Capricorn Man - Trust, Games...Friendship?

Hopefully someone can shed some light on a situation that completely confuses me at times...

A little over a year ago, I (cancer) met a capricorn man that I became involved with on a casual basis. For about a year we had the best of times together (speaking on an almost daily basis, seeing each other at least once a week, becoming very open/comfortable, etc.) as well as some very strong disagreements. A month ago, he took me by surprise by telling me that he met someone else and wanted to invest more time into her. As much as it hurt to find out that he was finally pulling away, it also made me question his true intentions with me throughout (he always mentioned he didnt want anything serious, yet he expected complete trust from me, became upset at an assumption that I wasnt comfortable with him and would often criticize me for being inconsiderate to his needs and emotions). He told me he wanted to remain friends, but I thought it would be easier to just shut him out completely - which is what I did.

Last week, I received an email from him apologizing and asking if we could talk. We spoke on the phone briefly and I could tell that he was upset. He asked if I would mind coming over because he was feeling 'lonely' and 'has no friends' and I couldnt help but accept the invite.

We had a great time, he thanked me profusely for listening to him and cheering him up, expressed that he had been upset not speaking to me, and he asked me if i would be his "best friend forever". I laughed and agreed only to realize later that perhaps there was a whole lot more to that than I thought. He ended up opening up to me about something extremely personal, private and painful about his childhood. He even began to tear, a HUGE step for someone i hardly ever saw show emotion. He also told me that I was the only person he ever shared that information with because he never felt comfortable with people like he does with me (something he mentioned from the start).

At this point, im wondering what exactly he really wants and if I should open up as a friend with him and feel honored that he was so trusting or whether this could be a ploy to keep me around out of convenience and not angry with him. I care about him very much and would be willing to be his best friend but this man has taken me on so many ups and downs, i find it hard to eliminate the slight idea that im being manipulated.

Any thoughts or comments from cap men or those who know them?

Posted by Sunrays
how old are you both?
Did you sleep with him?

How do you mean ups/downs?

Good questions. I always say, where there is doubt, there isn't a guaranteed way. Doubts a person gives someone, are not being truly honest. Go with the gut feeling. He's already disappointed you. He'll do it again.

You're behaving like a stepping stone, you know the man that steps OVER you to get to the other woman, he's still doing it, he's taking you for granted and downsizing you into the BFF box, good luck getting out of that one. He's having his cake (HER) and eating it to (YOU).

This can happen with any man at any time with any astrological sign. This isn't really about him, it's about YOU, you know you don't want to be the woman he cries to and runs to for a cheer up and occasional sex when he feels like it, don't be that kind of woman that behaves like a doormat in hopes he'll change his mind about you because he won't, you're better than that and you know you deserve more than that from a man, don't be a doormat, kiss him goodbye, if he truly want you in his life then he'll stop being a scary selfish brat and be fair with you were you're both winning in the relationship.

Now I don't know if you were being casual in hopes of having more with him but clearly you're not going to get more, don't be his diary, let his girlfriend, you know the woman he left you for listen to all of his dark past issues, let his girlfriend listen to him poor his heart out and cry, don't be that woman or you'll always be that woman, you'll never get the guy, you'll be the fallback girl, the woman he falls back to when he's bored and needs a friend. Have you ever considered why he doesn't have any friends? I mean look at how he treats you, he should be lonely.

So dump the friendship crap, you love him, you want him, you adore him and you were hurt that he dumped you to make it work with another woman well maybe it didn't work out and he's back but really this isn't about him, this is about YOU. What do you want? Don't settle for homie lover friend, don't settle for BFF Forever & Ever unless that's what you truly want, first get really real and honest with yourself and then find the inner confidence to be assertive enough to say what you want from him. He think you like being the booty call confidante BFF friend forever, if that's not what you want be honest and let him know you want more and after a year of him getting the milk, the bone marrow & cow for free you deserve more than being dumped only for him to come back and treat you like a friend oh excuse me BFF forever.

