?

If I were you, I'd act cool and roll with it. May be make a comment like, well booty call is not really my thing but if you want it we can just see how it goes. This way she can't throw it to your face to say that you're a perv kind of guy. lol. So basically, you dodge looking like typical booty call guys but at the same time open the door to seeing her again. If/when you do see her try to have a good time with her to entice her back to your personality. But if she gets serious during that time then also be available to feed her desire for an intimate conversation.

Caps are weird...and moody. It's hard to predict what they want because sometimes if you are all joking with them then they think you are not serious about them. But if you are serious then they think you are needy.

Anyways, what's your sign and stuff?

click to expand

Thanks for the kind words! And yes I've always been really sweet to her. It's crazy she didn't notice it. im a Gemini and never got complaints in the look department. She also loves my penis. Haha. I just don't see her being a booty call. If she ask again I'm going to tell her that's not what I'm looking for. She could be testing me. I mean me ignoring her has to be driving her crazy.

So she showed up again to the cafe on Thursday that I go to all the time. She flew out that night too for the weekend for a wedding. The cafe is in my apt complex so she knows I'm there. That day I wasn't as I had to be somewhere. It's weird she keeps coming around but won't even text me to have a normal conversation. I know she is stubborn as crap so for her to say she misses me would leave her too vulnerable. it really sucks cause I want her back really badly but at the same time I can't take someone back who is treating me like this. It's messed up! I would never do this to someone. I have no clue at this point what she wants and is doing.

She's going through a divorce. She's probably not ready to settle down yet. She's still healing man. Unfortunately, people feel used in this process.

Back off. Way off. Go no contact and let her breathe

Posted by Ssuperman
She's going through a divorce. She's probably not ready to settle down yet. She's still healing man. Unfortunately, people feel used in this process.

Back off. Way off. Go no contact and let her breathe

Yea I asked her that when we first met. If she needed time to find herself and be single. She shot that down. I've backed off. Haven't sent her a text for two weeks. She text me and keeps coming around where I'm at all the time. She's been traveling a lot since things with south. Not sure how she is going to act when she is here for a bit. I have a feeling she will be coming to the place I go to a lot.

Posted by Longdukdong

Posted by Ssuperman
She's going through a divorce. She's probably not ready to settle down yet. She's still healing man. Unfortunately, people feel used in this process.

Back off. Way off. Go no contact and let her breathe

Yea I asked her that when we first met. If she needed time to find herself and be single. She shot that down. I've backed off. Haven't sent her a text for two weeks. She text me and keeps coming around where I'm at all the time. She's been traveling a lot since things with south. Not sure how she is going to act when she is here for a bit. I have a feeling she will be coming to the place I go to a lot.

click to expand

She shot it down because she didn't even know what she needs man. People say they don't need time to heal because it's like admitting that they're not ok.

So she flew back in town yesterday and text me last night saying her friends were asking about me. It was a casual chat but she was still a little off. I feel she wants to tell me something but is too scared to do it. She holds her feelings in. I mean she tried to run into me before she left last Thursday and now texting me when she gets back. I wish she would just tell me what's on her mind. I'm just going to keep it cool and only text her if she text me. I don't owe her anything and she already shot down all my previous request when I opened up to her.

Posted by Longdukdong
So she flew back in town yesterday and text me last night saying her friends were asking about me. It was a casual chat but she was still a little off. I feel she wants to tell me something but is too scared to do it. She holds her feelings in. I mean she tried to run into me before she left last Thursday and now texting me when she gets back. I wish she would just tell me what's on her mind. I'm just going to keep it cool and only text her if she text me. I don't owe her anything and she already shot down all my previous request when I opened up to her.

yep you don't owe her anything. she sounds draining. you wouldn't want to be with a partner who communicate mainly via riddles anyway lol. it will drive you insane

Posted by Tom_Sawyer
I like the way you handle your liquor, friend.

Get some Xtc in you and her and see how the night goes.

I doubt you'll be disappointed.

Well , good luck with this lol

Damn I really like her and this sucks! Wish we could just be together and be happy like we were. We got along so well then she turned into a mean person.

Posted by Gemitati
I would not even consider 34 u/old man who chooses alias Longdukdong!!!

Tells whole bunch about you!

1) Asian pacific

2) LOVES the movie Sixteen Candles 😆

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

She's been texting me all morning. Has the day off. Just back in forth banter. Nothing serious. I think she wants to hang but I'm waiting for her to ask me. She needs to chase me for the way she treated me the last three weeks. Show me that she actually cares.