Caps and Opening Up

One of the biggest complaints I see about Caps is that we don't open up to people. People say that's the way to really get to know one another and they have a hard time getting to know us because we don't open up. Yes, we are definitely selective with whom we open up to and we are slow to do so.

HOWEVER....this goes both ways.

I've noticed there have been people in the past with whom I'm ready to open up and when I am ready and begin to talk about certain things I feel like they either aren't listening or aren't interested. Therefore, I stop and will close off from that person from then on. Oh, I'll still be friends with them and I'll still hang out with them, but I'm not offering or opening my innermost thoughts to them anymore.

So, those that complain about caps not opening up, perhaps they tried and you weren't paying enough attention and missed the opportunity. Perhaps this is why they're not open to you now?

Any other caps experience this phenomena?

Posted by FrenchKpricorn

Posted by truecap
One of the biggest complaints I see about Caps is that we don't open up to people. People say that's the way to really get to know one another and they have a hard time getting to know us because we don't open up. Yes, we are definitely selective with whom we open up to and we are slow to do so.

HOWEVER....this goes both ways.

I've noticed there have been people in the past with whom I'm ready to open up and when I am ready and begin to talk about certain things I feel like they either aren't listening or aren't interested. Therefore, I stop and will close off from that person from then on. Oh, I'll still be friends with them and I'll still hang out with them, but I'm not offering or opening my innermost thoughts to them anymore.

So, those that complain about caps not opening up, perhaps they tried and you weren't paying enough attention and missed the opportunity. Perhaps this is why they're not open to you now?

Any other caps experience this phenomena?

if you are opening up, to everyone your relationship worth n othin

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I don't understand.
I don't mean I was opening to up to everyone. It's on an individual basis and have noticed in the past they weren't really interested, so to me that person went out further to the outer circle instead of getting closer to the inner circle.

And I am referring to friendships, not romantic relationships.

I've noticed that as well.
To be fair, it takes a A LOT for a Cap to risk putting themselves out their for someone.
The fact we like to go hermit in times of weakness, doesn't really make it easier for folks to bond with us.

Though yeah, with stuff you're willing to share, I've seen/felt it get brush off quite a few times. Doesn't encourage us to keep doing it, since we feel it's easier to suffer in silence or alone then bare our pain to another, just to have it ignored. We do that enough to ourselves as it is! 😆

From my experience, Caps - or really anyone that is considered "closed off" or "guarded", open up the most with the people that demand it the least. Which usually goes one of two ways - opening up with people that don't care, or opening up to people that possess authentic, easy going, accepting personalities.

Posted by Andalusia
From my experience, Caps - or really anyone that is considered "closed off" or "guarded", open up the most with the people that demand it the least. Which usually goes one of two ways - opening up with people that don't care, or opening up to people that possess authentic, easy going, accepting personalities.

Yep, especially the last part.

I'm glad this topic just came about. My cap friend just open up to me about somethings today!!! I was amaze. Lack of communication has been a major problem and today I see I played a major part in why he's been holding things in. I felt very bad because I always thought he was just being mean and distant. I called him out today on why he do some of the things he do and I was shock at his response.

I'm extremely direct when I'm asked a direct question even when it's about a feeling i normally don't share. unfortunately, very few have the guts lol. why share when it's not necessary. most only hear themselves talk anyway lol

Posted by Sugarfoot

I think this is what happened with my boyfriend's sister. When I first met her she poured her heart out to me. She was telling me a lot of private things that she'd struggled with recently and in the past. It took me off guard because it was the first time meeting his family and I was nervous and not expecting that. All of her sadness and emotion was right under the surface and it was kind of overwhelming for me. I just sat there listening, nodding. I didn't relate anything back to her like I normally would have. I didn't hug her or do anything to comfort her. I just did nothing.

Every since then it's been like there's a wall up between us. We've each tried to breach it in our own ways but it just seems awkward and fake now.

She's coming over to my house this wknd. I thought about apologizing and explaining myself. Do you think that would help? Anything I can do?

How long ago has it been?

I dunno what would work for me. It might work if you address it. It would probably make me feel more comfortable with you after that.

Posted by PV&Jellay

Posted by truecap
One of the biggest complaints I see about Caps is that we don't open up to people. People say that's the way to really get to know one another and they have a hard time getting to know us because we don't open up. Yes, we are definitely selective with whom we open up to and we are slow to do so.

HOWEVER....this goes both ways.

I've noticed there have been people in the past with whom I'm ready to open up and when I am ready and begin to talk about certain things I feel like they either aren't listening or aren't interested. Therefore, I stop and will close off from that person from then on. Oh, I'll still be friends with them and I'll still hang out with them, but I'm not offering or opening my innermost thoughts to them anymore.

So, those that complain about caps not opening up, perhaps they tried and you weren't paying enough attention and missed the opportunity. Perhaps this is why they're not open to you now?

Any other caps experience this phenomena?

I'm a pisces and I've had the exact sane experience as you. Now when I meet a person who acuses me of being guarded or not opening up, I willl avoid them like the plague.

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i've never met anyone who "accuses" someone of not being open like that. I mean who the hell are they? It's not like they are family or close. someone out the blue, acquaintance and they say that. that's so weird.

Its more of a society issue not a sign thing OP i believe. There is too much distrust going on currently & i dont feel safe to entrust my secrets or divulge my problems to anyone lest they try to gossip & pass that info to anyone. I have friends who disclosed their buddy's secret to me. Well i kept secrets tight shut but for others its hard, of course there are the rare few who u can share. I actually remembered for life an advice that my sis tells me which is woman can never be trusted to keep secrets. Well i agreed with her but i still believe a rare few can be trusted 😄

Posted by Angmodurian
Its more of a society issue not a sign thing OP i believe. There is too much distrust going on currently & i dont feel safe to entrust my secrets or divulge my problems to anyone lest they try to gossip & pass that info to anyone. I have friends who disclosed their buddy's secret to me. Well i kept secrets tight shut but for others its hard, of course there are the rare few who u can share. I actually remembered for life an advice that my sis tells me which is woman can never be trusted to keep secrets. Well i agreed with her but i still believe a rare few can be trusted 😄

The only secret that can be kept is one you keep to yourself. So, if you don't share it with anyone, then no one will find out.

Posted by truecap

Posted by Angmodurian
Its more of a society issue not a sign thing OP i believe. There is too much distrust going on currently & i dont feel safe to entrust my secrets or divulge my problems to anyone lest they try to gossip & pass that info to anyone. I have friends who disclosed their buddy's secret to me. Well i kept secrets tight shut but for others its hard, of course there are the rare few who u can share. I actually remembered for life an advice that my sis tells me which is woman can never be trusted to keep secrets. Well i agreed with her but i still believe a rare few can be trusted 😄

The only secret that can be kept is one you keep to yourself. So, if you don't share it with anyone, then no one will find out.

click to expand

I mean sharing personal info & issues can only pertain to two people & should be kept secret. U see your friends may pass that info to another person without your approval which is disrespectful. That's why i say being prudent to who you open up is a good thing, not everyone is qualified & sincere enough to understand you as a friend, even though i wish there are more of these people.