Posted by Crustacea
Wow I went through something similar recently with a Cap (I'm a Cancer also).
He loved being around me, always trying to say hi, and I can tell he was very physically attracted to me (he was always staring HARD). For some reason he would have his disrespectful moments with me for no reason - he pointed his finger at me saying I was the one with trust issues even though I never had them in my life but he does - projection much? He would always randomly say "I'm not looking for a relationship", "I can't have one at the moment", etc. even though I never even brought up the subject but then the next thing I know he told me he was talking to someone & it seemed like things were going to get serious. -_-

I don't even get the BS tbh. All I know is just forget about him. I don't even like this guy but I was pissed so you actually liking him & valuing what you two have is going to only hurt YOU x100 worse. Don't think nothing of his emotional tactic I don't know if Cap men are manipulative but I know people that are and THAT is a nice set up for emotional manipulation down the road. They'd bring up that they opened up to you & paint you as such of an amazing person when you do want they want then when they want you to cave-in into their selfish desires again and you don't they make it seem like you're such an unreasonable & selfish person. They'll act like the one time you say no is like you'd never said yes before.
It nothing that benefits you & you need things to be a two way street. You deserve it!

From one Cancer to another leave him behind. You'll be much happier even if you don't think so now. It also seems like you like him...don't. If he really wanted you he would've chose you like he chose the other girl.

^^^that^^^

+1

What a user dickhead. Ditch the guy.

Posted by Sunrays
how old are you both?
Did you sleep with him?

How do you mean ups/downs?

We are both 29. Yes we were sleeping together and that ended up stopping a few months ago.

Ups and downs in the sense that we would find ourselves having heated discussions and arguments (almost always 5 hours or more) at least once a month. I treated him and the situation VERY casually, definitely guarded myself and didnt overstep boundaries, but he would interpret it as me being mean and insensitive and call me out on it - which would lead to an argument. Sometimes he would say 'I dont want to speak to you anymore' and id hear from him two days later, apologizing.

Posted by Eraco11

Posted by Sunrays
how old are you both?
Did you sleep with him?

How do you mean ups/downs?

We are both 29. Yes we were sleeping together and that ended up stopping a few months ago.

Ups and downs in the sense that we would find ourselves having heated discussions and arguments (almost always 5 hours or more) at least once a month. I treated him and the situation VERY casually, definitely guarded myself and didnt overstep boundaries, but he would interpret it as me being mean and insensitive and call me out on it - which would lead to an argument. Sometimes he would say 'I dont want to speak to you anymore' and id hear from him two days later, apologizing.

click to expand

what an immature idiot...run...run fast!

I find it easy to open up to Cancers. There is something about yall's mothering instinct. That said, he just wants you to be his friend. Since you have feeings for him, I don't think you would be happy with just being his friend.

Listen to Tiki! She gives great advice and is usually right.

@Crustacea: Thanks for the advice. Its definitely refreshing to finally get this out and see what others have to say - and you being in a similar situation, helps me focus on making the right decision.

I also got projection from him - id notice that he would be the one becoming more emotionally involved and when he would eventually catch himself, he would say that I was the one catching feelings! Whats weird about the situation with the 'new girl' is that he told me how he wanted to invest more time in her, but then mentioned last week that they were 'just hooking up' and he was considering ditching her because he felt nothing. I wondered briefly if he was trying to make me jealous back then??

Since me and him were actually sleeping together for a while, I just have to mention that after one of our last disagreements, he was the one who decided that he didnt want to have sex anymore. He told me he valued me and our friendship too much to have us end up hating each other over sex, which could be easily accessible from someone else. Since I knew about him not having any friends really and reflecting on the great conversations and times we hung out, I felt that his decision was respectable and worth a try. It wasnt until a month and a half later when he surprised me with meeting this new girl and wanting to 'invest more' into her that I felt something was off and began to question everything he had ever told me.

Either he is so unsure of what he wants in life or hes trying to pull a game where he has things accessible and ready when he wants it. Both are bad and I appreciate the advice for just leaving him in the past like I wanted to before. I have a capricorn moon and he has a pisces moon. Throughout, I felt like maybe I really wasnt caring enough and hurting his sensitive emotionality (happens alot with me) so id open up a little more, comfort and console him and then get reminded that he didnt want a relationship.

I never knew this side of capricorns. Granted, I know these are just sun signs, but I have a bunch of capricorn friends and my father was as well - and I never sensed manipulation or deception from any of them, in fact I always appreciated the blunt and direct approaches they offer.

smh lesson learned lol

This is similar to how my Cap friend moved. When we reconnected after high school he started off with a story on how he'd never date his friends all while very subtly pursuing me as time went on. I find that when they see you as major potential and don't know how to be direct ALL kinds of @# $ % goes on. Being that I'm also a Cap I could follow him, but there were times that I'd even think *what is he doing?* My head was even done in a time or two, and that friendship thing is a disguise to keep you near, know your whereabouts, in/outs etc. That girl most likely was to make you jealous. If you consider keeping the friendship there will be more stories. What he's doing does matter, and he'll be honest about it, its all about what you are up to. Many like a certain kind of woman(more submissive, loyal, homely homebodies) and the more you continue, especially if nothing in your personal life outside of him is going on, the more you fit his idea of the perfect woman/wife. I think this is how some pick and choose. I also think the more it seems he can't just get what he wants, the more manipulative he'll be about it.

Posted by lnana04
This is similar to how my Cap friend moved. When we reconnected after high school he started off with a story on how he'd never date his friends all while very subtly pursuing me as time went on. I find that when they see you as major potential and don't know how to be direct ALL kinds of @# $ % goes on. Being that I'm also a Cap I could follow him, but there were times that I'd even think *what is he doing?* My head was even done in a time or two, and that friendship thing is a disguise to keep you near, know your whereabouts, in/outs etc. That girl most likely was to make you jealous. If you consider keeping the friendship there will be more stories. What he's doing does matter, and he'll be honest about it, its all about what you are up to. Many like a certain kind of woman(more submissive, loyal, homely homebodies) and the more you continue, especially if nothing in your personal life outside of him is going on, the more you fit his idea of the perfect woman/wife. I think this is how some pick and choose. I also think the more it seems he can't just get what he wants, the more manipulative he'll be about it.

+1

Posted by rockyroadicecream
What a user dickhead. Ditch the guy.

They always fail to listen to the simplistic suggestions. lol

Eraco, you??re a cancer; you were born with good intuition. Why do you distrust it? His motivation is irrelevant. The fact that he is a Capricorn is irrelevant. The way he has treated you — and the way you have felt as a result — are all that matters. If he were a real friend, he would treat you like one, as well. How has his treatment of you made you feel like a valued friend—

Tip o?? the hat to Tiki and Inana — good advice/insight from the ladies 🙂

I met a capricorn guy as well. He show so strong feeling about me at the beginning and then he invited me to a dinner and buy some staff for me. He is always considerate and thoughtful when we are together. And then he text me all the way, And then he started to behave wired coz he hardly text me initiated, i have to start text him every time, but he replied me asap and during the communication, he will suddenly stop.. and second day he behave normal but with same ending. I am scorpio girl. And I don't trust people easily, but I just wanna make a friend first and see whats really going on, I feel that we got feeling for each other, but I don't know what to do right now coz he is suddenly warm and suddenly cold. I have no friend/ bf act like this before, i am deeply confused!

I read through so many posts and want to know how to express my confuse to him, and I just want to know whether he is just an jerk or not? I am not desperate for anything but I don't want to miss a good guy as well. Thank you for your great insight!!!

we are the same age, but he is very focus on his career and me too. But I don't understand his logical by being a robot... I do not know what happen to him in the past, but how i can move him little by little!!

My suggestion is create this on a new thread. You'll get more traffic that way and more help instead of seeking opinions on someone else's thread.

That said, If you're having to text him first every time, then he's not into you and you're chasing him.